Jalopnik: truck nuts

Truck Nuts. Literally.

Ben Wojdyla — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Thanks to perverse and vigilant Jalopnik reader Mike Poller, we now see the inevitable combination of the Carpocalypse and truck nuts — recession-proof, SAE-grade truck nuts.

These do-it-yourself truck nuts on the cheap were spotted over the weekend on a Dodge Ram sitting in Tropical Park in Miami, Florida. As you can see, the owner really went above and beyond the call of nut-making duty. He (undoubtedly a he) didn't stop with a big pair of nuts wired together and slung around the hitch, no, in a feat of true redneck innovation, he added rear-facing air horns. Sir, we tip our Pabst Blue Ribbon hats to you. (Thanks for the picture Mike)

Corn-Nuts Anyone?

Ray Wert — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:06:32 EST

Jon Stewart's upped the ante on "Truck Nuts" tonight, which makes us want to ask you to caption this photo of Jon and the benutted cob o' corn up there.

BrakeNutz. Yeah, You Read That Right, Brake... Nutz.

Ben Wojdyla — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:30:00 EDT

Let's say you're looking for a way to spice up the tail-end of pickup truck and regular truck nutz just don't do it for you. Perhaps something more tasteful and yet more flashy — literally. Enter BrakeNutz, a clear set of polycarbonate Nutz with dual-element LEDs inside. Those strategically placed lights are wired to mimic brake lights when properly installed into your cars or trucks wire harness. Guess that's one way to legally flash your nutz at someone. [BrakeNutz]

Truck Nutz Now Fineable In Florida, One State Senator Admits Guilt

Travis Hudson — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:40:00 EDT

The infamous Truck Nutz have now been deemed illegal in Florida and are punishable with a measly $60 fine. If you remember, Virginia was working on enacting a similar bill that would make displaying the genitals a misdemeanor punishable with a $250 fine. What makes this even funnier is what some of Florida's senators had to say about the matter, including an admission of guilt by one.

Sen. Jim King, R-Jacksonville, said he had a set on one of his vehicles, which he described as "all pimped out." They are no more than "an expression of truckliness," he said, although he'd acceded to his wife's request to take them off.

Another senator also weighed in on the matters.

"I find it shocking we'd tell people with metallic testicles on their bumpers that this is a violation," said Sen. Steve Geller, D-Hallandale. "There's got to be better things for us to spend time debating."

Ban or not, we're still finding it hilarious that a "prestigious" Florida senator has the, ahem, testicular fortitude to admit that he himself has a set. Florida citizens, do you really want to be represented by a truck nutter? We guess it beats other Florida Republican state legislators, at least he didn't offer a cop $20 to play with his truck nuts in a park bathroom. [Florida Capital News]

Truck Nuts Find Way To Classic Impala

Ben Wojdyla — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 12:01:00 EST

Oof, we thought this truck nuts thing was over with, but apparently it's some kind of insidious virus, and it's spreading. This fine example of a gently donked '71 Impala is the latest victim, sporting a nice set of chrome dangley bits. Other than the testicular offenses, this is actually a pretty clean car if you overlook the questionable application of billet steering wheel. A rather stylish way to declare your love of pre-malaise era Chevy's don't you think? [via Cardomain]

Coming Soon To Accessorize Your Truck Nuts: Hitch Hands

Travis Hudson — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:45:00 EST

Everyone loves truck nuts! But they are under massive legislative assault and may be banned, as we have already noted today. But you know what? Who cares! Because truck nuts, in true American fashion, are a product that breeds innovation. A company that isn't a truck nut manufacturer has now released the perfect accessory to complement the truck nuts: Hitch Hands. And Hitch Hands include a bonus.

The hand can be molded to any shape you desire. So, yes, it's theoretically capable of cupping, or cradling, or— dare we say?—caressing the truck nuts. The Hitch Hand is available for $40. And for those still having a hard time understanding what the hell we're jabbering about, go to the Hitch Hands "Dumb Ass Questions" section, which will likely dumb you down even more. [Hitch Hands via Geekologie]

Truck Nuts to be Banned: Update

Wes Siler — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:15:00 EST

On Tuesday, we told you that a State Delegate in Virginia was making plans to ban truck nuts. Now, details have emerged. Lionel Spruill introduced the bill on Tuesday under the pretext of safety, claiming that replicas of genitalia could distract drivers, causing accidents. He would like to see the display of truck nuts made a misdemeanor, punishable with a $250 fine.

Spruill decided to pursue the ban after a constituent complained about his young daughter seeing them. According to the Associated Press, Spruill said, "Sir, I'm going to be a laughingstock, but I'm going to do it."

He introduced the bill to the Virginia Assembly on Tuesday, undeterred by their past experience trying to ban baggy trousers, saying he planned to bring a set of the plastic nuts with him to prove his point, "I'm going to bring them out here and show them to you till they tell me to stop." [Via Yahoo!]

Truck Nuts to be Banned?

Wes Siler — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:30:00 EST

A lawmaker in Virginia plans to introduce a bill that would ban truck nuts. "It comes to a point where there are certain things you just can't do. And putting testicles on the back of a truck is just too much. So I am trying to stop it," Delegate Lionell Spruill told WTKR. He apparently reached his decision after a constituent's young daughter saw them on the back of a pickup truck.

Pretty much our favorite thing about this country is the time, effort and energy elected officials spend legislating mundane, harmless things and the emphasis they put on doing so. Awesome. [Via WTKR]