Jalopnik: women

Ten Cars That Won't Snag You A Man

Wes Siler — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 14:30:00 EDT

Yesterday, the lumberjack-loving gals at The Globe and Mail put together a list of cars that'd help ladies pick up men. Lame. Here's ten cars that definitely won't enhance your milkshake's ability to bring boys to the yard.

They say:

Are you a single woman looking for Mr. Right? Forget online dating, the awkward blind date, or scouring the grocery-store aisles for single guys. There's an untapped resource right at your fingertips – your car.

But if we're to believe them the right car will snag you a winner, the wrong car could make you a loser and here's the ten to avoid. Girl power!

Car: Chevy Cobalt Coupe

What it says about you: Your boyfriend forces you to cook meth.

Why men don't like that: Meth dealers have guns and rampant paranoia.

Car: Chrysler Town and Country

What it says about you: You're ready to give birth.

Why men don't like that: Nothing is more frightening to a man than the prospect of fathering children.

Car: 2010 Acura RDX

What is says about you: The ugliest car on sale does not make a good first impression.

Why men don't like that: Men are shallow.

Car: Lexus HS250h

What is says about you: Only managing 35 MPG combined and costing $34,200, the little Lexus hybrid says gullible, eco-freak and boring in equal measures.

Why men don't like that: Think of one of Hillary Clinton's pant suits. This is the automotive equivalent.

Car: Toyota Camry

What it says about you: It won't have a chance to say anything about you, it's so boring that it will literally make you invisible.

Why men don't like that: Men like cars, not beige.

Car: Ford Mustang V6 Convertible

What it says about you: that in addition to cheerleading, you think blowies are a competitive sport.

Why men don't like that: While the prospect of easy sex will initially attract most men, the Herpes breakout will ultimately prove a turnoff.

Car: Chrysler PT Cruiser

What is says about you: That you eat dinner at 5pm and have a closet full of orthopedic shoes.

Why men don't like that: men prefer women that use pantyhose as a way to make their legs look tan, not as a medical aid.

Car: VW Beetle

What it says about you: not only do you have a bedroom full of stuffed animals, but if you were to bring a man home, you'd hold conversations with him in their voices.

Why men don't like that: they think you'll murder them in their sleep if they accidently push Mr. Nibbles off the bed.

Car: Subaru Outback

What it says about you: that you wear Birkenstocks, baggy cargo shorts and fantasize about Rossie O'Donnell

Why men don't like that: men like women who shave their legs.

Car: Hummer H2

What it says about you: that you consider Ron Jeremy and Peter North "colleagues."

Why men don't like that: Oh they like that, it's just that their computer screens are too small to show all the stretch marks and surgery scars.

Ten Cars And The Type Of Guys They Attract

Andrew Didorosi — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:30:00 EST

You didn't like our "Ten Cars and the Girls They Attract" feature? Well, here's our guide for gals on ten cars and the corresponding men they attract.

Certain flavors of guys always tend to purchase certain varieties of cars. Find out who you are from what you drive.

Our original Ten Cars And The Type Of Women They Attract article was so popular, especially with the ladies, that we're all but required to demonstrate the way things are from the other side. Follow us through a wide array of dudes and their choice of noble steed.

Click On The Photo To See The Guy Each Car Attracts

10.) Luxury Euro

9.) Mini SUV

8.) Italian Exotic

7.) Windowless Child Molestation Van

6.) Minivan

5.) Overpriced Ecomobile

4.) Sensible Japanese Import

3.) Rocket Racer

2.) Jacked-Up Offroader

1.) Mazda Miata

Ten Cars And The Type Of Women They Attract

Andrew Didorosi — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 12:00:00 EST

The primary concern of many males purchasing a vehicle (not us of course) is what type of member of the opposite sex it may lure. Here's ten cars and the corresponding women they attract.

