Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot - Jalopnik Comments

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

pmoore — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:16:23 EDT

Forget "Trunk Monkey". This the new craze!

pmoore

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

pmoore — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:14:05 EDT

Forget "Trunk Monkey" this is the new craze!

pmoore

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

CptSevere — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:23:25 EDT

Here in Tombstone, we get almost the same idiocy. I live for this kind of stupid shit. Should have been a Cadillac, and an eight foot gator.

CptSevere

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

LandofMinos, Thinks emu is tastier than kangaroo — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:07:36 EDT

Did you know Steve Irwin died the way he lived?

With animals in his heart.

ha ha ha ha ha I'm so funny. Googling 'Steve Irwin jokes' make me a comedian.
In all seriousness, Steve Irwin pissed me off. He made Australians look like a bunch of hillbilly bushrangers. That's MY job!

LandofMinos, Thinks emu is tastier than kangaroo

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

LandofMinos, Thinks emu is tastier than kangaroo — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:59:39 EDT

Now if Steve Irwin was alive. but alas he isn't. Stupid bogan should have used sunscreen to protect him from harmful rays.

LandofMinos, Thinks emu is tastier than kangaroo

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

dculberson — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 17:14:57 EDT

He's lucky the neighbor didn't just gun him down for asking. It is Texas.

[I know which kind of neighbor I'd rather have.. the shooty kind.]

dculberson

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Schm is not intrested in buying Hummer either. . . — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:58:32 EDT

American South
A man on a mission
Unexpected visitors

Schm is not intrested in buying Hummer either. . .

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

bdubsee — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:06:31 EDT

That's not a Buick Regal, it's a Buick Lucerne. Check out the bow-tie radio and the clear CHMSL. Fun is fun but facts are facts. More careless reporting (by KTRK-TV that is, not jalopnik).

bdubsee

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

OldeEnglishD misses Polar — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:27:36 EDT

@Ω βгåғғ™ ۞: I got my lighter held up for ya!

OldeEnglishD misses Polar

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

George W. Braff — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 13:55:50 EDT

@Otto-Reimer:

...And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the ducks who died,
who stuck their bills in me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend that blind today.
' Cause there ain't no doubt I love to hunt,
God bless Brazoria, USA.

George W. Braff

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

F_munk — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 13:48:33 EDT

@SeanKHotay: Comment of the day right there. LOL.

F_munk

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Capt. Mazda Sisko — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 13:28:02 EDT

[img234.imageshack.us]

Onmonnomnomnomnom

Capt. Mazda Sisko

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Otto-Reimer — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 13:22:06 EDT

@iamverb: You read that right, and unfortunately happened more than once.

Brazoria is a wetland, obviously with gators about. We also have ducks and geese for days. Now, the key part to this story, is that the duck blinds were all public.

Now Brazoria, we're known for a lot of things, like being the first colony in Texas, we're Where Texas Began. But we have never won awards for being the smartest in the lot.

Now, some good old boys decided, since we all put in the water at the same time to get to the blind, instead of using a trolling motor like most sane people, to get to the duck blinds first, why not put a speed boat motor on the bass boat?

The reasons not to go fast across the marsh are many. Alligators three times the size of the one this dude put in the car, seven kinds of deadly snakes and six foot birds (we have whooping cranes).

This tale was related to me when I was 10, my best friend's dad was on this hunting trip with his buddy on opening day of duck season:

"So we get to going, I'd say about 20 knots across the bay. Billy Bob (true name) turned around to check out his handy work. Sure enough, the speed boat motor had left everyone a good 50 yards behind us and the point blind was gonna be ours. As he turned back to face me, a mallard smacked him clean in the forehead. Getting its bill stuck between his skin and scalp. Broke the poor duck's neck clean in half, but was firmly stuck in Billy Bob's head. We decided not to take it out, since it might be stopping massive bleeding and had to go to hospital, where he forced to relate the tale to god everybody. Because it's not everyday a dude walks into ER with a duck stuck in his forehead. Well, at least outside of Brazoria, it's not."

Post notes: We got a sick sense of humor in Brazoria, and give out an award for the first duck bagged int heseason. So we gave it to Billy Bob, even if he did it the hard way.

True story.

Otto-Reimer

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

korvetkeith — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:51:35 EDT

Water mocassins are very poisoness! This guy is 50% stupid, 50% crazy and 100% BADASS.

korvetkeith

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

skyln95 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:34:55 EDT

@rlj676: considering it was two different types of reptiles, and stealing a tv on the side, i'd bet that it's safe to say that this wasn't his 1st rodeo.

skyln95

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

verbing weirds — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:34:29 EDT

@Otto-Reimer: Ducks stuck - wait, what?

verbing weirds

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

rlj676 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:30:47 EDT

This story is so wraught with nonsense it's hard to believe. I guess that's why it is so good.

So...how many gators has this guy wrestled into cars in the past, or do you think this was his first?

And this thief/neighbor, pretty bold to just ask him for help.

rlj676

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

fullmoonparty — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:25:13 EDT

@Sloop_John_B:

[www.obits.com.au]

That's who.

fullmoonparty

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Otto-Reimer — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:23:00 EDT

And people wonder why I left home.

This would be my hometown, I am not shocked by this. I knew dudes who got ducks stuck in their foreheads, so wreslting a gator ain't far fetched.

Side note, this is Ron Paul's home county. I know that's making some people giggle right now.

