You know—this guy! Screengrab via YouTube

You all know who I’m looking for, fess up. Nobody from high school knows your usernames anyway, so tell me: who was “that car guy” (or car girl, let’s be equitable here) back when you were coming up? And what sorts of crazy stories do you still tell about them?


Was it someone who was really cool and spent all their time wrenching and always had grease-stained shirts and brake dust under their fingernails? Was it the rich kid with the Maserati who didn’t give a shit about the car and only the price tag? Was it that kid with the wannabe Fast and Furious mods on their “import” car?

Patrick went to high school with a girl who had a brand new Hummer H3. And yes, it was painted that canary yellow that was a visual stand-in for early 2000s oil-burning wealth and opulence. (Also, Patrick had a Corolla with TRD badges on it. So.)


One of my best friends drove across state lines to buy an orange Opel GT for $6,000. There was nothing wrong with it! And by nothing wrong I mean the brakes didn’t work really well so he engine braked everywhere. This is also the guy who pulled a second Opel GT out of someone’s yard as a favor for parts, because it was rotting there.

You know anybody like that? Bonus internet points if you’ve got photos.