Many guys hope their new car purchase will allow them to roll up to the line standing in the cold at their corner club on a Saturday night, and have the hottest woman waiting decide the car running its engine is the coziest place on earth for them. We here at Jalopnik know better. We know unless you're driving up in the hottest of hot supercars, the car you drive has less to do with attracting the girl you really want and more to do with attracting — well — other types of women. So instead of snagging Hottest Woman of 2008 Jennifer Connelly (seen to the left), you'll probably be swingin' with the following. Depending on which car you're driving, of course.

Click On The Photo To See The Woman Each Car Attracts

10.) 80's Era Muscle Car

9.) Late Model Euro Tuner

8.) Jacked-Up Offroader

7.) Rare Italian Exotic

6.) Clapped-Out Rice Rocket

5.) Classic VW Microbus

4.) Mack Daddy Pimp Cadillac

3.) NASCAR

2.) Old School Hot Rod

1.) Sensible Japanese Import

[via Motive]

The Pedal Pushers Show Us That Hell Projects Aren't Just For The Boys: Pullover Rally 2008

Murilee Martin — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:00:00 EST

The whole car-freak thing seems like an all-XY-chromosome deal sometimes, but it's just not so; here's an all-women car club that roars across the East Bay landscape in a fleet of ~~temperamental~~ spirited Italian, French, and German vintage cars (plus a couple of Detroit products), blasting a few stereotypes in the process. The Pedal Pushers had an Oakland-to-Port Costa rally a couple weeks back, and TheEastBayKid was there with his '76 BMW 2002 and camera to get some shots for us. Jump away for the rest of the gallery!

Pregnant Lady Seatbelt Goes Over Thighs, Not Stomach

Travis Hudson — Tue, 13 May 2008 16:00:00 EDT

Because our extensive readership research has determined that I have a better chance of playing Segway Polo with Bob Lutz than finding a pregnant lady reading Jalopnik, we present the Tummy Shield, a seatbelt for the pregnant ladies. Just because pregnant women may not frequent this Web site that is exceptionally courteous to women doesn't mean that the others reading won't ever have someone in their life that is knocked up. The Tummy Shield keeps a woman and her baby safe while in the car. Instead of having the seatbelt directly cross over the womb, the Tummy Shield goes over the thighs, still keeping baby and mama secure while also providing peace of mind that a cloth strap isn't potentially harming the future hoon. It's available directly from the manufacturer for $188. [Tummy Shield via Gizmag]

Goodyear Polyglas Tires Help Stereotypical Women Drivers

Travis Hudson — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:40:00 EDT

This commercial aired during the first Monday Night Football game in 1970 and proves just what everyone already knew: women can't drive worth a damn and need exceptional tires to compensate for the lack of driving ability. Of course, the woman in the video has to deal with construction, bumpy roads, detours and more while picking up her manly husband from the airport after a very long and manly business trip. It kind of reminds us of the shower scene from Psycho, which is fairly accurate given a woman behind the wheel was like being murdered, at least in the 1970s. [Youtube] (Thanks, Sugi)

The Anatomy Of A Race Car Driver

Travis Hudson — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 16:45:00 EDT

It pains us to hear it, but everyone is up in arms lately over the racing wins by Danica Patrick and Ashely Force. One of the lingering stances on the matter (and one we heard on that bastion of common sense: talk radio) is that the women have every right to compete and win because racing relies mostly on the car, and not the competitor. Well, anybody whose driven a car faster than 65 mph knows that a car can put strain on the body. Wired put together an excellent infographic detailing parts of the body and what a 200-plus mph can do to it. Click the picture above or the link below to see it in its full glory. If anything, being a race car driver is harder on women who generally have smaller body frames than men, possibly making their victories even more impressive. Now, let the debate begin! [Wired]

McLaren's Pedro de la Rosa Thinks Women Are Too Weak To Race In F1

Mark Arnold — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 09:20:00 EDT

With all the buzz over Danica Patrick wiping the floor at Twin Ring Motegi in Japan last weekend, it's easy to forget there's other talented females engaged in various forms of motorsport across the world. Just look at Michèle Mouton's rally career — multiple wins in her Audi Quattro and finishing a close second place in the 1982 WRC championship. So you know that the girls can go just as fast as the boys — and as we saw this past weekend, sometimes faster. So this ultimately leads to the question, "Can a women be successful in Formula One?" Well, veteran McLaren test driver Pedro de la Rosa seems to think women might just not be strong enough to deal with the rigors of the track.

