OK, so it's no Cyclonechero. But for those who insist on rolling in a Mercury equipped with truck bed, the Zephyrchero would be a great starter car. It boasts a 302 "powerhouse" under its bescooped hood and glows with that special aura unique to the '79 Mercury Zephyr. The seller says he needs the money to pay hospital bills, so he's motivated to move this little creampuff off the lot right now! You gotta move fast, though; this auction ends tonight. – Murilee Martin

1979 Mercury/Ford Zephyr Z7 Ranchero [eBay]

Related:
Sierrachero's Daddy: Cortinachero! [internal]

Just in case you didn't get enough of the firearm-powered fist full o' Lincoln dreaminess we showed earlier, and because I thought a couple of folks might like the backstory on the shot-up Lincoln Zephyr product reference guide — I've put together a little home movie to tell the tale — and to finally put the non-automotive, yet still auto-related, side of this little story to bed. – Ray Wert

Related:
Dream A Little Dream Of Lincoln: No Mr. Badge-Engineering, We Expect You To Die!; Lincoln Wants A Jalopnik Editor To Dream A Little Dream Of Them [internal]

Related:
Breaking! Ford Announces 34% Drop In US Sales [internal]

Why you should buy this car: Because you re a badge snob who doesn t feel the need to read our review.

Why you shouldn t buy this car: Because it s an expensive Ford Fusion.

Suitability Parameters:
· Speed Merchants: No
· Fashion Victims: No
· Treehuggers: No
· Mack Daddies: No
· Tuner Crowd: No
· Hairdressers: No
· Penny Pinchers: No
· Euro Snobs: No
· Working Stiffs: No
· Technogeeks: No
· Poseurs: No
· Soccer Moms: No
· Nascar Dads: No
· Golfing Grandparents: Yes

Vitals:
· Manufacturer: Ford
· Model tested: Lincoln Zephyr
· Model year: 2007
· Price as Tested: $33,145
· Engine type: 3.0-liter DOHC 24-valve inline six
· Horsepower: 221hp @ 6,250 rpm
· Torque: 205 ft. lbs. @ 4800 rpm
· Redline: 6650 rpm
· Wheels and Tires: P225/50-R17 93V tires, 17 x 7.5-inch aluminum or chromed aluminum wheels
· Drive type: Front-wheel drive
· 0 - 60: 8 secs.
· 1/4 mile: 16.2 secs.
· Top speed: NA
· Fuel economy city/highway: 20 / 28
· NHTSA crash test rating front/side/rollover: 4/5/4

[by Robert Farago]

Related:
Jalopnik Reviews: 2006 Lincoln Zephyr, Part 1, Part 2 [internal]

Exterior Design *
The strict horizontality of Lincoln s trademark waterfall grill makes the Zephyr look small (which it is) and gives its snout more than a passing resemblance to Richard Kiel's jaws. Lincoln's ertswhile designers achieved a similar reverse Tardis effect at the rear using over-sized tail lights. In short, it's a thoroughly unconvincing attempt to disguise a Ford Fusion.

Acceleration **
I wanted to give the Zephyr three stars; its 3.0-liter V6 will get a move on if you treat the go-pedal like an Eton fag. But nothing quite says rental car like a Ford Duratec at full whine, and the lardy mid-sizer s six-speed is constantly trying to find urge. Highway passing entails a great deal of sound and fury signifying nothing.

Braking ***
Squidgy though they are, the Zephyr s stoppers are at least as good as the Ford Fusion s.

Ride *
Lincoln claims it wants to attract younger buyers for this, its cheapest (not to say cheap) model. So why did they tune the Zephyr to ride like a 76 Cadillac Seville? There s an alarming amount of up and down float, and the suspension muffles rather than dispenses lumps and bumps. (Is disco any less annoying at lower volumes?) The Zephyr's ride quality is neither here nor there; both Big Car Feelofiles and import-trained Boomers need not apply.

Handling **
The Ford Fusion s handling is its best attribute; the Zephyr s donor vehicle is a remarkably stable corner carver with guts, tenacity and grace. While Lincoln maintained the Fusion s basic stability (by doing nothing), the aforementioned bounciness ruins cornering confidence. Even worse, the Zephyr s seats offer less support than a Klan member at an ACLU fundraiser.

Gearbox *****
Terrific six-speed slushbox — married to a thoroughly anemic engine.

Audio/Video *
THX Certified? If George Lucas mob is going to rubber-stamp mundane rubbish like the Zephyr s boom box, I m going to stop going to those excruciatingly boring Star Wars movies. Oh wait; I have.

Toys **
If this sad little motorcar contained every toy known to carkind (extreme lighting, drinks chiller, electric window shades, etc.), it might have distanced itself from the Fusion and justified its existence within Lincoln s pantheon of pimpmobiles. But no; the Zephyr only offers flat-looking leather, a bit of plood (plastic looking wood) and heated and cooled front seats.

