The 90s gave the world The Dave Matthews Band, Britney Spears, the Playstation, and even yours truly. Unfortunately along with those great things, we also got these ten cars.
10.) Ford Aspire
There was nothing nearly outstanding about the Ford Aspire. Sale numbers were low and it could barely accelerate. I’m pretty sure the only reason why it had dual airbags standard was because Ford wanted to give consumers some slim chance of false hope that they might be able to survive any sort of accident that could occur with this egg-shaped machine of sadness.
9.) Land Rover Discovery II
Whether you’re dealing with a blown head gasket or preventively swapping out your u-joints to prevent your driveshaft from flying off, it’s always something with the Discovery. The first few generations were so miserably unreliable that by the time Land Rover was ready to release the third generation, they realized that they had to change the model name in one of their biggest markets because of the negative thoughts that came to the minds of American consumers when they heard the name Land Rover Discovery.
8.) Chevrolet Cavalier
GM sold tons of Cavaliers. Just two years into production of this generation, it became the best selling model GM had on dealership lots. Reader Chairman Kaga shares why many of those Cavalier buyers likely regretted their purchase:
Everything about the J-Bodies telepathically transmits an overwhelming sense of submission to the status quo.
The Japanese are killing it with fun, cheap, reliable, efficient econoboxes? Well, here you go. A riotous Quad4 (if you’re lucky) that sounds like a trolling motor and has about as much grunt, transmitting power through the same 4-speed hydromatic that GM had been stuffing into its abominable commuter cars for the past 2.5 centuries, all the while swaddling you in the opulent luxuries of Fisher Price’s My First Interior, seats from a 1988 Leyland Bus and a stereo from Bobco Inc.
The Cavalier is worse than you remember. It’s shittier than the Malibu, the Neon, or the PT Cruiser. It’s the ultimate “Meh, fuck you” from post-Malaise GM. A definitive manifestation of the American auto industry’s contempt for the buying public, quality, and legacy, and also a perfect illustration of the reality that consumers will consume anything as long as it’s cheap and has incessant marketing behind it.
Just dreadful. I hate this car.
7.) Chevrolet Monte Carlo
This was the first front wheel drive Monte Carlo, basically a Chevy Lumina that lost two doors. But look at the bright side, it had a bench front seat as an option! That’s kinda cool right?
6.) Fiat Multipla
I have never laid eyes on a more disturbingly shaped vehicle. Was the designer completely blindfolded when the original sketches went down on paper? Seriously? What happened here?
5.) Chevrolet Lumina
After the first time I drove a Chevy Lumina, I had the extreme urge to take an extended shower to cleanse myself of its unmistakably retched interior and driving experience. Being absorbed by the cheaply stitched 90s cloth that the driver’s seat was wrapped in and surrounded by the leftover cigarette odors from the previous owner probably didn’t help.
4.) Pontiac Grand Am
Even on the fourth generation of the Grand Am, Pontiac still couldn’t get it right. Reader WiscoProud explains why:
Fourth Gen Pontiac Grand Am. Even new they were unmitigated pieces of shit. The enveloping plastic cladding was simply there to hide/hold together the rusted out panels behind them. The dash looked like it was made by Fisher Price, and if you didn’t have a button full out / get pushed into the dash, you needed to buy a lottery ticket immediately. God I hate these.
3.) Porsche 911 (996)
The 996 is widely known as the disgrace to the 911 family. It came out of a time where Porsche wasn’t at its best financially and it showed. The styling seemed to be carried over from the Boxster, the cheapest Porsche on sale at the time, which made it unattractive to 911 owners of previous generations. Not to mention all the issues that arose with the first Porsche’s first generation watercooling technology.
2.) Ford Explorer
To be completely fair, the Explorer’s bad rep came mostly from the Firestone tire failure fiasco. I’m of course referring to the minor issue Ford and Firestone faced when Ford had to replace nearly 13 million tires due to tread separation issues which caused 240 deaths and nearly 3000 related injuries. Back in the 90s, you couldn’t go five miles on the interstate without seeing one of these rolled over on its side.
1.) Geo Metro Convertible
It gets decent fuel economy and can definitely move under its own power, but there is no car I would be more embarrassed to be seen in than the Geo Metro Convertible. How could someone be okay with daily driving one of these?
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