Hi, we're Land Rover. You might remember us as the hard ass SUV company that the Queen used to give accolades about, for it's rugged design and capability. You might also remember us for our abilities in the UK Service, as well as on hunting exhibitions the world over. Perhaps you'll remember that Princess Diana had one of our original Range Rovers.
Anyways, now times have changed, and the 21st century is here. Most recently, we have been softening our vehicles for the average consumer, and we here at LR, think that for the most part, people haven't complained. Profit shares are up, and for the first time in decades, reliability is on the rise. We even have praise from the worlds top motoring program; Top Gear.
Unfortunately however, we have decided to graft on the look of Posh Spice's eye makeup, to every one of our cars headlamps. You see, Posh Spice help to design the Evoque, as well as the concept it was based on, and we are avid fans of her as well (Her boobs are big, what can we say?). For that very reason, and because everyone likes big boobs and fake eye lashes, we have decided to soften the visual side of LR as well, by fitting smooth contoured lines to all the front ends of our product line.
We feel that this will make buyers want to buy our cars even more, because now, not only will they be in style visually, but also reliably and publicly, through the endorsement deal with... you guessed it... Posh Spice.
But don't fret, we're still capable off road, and we're still incredibly luxurious within. The only thing you need to know now, is that we have lost our rugged good looks, and traded them, in favor of some ugly eye shadow and some overdone useless fender vents (which we might add, worked on the older LR's).
Hope you enjoy the new Land Rover, and pick us up a bottle of Krug Clos d’Ambonnay on the way from your L.A. Single Mothers book club please. Thank you.