According to F1-Live, the 37-year old de la Rosa said:

"There are less and less obstacles because there are now many women in kart racing ... The base of the pyramid is expanding ... I would be delighted to see it happen sooner or later, but it is more difficult for women because of the important physical elements of racing in Formula One,"

Although we wonder what Danica would have to say about that, we're pretty sure she's too busy on a Sports Illustrated or FHM shoot to dignify it with a response. Of course as soon as she's done with that, she'd probably point out to de la Rosa that she managed to do pretty well against Helio Castroneves, Scott Dixon, Dan Wheldon and Tony Kanaan. Of course none of them were in Formula 1, but who's counting. [via F1-Live]

Muslim Scholars Debate Whether Saudi Women Can Drive

Matthew DeBord — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:15:00 EDT

A women's rights organization in Saudi Arabia has placed, of all things, driving at the center of their reformist agenda. Yeah, that's right, driving. Obviously, we applaud this decision. Who needs to shed the burka when you take the wheel whenever you want! Understandably, a convoluted discussion of Islamic law has ensued.

You see, Saudi women are not explicitly prohibited from the act of driving. However, if they were to drive, scholars worry that they could interact with men whom they aren't related to. Yes, Saudi women can't drive because of something that might happen.

Heck, better safe than sorry, huh?

The full rundown can be found in this Sri Lankan report. [UPDATE: Thanks to commenter Hyman Decent, we now know that Saudi women do not wear the burka, but the abaya.]

Garmin Stereotypes The Hell Out Of Women

Travis Hudson — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 10:15:00 EST

Hey Garmin, everyone knows all women like to do is shop, eat at bistros, spend their man's money and forget where they parked, but you don't have to make it so obvious with this commercial for the Nuviphone. Check out the first part of the ad above, where a woman's inability to do anything productive with her life is pointed out. Oh, and Suzie, since you are obviously a ~~sugar mama~~ gold digger, get that man of yours to buy you a better vehicle—that sheet of drywall with a steering wheel isn't cutting it.

Click through to see the rest of this horrible ad, which features a very hot, and highly anticipated, GPS-enabled cellphone. [Geeksugar]

There's a Car Man For Every Woman!

Murilee Martin — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 11:45:00 EST

When Daddy hands his giggly teenage daughter the keys to a Shelby Mustang, how is she supposed to know how to keep it running? As we've seen, ads from the late-60s/early-70s era don't exactly take women seriously, and this one continues that hallowed American tradition. Say, how much would that GT350 be worth at Barrett-Jackson?

Forbes Autos Drops Top Ten Luxury Cars for the Ladies

Ben Wojdyla — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 10:15:00 EST

Forbes Autos is up to the list-making again, giving us the top ten list of luxe cars with the primary driver being a woman. While not as sexy as the men's list, the vehicles are more practical and comfortable, and packed with a lot more Volvos. Interesting to note that our favorite Saturn designer, Miss Vicki Vlachakis is quoted in the story about quality, "I think women have such a good eye for detail, the attention to detail is really important on the interior; on all of the key driving interfaces such as the gauges, shifter area, steering wheel and seats." Yeah, what she said. We accidentally put Vicki's gallery below the fold, along with the Forbes list, cause after all, who the heck wants to sit through Forbes' boring traffic baiting when you can sit through ours?

Forbes Top 10 Luxury Cars Driven by Women
10) Lexus IS350
9) Cadillac SRX
8) Range Rover Sport
7) Audi A6
6) Volvo S40
5) Lincoln MKZ
4) Volvo V70/C70 - data was collected together for these two. Yeah, wagon and hardtop vert, same segment.
3) Volvo S80
2) Audi A3
1) BMW Z4

Poll Time: Who's The Misogyny King, '64 Riviera or '68 Mustang?

