Look, Porsche, I’m one of your biggest fans, and I hate to see you go down a path of self-destruction. I care. I really do! But you really need to get clean, stop doing hard drugs and back away from this plan to have a “coupe” crossover with four doors and a squashed butt.
I don’t know if this is “just” camouflage or anything, but we need to have a talk. In fact, hiding things and keeping secrets is a big warning sign to me that something’s not right. What are you hiding, Porsche?
Is it a painful addiction? Is it another car with a rear end only a junkie could love? Tell us. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step, and we can get you the help that you need.
I mean, we’ve seen the spy shots, Porsche. That’s not a car. That’s a cry for help.
Spy shots of a reportedly all-electric SUV were published by CAR, and they clearly called it a Porsche Cayenne Coupe. Coupe? Porsche, please—come to grips with reality. This thing has four doors. Coupes do not have four doors. You need to walk away from the crack pipe and talk to us.