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"Jesus," I said to Spinelli. "The Dicks are a poor substitute for romance."

"Most proto-punk is," he replied.

"Yeah, but it's also the next-best thing."

Press embargoes, likewise, are jack-shit when compared to anticipatory makeouts and flirty eye-contact over overly-spicy Thai food that lands you in a stupid-comfy hotel bed watching amateur pro-wrestling on public-access cable and wondering where all of this is is going. Watching doughy James Hetfield look-alikes roll around on a lightly-padded community-center floor could be akin to watching the war between the internetters and the public-relationsers. Anyway, here're leaked shots of the new four-door Wrangler thingy. We didn't break the embargo. We didn't start the fire. We're turning off the Billy Joel now and going back to cranking the Dicks. Poor substitute for romance or not, at least they rock.

Another Wrangler pic. A third! No crap, it's a fourth! Susan Powter called, and the madness will shortly stop! A fifth! It's over!

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