This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!" - Jalopnik Comments

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

FuzzyPlushroom — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:46:37 EDT

I don't think the owner's just sick.

FuzzyPlushroom

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

anatak — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:37:25 EDT

What? Can we not get a sound clip? I think the intertubes is dying to find out what a "a gay deep throated angry demon" engine actually sounds like.

anatak

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

skulldriveshaft — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:18:26 EDT

And other choice comments:

"It runs like a scalded dog!"

"This one is the ultimate! I encourage you to come test drive it if for nothing else so I can see on the the sheer thrill, shock, and excitement on your face as you rip down the road in it."

skulldriveshaft

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

deus ex wagon — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 22:57:46 EDT

I know I want to crash this, but I'm not sure whether to consider it killing the monstrosity or resurrecting the metal for recycling.

deus ex wagon

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

DoctorNine — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 20:22:01 EDT

@dolo54: Is this being sold by the same guy that sold the Hawaiian Cabrio? This begs the question of whether 914's are really VW's or not.

DoctorNine

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

akirachan — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:11:14 EDT

@Buzz Killington: Thanks for the headsup, I found it...[jalopnik.com]

I think I was asleep all week at work when that was posted...

akirachan

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Buzz Killington — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:56:29 EDT

@akirachan: Dude, you must have missed the official Jalopnik malaise-o-meter from a few months ago.

I'm too lazy to find it myself, but its on here somewhere.

Buzz Killington

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

akirachan — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:06:51 EDT

Question of the day:

Between what years do Malaise-era represent? And is it country-of-origin-specific?

akirachan

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Buzz Killington — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:57:23 EDT

I really like the dual-badges in the back. I always thought Porsche needed to put more of their badges all over their cars.

More badges = more classy.

Buzz Killington

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

markov - type gna(R) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:25:06 EDT

More like Testes-rossa. To quote the mighty Swisgar, Thats is dildos.

markov - type gna(R)

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

RoninianHoon — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 13:31:29 EDT

Its like that kid on the track team in high school, they won alot of metals, had some of the fastest times. But we all new something was a little odd...

It tried to be gender neutral and failed...

RoninianHoon

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

RoninianHoon — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 13:26:37 EDT

Yes, gay works for the car...

RoninianHoon

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Dr.Danger, Hasta la victoria siempre! — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 13:04:03 EDT

@Yurikaze: no, its just photoshopped

Dr.Danger, Hasta la victoria siempre!

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

dolo54 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:35:19 EDT

I bet it smells like buttsex too.

dolo54

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Number_Six — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:35:17 EDT

It looks like the work of Gemballa.

I'd kick the wing off it and drive it without giving a shit what anyone thought: it's a 914 with a V8, fercrissakes.

Number_Six

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Yurikaze — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:30:44 EDT

Before the visual mods it sounded like a straight deep thrated angry demon that was slightly confused about its sexual orientation after seeing pics of that saucy flirt Murilee, and jalopnik's resident femme fatale; Wes.

After the body change operation, it hangs around shady german werkshops, attempting to use its femimine charms to pick up unsuspecting M3's.

In the end, it will probably just end up in an alley, raped by a dragon with low standards.

Yurikaze

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

smalleyxb122 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:29:45 EDT

It's like if the abomination of Corvette Summer whored around Europe for a while and aborted this ItalGermerican monstrosity too late.

smalleyxb122

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Braff is Thad Longlove — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:26:41 EDT

@staircar: HA!

COTD!

Braff is Thad Longlove

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Mad_Science — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:17:20 EDT

@boognish: I think you answered your own question on that one.

With a stunning yellow paint job like that, I can see what the gay deep-throated vehicle would be so angry.

Mad_Science

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Dr.Danger, Hasta la victoria siempre! — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:12:36 EDT

@OrangeBoss9: that is just wrong.

Dr.Danger, Hasta la victoria siempre!

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

petersterncan — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:10:54 EDT

So if it sounds like a Gay Deep-throated angry demon... is that supposed to mean it sounds like Elton John today singing "Madman Across the Water"?

petersterncan

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

boognish — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:09:12 EDT

What? Why? I am confused. This is jalopnik, right? Why is there a twink mobile with a deep throat dressed like a teste-rossa and a badly done engine transplant burning my sclera?

boognish

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Dr.Danger, Hasta la victoria siempre! — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:09:02 EDT

@MENACEIISOBRIETY: Welcome to awesome.

