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Wisconsin
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stupid criminals
Suspect Leads Chase Through Car Wash, Can't Clean Record
When you're 18 and and maybe drunk and have a girl with you, stopping for the police maybe doesn't sounds like a good idea. Your Honda Civic can totally outrun that Charger, right? Oh, and there's nothing smarter than driving through a gas station car wash. That'll totally lose them the Wisconsin coppers. And you'll get the car clean for mom! More »
Chrysler To Upgrade Wis. Engine Plant
It'll produce the new Phoenix V6. Hey — isn't the Phoenix a mythical bird that dies in a burst of flames? [Freep]
It'll produce the new Phoenix V6. Hey — isn't the Phoenix a mythical bird that dies in a burst of flames? [Freep]
news
Woman Uses Floor Jack to Free Drunk Kid From Car
In yet another example of a car pinning someone ejected from their own car (and not wearing a seatbelt again), a drunk Wisconsin teenager was freed from underneath his girlfriend's Mercury Cougar by a local woman and her brother-in-law with a floor jack. The best part of this story, other than the kid surviving, is the quote from the nice woman who saved the kid: "We just kind of eased him out of there. He was really alert. He was determined... he wanted that car off his legs." Now that's what we call an understatement. Let this be a wake-up call for some of you, if you're going to drive without a seatbelt make sure you get launched at least 100 yards from the car for your own safety. More »
news
NSRA to Allow Pre-'77 Vehicles at Three Events
The National Street Rod Association has long been regarded as a cabal of beards in the car-modification hobby. No cars at events newer than 1949, bantering back and forth about what's a rod, what's a custom, what's tradtional and what isn't. Well, then again, that crap goes on at Billetproof, too. Regardless, the Beards have deigned to allow '77-and-earlier vehicles into three events this year, in an attempt to attract hobbyists under the age of 50. Their Milwaukee, Richmond, VA and Sacto events will all allow iron from after Los Jalops were born. Well, except for Wert. Heck, maybe they'll let Avail's tour van into the Virginia show... More »
retro
Million-Mile Milwaukee Saab
Milwaukee-area financial-services salesman Peter Gilbert racked up 1,001,385 miles on his 1989 Saab 900, a vehicle that has been known to take out deer like it ain't no thang, given that it was designed by the Swedes to withstand moose impacts. In the 17 years he's owned the car, he's crashed into eight of the animals, replaced the trans 800,000 miles ago, noting that he realized he could probably go a million miles when he hit 600k and noticed no sign of burning oil. The Million-Mile 900 now resides in the Wisconsin Automotive Museum. Gilbert, not surprisingly, bought another Saab. More »
news
Eight Hours for Work, Eight Hours for Rest and a Ford GT in the Garage: Autoworker buys Supercar
37-year Janesville, WI truck-plant worker David Leeder just plopped down nearly 176k on a Ford GT, noting that it's three times what he paid for his house. The 57-year-old autoworker has obviously reaped the benefits of UAW membership. Interestingly enough, the Janesville plant is owned by General Motors. We somehow doubt he'll be driving it to work. [Thanks to Scott for the tip.] More »
news
The Charger in the Dells: Wisconsin Fuzz Go Mopar
What? This report's so full of blue mud that formerly green eyes are turning brown. Good on the police in the Wisconson Dells for calling up Chargers over Crown Vics for patrol duty, but what really gets us is this sentence: "The retail version of the Charger maxes out at around 120 mph, said Jason Syens, general manager at Hill Chrysler in Portage." What? Yeah, maybe with the base six. A pox on the dorky reporter trying to put the fear of God into summer travellers by attempting to convince them that the cops have something special. All they've got is a column shifter and a radio. Oh, and guns. Mustn't forget the guns. More »
news: weird
Naked Man Attacks Wiconsin Motorists
We swear, there's just something weird in the water up in Wisconsin. I mean, you've got the dong-picture-flyer guy, you've got the Undie Avenger, and now you've got some naked guy running around at 9:45am on a February morning in his bare bottoms and attempting to make like he's Refrigerator Perry by tackling cars. We swear, the state's rapidly turning into the Florida of the Midwest. More »
news
Kids Say The Darndest Things: Child Rats Out Car Thief
Back in the 1930s, our great uncle Paul would volunteer to babysit our dad and then prop him up in the seat of the Model A and prompt him to shout "Hey, Chicken!" at any passing Betties. Of course, when Grandma and Grandpa found out, there was hell to pay for mischievous Paul Muran, but that's chicken shavings compared to the snit a 6-year-old got Benjamin Menchaca into when he admitted to going car-heisting with his supposed babysitter. More »
news
The Holistic Meter Man: Would You Like Some Healing With Your Penalty?
