Jalopnik: weird news

400 Chickens Killed in Road Accident

Wes Siler — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 15:15:00 EDT

1,400 hundred chickens escaped captivity and 400 were killed in a tragic road accident in Scotland early this morning. The tractor-trailer carrying them jack-knifed on the A40 near Haggs, releasing the birds and causing chaos on area roads. It took Specialist Chicken Handlers 9-hours to clear the road of the fowl, which had been destined for an area abattoir. [Via BBC News]
Photo credit: E. E. Piphanie

British Tycoon Abandons $150K Maserati In London Car Pound After Racking Up Almost $10K In Fines

Ray Wert — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 08:30:00 EDT

Bertrand Des Pallieres, millionaire UK businessman and manager of the SPQR hedge fund, racked up 65 congestion charge penalties and dozens of parking fines on his limited edition £80,000 ($158,600) Maserati GranSport without tax. His car was towed away from a square in Knightsbridge, West London, in late May and taken to a pound by a London towing company in a bid to get him pay up. But the 39-year-old chap failed for three months to get down to the tow lot to claim it - increasing the money he owed by £25 a day - until he found out the car was about to be auctioned due to an estimated £5,000 ($9,900) bill. So, what did Mr. Des Pallieres have to say about the incident? Well, he blames it on being "too busy." No, seriously — he really does:

"The truth is I was so busy I did not have time to deal with sorting the congestion charges, paying my road tax and getting my car out of the pound.

"I have been setting up a new business and, as you can imagine, it requires all my focus. I have been running around the world raising money for my fund and setting it up.
"When I left my previous job at Deutsche Bank, I lost my PA. She had always organised all of these domestic things for me. For a while I did not have a PA but now I have one, so this will get sorted out."

Hmm, sure, blame it on your assistant — or lack thereof. [via Telegraph.co.uk]

Don't go anywhere near the old Packard plant...

Ray Wert — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 13:15:00 EDT

Don't go anywhere near the old Packard plant unless you're looking to be a gay pr 0n extra. [xceedspeed]

Only in Michigan do we worry about Zamboni...

Ray Wert — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 10:15:00 EDT

Only in Michigan do we worry about Zamboni fires. Well, maybe in Canada and up-state New York too. [Detroit News]

Phallic Traffic Posts Under Scrutiny

Wes Siler — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 17:13:23 EDT

An Oregon town is considering fitting its bollards with chains, piercings and prophylactics after residents complained of their phallic nature. The plan was cooked up by Keizer officials in an attempt to save money, replacing the controversial cement posts would cost an additional $20,000. No word yet on whether Tobias "Leather Daddy" Fünke is the town's Traffic Consultant.

Residents of Town Say Shape of Traffic Posts is Offensive [KomoTV]

Related:
British Mechanic Shags Cars [internal]

Driving A Submarine Through The British Empire

Ray Wert — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 13:15:00 EDT

Well, now we know what that looks like. – Ray Wert

Driving a Nuclear Submarine Through Britain's Roads [Gizmodo]

Related:
Kaiten, A Kamikaze Submarine [internal]

Be Careful Of Wheelchair-Bound Hitchhikers When Driving Your Semi In Paw Paw

Ray Wert — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 10:45:00 EDT

I'll be traveling through the lovely little southwestern Michigan town of Paw Paw on Saturday, and you can bet I'll be happy I won't be driving a semi-truck. We've heard the town's home to a roving gang of wheelchair-rolling hitchhikers employing a unique brand of thumbing it. They'll just roll right out in front of semi trucks and hitch themselves a ~~push-start~~ ride strapped onto the grille. That's what a 21-year-old wheelchair-bound resident of the double baby bear hand-named town did yesterday afternoon. The man became lodged in a semi truck grille after rolling in front of a truck leaving a gas station. The truck driver, not noticing the man lodged in front of his cab, proceeded to hit the highway for about five miles before police, alerted to the scofflaw, pointed it out to the truck driver. The unharmed man was taken to the hospital for a check-up, and then we're assuming right to jail. Didn't he know hitchhiking is illegal in Michigan? Wait, what's that you say — he didn't mean to be taken for a semi-ride?!? Oh man, then that's just terrible. – Ray Wert