Dr.Danger, Hasta la victoria siempre!

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

OrangeBoss9 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:02:37 EDT

@JoSCh:
and from that comes a skanky deep-throat angry dragon?

OrangeBoss9

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

MenaceIISobriety — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:44:16 EDT

i just saw ACTION JACKSON starring Carl Weathers and Craig T Nelson. Coach played the role of the evil car manufacturer. the car he gets killed with is a pontiac fiero with testerrossa kit on it. stellar flick.

MenaceIISobriety

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

JoSCh — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:40:25 EDT

Only skanky dragons dig deep throated demon cars.

JoSCh

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Drujon — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:35:39 EDT

"I just want to be LOOOOVVVEEEDDDD bbrnnmmmmmmbrmmmmmmmm Is that SOOOO Wronggggg brnmmmmmmmm"

Drujon

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

dculberson — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:32:57 EDT

The sub-heading now has a sad word in it:

"Description (revised)"

Noooo, he made the demon's sexuality ambiguous! At least it's still deep throated.

@P161911: I can not imagine how difficult that vehicle is to work on. Those engines are wedged into the LS400 which is a full size sedan. A starter repair is a 4-hour shop job - more like a 16 hour home job. You have to remove the intake manifold... and the right hand catalytic converter!? Just to get to the starter.

@Morphine: Oh damn that was good.

dculberson

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Doggie Daddy runs on gin — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:27:03 EDT

On the road it sounds like a gay deep throated angry demon.

You'd sound that way too if you were stuck in the middle of something as ugly as this car.

Doggie Daddy runs on gin

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

elwood — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:27:01 EDT

@Dr.Danger's got nards: If you're putting a 911 Turbo engine in a 914, DEFINETLY a brake upgrade. I'd also consider a roll cage and 4-point harnesses. But yeah, aside from safety-mandated items, leave the rest stock.

elwood

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

NovaloadMissesPolar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:23:19 EDT

He changed the ad to "angry" deep throated instead of "gay"--so I hope that clears up everything.

How hard would it be to pry all the crap effects off this "car" and end up with a ratrodded Porsche? Including the shelf on back. And the paint, of course.

NovaloadMissesPolar

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

yellofury * * * * * — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:19:14 EDT

hmm where Mr Barret when you need him?
I mean what does a gay deeo throated angry demon sound like???
BRAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!!????
or PHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAP????

yellofury * * * * *

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Morphine — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:14:41 EDT

Apparently gay, deep-throated demons have no lateral support. Don't forget to cup the bolsters . . .

Morphine

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

OldeEnglishD misses Polar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:00:43 EDT

@dr zero: Wow, you went there.....

OldeEnglishD misses Polar

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

the good dr zero — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:59:23 EDT

I think we all need to find out Charles' expert opinion on what this might actually sound like.

the good dr zero

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

P161911 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:58:35 EDT

At least the Chevy V-8 fits cleaner than the Lexus V-8. [www.flickr.com] Notice the cam-belt pulley at your shoulder. DON'T ride with long hair!

P161911

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

beercheck — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:52:27 EDT

This looks no worse than an R8.

beercheck

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Dr.Danger, Hasta la victoria siempre! — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:44:37 EDT

This guy is insane thinking he can get 23k for this crap.

@elwood: I agree, stock body with a turbo 911 engine. Nothing else needed.

Maybe a brake upgrade.

Dr.Danger, Hasta la victoria siempre!

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

staircar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:35:55 EDT

Wait... it sounds like Harvey Fierstein?

staircar

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Unevolved 8.04 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:35:29 EDT

@Elhigh: At least not anywhere near a Porsche 914.

Unevolved 8.04

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Maxxofor — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:30:30 EDT

As a whole that car is ... an atrocity. Although I will admit to like the face and ass on it. Now if they could just do something to get rid of those piss poor Testarossa flares and make the vent's functional, then maybe MAYBE it would be tolerable aftermarket conversion. Now if they could do something to make it sound less gay.

poor poor 914.

