GIF via Na Ka

Do your feet get tired from terrorizing whole cities at a time, particularly after climbing all the way up a skyscraper? You, giant mayhem creature, need a Volkswagen 411: the big Volkswagen.

Sadly, the Volkswagen 411 suffered the same fate as the much later “luxury” Volkswagen Phaeton—it just didn’t sell very well. At the time, it was pricier than a comparable Chevrolet Nova—which was the real proper comparison, as the 411 was merely roomy but not as luxurious as this ad would have you think. Buyers and contemporary reviewers also couldn’t shake off the idea that it was just a bigger Beetle, as Curbside Classic notes.

Aside from the joke of an idea that the 411 is a luxury car, this ad sums up the car’s main features surprisingly well. It was a surprisingly modern car for the time, despite still being aircooled and rear-engined like a Beetle. Fuel injection! Space! Pre-heating for cold days! Automatic transmission! (Never mind that the three-speed slushbox is terrible and is going away the second I determine how and where to cut into my floorpan.)

So few of these are left on the roads that most people don’t even know that my 411 is a Volkswagen, much less that it’s not some run-of-the-mill old Passat or something.

Now when someone asks what my 411 is, I have my answer thanks to this ad: a car made for gargantuan destructive horror creatures.