Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition - Jalopnik Comments

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

SundaySunday — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 11:58:42 EDT

@SundaySunday: Ack! Just looked it up. That song title should read: Dorothy Parker's Hair. Those crazy Australian art students.

SundaySunday

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

SundaySunday — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 09:11:32 EDT

"Of all the theater critics,
Dorothy was the worst.
She could be most sarcastic,
And cruel and perverse.

If she were alive, she'd be a friend of mine..."

(excerpted from Dorothy Parker by Mental As Anything)

Bravo, Charles!

--Oh, and I've got a neurotic dog, so can I be Thurber? (I wish)

SundaySunday

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

yellofury * * * * * — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 08:43:53 EDT

@charles_barrett: thanks Charles for the longest time I thought it was Willy Wonka who said that
I can has internets now

yellofury * * * * *

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

bdon — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 02:39:49 EDT

I like what Dorothy Parker said. That is all my mark twaining commentational skeelz has to say.

bdon

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 01:30:35 EDT

@Smells_Homeless: Oh, you are so right, it's all about "what would a true Jalop say now, in these circumstances..." etc., etc., constantly second-guessing yourself. It's a bit exhausting. Once in the COTD club one can get a chance to relax a bit (I hope...!)

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

lascauxcaveman — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:31:49 EDT

@Beluga: Except the part about the ankle bracelet, yes.

(And in my case, replace the word 'mom' with 'the wife.')

lascauxcaveman

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Smells_Homeless — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 23:40:40 EDT

@lascauxcaveman:"Ah well, everyone has a rookie season." It seems to me that it's more than a rookie season. It's more like "X Stages of Jalopnolife." Stage 1, Constant Reader. This pre-Jalop reads the posts and thinks "Man, I could do that. It's time for me to show C&D what's what." Stage 2, Would be Jalop. Here, the Constant Reader takes the step and starts submitting comments. Usually brimming with Fark.com memes and double-submitted. Stage 3, Jalop-o-Noob. A comment has made the cut and young Jalop is now "in." He also feels that every single post absolutely must be commented upon or his status will be revoked. The signal to noise ratio is still sickeningly low for this Jalop, but points of promise have begun to peak through the clouds. Stage 4. Oh hell, I don't know. We'll see if I ever get there.

Smells_Homeless

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 23:31:36 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: Oh dude, we have so much in common, including faux charities to avoid. Makes the heart ache, really...

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Beluga — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 23:30:51 EDT

So you're all a bunch of lazy, sophomoric semi-intellectual ne'er-do-wells who dream of one day taking a sawzall to a the back of a Buick Riviera to turn it into a pickup truck. As soon as Mom restores your driveway privileges or the county lets you take your ankle bracelet off.

Beluga

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

lascauxcaveman — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:59:54 EDT

@charles_barrett: Hmmm... interesting story. I seem to remember having to promise some "Flying V" haiku to get commenter status. (And then botching it by adding/omitting a syllable, can't remember which.) Ah well, everyone has a rookie season.

Back when I lived in the Bohemian burg of Portland, OR, one of my very favorite local mobile sights was an old white crapbox jap car with the numerous witty quotations of Dorothy Parker emblazoned in black sharpie on its otherwise inauspicious flanks.

You've heard (of course) of "art cars". Well, this was a "literature car."

Anyway, seems hard to believe you're still a virgin here; until today, that is. Welcome to the fraternity; you'll be receiving your info packet and secret CoTD decoder ring tomorrow by 10:30am via FedEx, or they'll have to answer to me, by gum!

And I don't mind saying I loves me some Dotty Parker, Alexander Woolcott and E.B. White and James Thurber my own self. Quite a salon that Harold Ross put together back in the roaring 20's.

Those who wish to feel some strong nostalgia over a truly great period in American Letters they never had a chance to experience first hand might go to their local library and request copies of "Harold Ross and the New Yorker" and/or the "Letters of E.B. White" to get an inkling of what I'm saying here. If you wish to get admiring looks from a 50+ librarian, either one (or better yet, both, simultaneously) will do.

lascauxcaveman

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

bozoerrebbe — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:57:48 EDT

@charles_barrett:

Hellman was scum.