Maxxofor

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

elwood — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:27:39 EDT

If you're going to spend that much money mangling a 914, why not just swap in a 911 Turbo motor and just forget the ugly bodywork. Probably about the same cost, and a much cooler result.

elwood

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

graverobber- It says Loud Pipes Save Lives — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:25:34 EDT

Dude, the '80s called. They want their body kit back.

graverobber- It says Loud Pipes Save Lives

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

EDogII — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:23:54 EDT

The wing is a bit much.

EDogII

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Steel_ETC — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:18:42 EDT

@layabout: that purple racer 914 is actually kind of cool in a form-follows-function sort of way. It shouldn't be lumped into the same category as this yellow monstrosity.

Steel_ETC

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

smalleyxb122 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:16:51 EDT

If you are a 914 fan, you will...

...want to kill me for molesting one of them in such a way.

smalleyxb122

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

OldeEnglishD misses Polar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:10:35 EDT

Sadly he is selling the car before he installs the 5.1 surround sound stereo system in it........

OldeEnglishD misses Polar

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

CEman — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:04:33 EDT

if only he had wrapped himself around a tree in it.
A classic case of Darwinism not quite making it to the end.

CEman

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

X-Zambian — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:49:10 EDT

Fugly. No other word to describe it. That wing is simply wrong on a car of that type. Then the cockpit looks like it was transplanted from a larger car. Or the rear haunches need to be taller, one of the two.
What an effort has been put into making something that is just fugly. Takes all sorts I guess.

X-Zambian

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Doggie Daddy runs on gin — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:37:09 EDT

I'll bet Huntsville will be glad to see him and that car gone.

Doggie Daddy runs on gin

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

JSmith53 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:35:29 EDT

@mytdawg: Nice.

JSmith53

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

layabout — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:31:42 EDT

[www.showcars-bodyparts.com] Must be spreading!

layabout

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

muleshoe — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:31:19 EDT

But it's pussy magnet yellow, or penis magnet yellow.Wait thats Ga. That's baby shit Yeller.

muleshoe

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

layabout — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:28:18 EDT

[news.windingroad.com] Could be worse!

layabout

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

acarr260 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:24:14 EDT

@DannyBN: excellent point!

acarr260

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

mytdawg — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:23:51 EDT

Satan is going to be pissed when he gets a 914 cake.

mytdawg

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

DannyBN — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:23:05 EDT

He did this to his car and now he's worried about vandalism?

DannyBN

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Ash78 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:22:28 EDT

Now I bought a 914 a long time ago
Don't you see how malaise they're actin'
They only run and they run when they wanna
So call up Porsche embalm the goner
They don't care 'cause they got paid anyway
They teach ya like an ace they can't be betrayed
I know you stumble with no use people
If your car is on the line then you're stuck today
Late comings with the late comin' wrecker
Not a Ferrari in disguise y'all betcha
I call 'em body swappers quick they come to fetch ya?
With an plastic body kit and tools to dissect ya
They are the kings 'cause they swing amputation
Lose your dam, your grille to them it's compilation
I can prove it to you watch the rotation
It all adds up to a funky situation
So get up get, get get down
9-1-4 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get, get, get down
Malaise 9-1-4 wears a fake crown

Ash78

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

UDMan — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:21:16 EDT

If only he used the money on the outside to make the cockpit more, well, enjoyable. At least spring for a new set of carpets, or a decent steering wheel.

I wouldn't touch it anyway... yellow... ugly... looks like a kit car... for way too much money...

UDMan

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

acarr260 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:20:21 EDT

Wow. He should be hung for doing that to a Porsche... any Porsche. I feel sad for this little 914. I guess "a gay deep throated angry demon" is nicer than "a gay deep-throateding angry demon!" Maybe someone can clarify the distinction, but I'm going to try to go think of something else now...

acarr260

This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"

Mike the Dog — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:20:18 EDT

I should hate this, yet I'm strangely drawn to it. Kinda like that chick in school, who wasn't hot in the classic sense, but still had that je ne sais quoi thing going...

Mike the Dog