It's a job we couldn't stomach, that handing out parking tickets business. But Madison, WI meter man Kip Rosenthal takes a humanitarian view of his job, saying, ""It's very positive assisting people gain access to congested and convenient parking areas," he says. "It's a blast watching people overcome negative parking behavior and demonstrate consideration toward other people, and watching people actually learn that the whole process involves sharing." He's also a licensed massage therapist. More »
news: racing
Champ Car Bails on Vegas, Heads Back to Road America
Champ Car bids a tearful adieu to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway, saying, "We will continue to research other opportunities for future events in the Las Vegas market that hopefully are a better fit for our business model expectations." But screw all that, because they're replacing the event by coming back Road America! We've never actually driven the famed course at Elkhart Lake, WI, but we did do some funky simulator thingy at SEMA years ago that took you around the track, and well, compared to a 1.5-mile oval, it's kind of a no-brainer, really. More »
news: weird
More On The Wisconsin Genital Photo Placer: We Don't Wanna See This Guy's Wang
Did the authorities in Wisconsin really have to publicize Jeffrey Hein's mugshot? It must be traumatic enough for a woman to come out of the mall and find an unsolicited phallus photo on one's windshield. But then to find out that it was courtesy of this guy? Ugh. We've got the jeeblies just thinking about it, and we're over halfway across the country. In any event, dong-pic-bandit Hein is now facing charges in Waukesha County as well, after a woman came forward about finding an eerily similar photo on her vehicle once Hein was nabbed. Live by the pink sword, die by the pink sword, we suppose... More »
news: weird
Wisconsin Genital Photo-Placer Gets Nicked!
Man, what is it with Wisconsin and the nether regions? First we have a guy placing ladies' undergarments on municipal vehicles in an act of revenge, and now Hartford, WI authorities have apprehended a man who has admitted to placing pictures of his schwanz on women's vehicles parked at malls in Germantown, Hartford and West Bend. The po-po tracked down the perv after matching up his vehicle to one seen in mall surveillance camera videos. Let that be a lesson to all ye would-be dong-photo placers: next time, ride a bike. More »
news: weird
Revenge via Undie-Attack: Wisconsin Man Defaces Public Vehicles
Carrying on with the "All the Girls We've Loved Before" theme that seems to be running through our posts today, we were reminded while reading this piece of the night we went to go see Pirates of the Carribean with our ex-fianc and our hairstylist. A friend of ours had an unmistakable '69 Charger, and we happened to spot it while we were walking out of the theatre. Said friend tended to be nervous and jumpy around women, so our ex and our stylist decided to write him a note proclaiming his hotness and then stick a maxi pad (new, not used) to his windshield. We only wish we'd had a hidden camera to capture the hilarity that must've ensued. While we pulled our little stunt filled with love and good humor, a Wausau, WI man was busted for decorating municipal vehicles with ladies' delicates out of spite. More »
news
Do You Really Wanna be a Cop? Wisconsin Kids Busted For Flashing Lights
This article's an example of why we aren't newspaper reporters. Written in a stultifingly stiff style that even out-generics the Onion's intentional parodies of such things, the piece from Wisconsin's Lake Country Reporter just hints at the fun that could be had with the story if the poor writer was a blogger instead. She could rock Clash references. She could warn Alex Roy's Team Polizei to watch their backs in some creative way while referencing the Clash. Or she could just listen to the Clash really loud while she writes, as we often do. Either way, it's bloggers 1, MSM 0, and Strummer/Jones with the whole enchilada on this one. That said, go read the story and make up your own imaginative metaphors to make it funnier, as the subject matter's somewhat interesting to anyone who've ever wanted to slap on a gumball light and blast through traffic signals. More »
news
Return of the Black and Whites
Sacramento County Sheriff's vehicles have been traditionally white as long as we can remember, boasting a nice, stately gold star logo on the front doors. However, during our last trip to the town where Ahnuld does bidness, we noticed a cruiser with a bad, body-length decal job. Horrible typography, crappy design; just terrible. It evoked about as much command presence as a rent-a-cop in a Geo Metro with a single yellow gumball on the roof. Thankfully, some police squads are getting smart and going back to traditional black-and-white cars. A note to all law-enforcement officers out there: your departments' sticker jobs are making you look like chumps. Demand a return to authoritative sublety; insist on stamping out bad design as you stamp out crime. If these Wisconsin cops did it, you can too. More »
