For $4,000, On Your Imark, Get Set, Slow!

Usain Bolt is considered to be the fastest man in the World, earning him the nickname of 'Lightning Bolt.' In contrast, today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe Isuzu is perhaps the slowest way to get from point A to point what's the point. Will it however, prove worth lightening your wallet?

You can soar with the eagles or you can cower with the chickens. Or, alternatively, you could buy yesterday's 1987 Toyota Soarer and fly pretty much anywhere you please owing to its age and California smog compliance sticker. Free, white, and over 25 however, didn't seem to justify that grey market import's twenty-large asking price, and hence it went down in flames and a corresponding 80% Crack Pipe loss.

Let's move on.

I just want to say at the outset that today's candidate is offered in what is possibly the weirdest Craigslist ad I have ever seen. That's considering that I once saw an ad where some lonely heart was looking to have someone come over and take a crap on his chest. Lo be it for me to judge, however.

This one's not that sort of weird, but it's still pretty out there. It's not just because the ad's for an Isuzu Imark diesel, but that's still pretty weird. I mean, who still has those? It also seems to be a surreptitious way to get some guy named Carlos a few new Facebook friends. With instructions!

For $4,000, On Your Imark, Get Set, Slow!

Y'all remember the Imark, don't you? This generation was introduced in 1974 as a Japanese-built version of GM's T-platform stalwart, the Opel Kadett. Originally, the cars replaced Opels sold here in the States, offered through select Buick dealers as the inventively named Opel by Isuzu.

The Japanese car maker began selling the model here under their own brand in the early '80s, and again having gone to the well of names and finding it dry, they came up with Imark for the model. Of course if you already have an iMac, iPad, or iPatch...?

Offered as an optional engine in the Imark was Isuzu's 4FB1 diesel, an 1,817-cc SOHC four that managed to eke out 51-bhp and 72 ft-lbs of torque. That's hardly a kitten fart which makes it surprising that the engine was made available with a power-sapping three-speed automatic. Let me reiterate that, 51 horsepower/automatic transmission.

For $4,000, On Your Imark, Get Set, Slow!

Today's 1983 Imark Sedan is so equipped, and I'd like to say that it was built for comfort and not for speed, but honestly, I'm not all that sure how comfortable this brown beauty would be. I can say that contemporary tests of the Imark with this setup pegged zero to sixty time in the neighborhood of around 20 seconds, or about twice as long as most people's first sexual experiences.

How slow is that? Well, let's list some things that seem slower than an Isuzu Imark diesel with automatic, but in reality are not:

  • Glacial ablation (thanks, Al Gore!)
  • Watching paint dry
  • The University of Queensland Pitch-Drop Experiment
  • The pacing of any Terrence Malick film since Days of Heaven
  • Seventh grade
  • Lennie from Of Mice and Men

Okay, I think you get the picture, this car is S-L-O-W slow. It's so slow that it makes every lane the slow lane. It's so slow that blue-hair'd snails narrow-eye it at stoplights. It is so slow that it didn't even get that last joke.

Aside from that, it looks pretty tits - for what it is. Nothing says bling like a set of chrome Patrick Starfish wheel covers, and you couldn't express your questionable patriotism more fully that by having two upside down American flags on your driver's door. On the plus side, the IP pic shows the car to have approximately 157,000 miles on it, and about a quarter tank-full of the sticky stuff.

For $4,000, On Your Imark, Get Set, Slow!

The body looks remarkably rust and dent-free and from what can be told from the pics the interior seems likewise serviceable. I haven't watched the video - I have enough Facebook friends, thank you - so I can't say what the deal is with the four meats in the trunk, but hey, if you ever wanted to start a tire fire, this is your wingman. I also don't know what's going on with that center console, and frankly, I don't want to know.

We've been slowly approaching the part of the post where we talk about price and amazingly, we're now there. The seller is asking $4,000 for this slo-hand Isuzu and for that you'll get a reasonably clean and likely frugal ride that has the singular benefit over walking that you get to sit and stay out of the rain.

What do you think about $4,000 for this diesel Imark, is that a price that should make for a quick sale for this slow car? Or, is this an oil burner priced only for those with money to burn?

You decide!

SF Bay Area Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

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