It’s that time again, the moment when everyone in the country revolts against the nation’s biggest source of evil: people who disagree with them politically. The newly crowned Grand Emperor of America will be appointed tonight, and if every Facebook meme making the rounds today is anything to go by, society as we know it will cease to exist. This could’ve all been avoided if you listened to warnings made in this Dodge Charger commercial three fucking years ago.
Six months from now, when you’ll struggle to remember what the sun felt like on your skin and you’re weighing the pros and cons of eating your own leg, remember that Dodge tried to save us all in 2013 and you didn’t listen.
In this soothsaying window into the future, a Dodge Charger with available Hemi™ V8, was shown avoiding firebombs and rescuing resistance soldiers for decades to come. While laypeople might have thought that it was a loose tie-in with some stupid, now-cancelled show on a channel that made Sharknado a thing, the smart among us saw the writing on the wall.
When you see the ravaged land that used to be your country and cry out to the heavens for help, only to know unequivocally that God is dead, know that it’s because Dodge tested you and you failed. Our only option now is to await the excruciating conversion of our beloved nation into a George Miller film.
As for me, I’ll wait it out in my underground bunker and subsist on MREs and well water until the air is ready to breathe again, or until the next election.