Otto-Reimer

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

smokeydog001 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:20:17 EDT

smokeydog001

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

skyln95 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:11:46 EDT

@Amscram: ah life on the gulf coast. i sure miss it. i thought for sure this was a story out of my former residence of lake charles, but i've known people from the MOB(mouth of brazos). i guess i've become hardened living on the gulf, and not much surprises me anymore. the alligator drew a shrug. the water moccasin kinda opened my eyes cause i hate snakes, and you have to really go looking for one to find one. alligators down there, you can just happen across one.

skyln95

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

smalleyxb122 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:10:23 EDT

I'll see your alcantara, and raise you an alligator upholstered parcel shelf.

smalleyxb122

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

cyclopticgaze — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:08:14 EDT

This guy is crazy. Everyone knows that gators are terrible back seat drivers.

cyclopticgaze

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

om nom de plume — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:06:07 EDT

@Novaload: slightly more dangerous then the flying tissue box huh?

om nom de plume

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Sloop_John_B — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:04:51 EDT

@smsolo1:
Jalopnik presents: Real men of genius…

Today we salute you "Mr. alligator, tv, moccasin stealer."

Your ability to convince the neighbors to knab wild gators and TVs is unparraelled. You strikes the perfect balance between redneck and methhead.

Lesser men might just take the tv, but you wrangle the Gator in the rear window wih

What do you do when you have no job and a pension for reptiles? Steel it.

Gator? Check
Tv? Check
Poinsonous snake? Check
Job? No check.

So crack open an ice cold budlight, crazy reptile, tv thief…then crack open another for the neighbor who helped you.

Sloop_John_B

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Isetta — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:01:06 EDT

Gator grabbing grifter goes goofy over giant Gateway.

Isetta

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

NovaloadMissesPolar — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:57:40 EDT

I want to see a mug shot. Plus I think he should plead severe ADD--he's on his way to burgle--Oh, look! A gator! Let me just get that...ouch, oh, dang. Water Moc. Oh, well, now where was I?"
And it's all fun and games until you slam on the brakes and the gator hits you in the back of the head.

NovaloadMissesPolar

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

boosted-lego-wagon — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:55:25 EDT

Just a little bit more than the law will allow.

boosted-lego-wagon

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

graverobber- It says Loud Pipes Save Lives — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:51:12 EDT

This guy is way cooler than me. All I have in the back window is a little dog whose head goes up and down, up and down.

graverobber- It says Loud Pipes Save Lives

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

MasterShake — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:48:28 EDT

at least he cracked the window for the gator. i hear the texas sun can roast a car's interior.

MasterShake

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

SeanKHotay — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:48:06 EDT

So that's what Crockett and Elvis are up to these days.

SeanKHotay

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

smsolo1 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:41:02 EDT

@FreeMan:
typo. sorry. did not check.
point was it would be funny if this guy was a misunderstood lunatic genius and this is foreplay to his future.

smsolo1

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

lascauxcaveman — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:39:51 EDT

The water moccasin killed it for me. As I read the lead, I was thinking maybe the burglar got an inspiration : Stuff gator through pet door -> gator eats watch dog -> simplified burglary hijinx ensue!

But guess he lust likes to collect reptiles, which reduces his potential as a Goldbergian criminal genius in my eyes.

lascauxcaveman

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Sloop_John_B — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:38:01 EDT

Seriously, who has a five-foot water moccasin at home, knabs a 6ft gator whilst stealing a tv...all the while dealing with a snakebite "that {doesn't} seem to bother him"? I have a mental image of this man, and I don't want to meet him.

Sloop_John_B

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

verbing weirds — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:37:22 EDT

Water moccasin? Buick Regal? Wild gator? Meth heads stealing TVs? Geez, Matt, why did you ever leave?

verbing weirds

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

George W. Braff — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:36:56 EDT

Is this Staff Sgt Max Fightmaster?

George W. Braff

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

FЯeeMan — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:36:40 EDT

@smsolo1: I was with you until i wonder if this guy has published a book already write an unknown book like "Mein Kampf" was? You really lost me there...

FЯeeMan

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

smsolo1 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:34:38 EDT

this is a unique accomplishment. he wrestled an alligator and stuffed in a car en route to a botched robbery recruiting help from a neighbor? i wonder if this guy has published a book already write an unknown book like "Mein Kampf" was?
what motivates this guy?
like htrodblder said, you can't make this stuff up. hilarious.

smsolo1

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

layabout — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:32:22 EDT

This story eases my mind,until i read this i thought i was crazy driving around with a rabid badger in the car, but an alligator is just nuts.

layabout

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Thirty-Nine — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:31:43 EDT

I hate it when the gator gets in the rear window. Damn thing really reduceds your visibility during lane changes.

Thirty-Nine

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

Amscram — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:27:01 EDT

Whew! When I saw the headline I was worried this was going to be a Louisiana story. (Like we need more bad press down here!) Anyway, the guy would be taking the gator home as dinner if it was Louisiana.

Amscram

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

layabout — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:24:12 EDT

Dumb & Dumber

layabout

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

BoomhauerTX — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:23:24 EDT

I like how the gator got up on the back deck to sun himself.

BoomhauerTX

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

htrodblder — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:22:59 EDT

When its so stupid and funny your brain cant even come up with a smartass remark, that my friend is comedy. You cant make up stuff that funny.

htrodblder

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

shoman95 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:18:18 EDT

Future Darwin Award nominee?

shoman95

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

jword2001 — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:17:33 EDT

Hmmm sounds like a meth head.

jword2001

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

HDC — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:16:30 EDT

Gator crap in the back seat. Who gets to clean that up? So many bad facets to this story, one just doesn't know which one to be entertained by.

HDC

Burglary Suspect Caught With Six Foot Alligator Copilot

FЯeeMan — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:15:50 EDT

So... he knocked on the neighbor's door, said "hey, help me steal this guy's TV", and the neighbor said OK? Texas is a whole 'nuther country.

FЯeeMan