I absolutely understand where this guy is coming from. Proximity keys suck. Sure, they’re marginally more convenient, but they manage to introduce a whole host of problems that just never existed before. That’s not progress. Also, look what it’s doing to this poor bastard. He actually drooled in rage.

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This person is someone’s dad. He wanted to help his daughter by clearing snow off her new Volkswagen Beetle, and the repayment for his altruism is something that looks dangerously close to a stroke. Just watch:

I get it, buddy. The man just wanted to take a comfortable shit, and thanks to some idiotic desire to cram needless technology into modern cars, his day is ruined. There’s no comfortable shit left for this man; that dream is over, all thanks to stupid, useless proximity keys.

Look, if you’re someone who designs systems on cars, and you know that the manner by which your car operated has caused a human being – even one human being – to act like this, you’ve failed.

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It may be too late to go back. Proximity keys are available on almost everything now, and that means this situation can happen over and over and over again. The comfortable, relaxed shit as we know it may be a thing of the past.

Proximity keys, take a good, hard look at what you’ve done to this man. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

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UPDATE: So, this is comedian Vic Dibietto. I hadn’t heard of him, and my sympathy to his plight blinded me to the truth. Still, this is not exactly an implausible situation, really, just executed with more goofball fervor than normal, I suppose.

So, I suppose I owe you all a huge apology: I’m sorry. This guy was just pretending. I’ll be sure this won’t happen again. If I could send cookie bouquets to you all, I would.