Texas Man Arrested For Humping Sexy, Sexy Driveway

Have you ever walked by a driveway, and could just tell from the languid way the pavement curved how badly that driveway wanted it? Of course you have. Who hasn't been erotically aroused by a hot, sexy driveway? Most of us somehow manage to restrain ourselves. But not 41-year-old David Gray.

Here's what happened, according to Click2Houston:

David Micheal Gray is charged with public lewdness. Court documents state on Tuesday evening a woman pulled into the driveway of her Harris County home when Gray walked up to her and asked her for a lighter.

She told him she didn't have one and he walked away. After entering her house, she told police she saw Gray "thrusting and humping" on the driveway.

Gray, 41, was arrested the same day. His bond was set at $3,500.

This series of events brings up more questions than it answers. Did the lack of the lighter affect his decision to have relations with the driveway? Was he thinking "I'll either have a smoke, or fuck some sexy driveway. Whatever works out."

Still, before we get too judgemental, let's at least consider that possibly this driveway was asking for it. Some driveways just put out such an intensely sexual vibe, what with their faintly glittering asphalt or crisp, white concrete slabs, that you'd have to be Mother Teresa marinated in saltpetre to not want to just yank your pants down and go to town on that driveway.

I mean, come on, it's a driveway! Possibly the sexiest of all road-related infrastructure, and I'm including on-ramps. Yes, on-ramps. It's not clear if the driveway found the encounter satisfying, but we can hope.

We can all sit here right now and sincerely hope that a driveway had an orgasm from the skilled hands, face, crotch, and whatever of what may be the horniest Texan ever produced.

A driveway. He fucked a driveway.

(Thanks, CreativeAccidents!)