Murilee Martin — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 11:15:00 EST

Watching old car ads, we tend to be most struck by how styling has changed (for the worse) and mechanical goodies have changed (for the better). But, every so often, we run across an ad that makes it clear how much the world around the cars has changed. The 1960s really aren't that far back in the rear view mirror, but it's lucky for the admen who made the following pair of ads that present-day women don't have time machines (ideally, installed inside a blown Hemi-powered Dodge La Femme... or they'd be coming back to kick their asses!

So here we have what appears to be your standard all-Riviera stalker-victim scenario, complete with Isadora Duncan-style scarf on the woman in the white Buick, and the dude in the red Riv studying a map marked with the gravesites of his previous victims. But wait- it turns out that they're meeting up at the country club, where we learn that the '64 Riviera is a car that "a woman can admire and enjoy to the fullest, but only a man can understand."

Let's say you're Liz, a successful scientist who packs a PhD and works at what looks to be a secret nerve-gas laboratory. But for Liz, something is missing (despite her success in brewing up a more potent form of commie-killin' VX)... ah, of course: she's sacrificed her womanhood by stuffing her brain with useless scientific knowledge, when she should have been working on getting her MRS degree! The solution: buy a '68 Mustang fastback... and watch the workplace sexual harassment begin!

News Flash: Murilee Martin Is A Man!

Murilee Martin — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 11:00:00 EDT

After the introduction of our newest writer, Laura Burstein, yesterday, some of our readers mentioned that they were confused about hearing that she's the first female to enter the formerly all-male Jalopnik clubhouse. "But... but... like, isn't Murilee a gurl?" they stammered, oblivious to every one of my hundreds of attempts to set the record straight on the matter since I made the jump from commenter to contributor back in February. So, to quote Mr. Henrietta Collins: We'll leave nothing to your imagination this time. We tried that last time and, in our opinion, uh, it didn't work...

The deal is, Murilee is a made-up name! It sorta sounds like a girl's name, but it's actually a randomly selected group of three syllables. Wishing to emulate bands like Negativland and Psychic TV, and under the influence of the Cut-Up Technique, the name of the crypto-nihilo-surrealo band I put together in my early 20s was generated by drawing random syllables out of a hat, thus: Murilee Arraiac.

Then, years later, when my dot-com employer imploded and I needed money, I got talked into cranking out a smut novel (with all sorts of Project Car Hell-esque vehicular references, not to mention a 10-foot-tall electro-sodomizing Richard Nixon robot) for British purveyers of pervdom, Nexus Books. Naturally, Murilee Arraiac was the pseudonym I chose to use... but Nexus' ~~cowardly suits~~ marketing managers nixed the unpronounceable surname. My editor, knowing I'd straight-up ripped off the novel's style from James Ellroy, suggested I use the name Martin instead of Arraiac, after the serial-killer character Martin Plunkett in Ellroy's Killer On The Road. There you have it: Murilee Martin! Not trying to fool you into thinking I'm a member of The Other Team, folks! I'm a man! Not only that, I'm a burly, hairy, sweaty, balding man who doesn't worry about butt-crack exposure when bending over an engine compartment with a Mickey's Big Mouth in one hand and a wrench in the other, so those of you who acknowledge that I'm not female, yet are still clinging to the hope that I'm a lithe young catamite, are just plain SOL. OK? Good!

So, as part of my plan to forever banish any lingering traces of gender uncertainty that may hover around my Murilee Martin persona, I present Mr. McKinley Morganfield and his declaration of XY chromosomehood.

But maybe Muddy Waters just can't get through to you, for whatever incomprehensible reason. For you, we have some British Invasion lads who will reiterate my point:

And for those of you who still aren't convinced, here I am mixing stripes and plaids, sporting a vast unemployment-ensuring beard, and brandishing a high-powered semiautomatic rifle! Hell yeah! I'm a man! Hold on while I go leave the toilet seat up!

