A car with a good amount of power. Photo credit: Volvo

There are often, sadly, engines that have too little horsepower. There are often, disconcertingly, engines with too much horsepower. Through extensive and vigorous testing as an Automotive Journalist, I have determined the correct amount of horsepower.

The correct amount is, of course, 300 horsepower.

Anything more than 300? An absurd, frankly dangerous amount. Anything less? Get outta here with your weak sauce.

Allow me to present my case before you comment, with your takes that 73 and/or 90,000 horsepower is “actually” the correct amount of horsepower, which they are not.

You, the Driving Enthusiast, would like to go for a spirited drive. You leave your humble abode with your Driving Machine, using just a tad bit of your 300 horsepower to leave your house. If you had just 12 horsepower, you wouldn’t be able to go anywhere.

As you get on the highway to head towards your favorite Driving Road, you briefly use 200 of your horsepower to effortlessly pass a slower, more feeble motorist who is just barely making-do on the highway with 70 horsepower. But because you don’t have 1,700 horsepower, you do not break the speed limit, and you do not spend the night in Driving Jail.

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Pictured: Your Favorite Driving Road. Photo credit: The Boston Public Library

You arrive at the Driving Road, whereupon you commence driving in a spirited (yet prudent) manner. You use all 300 horsepower to your satisfaction, having a good Driving Time, and all is well. If you only had 172 horsepower, you might enjoy your pleasant experience, but a small part of you would sit there and nag, yearning for more. There was even more fun to be had, if only you just had *300* horsepower. The magic number.

Or, OR, you could’ve taken a 1,879,678 horsepower BEAST on that road, in which case, you would die. Because that is simply too much power.

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I know what you are thinking at this very instant. “Couldn’t I have had nearly as much fun with a mere 273 horsepower?” you ponder. But the simple answer is no, you could not. Because the number of your horsepower starts with a “2,” and many family cars have that much power. You want your car to be special, don’t you?

You may also be thinking that this whole argument is bunk, hogwash, flammy-jammy. “It is not the power,” you preposterously argue, “but the power-to-weight ratio!”

Listen, my friend, this is not an exact science. Of course, exceptions for the laws of physics must be made. But 300 horsepower covers the absolute broadest spectrum of cars. I promise you, cars weighing 2000 pounds, 3000 pounds, or 4000 pounds are all some sort of fun when they’ve got 300 horsepower, and not a penny more, nor a penny less.

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All of the best cars have 300 horsepower. The Volvo S60R. The 996-generation Porsche 911. The Ford Mustang (V6).

You must, by now, be certain that my arguments are correct.

From now on, all cars shall be built with 300 horsepower.