What Car Owners Do You Not Feel Bad For?

Illustration for article titled What Car Owners Do You Not Feel Bad For?

Napoleon Bonaparte was one of the most brilliant military leaders the world has ever seen. He was victorious in nearly every campaign he ever led and succeeded in shaping world affairs in a way that few individuals ever do. But in spite of his brilliance, after escaping from Exile on an island, even he met his end at the Battle of Waterloo.


Our man Tavarish is an amazing mechanic. He wants to buy an Audi Allroad. I fear he will face his Waterloo.

On today’s AOTD we had the story of a reader who attempted a timing belt replacement in an Allroad. It didn’t go well. Sorry, but I don’t feel bad for anyone who owns an Audi of that vintage, especially if they bought it used. By now everyone knows what a nightmare it is to own and work on. Do not buy one. If you do, you are signing your death warrant — or at least, your wallet’s.

Which brings us to our question of the day: What group of car owners do you never feel bad for?

We’re all friends here and we’re all about inclusiveness, but man, when some people gripe about their cars — whether it’s repairs or speeding tickets or everyday hassles — I just can’t feel bad for them. Sorry your V10 supercar has such a rough ride! That must be terrible.

What group of owners gets no sympathy from you, and why?

Contact the author at patrick@jalopnik.com.


As Du Volant

People who drive giant SUVs and bitch about their poor gas mileage. What the hell did you expect?

Anyone who works in a car dealership knows these people well.

Me: “How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I want to trade in my (insert giant SUV model here). The gas mileage is HORRIBLE!”

Me: “No problem. What sort of features are you looking for in your new vehicle?”

Customer: “Well, I NEED 4WD because it snows here. I need 7 seats because I have two children. And I need a V8 because sometimes we tow a pop-up camper.”

Me: “We’ve got the perfect vehicle here for you.” (shows them an SUV)

Customer: “This thing only gets 22 miles per gallon!?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a new model that’s just been redesigned. It gets 5mpg more than the outgoing model. It’s actually the best in its class for fuel efficiency.”

Customer: “22 miles per gallon. That’s TERRIBLE!”

I have no sympathy for these people.