2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three - Jalopnik Comments

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

TorkLugnutz — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:20:11 EDT

@Chris_Smith: Oops. Good catch. Should have read: 5.3L OHV.

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

superbryant — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:00:07 EDT

I'm so tired of hummers they need to stop trying to be a jeep and focus on there main market....dentists, and snobby housewives!

superbryant

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

mytdawg — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:10:27 EDT

@Maymar: I prefer the manual, however the kicker is that I want 4WD. That screws up everything. You can get a full size 4WD truck for the price of a Colorado 4WD.

mytdawg

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Wes Siler — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 23:50:34 EDT

@iamjames: The price hasn't been announced yet.

Wes Siler

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

iamjames — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 18:40:17 EDT

i fixed the Suitability Parameters

Suitability Parameters:
Speed Merchants: No
Fashion Victims: No
Treehuggers: No
Mack Daddies: Yes
Tuner Crowd: No
Hairdressers: No
Penny Pinchers: No
Euro Snobs: No
Working Stiffs: No
Technogeeks: No
Poseurs: Yes
Soccer Moms: No
Nascar Dads: No
Golfing Grandparents: No
Penis Challenged: YES!

iamjames

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

iamjames — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 18:31:58 EDT

wow that's a long list of "no's" in the Suitability Parameters, is this thing suitable for anyone?

And what's with the N/A price? You're publishing a review of a car but don't have a clue what the price might start at?

iamjames

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

ecobore — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 18:05:51 EDT

Who should buy this car: Anybody with an excessively small penis and a peanut for a brain!

ecobore

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Maymar - future Suzuki booth babe — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:05:25 EDT

@mytdawg: How attached are you to a manual transmission? I've seen a handful of stripped Colorados at work (we've got one as a rental vehicle), but out of all the ones we've had in for service I've seen exactly one with a clutch.

Maymar - future Suzuki booth babe

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

SundaySunday — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:54:21 EDT

@mytdawg: Mine's pretty basic, but it's a Crew Cab, so you get power windows, mirrors, AC, CD player etc. But I know what you're saying. Pretty much the big 3 have done away with the old "plumber's special" in their small trucks.

I can barely remember my grandfather's Chevy Luv pickup: AM radio, single bench seat from door to door, fiberglass cap. And that was well into the 1970's.

SundaySunday

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

mytdawg — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:47:07 EDT

@SundaySunday: The last time I asked the dealer, they still hadn't seen a stripped down Canyon. They all come with carpet and radios and other luxurious appointments (heh). That doesn't really work for me. I want plain dammit, gimme some gauges and a glove box. And I still think the S-10 is a better looking truck but that's not a major consideration.

mytdawg

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Wes Siler — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:44:00 EDT

@SundaySunday: I'm a fan of the Colorado too, drove one on the frozen Baltic Sea a few years back and was seriously impressed.

Wes Siler

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

cyclopticgaze — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:27:33 EDT

Bo knows sports. Curtis Walker knows low light photography.

cyclopticgaze

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Chris_Smith — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:25:02 EDT

5.2 Liter SOHC V8? Since when is GM manufacturing overhead cam V8s?

Chris_Smith

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Maymar - future Suzuki booth babe — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:20:44 EDT

@smalleyxb122: Well, the Trailblazer EXT (which is about the same size and weight, and uses the same engine) gets 13/18.

I'd like to know how suitable one of these is for a paranoid survivalist.

Maymar - future Suzuki booth babe

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

SundaySunday — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:51:20 EDT

Also consider:
Chevrolet Colorado/GMC Canyon, esp. if you were looking at the base Hummer, since they're the same friggin' truck, but for a lot less money.

P.S. Did I mention I really enjoy driving my Colorado Crew Cab? I mean, today?

SundaySunday

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

elwood — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:42:24 EDT

@cgarison: H1's aren't really the rock crawling type vehicle, but they certainly are capable off-roads. The HMMWV was more designed for desert operations, closer to a Baja car than a rock crawler. A Jeep, however, can be a very capable rock crawler given the right tires and other modifications.

elwood

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Eric Merrill — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:36:42 EDT

Also consider: Murdering yourself. Starting your own island nation free of oppressive liberals and oxygen. Ted Danson.

