Yo Look At This Huge Cactus That Just Completely Impaled A Car

Illustration for article titled Yo Look At This Huge Cactus That Just Completely Impaled A Car
Photo: Northwest Fire (Twitter)

Somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind I have always felt safe from the aggressively prickly presence of a cactus in a car. I’m in here, and it is out there, and between is us is metal and plastic and glass that will act as a shield to protect me. Well, reader, apparently not!


According to the Arizona Daily Star, an Infiniti G35 coupe hit a saguaro cactus this morning and things did not go well! Here’s a photo from the local fire department:


I always just assumed cacti were just, like, towers of weird jelly, or hollow, or something. Apparently they are very dense, and very heavy, and very dangerous. The spikes coming out of the bottom of that saguaro look like a damn tree painted to look like a cactus!

Despite what’s reported in that Northwest Fire tweet, the driver apparently suffered minor injuries and showed signs of impairment, so they’ve been detained by the police.

I even lived in Tucson once. Apparently I never respected or appropriately feared the true power of a cactus. I will now, and forever.

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Officers on scene were unable to determine if the driver was sober, as he refused to speak, exited the vehicle, stood stock still for a second, then fell over. His injuries consisted of a large swelling on the top of his head, and a number of asterisks orbiting his head. Upon inspection of the vehicle, deputies noted a large assortment of ACME brand equipment, including a significant cache of explosives being transported in a unsafe fashion. While the driver was being questioned at the scene, a road runner appeared on the horizon. The driver disregarded the officers commands to stand still, his legs began to spin wildly, while he remained stationary. The driver then fled the scene in pursuit of the road runner and was last seen heading towards the edge of a 1000 foot escarpment.