London CCTV footage has been released by police showing a man attempting to steal a red Porsche convertible by cutting his way into the car with a knife through the soft-top roof. Whatever happened to smash-and-dash?

The man failed to start the car, so he just nonchalantly climbed back through the roof - even as others passed by - before doing a diving board spring jump off of the whale-tail spoiler and walking away. It must have been a manual.

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According to International Business Times, there are correlating reports saying a man of a similar description to the one in the video above was also involved in the attempted theft a grey Porsche Cayenne, leaving the door lock damaged and the paint scratched in the same area of London.

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Not only that, but a third incident was reported about a man of a similar description attempting to steal shoes, tracksuit pants, and a jacket while threatening the staff of the store with a small box knife. All three incidents occurred on the morning of September 29th in the same part of town.

The suspect has not yet been caught.

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Look dude, save that shit for the video games. You’re not even good a being a criminal! Go sort your shit out, get a job, and maybe one day, one day, you’ll be lucky enough for someone to bring what looks to possibly be, as many of you pointed out, a super rare Porsche 930 Slantnose through the car wash your sorry ass is working at.


Contact the author at justin@jalopnik.com or @WestbrookTweets.