Eric Merrill

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

mytdawg — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:32:30 EDT

@nick2ny: I kind of dig the truck but not really the wheels. Or any of the electronic BS. Strip one of those babies down to window cranks and rubber floors, radio delete, lose the fluff, stamp a Chevy emblem on it, call it an S-10, charge $17K for it tops and I'll be there.

I'm not holding my breath. But they built me a car so I can't bitch. I was the only one that bought one, it must have been for me.

mytdawg

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

danio3834 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:18:33 EDT

Those are some great pictures.

danio3834

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

nick2ny — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:14:49 EDT

those wheels are awful! (but I actually kind of dig them) what do you guys think?

nick2ny

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:11:24 EDT

@Dr.Danger: Yeah, sorry about that. I blame the fur-covered car from yesterday for starting the Tribble thread.

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Dr.Danger and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:04:32 EDT

Woah...my PKE is showing high levels of nerd activity in here...better get out

Dr.Danger and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

smokeydog001 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:54:28 EDT

This thing is deader than D. B. Cooper. I call Fahrvergshadenfreudenungen!

smokeydog001

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

NovaloadMissesPolar — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:50:03 EDT

I pretty much skipped reading these, except for the piquant summaries.

Hummer.
It's a bummer.
Nothing dumber.

NovaloadMissesPolar

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:42:49 EDT

@Wes Siler: If you behave, we might upgrade you to Will-Probably-Get-Shot-On-Away-Missions Yellow.

This actually reminds me of something relevant.

If Hummer made a vehicle that was half as awesome as that offroad thing Picard drove in Nemesis, I would have more respect for them. As it is, this thing is like putting heavy-duty offroad gear in a Gallardo. It's never going off-road. Why even bother?

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

cgarison — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:40:51 EDT

@MustaineGT: If you want a tractor motor, get a Jeep TJ with the inline 6.

cgarison

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

cgarison — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:40:13 EDT

@Paul Y. Rocks: That has to be the only vehicle that will put an H1 to shame. Although, the more nimble CJ5's with flexible leafs and Revolver shackles are a great deal of fun off road going places where the bigger Mogs and Hummers cannot make it.

Also, 33X9.50 tires rock when wheeling, but not mud bogging or running on sand dunes.

cgarison

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

MustaineGT — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:36:35 EDT

Can I get it with that ass-kickin' 5-cylinder?

MustaineGT

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Wes Siler — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:35:13 EDT

But I'm an editor now, surely that carries with it the Red Romper Suit?? Or is that reserved for Ray alone?

Wes Siler

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:33:33 EDT

@Wes Siler: No, Acting Ensign Wesley, you have to stick with the season-one gray pyjamas with the red-blue-yellow stripes. No red pyjamas for you.

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:32:13 EDT

@Paul Y. Rocks: Amen, brotha.

Aaaaaaand I'm back to autotrader.ca and eBay to find me a Unimog.

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Wes Siler — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:30:20 EDT

@Pope Dearthair the Awesometh: Thanks. I think.

Wes Siler

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Ash78 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:27:32 EDT

@Pope Dearthair the Awesometh: That's always been there, at least as long as I've been visiting (couple years).

Ash78

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:23:42 EDT

I have never noticed the "suitability parameters" before. Is this new, or have I just been asleep at the wheel? It may be the most perfect add-on to any car review ever, because really, everyone's thinking it.

Keep this up, and I'm going to start declaring you guys saints. Or just knights. Wait, do Popes still get knights? Fine, I'll make you Cardinals instead. Like Tim Curry in that movie with the three ambiguously gay guys with swords. You get to wear red pyjamas!

Dearthair the Totally Uncreative

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

smalleyxb122 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:22:47 EDT

• EPA Fuel economy city/highway: N/A

That about covers it.

smalleyxb122

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

sho220 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:22:39 EDT

Manufacturer: Hummer? Thought they were made by GM?

sho220

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Elhigh — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:19:58 EDT

Smells like crap, drives like crap, makes the owner look like a poseur. Mmm, tasty.

Elhigh

2009 Hummer H3T Alpha, Part Three

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:17:45 EDT

I thought off-road was spelled "U-N-I-M-O-G"?

Paul Y.and the Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies