Image Credit: Vespa

That’s ape as in Italian for honeybee, so think Apis mellifera instead of the superfamily Hominoidea and pronounce it ah-PEH. And don’t look for a V8 engine: the one in the Ape has a single cylinder of 3 (three) cubic inches. Upgrades are available which up that to a whopping fifteen, good for high-speed pizza deliveries followed by burnouts in the piazza.

The Ape you see here is from 1969. Its current owner purchased it in Naples, where it was used to deliver salami and cheese, just as intended. And like every proper Italian machine which stirs the heart, this one is mid-engined. So mid-engined, in fact, that all three cubic inches of that rat-tat-tat two-stroke little wonder are right beneath the bench you sit on. Flip it up and you can get your fingers dirty right away.

By the time this Ape was manufactured in 1969, the design was already two decades old. Similar to every tiny post-war European vehicle, it was borne out of necessity and poverty: another cheap, no-frills construction to get the economic heart of Europe pumping. The idea was Corradino D’Ascanio’s, the man who’s had a hand in everything from the Vespa to the Lambretta to the Agusta helicopter. In fact, the Ape is nothing but a Vespa with two rear wheels and a cabin.

They are clearly workhorse machines, a bit rough in places, but this cappuccino-colored panel van transcends its utilitarian roots to become a three-wheeled cube of desire. Both the size and the dimensions hit the cuteness receptor in the human brain with a mighty thud. Kids, as you can see, cannot resist at all.

The Ape is probably as alien a solution to the American idea of trucking as the occasional Ford F-250 is to a European inner city. But for its natural environment, the Ape is as close to perfection as it gets. Plus, it’s a motor scooter in the eyes of the law! You can park it wherever you wish—for free. And absolutely nothing beats that in a car-choked city center.

Special thanks to Misi Szilágyi of Stipistop for loaning us his Ape. Photography by Natalie Polgar and the author. And if you really need to know: that statue of a pair of mosquito-mayfly hybrids in the pictures is located in a playground on the Vérmező in Budapest, which translates to: The Field of Blood. It was named so after Hungarian revolutionary Ignác Martinovics and his men were beheaded there on May 20, 1795.

The little scooter is based on an original Vespa which had fallen into complete disrepair, but using long-tested woodcraft techniques a flowing new body was constructed for the runabout. The main spine of the bike is fashioned from steam bent and laminated veneers upon which very nicely carved body work hangs. Even the package tray and seat are made from wood. We would have probably gone with a traditional seat, but that's just cause we're a bunch of softies like that. Realistically though, we're betting this Vespa is now quite a few pounds heftier than when it started out, and the original was not known for its swiftness so despite it's beauty it's probably kind of a pig in the performance department. Then again, if something looks that good, we'll give the zero to sixty times a pass.
[Carlos Alberto Carpintaria via Boing Boing]

If you're really curious, it's a Windows XP-powered PC that includes a large touchscreen. The back of the Vespa still includes its famed spare tire. This model also won an award for the "Best Modern Vespa," at the Amerivespa contest. There'd better be enough room for two on that ride because the owner will be taking someone home every night. I wonder if it can play World of Warcraft? [Gizmowatch

Inspired by the DOTS Mercury Commuter that blew away the competition in the Best DOTS Wagon Poll, I figured we needed a Hell Project Commuter as soon as possible. And, really, it's the perfect mix of must-have coolness (four-door hardtop wagon with every conceivable example of Chromium Rococo Excess) and impossible-to-find parts (MEL engine, weird not-shared-with-any-Fords trim and interior components, wraparound glass). But they're just about impossible to find, and expensive as hell... unless, of course, you head to Texas and score this diamond-in-the-incredibly-rough '58 (go here if the ad disappears) for a very reasonable $1,250. The 410 engine is "stuck," but you can actually find the MELs if you dig hard enough (anyway, we'd want to put a quad-turbocharged Cammer 427 in this thing). The seller is kind enough to inform us: "Missing: radiator, radio, front seat, front wheels," which makes one think that maybe everything else is still there! Could be, could be!

Dropping anchor in a 5,000-pound monster station wagon is fun and all, but it can get tiresome. Don't despair, though- you can still have a machine that glows with 50s optimism yet can maneuver through tight traffic and park in the stingiest imaginable urban parking spots. For example, this 1958 Vespa 400! The seller doesn't pull any punches, with the seemingly self-contradicting "restorable basket case" description right in the main subtitle. What you get here is a "restorable chassis" and seven crates of parts. Seven crates of parts! If ever there was a Project Car Hell mantra, that's got to be it! What's in those crates? How big are they? To add to the fun, the car has never been registered in the United States, but this is the sort of situation where the very flexible and understanding folks at the DMV will stop at nothing to help you sort out the paperwork... right? Yes, of course! Now, you could take the chassis and the Seven Magical Crates and do a period-correct restoration, which would certainly be fun... but we're thinking more in terms of something like this Vespa project. Either way, if you could finish this thing you'd be certain to love your Vespa. Thanks (and the ever-elusive second half-credit towards a Project Car Hell Tipster T-shirt) to BananaDoc for the tip; BananaDoc, as you may recall, sent in the Rolls we saw in the England's Dreaming PCH back in December.

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Vespa... Transportation Transformers [VespaUSA.com]
Be your own Transporter Transformer! Enter to win [Vespasweeps.com]

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1960 Other Makes : VESPA [eBay]

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Vespa, maker of iconic scooters, apparently fancied a run at the American automobile market at one time in its life. Unfortunately a compact two seater powered by a two-cylinder power unit wasn't really what the market was asking for in 1960. These are very nice examples nonetheless. The designers of this model later found success in the sales and marketing of Micro Machines. I'm not going to lie, I thought about putting one in my pocket and walking out without paying.– Ben Wojdyla

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When we used to work at the corner of Polk and Turk in SF, we often found ourselves jealous of our co-worker Matt, who would cross the Bay on his Honda in record time and then only pay five cents an hour to park his bike right in front of the office. Matt, on the other hand, was jealous of our skills with the ladies at the office Christmas party. Unfortunately for us, that never translated into a sugar mama. Anyway, the kids at Piaggio are supporting a petition for more two-wheeled parking, and having been in love with Vespas since childhood, we can't resist their charms. So if you're in favor of bike-based commuting, go ahead and sign the thing.

Vespetition [Vespa USA]

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The Motorpasions had this posted on their site and we fell in love with it. It doesn't matter that we no habla Espanol. Or for that matter, Eye-talian. Because Vespa is universal in any language, as are fresh-faced, sexy Sixties mod girls. The only downside to this absolutely exquisite piece of vintage Piaggio advertising is that we can't stop muttering "Vespa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa..." We'll be down on the corner by the bodega all week. Thanks for stopping by.

Vespa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa... [Motorpasion]

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