Local man goes for the ride of his life [Wood TV]

Related:
Best. Wheelchair. Ever. [internal]

This Is Why You Always Finish Your Meals

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 16:30:00 EDT

In our quest for hilarious car news we often come across stories of people getting popped for stealing cars because of GPS devices. This is the first time we can remember someone getting busted because of breakfast. Norman O. Wheeler of Detroit decided to boost a car way back in 2004 and probably thought he'd gotten away with it. Unfortunately for him, he left a partially eaten cinnamon bun in the car and the Michigan State Police crime lab apparently has nothing better to do than analyze the DNA of pastries. Since he was already in jail for another auto theft, they had is data in the computer and matched him up. If he'd only watched Double Indemnity, maybe he'd know there's no such thing as a perfect crime. – Matt Hardigree

DNA Left on Cinnamon Bun Nabs Car Thief [AP via Forbes]

Happy Boss's Day, Walt: The Post-It Note Jaguar

Ray Wert — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 09:20:29 EDT

We know from tipster Sean's e-mail that this was the boss's car, and other sources tell us it was a car parked at the wireless company InPhonic. Other than that we've no idea what "Walt" did to deserve the post-it treatment, but he's probably glad the office got an extra box from 3M rather than a few more shipments of white-out. Just sayin'... – Ray Wert

Related:
More Weird News [internal]

Woman Run Over Saving Duck In Poorly Planned Escape

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 14:00:00 EDT

A Seattle man is in jail, a Petco employee is in a cast but Mr. Peepers the duck is going to be okay. The man, Kenneth Quinlan, dropped his girlfriend off at Petco and decided to kill time by lifting an iPod speaker system from an adjacent store. A guard intervened and Quinlan, who apparently needed the speakers badly, beat him up and ran out of the store to his car. Just then, his girlfriend, Mr. Peepers in hand, approached the car. The car hit the girlfriend and Mr. Peepers went flying. Seeing the endangered duck, an exceptionally committed Petco employee rescued Mr. Peepers from the path of the car but was run over. The employee is going to be fine, but Quinlan hit another car on the road and is now in police custody. Though, in his defense, he'd apparently just gotten a methadone dose at the clinic. So, no harm no fowl.– Matt Hardigree

Assault Charges Filed, Duck Unharmed [UPI]

Related:
Jalopnik Interview: Road Rage [Internal]

Some People Just Hate Taking The Bus...

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 16:00:00 EDT

You know what sucks? Not being able to ride your bike. You know what's awesome? When an idiot leaves his Monte Carlo idling while he runs into Subway to grab a meatball sub. Because that way you've got yourself a free car. That's at least what we think must have been the thought process of Kathleen Mary Pedemonti of Palm Bay, who stole a car after having difficulty riding her bike. Thanks to the the GPS locator in the man's car, Ms. Pedemonti got a free ride in the back of Brevard County Sheriff's cruiser. We're sure this will soon be an OnStar commercial with some guy ecstatic that he won't have to go through the effort of festooning another Monte Carlo with "#3" tribute stickers and Playboy bunny decals.– Matt Hardigree

Poor bike riding let to car theft, suspect says [Florida Today]

Related:
Manhattan Murder Mystery: Stripped SRT-8 [Internal]

Macedonian Politician Driving Beckham's Stolen Bimmer?

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:40:00 EDT

Remember that time a bumbling parking attendant let soccer superstar David Beckham's $200K armored BMW X5 get stolen? As you might have expected if you're on mushrooms and kind of psychic, it has turned up in the driveway of Gordana Jankulovska, Macedonia's interior minister.

