All photos via samsuam on eBay

The Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution is one of our favorite cars of all time for glorious cheap speed. You don’t need a pricey luxury sedan to go fast in a practical four-door. You need an Evo. Maybe not this 2006 Evo IX MR, though. It’s going to sell for six figures because it only has nine miles on its odometer.

Nine original miles.

South Coast Mitsubishi put the basically new nine-mile sedan up for sale on eBay this week. It’s an incredible, untouched decade-old time capsule that I want no part in replacing all the seals, hoses and other rubber bits on.

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But there’s something alluring about being able to buy a brand-new example of one of the best Evos ever made. The Evo IX was the last generation before the model got bigger and heavier with the Evo X. Unmodified examples are woefully rare.

This one is the MR trim, which gives it a six-speed manual gearbox, vortex generators, BBS wheels, Bilstein shocks, extra gauges, an alumnium roof, and upgraded headlamps, among other upgrades. Its “Zero Lift” package, presumably named for that guy who only drives flat out, adds additional aerodynamic bits, including a rear spoiler extension, front under air dam and air guides that help cool the front brakes.

Why, yes, those vortex generators on the roof are factory.

At the time of this writing, with just over three hours to go, the auction has attracted 80 bids and is up to a whopping $137,954.

For a Lancer.

At the end of the day, it’s still a Lancer with some go-fast bits. It has the interior that snooty-types with warped priorities deride as feeling “like a Fisher-Price toy.” As an avid Fisher-Price collector, I appreciate its simplicity and the fact that Mitsubishi didn’t waste the money to weigh the Lancer down with a bunch of useless crap that doesn’t help it go faster.

The plastic is still on the seats.

You see, the Lancer Evolution knows its purpose: cheap speed. This one has the speed, but is nowhere near cheap. Yet it’s exactly the kind of thing I wish more actual $137,000 cars did: chuck out all that extra kit, and just give me a fast, good-handling car.

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Is it worth it just to have a 2006 model that’s all yours and no one else’s, though? You can’t even buy a new last-generation Evo X now unless it’s also been sitting on a dealer lot like this, and that’s sad.

So fresh and so clean, clean.

UPDATE: The car sold with no more bids after we published this, at $137,954. We’ll gladly offer our services in putting more miles on the car if need be.