What she did in her script for Anne Frank is particularly loathsome. Instead of being true to Frank who was proud of being a Jew and accepted her fate as a Jew and said so explicitly, Hellman has her mouthing universalistic platitudes. In some cases she has Anne saying things that are diametrically opposed to what Frank wrote in her diary.

bozoerrebbe

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:54:32 EDT

@EricMerrill: I try, young master Merrill, I try... So, have you researched Jennie Jerome of Arizona as Winston Churchill's mum... I kid you not, and this was before jetset continent hopping. One needed an ocean liner for such trans-continental hanky-panky. Strange but true...!

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Eric Merrill — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:21:09 EDT

Congratulations Mr. Barrett, on a COTD that is well-written, educated, and makes us all look good!

Eric Merrill

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

biminitwst — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:13:19 EDT

I come here mainly to get away from the midgets.
And the car stuff is great, too.

biminitwst

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:06:05 EDT

@Smells_Homeless: You are so very generous (and I agree, It's right up her alley...!)

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Smells_Homeless — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:02:10 EDT

@charles_barrett: Don't feel too bad. Even if she didn't say it, it's definitely something she would have said.

Smells_Homeless

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

John_W_KCMO — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:41:03 EDT

Congrats Charles

John_W_KCMO

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:53:09 EDT

@bozoerrebbe: Yeah, Lillian battled all through the settlement of Dottie's estate, even as she was named executrix in the will she fought at every turn. The NAACP eventually triumphed, as the will decreed.

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:38:49 EDT

@smokeydog001: Aack! It's from Ogden Nash...! I screwed up!!! The Horticulture and the Suicide quips here are Dorothy's along with a truckload of others, but I just Googled the "Candy is Dandy..." and came up with Ogden Nash...! Mea culpa! Everything else about the Algonquin Round Table is authentic, I promise...

@chrystlubitshi: I owe you an apology... Although Willie Wonka didn't originate it, neither did Dorothy. My bad, bad, bad...!

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

bozoerrebbe — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:35:38 EDT

Since you brought up the Algonquin roundtable, I think Mary McCarthy's estimation of roundtable participant and literary executor of Parker's estate Lillian Hellman deserves consideration for comment of the century:

"Everything she wrote is a lie, including "and" and "the"."

bozoerrebbe

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

DoctorNine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:34:08 EDT

There's something drop-dead sexy about a man who can quote de Tocqueville, and still resolder your loose connections when you get a short. I quote from Wiki:

"Plug and socket connectors:

Plug and socket connectors are usually made up of a male plug and a female socket, although hermaphroditic connectors exist, such as the original IBM token ring LAN connector. Plugs generally have one or more pins or prongs that are inserted into openings in the mating socket. The connection between the mating metal parts must be sufficiently tight to make a good electrical connection and complete the circuit. When working with multi-pin connectors, it is helpful to have a pinout diagram to identify the wire or circuit node connected to each pin..."

You go Charles.

DoctorNine

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

smokeydog001 — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:21:21 EDT

Uh, that would be "marrying" within the family.

smokeydog001

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

smokeydog001 — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:19:45 EDT

@charles_barrett:

She sounds like one of my cousins that ran off to NY at an early age to escape marring within the family! You, sir have enlightened me, I always thought "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker" was from W. C. Fields.

smokeydog001

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:12:37 EDT

@charles_barrett: I'd bang ya! What do the kids say,
"In a hetero kinda way that is, if ya know what I mean."

I dunno, somethin' didn't go right for me there...

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Number_Six — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:05:02 EDT

@charles_barrett: I clink my glass of pinotage in your general direction.

Number_Six

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:04:20 EDT

@POLAЯ: I had been lurking here for months, then Murilee had made mention of the 'skull-and-driveshaft' graphic, and I e-mailed him asking for it. A couple of exchanges later, and he asked if I wanted to join the Commenters (I steered him to the retail website where I have been posting porn reviews for a few years now, so he could sample my prose style). He granted me entry to the Gawker Media Commenter fold, and here I am to this day. To be clear, Murilee is as straight as an arrow, but he grew up in a very liberal part of the nation, so he had a big "meh" about my being gay. And I've been an enthusiastic Jalop ever since...