How is this possible? The car was seized in the country and deemed stolen (I guess not a lot of Macedonians are driving around in $200K bimmers). When no one claimed it, the ute was turned over to the government who then turned it over to the country's interior minister, who promptly asked no questions. The interior minister is a fan and hopes to turn the car over personally in order to meet the Beckster, after which she's probably going to club him over the head and seize him for the Macedonian national soccer team.– Matt Hardigree

Beck's Stolen Car [Sky News]

Woman Uses Floor Jack to Free Drunk Kid From Car

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 18:00:00 EDT

In yet another example of a car pinning someone ejected from their own car (and not wearing a seatbelt again), a drunk Wisconsin teenager was freed from underneath his girlfriend's Mercury Cougar by a local woman and her brother-in-law with a floor jack. The best part of this story, other than the kid surviving, is the quote from the nice woman who saved the kid: "We just kind of eased him out of there. He was really alert. He was determined... he wanted that car off his legs." Now that's what we call an understatement. Let this be a wake-up call for some of you, if you're going to drive without a seatbelt make sure you get launched at least 100 yards from the car for your own safety. – Matt Hardigree

Witness uses floor jack to free man trapped by car [Fond du Lac Reporter]

Related:
Don't Be A Dummy: Woman Run Over By Own Car [Internal]

Surprisingly Sober Dad Locks Kids In Car Trunk For Vacation

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 17:00:00 EDT

Not content to let the Australians beat us in the category of "worst parents," an Oregon man was arrested yesterday for locking two of his kids in his car's trunk for the family vacation. The small car he was driving didn't have room for himself, his fiancee and his four kids so he did the reasonable thing and stowed two away in the back. We say reasonable because taking two cars would be horrible for the environment and letting them ride in their siblings' laps would be uncomfortable. Of course, if dad had just rented a Family Truckster he could have avoided being charged with two counts of reckless endangerment. "Spring Break 2007, WHOOO!" – Matt Hardigree

Frankie Muniz Graduates to Champ Car Atlantic, Will Never Graduate From College

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 15:08:00 EDT

Honestly, if you were 21 and had millions of dollars and nothing better to do you'd propose to your 27 year-old hairdresser girlfriend and start racing cars, too. Frankie Muniz, star of Malcolm in the Middle, has graduated from the Formula BMW USA series to the Champ Car Atlantic Series and will be racing for Jensen MotorSport at the Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach. Apparently, he's sporting a mohawk in order to "be taken seriously as a member of the Jensen MotorSport team." Which is completely logical... as everyone knows, Fangio, Moss and Gurney all wore mohawks as young drivers. – Matt Hardigree

Muniz to Compete As a Professional Driver [WEN via Hollywood.com]

Related:
Frankie Muniz Goes Racing [Internal]

Don't Be A Dummy: Woman Run Over By Own Car

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 14:30:00 EDT

Safety belts might make your woman seem so far away from you, but they may also save your woman's life. According to reports, a woman driving in Anaheim late Wednesday was hit by a truck and ejected from her car (we assume she wasn't wearing a safety belt). That's not exactly news since it happens something like ten times a day. What makes this accident worse was that she was then apparently flattened by the car as it spun out of control. As you might imagine, said woman isn't in great shape. Take a lesson from the dummies in the picture, buckle up! – Matt Hardigree

Women ejected from car may have been run over by it [OC Register]

No Men Allowed! Swiss Create Pink Parking Spaces

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 15:45:00 EDT

Some European countries, including Switzerland, have reserved parking spaces for women that are near the exists and under video surveillance. This is done to protect women from assault when getting into and out of their cars. Unfortunately, the unchivalrous men of Bern have been parking in these reserved spots. Since they can't legally stop men from using these spots, local garages are going to paint the spots in a way that discourages men from parking there. Above is our expert artist rendering of what these spots might look like. – Matt Hardigree

Pink Parking Spaces [WEN via WMAR-TV]

Related:
Classic Ad Watch: Farrah Fawcett's 75' Couger [Internal]

Who Is Driving Car? OMG, No One Driving Car? How Can That Be?

