New Hampshire Recalls Mom's License Plate After It Took 15 Years To Figure Out Joke About Urine

First, let me address the New Hampshire Department of Motor Vehicles directly: you people suck. Deeply. Let this mom just have her sweetly silly mom-joke license plate. Keep in mind that the mom, Wendy Auger of Rochester, NH, has had her PB4WEGO license plate for a decade and a half, with no trouble. Somehow the DMV finally figured out it meant “pee before we go,” and now, all of a sudden, it’s deeply offended and wants to take the plate away. Come on.

A DMV spokesperson told Seacoastonline.com that the plate is being recalled because “when they do not conform to legal requirements” license plates have to be recalled, and those “legal requirements” seem to be that New Hampshire prohibits personalized plates that reference excretory acts.

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That’s some seriously insipid bullshit.

I mean, the license plate isn’t referencing the forbidden joys of a golden shower—it’s a reference to the warning every mom ever has given their kids about getting in a car with a full bladder, because in the ages before you realized you could just pee, you know, preventatively instead of exclusively under extreme pants-wetting danger circumstances, it helped to be reminded.

There’s also the fact that she’s had the plate for 15 years and somehow has managed to avoid massive, angry riots or being burned in effigy by people in severe and dramatic denial about the fact that their kidneys filter wastes from the bloodstream and collect it in the bladder, which then is evacuated via tubes that lead to a urethra or meatus, and then out of the body, usually in a piping-hot stream of gleaming saffron-colored urine.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that there are precisely zero (0) people in New Hampshire that are actually, genuinely offended by this license plate. If, somehow, there does exist a person with such a frail and uncomfortable relationship with the absolute fundamentals of their own, mammalian biology, I think it’s safe to say nobody should listen to that manner of dipshit, anyway.

Auger reports that an email sent by the state suggests the situation is under legal review, and it appears that a recent re-working of the personalized license plate guidelines to be more specific after being declared “unconstitutionally vague” may be why the plate was flagged after so much time in active use.

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Still, it barely matters. This is all absolutely ridiculous and a waste of absolutely everyone’s resources. Let her keep the damn plate, dummies. It’s fine.

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Jason Torchinsky

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus • Not-so-running: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!)