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:03:57 EDT

@voodoojoo: You should really be careful,
or you might wind up dressing like the Tin Man

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

voodoojoo — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:50:18 EDT

@POLAЯ: I still pronounce 'style' as 'steeel', just in his honor.

voodoojoo

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:49:58 EDT

@chrystlubitshi: And of course, thank you very much for the effusive praise. I'm on cloud nine this afternoon (SoCal time).

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:46:58 EDT

@charles_barrett: You and I arrived here the same month last year, brother!
Ain't no difference.
We're like Jalopamese twins,
only separated,
and you're older,
and far away.
Oh, and I picked the Charles in Charge thing just for the cheese factor.

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:44:46 EDT

@chrystlubitshi: See what a multi-layered confection Jalopnik is. Someone makes a comment that leaves me scratching my head, and the next comment shouts COTD! in caps, and I am *still* scratching my head. I shall never again be afraid of revealing the weak spots in my knowledge...

To all Jalops: The only "stupid" question is the one that goes unasked (and thus unanswered). Don't fear to ask questions, since on the whole we do not 'flame' or belittle those who need some more info to some of our incredibly esoteric crumbs of knowledge.

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:36:57 EDT

@Ω βгåғғ™ ۞: Oh and thanks for the tip, I'm jotting that one down.

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:34:39 EDT

@Ω βгåғғ™ ۞:
I spin Rick Ross an' I'll hafta watch myself,
'Cause my girls will be pullin' da AKs off the shelf!

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Braff is Thad Longlove — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:26:36 EDT

@POLAЯ: You can get the original on iTunes... the real artists name is Carly Commando and the song is called Everday.
I have it as a ringtone option on my phone but it comes in a little too quiet... so I had to switch it to Rick Ross' Hustlin'

Braff is Thad Longlove

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

chrystlubitshi — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:06:15 EDT

@charles_barrett:

'candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker'

okay... how silly do i feel now for just getting the willy wonka reference to that quote.. (*long live gene wilder*) i did not realze that was such a prestigious qoute..

chrystlubitshi

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

rlj676 — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:04:45 EDT

Congrats.

Also, I find it terribly ironic, (or perhaps more coincedence depending on your intent) that your comment on things going over your head, is chock full of references that went right over my head, (and many others I'd guess as well).

rlj676

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

sabrepwr — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:04:31 EDT

Mencken. Don't forget Mencken.

sabrepwr

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

M0L0TOV — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:04:06 EDT

@buckyworld:
We all know JFK was a machine. [www.superdeluxe.com]

M0L0TOV

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

chrystlubitshi — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:03:43 EDT

@charles_barrett: this, amongst many others of yours, is a comment that is very worthy of this distinguishment!

congrats to you, you witty, starred, intelligent man, you!

chrystlubitshi

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:02:55 EDT

@POLAЯ: Boy, you know you've really arrived at Jalopnik when POLAR crafts an ode to you... now I hate Scott Baio a little bit less than all my fellow "Charles in Charge" victims...

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

way2bee — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:02:39 EDT

You got it Goatroper - and just as an aside, if one insinuates that the writers of these pages are anything less than literate, one will be banned. BANNED, I tells ya!

So, Jalops, your writing is every bit as shiny as the late Ms. Parker and your wit is even more sparkly. Long may you lord it over us...

way2bee

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:59:10 EDT

@charles_barrett: Sounds like POLAЯ's kinda girl.
We could hang out and try to out weird one another.

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:42:31 EDT

@smokeydog001: Look her up on Wikipedia. She was part of the New York literary elite in the early part of the 20th century. She was depressed and suicidal, and unquestionably a genious. She and Robert Benchly were charter editors for The New Yorker. Some of her more memorable quips:

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker"

"Use horticulture in a sntence"
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think"

and my favorite:
"Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:28:20 EDT

@Ω βгåғғ™ ۞: Groovy tunage earlier on the love-fest, by the way.
I put it on while making dinner for two screaming lunatic children.

