'Yummies': Meet The New Worst Marketing Buzzword Ever

Thank god for the world's marketing departments. Without them, who would tirelessly work to ruin the English language? The latest salvo comes from retail analysts at HSBC, who have coined a new term that makes my brain bleed brain-blood: "Yummies." It's only a matter of time before we see it in the car world.

What the shit is a "yummie," you ask? It's short for "young urban male," the same way "yuppie" was short for "young urban professional." Somehow, this new term manages to be about 10 times more grating. I feel like I need a shower after I type it.

Businessweek reports that "yummies" describe young-ish, professional men with a lot of disposable income they like to spend on luxury goods. With people generally marrying and starting families later in life, that frees these "yummies" up to spend their cash on Coach totes and leather moccasins. Think brands like Luxottica, Hugo Boss, and Prada.

For sure, it's a lucrative demographic. Michael Kors is hoping to ramp its menswear revenue to $1 billion, and Coach's revenue from men has skyrocketed from $100 million in 2010 to about $700 million today.

Now, for the "WTF why is this on Jalopnik" crowd, here's what it has to do with cars: HSBC says these "yummies" — that word is just the worst! — are less into automobiles than you'd think. From the Businessweek report:

In trying to impress, HSBC says many young men are also looking past cars for the first time. After all, anyone with a few hundred dollars a month to spare can lease a Lexus, but a traveling martini satchel from Tumi takes $5,000.

FOR NOW, anyway. You can bet your sweet yummie ass that the car companies want this demographic and they want it hard. The HSBC report doesn't say which cars are targeted to them, but I'll make an educated guess: entry level luxury cars aimed at luring in new, younger buyers like the Mercedes-Benz CLA and the new Audi A3.

That's painfully obvious, isn't it? Just look at the A3's hipster launch parties or some of the ads for the new car, both in the U.S. and Europe. They feature young, affluent-ish men driving the cars almost exclusively.

To get to my point, which comes with an apology for taking so long to get there: I guaran-damn-tee this is a term the car companies will start using soon. I can see myself at the next press drive for BMW or Lexus or whoever, hearing a "branding specialist" talk about how their new entry-level car is aimed at the "yummies" or what they're doing to win over the "yummie" market.

And then I stab myself in the eyeballs with a salad fork because the pain is the only thing that's real.

The "yummies" are coming, people. Prepare yourselves.

Hat tip to John!