Ah, the Fierrari! Do a search for "Ferrari" in any online classifieds, and you'll find that most of the results are Fiero-based cars. Your Fieroborghini tends to be more crass, less refined, but a good Fierrari is always a joy. You get the attention-grabbing looks of the real deal, but you can get parts for chicken feed at your nearest junkyard. Better still is the Fierrari with V8 engine, because then you get extremely manly handling characteristics that permit you to show off your skid- and spin-recovery skills just driving down to the corner store. The key is to get one with a body kit that isn't too slavish a ripoff of a real prancing-horse machine, and we've found just the thing with this Fiero convertible with kit (go here if the ad disappears), with a clearly-negotiable asking price of 10 grand. We're not sure what the "kit" involves, but maybe it has something to do with the engine. We're hoping it's a V8, but that's just one of many questions you'll have for the seller, because other than the wheel sizes (18s in the rear, 17s in the front) and the paint color, we really don't get much information about this Fierrari's story. But don't worry about its condition, because this car comes from a private collection!

You're a big fan of the Zimmer Golden Spirit, but need something a little easier to park? Just step onto the steal-packed lot of Lowball Lucifer's Quality Pre-Owned Automobiles, my friend, and see how you feel behind the wheel of this 1986 Zimmer Quicksilver. Yes, in addition to the Golden Spirit, Zimmer manufactured 170 Fiero-based Quicksilvers in the mid-1980s, and were they lookers or what? The only problem with this one- well, aside from the trashed interior and body damage, that is- is that it has the low-po V6/slushbox combo. You'll need to do something about that, first thing, and we suggest a nice Cadillac V8 swap, maybe even a Northstar swap if you're feeling ambitious. We don't know where the reserve has been set, but the current high bid is only $1,225 at the time of this writing, so we think you'll be able to get quite the deal on a genuine Zimmer.

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Ah, the venerable Stutz Blackhawk. This '71 has a Paxton-blown Ford 428 and a claimed 700 horsepower, which is probably 580 more than the Johnson; not only that, Elvis Presley and Jack Lemmon are known to have ridden in it. And, the clincher: mink carpeting! Only problem we can see is that it's a little too restrained.


You really can't go wrong when you roll into Palm Springs in a Zimmer Golden Spirit; why, you could have several underage prostitutes chugging Dom Pérignon in the back and a loaded .45 sitting on the passenger seat and still get the key to the city. This '82 has a mere 4700 miles on the clock, so you know the luxury is still in full effect.


If you were having a tough time choosing between the Johnson, the Zimmer, and the Stutz, just wait until you take a look at this fine, fine, superfine 2000 Phoenix, manufactured by the legendary Phoenix Coachworks. The seller doesn't say much about it, but we think the photo says it all: this car will hit the proles' sensibilities with the impact of your 350-pound Russian bodyguard's brass knucks on some heckling scumbag's nads.


Aaah, the Excalibur, always a strong contender in a field such as this. Any Excalibur simply excretes class from every orifice, of course, but this '88 was actually featured on the TV show Lives of the Rich and Famous! The miserable worms that will gaze at you in awe from their chump-change rattletraps need never know that it's powered by a Chevy 305.


Let's say you just got your town's zoning laws changed to allow you to build a 10-story strip club with a giant neon sign spelling out "BUTT NAKED OH YEAH" in 100-foot animated letters visible from geostationary orbit, and you need to reward the city council members you paid off. What kind of car is best suited for taking them out for a night on the town? How about this '88 Tiffany? Not only does it reek of the sweet smell of success, you'll truly be rollin' in your 5.0, because this baby features genuine Ford power.

Naturally, such an important question needs to be put before the Jalopnik readership. Vote early and vote often!

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