Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition - Jalopnik Comments

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

clank-o-tron — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:28:05 EDT

@Scroggzilla: Sounds like your formula would get you a COTD nomination from me at some point.

Ia! Ia!

clank-o-tron

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

LuciferV8 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:39:31 EDT

Damn, that one took some effort.
All I can say is:
Bravo!
Bravo, my good (cave)man!

LuciferV8

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

SCROGGZILLA RAIDS AGAIN!! — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:28:42 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: So that's your secret: wealth x single malts x pot x massage x erotic massage x pynchon = brilliance

I've been trying the "unemployment x no drugs x no alcohol x no massage of any kind x h.p. lovecraft x kaiju eiga" formula for COTD.

Not only has it failed miserably, but Nyarlathotep and Daimaijin have kicked me off their buddy lists.

SCROGGZILLA RAIDS AGAIN!!

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

dolo54 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 08:33:47 EDT

You left out the NWO and the Trilateral Commission but I think you got in everything else. good job.

dolo54

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

Matthew DeBord — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 07:22:17 EDT

Ugh! I meant to change that 926 snafu to 912, but they were kicking us out of the NYAS press room. Thanks to those that pointed out the error.

Matthew DeBord

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

pitchpitch Type-Я — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 06:57:51 EDT

@mwoeber:

The world may never know...

pitchpitch Type-Я

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

mwoeber — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 02:57:03 EDT

But seriously, what did Wert drive to his reunion?

mwoeber

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

lascauxcaveman — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 02:54:13 EDT

@I'm so Malaise I can't taste it!!!!!!!!!11: I'm touched, really. And while I'm fond of my insurance peddling brethren, I would like to take this op to mention that I existed in the form of Lascauxcaveman before those guys were born. (Sorry if that sounds like territorial pissing, but that's what cavemen do.)

@RoninianHoon: You think they'd pay for stuff they can get for free? Surely they can't be that stupid? Also I have the same disadvantage as Polar; I'm not really that interested in uh, whadayacallem? Oh yeah, 'cars.'

Remember, I'm the noisy crank that's always evangelizing EV's, hoping and praying to the one true god (Flying Spaghetti Monster, natch) that EV's may come to save us from ourselves, and soon. (Hmm... EV's...maybe that could be my beat. They don't actually exist, there's a strong, negative, chest thumping troglodyte reaction against them every time Jalop puts up a post about them, I don't really know jack about the subject... it's PERFECT!) Best set up a meeting of minds with Wert and/or Denton.

@spaceman7: If you've got one, I'll mark it up for you, for reals. Message me with your email if you want me to have crack at it.

I've got to warn you however, I'm a much better editor than I am a writer. Translation: If it's complete shit, I'll tell you. (But by god, the spelling and grammar will be unassailable when I'm done with it!)

lascauxcaveman

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

wonkydonky — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 01:32:40 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: SPUMY FUCKING FLINDERS COTD by lascauxcaveman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jee-Zus!
Lascaux, will you please be one of the 2nd draft readers for my novel?!?!?!?!?!?!?

wonkydonky

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

RoninianHoon — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 23:47:00 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: Then why not get paid by the jalopi overlords?

RoninianHoon

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

smokyburnout — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 23:37:01 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: you can't overstate the importance of step 1... i'm basically doing steps 2-12 at the moment, but skipping step 1 puts a lot of limitations on things.

smokyburnout

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

lascauxcaveman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 23:09:00 EDT

@charles_barrett: It's all a part of my proven 12-Step Program:

Step 1 : Become independently wealthy
Step 2-12: Do whatever the hell you want.

Simplicity itself!

lascauxcaveman

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:35:22 EDT

@lascauxcaveman:
Dude...! I am in dire need of the same therapies, and am thus far inclined to self-medicate, so drop me a line as to how you cope...; maybe I can replicate your success...

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

SundaySunday — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:28:31 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: We're not worthy! Seriously, good work! You'll let us know if you get this/any screenplay greenlighted, right?

SundaySunday

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

mikedrawcar — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:28:06 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: is his lawyer an unfrozen caveman too?

[video.google.com]

mikedrawcar

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

CafeRacer1200 — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:12:26 EDT

Mind-bendingly brilliant! A most deserved COTD.

CafeRacer1200

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

om Bronx de Mowgli — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:40:21 EDT

Seriously though, love me some Tom Robbins!!

om Bronx de Mowgli

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

lascauxcaveman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:16:14 EDT

@UDMan: The unglamorous truth is, I'm independently wealthy.

And under doctors orders, I have to dose myself with good single malt scotch and (medical) marijuana each and morning in order to stave off a rare, congenital form of normality that haunts my benighted family line. It causes the mind to wander a bit.

But every afternoon, I'm brought back into focus by the mandatory massages (cardio & anti-clotting) and also uh, I think they call it "erotic stimulation come to fruition" (prostate health) administered by well-paid professionals flown in from Japan and Denmark, respectively.

