“We were called to the 1200 block of East Broadway to a report of a naked male underneath a car,” Lt. Scott Powell of the Newton, Kansas, Police Department told The Topeka Capital-Journal. “He was attempting to stick his penis into the tailpipe of the vehicle.”
The nude 24-year-old man would not respond to officers’ commands to quit trying to copulate with the car, so officers used a taser to subdue him.
“He was high on some sort of drug,” Powell told The Topeka Capital-Journal. “Officers were there, and he continued to try and have sex with the tailpipe of the car. He would not listen to commands or anything.”
That’s determination, or maybe something else in this case. He was taken to the hospital emergency room on May 1, as Powell told The Topeka Capital-Journal that the man was too impaired to be taken to jail, and they wanted to have him checked out by a medical professional first. The man had a rather high .35 blood alcohol level. Additionally, officers also saw what appeared to be a head injury from before they arrived at the scene, and suspected the man had been using drugs.
Sadly, the car wasn’t specified in any of the reports we could find on this incident. Was this just any old runabout or was it something special? What kind of car attracts people who would like to have sex with a car, exactly? Are rear-engine compartments the automotive equivalent of that booty? Do I need to worry about my Volkswagen’s tailpipes?
Look, we here at Jalopnik are not ones to kink-shame. You like what you like, and it’s frankly none of our business. But as with any kind of sexual act, consent is key. If this guy hadn’t tried to bone a random vehicle without the express, enthusiastic consent of that car’s owner, he probably wouldn’t be in jail right now.
We also recommend being sober before you find the special certain tailpipe—not only for consent reasons, but also because exhausts can be very hot if the car was running recently. That could definitely lead to a burning sensation.
The man will likely be charged with a misdemeanor of lewd and lascivious behavior, according to The Topeka Capital-Journal.