I'm Losing My Shit Over This Perfect Ford Tempo

I was just talking to the curator at the Petersen Museum about getting cars for the collection, and he revealed to me something that most of us don't realize: it's not the rare stuff that's hard to find — it's the mundane. Because who keeps or restores a car no one cares about? I think I found the answer to that question with this Tempo.


This 1984 Tempo for sale in Eau Claire, WI is in absolutely staggeringly good shape. These things didn't look this good in November of 1984 — I'm not sure I've ever seen a car this universally not-gave-a-shit-about (I know, there are some enthusiasts out there) in such remarkably good shape.

Look at that interior! Well, look carefully, so your body doesn't go into Crimson Shock Overlaoad. It's all red velour — and it looks like it's never even been sat in. Who owned this car? A ghost that farted Fabreeze?

The car has 65,000 miles on it, and from the looks of it, every one of those miles was indoors and on thick, plush carpet. The plastic on the indicators and taillights looks like it's never seen more than 2 minutes of direct sun, and all the rubber is supple and black, like a glossy Black Mamba snake sleeping on a chrome bench.


I'm genuinely amazed this thing exists. It can't be restored — who the fuck would restore a Tempo? This is the work of possible the most careful car owner ever known to humankind, and their incredible stewardship has been bestowed on a Ford Tempo. A Tempo.


For $3995, the Petersen should be sending someone out there to pick this up right now.

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