Music doth indeed calm the savage beasties, they were hypnotized!

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Pete Gaines — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:25:56 EDT

@smokeydog001: You might be unwashed, but that doesn't mean you can't get your ass to Google.com.

Pete Gaines

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Braff is Thad Longlove — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:19:55 EDT

@abgwin: Cat Food is the correct way... though Cat Poo is indeed funny.

Braff is Thad Longlove

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

smokeydog001 — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:18:43 EDT

OK, for us great unwashed, WTF is Dorthy Parker?

smokeydog001

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

abgwin — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:18:17 EDT

@AndyDuncan: I always quote Ralph as saying "my cat's breath smells like cat poo". dunno which is correct, but mine's funnier.

....at least I think so.

abgwin

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

weatherman — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:17:59 EDT

It would appear that references to how literate the Jalopnik commenters are has elicited attempts to disprove that very fact...

weatherman

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:08:27 EDT

Not a new boy in the neighborhood
Lives on Jalop and it's understood.
He's there just to make good comments you see,
And now he's one of the COTD family.

Charles in Charge
Comments through our days and our nights
Charles in Charge
Blesses us with his witty delights

And we sing, we want,
Charles as the truckin' COTD.

Charles in Charge
Comments through our days and our nights
Charles in Charge
Blesses us with his witty delights

And we sing, we want,
Charles as the truckin' COTD

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

goatrope — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:07:11 EDT

@way2bee: By "Horticulture" are you alluding to the old saying that "you can lead a whore to culture; but you can't make her think"?

goatrope

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

buckyworld — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:04:28 EDT

ah crap. that was dorothy kilgallen. i'll remove myself from the round table.

buckyworld

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

buckyworld — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:01:51 EDT

does this mean that if we write about the JFK coverup we're gonna get offed like Dorothy too?

buckyworld

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Braff is Thad Longlove — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:00:05 EDT

Congratulations! Well done

Braff is Thad Longlove

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:59:38 EDT

@SLRStarless: If I'm not mistaken, this is Charles' first COTD!
By far not the first time he has deserved one, but the first on record.

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Pete Gaines — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:57:28 EDT

I'm barely literate, but hey, happy to be here I is!

Pete Gaines

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

JamesHuntMeetsPetitLeMans — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:56:25 EDT

Congrats mate.

JamesHuntMeetsPetitLeMans

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

om nom de plume — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:53:25 EDT

Charles, well earned! this I feel would have been a good day to have done the cop-out "everybody wins" COTD they did last month(?)- as QOTD had everyone in unison being just Jaloptastic.

om nom de plume

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

graverobber- It says Loud Pipes Save Lives — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:52:51 EDT

Good job Charles. You earned that martini today.

graverobber- It says Loud Pipes Save Lives

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

SLR_BlowerMania — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:50:58 EDT

WTF? Is he allowed? He already has a Star. No fair...

[a6.vox.com]

SLR_BlowerMania

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Mike the Dog — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:47:29 EDT

Well done Charles.

Mike the Dog

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

sliderule — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:46:33 EDT

way to go bro

sliderule

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:46:14 EDT

I raise my glass to toast the Jalopnik community, since, as Dorothy put it:

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker..."

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

POLAЯ — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:45:40 EDT

YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH CHARLES!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOHOHOOOOOOO!

POLAЯ

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

AndyDuncan — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:45:36 EDT

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

AndyDuncan

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

UDMan — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:45:08 EDT

There was a multitude of great comments today, and this one was the cream of the crop. It's not everyday there was such a rich selection to choose from.... Bravo all!

UDMan

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

way2bee — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:42:31 EDT

I recently made a sign for a Horticultural library. Dorothy was very much on my mind that week. Have someone from Gizmodo explain that comment.

way2bee

Commenter of the Day: Dorothy Parker Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:41:48 EDT

Wow... I mean just, wow... Now I don't have to feel like a fraud who fooled Murilee into granting me Commenter status...

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing