It's hard to imagine there's a lucrative business in making fake plastic for faulty accelerator pedal arms in Aston Martins, but it appears we've been proven wrong.
No one has been injured from these subpar plastic pieces, but it has thrown a major(ish) automakers for a loop. And aside from how absurd this recall sounds, there's a serious issue about how one little player making a tiny part can create some hysteria.
Mailbox Cancer sees that bigger problem:
You're telling me that the Chinese figured out a way to craft a material that mimics the characteristics of plastic but is in-fact AN IMPOSTOR MATERIAL? What in the hell could it possibly BE?
Glued-together sawdust? Nope, that's MDF.
Wheat, dairy product, and protein whipped and molded into a hard shape? Nope, that's over-done pancakes.
Solidified plant protein poured into a biodegradable shape? Nope, those are the straws that you put in your bottle of Coke that mysteriously dissolve when you chew on the end.
The only answer: they've crafted a material that fits nowhere on our scientific table of elements, and stabilized it in a form that seamlessly counterfeits plastic products, which is sold in hundreds of billions of dollars worth of other products and industries around the world – but only dissolves and cripples the entirety of human civilization when we need it most.
"We wait until they get so big they can't even move – then, we walk out of the shadows ... walk quietly out of the dark ...
... and strike."
China has won.
Actually, Maserati has won because that Ghibli ad officially ties in with everything now.
Photo: Getty Images