It’s described as an unfinished project, its interior is out of Mad Max, and it’s from a company currently tainted by corporate criminal behavior, but today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe V8 GTI is so batshitcrazypants that you just have to wonder - is it cheap enough that I won’t get thrown out of the house if I buy it?
The first generation Cadillac Seville was one of the better cars to come out of the ‘70s, what with its understated styling, inexpensive underpinnings, and… well okay, that’s pretty much it. That wasn’t enough to sway many of you towards paying sixty-five hundred for yesterday’s 1978 Seville, no matter how nice a paint job and interior looked. Of course that two-tone paint job looked like an ad for a swimming pool company, which went a long way towards 74% of you diving for the Crack Pipe button as fast as you could.
Today Cadillac may be in a very different place, but if you want to talk about car maker transitions, you really should look no further than VW. That German conglomerate has gone from the envied position as the largest auto pooper-outer on the planet to James Bond villain mega-lying super polluter seemingly overnight. You might ask yourself, why would anyone want to be associated with the VW name now?
And then, you see this.
Yep, that’s just what you think it is - at least it is unless this is some kind of a sick, heartless joke. If not then it’s a 1990 GTI Mark II Big Bumper car with an Audi V8 and AWD.
I’ll let that sink in for a moment.
Now, there’s a rich history of people putting V8 engines in Golfs. Those however, usually have a V8 that comes from Porsche and they include the entirety of a 928 chassis underneath a Golf body that has been widened by a considerable margin but not enough so that it doesn’t fit on the cover of Road & Track magazine. Or at least that’s the ones that I’ve seen.
This one goes another route, but it’s not just the case of someone dropping a Golf on an S10 frame, throwing in an old SBC, and slapping a peeing Calvin sticker on the back window. No, this one seems… well, geez, I don’t know.
The engine is an Audi DOHC 32-valve V8 of indeterminate displacement which the ad says makes 300 horsepower. That sits way out front ahead of the front wheel centerline and feeds an automatic gearbox. The world’s most redneck street brace connects the towers immediately behind.
Much of the Golf’s inner front clip has been cut out to accommodate the big mill and its north-south placement, but once you close the hood, there doesn’t seem to be any indication of the shenanigans going on underneath.
Pop open a door - either one, it doesn’t matter - and you’ll be greeted by an interior that also not like your grandma’s Golf. The inside is pretty much gutted, all the way down to the firewall and bare metal floor. There are a pair of seats that look like they’re out of some ‘90s Chrysler product, and an instrument clusterfuk from I don’t know where, the same donor Audi?
A go kart steering wheel faces the driver, while in back it’s all about the fuel cell. Yeah, this isn’t a first date car, in fact, this is something you don’t tell your intended about. Ever. Keep it in a garage in the woods and drive it only under the full moon, or on Shia Lebeouf’s birthday, it’s just that crazy.
Just how crazy is it? Well, if Quentin Tarantino had shot Deathproof in Germany and had hired former VW exec Martin Winterkorn to star as Kurt Russell, this would have been his Deathmobile. Yeah, it’s that crazy.
At present, the ad says it’s fast, street legal (um, really?), has NO RUST, and runs and drives great. It’s also an incomplete project - that interior - and needs a new home.
Look, there’s really too many questions to ask about this car than can be answered in a single Craigslist ad. That’s where it is though, and that’s all we’ve got. You’ll just need to do your best to decide if this nuttier than a fruitcake Vee-dub can pull the $2,495 its seller is asking.
What do you think, is that a fair deal to go down this rabbit hole? Or, is that price crazier than the car?
H/T to Lonnie Bearden for the hookup!
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