And, just so you don't go thinking your Left Coast Jalops are a bunch of dishwater-weak parlor pinks, here's the Loverman doing the facial-hair-and-firearms thing as well. See, what's the point of the Second Amendment if you're not willing to use it to protect the First, Fourth, and Fifth? Cold, dead fingers, baby.

The Women of the Woodward Dream Cruise

Ray Wert — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 14:30:00 EDT

The Woodward Dream Cruise ain't like a car show, and it certainly ain't like SEMA. You don't get the models, you don't get the college girls hoping to become models who'll then hope to become actresses. Nope, you get a cross-section of Metro Detroit gals. Oh, and you also get blow-up dolls and weird scary mannequins riding alongside their dorky drivers. Eeeewww. Here's the best of the ladies of Woodward Avenue (those who are not standing at 7 Mile, at least) There's still more coming — so just keep hitting refresh on our Woodward Dream Cruise tag and we'll have more your way throughout the day.

A satirical look at Chinese automaker Chelfing...

Ray Wert — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 13:45:00 EDT

A satirical look at Chinese automaker Chelfing making a Freudian slip on what they think about female drivers. [Autoblog]

Men More Likely to Relate to Their Cars, Study Says

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 22:30:00 EDT

A UK study entitled " The Secret Life Of Cars And What They Reveal About Us" claims that men are far more likely to view their vehicle as an extension of their own being than women do, and thus are generally more irked or threatened by damage to their autos. Men also tend to adopt a more relaxed posture behind the wheel, often driving one-handed. It also notes that people are four times more likely to sing on the way to work than they are on the way home. We prefer to sing along to the original Broadway cast recording of Oklahoma!, okay? [The Electric New Paper]

Why Don't More Women Love Cars?

Jonny Lieberman — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 14:00:00 EDT

Nobody walks in LA. And no one rides the bus, either. Which means that everybody drives. And according to the 2005 county census, 50.6% of the county's population is female. Which means there are more women drivers. Yet, and yes I'm painting with a broad brush here, the ladies just don't seem to care about cars the way their testicled counterparts do. I told a woman in a parking lot that I liked her Celica and she didn't know what I meant. Then, in that same Whole Foods lot, no less than five men (myself included) stopped and drooled over a cherry red Jaguar XKR. I can site numerous examples (a female friend of mine bought a Focus over a GTI because the Ford came in Yellow) but I don't think this is exactly news. I mean, Jalopnik has what, one woman reader? I'm curious as to the why?

[The Jalopnik Question of the Day loves its mother. Do you have a Question of the Day? Email suggestions to tips@jalopnik.com with the subject line "QOTD"]

Dodge Needs Women: Chrysler Brand Shortens Slogan for Her Pleasure

Ray Wert — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:30:56 EDT

According to BrandWeek, the 'merican side of the German-American hybrid wants more women to grasp the softer side of the Dodge brand. As part of that effort the horny brand will shorten its ad slogan from "Grab life by the horns" to the more — err — lame "Grab life" for a campaign we'll start seeing next month. Considering males constitute 53% of the brand's buyers and Dodge's next big introduction will be a muscle car, one would think they'd want to stick with the guys. Whatevs. This is the same company that greenlighted the Jeep Compass to entice female buyers, so what the hell do we know, right? We're just hoping they keep the "RamRash" ads. – Ray Wert

Dodge Shortens Slogan in Reach for Women [BrandWeek]

Today Show Heads To Michigan To Cover...The New York Auto Show?

Ray Wert — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 14:44:10 EDT

Not only did NBC head to Dearborn, MI to cover the New York Auto Show because apparently there's just not enough cars in the city that's big, red and delicious to do coverage right, they also managed to find a male FoMoCo engineer willing to don an "empathy belly" on TV. We salute you, Eero Laansoo, for not only strapping one on to truly become a ladies man, but then to keep it on throughout the entire segment dubbed "Lady's Choice." It was adorable. – Ray Wert

Video by Richard Blakeley