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 15:30:00 EDT

Everyone loves a good April Fools Joke (remember the ESPN aluminum bat hoax?), especially the guys and gals over at SEAT Sport UK. The racing team that operates the SEAT Leon in the BTCC has a story on their website that is "strictly embargoed until April 1" about a remote controlled SEAT possibly competing in the series as early as next week.

Unfortunately, some on the internet have already posted the story (including CarKeys.co.uk). We hate to ruin people's fun, but we imagine more poorly run websites will keep running the story since the jokesters put up the story three days early. Photo of the car and press release after the jump...

(Press Release)

Strictly embargoed until 1st April 2007
SEAT Sport UK is pioneering breathtaking new technology that could soon deliver the ultimate in 21st Century motor racing - the driverless touring car. Cutting-edge developments in electronics, virtual reality and on-board computers have enabled the SEAT team to create probably the most advanced remote control car in the world.

The unique Leon Touring Car could potentially join the two other SEAT Sport track cars - operated in more traditional fashion by humans Jason Plato and Darren Turner - in the 2007 Dunlop MSA British Touring Car Championship. Using a system developed in the UK by SEAT, called Telematics Remote-Information Control Kit, this car opens up all sorts of possibilities on the race circuit.

Controlled with the help of numerous on-board cameras, microphones and a plethora of computer data, the 'Virtual Leon' could give real drivers a stiff challenge. Indeed, at its first outing in a recent test at Rockingham, the sophisticated Leon put in a lap time marginally quicker than both Plato's and Turner's.

Of course, no piece of advanced technology can exist without the considerable skills and dedication of a top development team. And key to the whole project is SEAT UK Motorsport Manager Scott Dennis, who controls the car from the comfort of the pit-garage.

This amazing car's development has been a huge learning curve,' said Scott. 'But we are now at the stage where it could soon be used in a touring car race - maybe even as soon as Sunday 1st April, which is the very first race of the season at Brands Hatch. This Leon is so rapid I'm beginning to question if I'll need drivers at all next year.'

Jason Plato, a BTCC driver with considerable experience of racing while actually sat behind the wheel, was surprised to be outpaced by a car with no one in it. 'Obviously it's a bit disconcerting being passed by an empty car when you're giving it your all, though I have to say it does have a fair old weight advantage over every other touring car.'

Plato's observation has already been noted by SEAT's competitors, who are demanding a significant weight penalty should the special Leon be permitted to race this weekend. Said Plato: 'Normally this would be around 75 kg to simulate a driver's weight, but in the case of Scott, a special 'Pub Ballast' of 160 kg has been suggested.'

– Matt Hardigree

SEAT UK Trial's The World's First RC Touring Car [Seat Sport UK]

Drunk Dad Passes Out While Pumping Gas

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 16:45:00 EDT

I can only guess what issues Wes Anderson has with his father, but I'm fairly sure the senior Anderson has nothing on this delinquent dad from Auckland, New Zealand. With his two year-old girl in the car, he drove into a local gas station and attempted to pump gas. Nothing strange there. But, allegedly, he was so drunk (four times the legal limit) that he fell asleep midstream next to the car. When he woke up 40 minutes later, the bad dad was in police custody and his car was being hooked up to a tow truck. Let's all just be thankful that this story ended with incarceration and not immolation. – Matt Hardigree

Tot Saved As Dad Flakes [Daily Post]

Beware The Long Arm Of The Fake, Molesting Law

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 16:30:00 EDT

Adding more evidence to our ongoing belief that only criminals, miscreants or Jalopnik writers drive decommissioned police cruisers, a priest and alleged child molester in Bloomfield, Connecticut has been cruising around town in one (not pictured). According to reports, this is similar to other vehicles that the priest used (going back to the 1970s) to pick up young boys, feed them liquor and then... you know. Because he was a chaplain for several local police/fire agencies, he's been able to acquire cars equipped with full police packages. Some are calling for an investigation into how he got the cars, which seems like the least they can do. – Matt Hardigree

News Times Live Report: Priest Sued For Molestation Still Drives Police Style Car [AP via News Times]

Related:
Cop Impersonator Has Own Police Station [Internal]