Idiot Shocked Spare Tires Aren't Standard Anymore: #BoycottCadillac

There's a valuable lesson here. No matter how dedicated you are to the cause of I Don't Know Shit About Cars, sometimes it doesn't hurt to know just a little. Alternately, you could go full freakout like Jerry Ascione, and make a big deal out of the fact that you didn't know some cars have been getting rid of spare… » 1/30/15 9:05pm Friday 9:05pm

Why Does Toyota Want To Blow Up The Hoover Dam?

I guess if you're building a car that's, let's face it, boring, one way to advertise that car would be to really crank up the batshit. Like, make ads so full of confusing, improbable horseshit that just maybe you can induce some confused, trance-like state in people so they'll go buy your car. Oh, and maybe suggest… » 1/29/15 3:47pm Thursday 3:47pm

Guy With Rod In Head Is Totally Unfazed, Drives To Gas Station For Help

A guy in New Zealand was just sitting in his car, minding his own business, like you do, when three no-goodniks came up and accosted him. He then attempted to drive off, like you do, when he was slammed in the head with an iron bar. Which stayed there. So he did the only logical thing – he drove to a gas station, and… » 1/19/15 11:25am 1/19/15 11:25am

Ten Car Stories They Said Were Too Stupid To Write

I know my life as a Jalopnik writer looks pretty glamorous, what with trips to Detroit and getting ignored by some of the biggest names in motoring, but there's actually a lot of humiliation. Like this list of story ideas our Editor-In-Jerk rejected, and then made me write in mustard on my desk. Here they are: » 1/16/15 5:10pm 1/16/15 5:10pm

Adult Human Actually Thinks School Bus Brake Lights Are Satanic

Robyn Wilkins, an adult human being with functioning eyeballs and the capacity to reason, somehow actually thinks that school buses around the Memphis, TN area have brake lights designed to promote worshipping the devil. Yes, this woman saw a pattern of LEDs that sort of looked like a pentagram, and is now livid. » 1/15/15 9:45am 1/15/15 9:45am

This Guy Had A T-Bird Indicator Stalk In His Arm For 51 Years

Like many classic car owners, I have a number of boxes of miscellaneous parts around in sheds and closets. It's not the best way to store parts by a long shot. But I think it may be better than having them crammed into my arm, like Arthur Lampitt did for 51 years with a Thunderbird turn-signal stalk. » 1/02/15 4:00pm 1/02/15 4:00pm

To Get Almonds Out Of Trees You Send A Vibrating Truck Thingy

I try to pride myself on knowing where Things come from, but one of the glories of Western civilization is that there are too many Things to know where they all come from. So up until now I didn't realize that to get almonds you need a special truck-tractor-car thingy to drive up to a tree and shake the ever loving… » 12/31/14 10:34am 12/31/14 10:34am

Crazy California Road Rage Sounds Just Like Horror Movie

Who knows what small, demonic representations of Mephistopheles dance through the heads of the crazed, to the point where they began to claim they're a cop and try to run two victims off the road, but when those two victims are two girls from California, the result is a twisted vision of a 1990's horror movie. » 12/23/14 12:23pm 12/23/14 12:23pm

This Jag Pickup Will Haul Your Garbage Cans Full Of Foie Gras

Back when Ford was puppet master to Jaguar, there were persistent rumors that a Jag SUV based on a Ford platform was coming. So it's not too huge a leap to imagine that someone, somewhere considered the idea of a Jag truck. Well, someone somewhere actually did more than that, since this Jag F-150 exists.… » 12/19/14 4:54pm 12/19/14 4:54pm

Stupid Ad Shows Idiot Cramming Bags In a 911 Engine To Sell Luggage

Hey! Hey you! Idiot up there in the ad for Golla luggage! The one with your suspenders down like you just finished taking a really taxing crap? The one about to load his new expensive luggage into the engine of that Porsche? Yes, you. You're an idiot. A big dumb idiot who's about to get his clothes mulched. » 12/15/14 9:15am 12/15/14 9:15am