Trunk *
There s nothing wrong with the trunk s capacity; it s the way the cheap ass metal lid opens that makes me sad. Plip. Plop. The damn thing cracks open a bit and just sits there, waiting for you to wrap your finger around that dirty, nasty metal trunk edge and experience the full majesty of the world s chintziest gas-strut hinges. Where s the drama? Where s the joy? What s the point?

Overall **
[by Robert Farago]

Related:
Jalopnik Reviews: 2006 Lincoln Zephyr, Part 1, Part 3 [internal]

Can someone please explain the existence of the badge-engineered Lincoln Zephyr? First, are there really potential Zephyr buyers who don t realize that the new model is nothing more than an expensive, tarted-up Ford Fusion? Seriously. I live in an alternate carniverse. For all I know, Lincoln salesmen spend a good part of their day sniggering at the saps who stroll into the showroom thinking Ford s luxury division have fashioned a brand new car imbued with unpretentious luxury. In the Internet age, are car buyers still that clueless?

Do these customers gather by the Zephyr s waterfall grill (as in the inevitable landscape feature outside the hotel lobby where similarly schnozzed Lincoln Town cars await their patrons), clock the model s over-sized tail lights, finger its 70 s keypad lock and — fail to see a Ford Fusion? I reckon that s the automotive equivalent of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat.

Second, are there really car buyers who don t care that the Zephyr is nothing more than a tarted-up Ford Fusion? It offends my democratic principles to think there s still a large swath of society who will gladly buy a Ford — as long as it s a Lincoln. This Lincoln is class, Ford is crass sensibility may have made sense before Babies Boomed, back when TV channels and car companies came in threes, but surely the explosion of superbly engineered budget luxury cars (e.g., Accord, Sonata, Altima) has rendered badge snobbery obsolete — at least until you get up in the Mercedes, Audi, BMW, Lexus, Caddy-o-sphere.

And that s the third thing: why aren t car journalists crying foul at the brand s ridiculous move down market? It s one thing to badge engineer a gi-normous gas-guzzling V8-powered SUV and charge customers through the nose for the privilege of pretending they re gang bangers; it s another to slap the Lincoln name on a piss-ant mid-size runabout with a whiney 3.0-liter Duratec V6. Does it matter that the Zephyr is safer, more commodious, dependable and better-handling than the elegant carriages and bad-ass pimpmobiles of Lincoln s past? Hell no. The Lincoln Continental Mark IV had a 7.5-liter V8 and more style than Ralph Lauren on acid. The Zephyr is so bland it Hertz. Do the math.

And lastly, if these Lincoln guys are Hell bent on repeating Cadillac s journey into badge-engineered oblivion, why can t they at least have some fun with it? We all laughed at Ricardo Montalban s paean to the Chrysler Cordoba s rich Corinthian leather (ask your Dad), but at least the company wasn t po faced about its appeal to tasteless middle-class aspirations. By trying to be an American clone of a Japanese clone of a European luxury sedan, the Zephyr offers about as much brand-related bravado as a Toyota Echo.

In short, I can t for the life of me understand why anyone would buy a Lincoln Zephyr over anything else in its price bracket, or, for that matter, a high-spec Ford Fusion. [by Robert Farago]

Related:
Jalopnik Reviews: 2006 Lincoln Zephyr, Part 2, Part 3 [internal]

According to Edmunds Inside Line, the 2007 Lincoln Zephyr will get Ford's new, 3.5-liter Duratec 35 — the latest and most powerful in the Duratec family — which will power one in five Ford products in coming years. That'll give the entry Lincoln a power boost from 221 hp to a possible 250 hp. That engine will replace the whiny Duratec 30 in the current model (no word yet on the new engine's whininess factor). Still, Edmunds' evocation of the Vulcan V6 — last seen on the Ranger and Taurus — is just, plain adorable.

Lincoln to Upgrade Zephyr's Powertrain to 3.5-Liter V6 [Edmunds]

Related:
More on Ford s New, Workhorse V6 [internal]

Man, even in the mainstream media it's hard for Mercury Lincoln to catch a break these days. And well, rightfully so. As much as the Fusion is shaping up to be the right car at the right price-point for Ford, the Zephyr maxing out at 12 grand more than the to-the-hilt version of the Fusion upon which it's based seems to be a case of too little, far-too-late. Of course, Newsday's Tom Incantalupo is prohibited by the ad guys from thoroughly savaging the poor Zeph, but there's a palpable sense of "Just what is Ford trying to pull here?" that rears its head throughout the piece.

For the new Zephyr, attracting younger buyers won t be a breeze [Newsday]

Lincoln Announces 2006 Zephyr Pricing [Internal]