Car: Engine whines. Tires spin madly. Faint sounds like a zipcord.

Driver: "Dammit! This thing won't move! It's stuck on the snow."

Car: Engine whines louder. More RPMs. Tires squeel, then chrip.

Driver: "What do you mean, why didn't I get in the right lane three miles ago? I'm in a Corvette, you don't expect me to drive in the slow lane with all the fat chicks in Cavaliers and soccer mom minivans doing twenty under the limit, do you?"

Car: Engine lugs out. Starter groans. Whomp-whomp-whoooooomp-whomp.

Driver: "Yes it's a stick. I know how to drive a stick! What do you think I am, some kind of moron? Driving a stick is just like jacking off, it's not like it takes skill or experience or anything..."

Car: Engine screams at full throttle. Rev limiter kicks in. Clutch dumps, tires spin. Back in snaps to a 90 degree angle with the road.

Driver: "DAMMMIT! I am so gonna kill that kid at the rental place. I specifically asked for a Z71. Is that too hard? A Zeeee-Seeeeevnty-Oooooooonnnnne! How do you get ZR1 out of that? Huh? He must have been high on gonga when I made the reservation. Now it's Christmas eve and the only thing they had left was this and an Aveo, and there's no way in hell I'm driving an Aveo."

Traffic: Horns honk. Other drivers yell incoherently.

Driver: "These people... oh, these people... they're getting on my nerves. I think one of them... he did, the little bastard! One of them just took a picture of my car. Great, now I'll end up on one of internet blogs being made fun of... that's it... I'm going back to the rental place... What's that? No, I'm only five minutes away. I can see the place from here. Yanno the thing that really pisses me off, all you hear from these car makers is how they built too many trucks, they can't sell trucks, nobody wants trucks anymore... I ASKED FOR AN EFFIN' Z71! Now they can't find me one in the whole blasted city??? The best they could come up with is this???

"You're gonna say I told you so, Laura, but now I get it. I've been wrong all these years. American car makers aren't in trouble because of bad quality, poor fuel efficiency, or ugly design. No! They were doing just fine when people were buying trucks and SUVs to drive in weather like this. Now that global warming is here, people don't need big trucks 'cause there ain't that much snow. They want cars--sports cars, hybrid cars, cars... cars... cars! Dammit, I want a truck! You know how much I hate to say this, but Al Gore was right! Screw the polar bears, global warming is killing the Big Three!!!!!"

And that's when George Bush changed his mind about the environment.

Merry Christmas Jalopnik!

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c'mon!......c'mon!......C'MON!

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Sometimes I regret moving to California, but then I see pictures like this and I just smile ;-)

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Whether this is a caption suggestion is up to you.

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"Oh shit,Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit"

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But sadly, it isn't.

Normally oversteer and understeer are things that give a car character, like the shape of the bonnet on a Citroen or the way a Morris Minor will wobble on a cobblestone drive. In this car, it is utter MAAAAADNESSSSSSS

Look at this, I've got no steering at all....

....RPM's flying high, hitting the limiter...

...OH GOOD GOD THE POWERUUUUUUUUUUUUNG....{/Clarkson off}

Oh and every response to this post you will read in the voice of Jezza

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