I have a confession to make: I have a soft spot for the blandest of bland last-generation Impala.

I drove a white fleet-spec Impala like this for a summer lab tech gig, hauling shovels and buckets of soil to and from a farm an hour or so away where my lab had a test field of crops. It was actually quite a challenge to find any semblance of character in the car, which did nothing but eat up highway miles and stay reasonably composed when I drove very sensible, not-at-all-unreasonably high speeds on the final gravel sections of my trip.

Yes there was a 'traction control off' button. No I can't say why I know that.

What does Motorweek think? They said that GM pulled out "most of the stops" on this Impala, and that is the most painfully, hilariously adept assessment of a car like this I've ever heard.

This is why John Davis is the man. Sit back and watch with respect as he reviews the shit out of this front-drive beigemobile.

MotorWeek Theater is our showcase of some of our favorite classic reviews from public television's finest motoring program. How does this video only have 33,725 views? It's some of the best journalism I've seen!