It's hell.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, every man, however humble his station in life, needs a hobby.

lascauxcaveman

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

NovaloadMissesPolar — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:01:59 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: Brilliant. When I put forth theories like that to my family they accuse of being paranoid and strange! Go figure.

NovaloadMissesPolar

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

UDMan — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:57:59 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: I have to wonder, after reading you're inspiring comment, please tell me, do you acyually have any time for work? I can't even begin to espouse the type of poetry that seems to come from your mind, and I still can't seem to get any work done.... Congrats!

At least you didn't have to complain about Orange!

UDMan

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

Mad_Science — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:50:24 EDT

Completely off-topic, but what happened to Wert's TSX review?

It was supposed to show up at noon today, no?

Mad_Science

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

Ω ß®ªғғ — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:31:09 EDT

@jnostalgics: when you say it, Akwell, it sounds like a detergent...

Ω ß®ªғғ

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

BartMack — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:29:01 EDT

Hey, laugh all you want, but this identical scenario happened in Miami in 2003. Only most of the players were transvestites and the corporations about to merge were limited to 2 supermarkets and a real estate firm and several nightclubs. Oh, and Prince was involved. But the space aliens were real. I'm not kidding.

BartMack

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

lascauxcaveman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:16:43 EDT

@JALOPOLAЯAISE: Hoo boy, Cousin Ogg is pissed at you, Polar. Posting images of his copyrighted intellectual property here, and un-attributed, no less? You'll be be getting a visit from his agent/lawyer.

Hope you can run faster than a sabre-toothed tiger.

lascauxcaveman

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

jnostalgics — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:16:11 EDT

@JALOPOLAЯAISE: No, it's Serrrrrj.

jnostalgics

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

beercheck — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:01:40 EDT

@JALOPOLAЯAISE: Goddamn you.

beercheck

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

beercheck — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:01:18 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: I loved him in "Perfect Strangers".

beercheck

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

RoninianHoon — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:01:07 EDT

ZING! Lascauxcaveman! ZING!

Your comment is not unlike the "Brown note" but only in the sense it induces through the eye; uncontrollable laughter and intense compilation of thoughts upon the cyber pages of Jalopnik. Congrats on the new cow prod for the brain hamsters....

RoninianHoon

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

drauzy — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:51:11 EDT

Type 926 was an off-road production car design... in '73.

drauzy

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

POLAЯMISSESEVEЯYBODY — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:50:04 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: Is that the guy
who played Balki Bartokomous ?

POLAЯMISSESEVEЯYBODY

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

Schm, lord of Torques! — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:42:57 EDT

@FLB: Ya, but i think it got cancelled. Anyways, I think this caveman is French. French Cavemen were spinning yarns like this thoudands of years before they build the first Peugot.

Schm, lord of Torques!

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

lascauxcaveman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:33:01 EDT

@lascauxcaveman: (Bwahhahahahahahahh)

lascauxcaveman

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

FLB — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:32:15 EDT

Don't Cavemen already have a TV show?

FLB

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

lascauxcaveman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:31:57 EDT

@Unevolved: @graverobber: @charles_barrett: Dudes, you are too kind. If there is any genius involved here, it's all borrowed from the master of masters: Thomas Ruggles Pynchon. [en.wikipedia.org]

Kids, I promise you, if you carefully read and savor every word he's ever written, you can not only write comments like that, but you'll think like that. All the time!

It's fun.

Really.

lascauxcaveman

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

POLAЯMISSESEVEЯYBODY — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:27:28 EDT

After reading that...
I have my doubts he's actually a caveman...

but tonight he's gonna party like it's 19999 B.C.

Congrats Cave brother.

POLAЯMISSESEVEЯYBODY

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

mikedrawcar — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:16:56 EDT

i figured Lascaux as the bomb-making character.

heh heh, just kidding, Caveman! *backing away slowly*

mikedrawcar

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

Tomsk the red-nosed reindeer — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:13:08 EDT

@Unevolved: You can say that again.

By the way: What's a Porsche 926? A 928 with a 911 engine dropped in the trunk? A camino version of the 924? I must know now.

Tomsk the red-nosed reindeer

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:12:27 EDT

I concur completely, and who's gonna get CAA on the phone and shop this treatment to the Hollywood studios... Defamer, we need your help and rolodex STAT...!

Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

graverobber- My Yugo Nova! — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:11:39 EDT

Oh hell yes! I'll also play the video game, watch the short-lived TV series spin-off, eat the cereal and take the lunch box to school.

Cheers to the warped genius of Lascauxcaveman!

BTW, Murilee's DOTS post was of a Porsche 912, however should a 926 ever appear on the craggy, sun-drenched streets of Alameda, He'll be the first to document it.

graverobber- My Yugo Nova!

Commenter Of The Day: Fake Covert U.S. Federal Government Space Aliens Edition

Unevolved — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:09:26 EDT

Wow. Just wow.

Unevolved