TIP: "OMG! Ram Brand to Add Midsize Unibody Truck as Dodge Dakota Replacement

WHAT WAS IT: Article

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: Because this zombie story's old news...again, just like yesterday. And when we mean old news we mean it predates the Carpocalypse. It's so old Automobile Magazine and PickupTrucks.com covered it, we blogged about it last year and we even made fun of the Detroit News and Autoblog for running it yesterday! Just as we expected, it claimed another outlet today — TruckTrend.

TIP: FORD ADDS NEW REMOTE START FEATURE, HEATED STEERING WHEEL TO WARM CUSTOMERS

WHAT WAS IT: Press Release

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: Welcome to this decade Ford. Thank you for adding remote start — a function most automakers and even GM have had as a factory-installed option for the past half a decade. What? Too busy coming up with new color LEDs on the Focus interior?

TIP: "BENTLEY CONTINENTAL SUPERSPORTS ADDS RECYCLABILITY
TO ITS GREEN CREDENTIALS"

WHAT WAS IT: Press release

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: Hey, Bentley, if the green credentials you're "underlining" are E85 capability, you're not actually in possession of green credentials. Just sayin'...

TIP: Toyota Hires 850 Workers For San Antonio Truck Plant To Keep Up With Demand

WHAT WAS IT: Article / Pitch

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: It was fucking boring!

[Source: Automotive News]

TomTom collected data from its Tele Atlas business system GPS data to determine what streets were "congested." In order to qualify a driver has to travel at only 70% or less than the posted speed limits. And while cities like Los Angeles and New York make the top five, it's actually Seattle, Washington at the top of the pile with 43% of the roads considered congested. Full details in the gallery.

Rank: 20th
City: Houston, Texas
% Of Roads Congested: 23%
Population: 2.24 million

Rank: 19th
City: Portland, Oregon
% Of Roads Congested: 23%
Population: 557,706

Rank: 18th
City: San Juan, Puerto Rico
% Of Roads Congested: 24%
Population: 422,655

Rank: 17th
City: Long Island, New York
% Of Roads Congested: 24%
Population: 7.45 million

Rank: 16th
City: Phoenix, Arizona
% Of Roads Congested:
Population: 1.57 million

Rank: 15th
City: Austin, Texas
% Of Roads Congested: 25%
Population: 757,688

Rank: 14th
City: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
% Of Roads Congested: 25%
Population: 1.54 million

Rank: 13th
City: Fairfax County, Virginia
% Of Roads Congested: 26%
Population: 1.02 million

Rank: 12th
City: Boston, Massachusetts
% Of Roads Congested: 27%
Population: 620,535

Rank: 11th
City: Atlanta, Georgia
% Of Roads Congested: 27%
Population: 537,958

Rank: 10th
City: Oakland, California
% Of Roads Congested: 28%
Population: 645,345

Rank: 9th
City: Alexandria, Virginia
% Of Roads Congested: 28%
Population: 140,024

Rank: 8th
City: San Jose, California
% Of Roads Congested: 29%
Population: 948,279

Rank: 7th
City: Washington, D.C.
% Of Roads Congested: 30%
Population: 591,833

Rank: 6th
City: New York, New York
% Of Roads Congested: 31%
Population: 8.37 million

Rank: 5th
City: San Francisco, California
% Of Roads Congested: 35%
Population:

Rank: 4th
City: Montgomery County, Maryland
% Of Roads Congested: 37%
Population: 808,976

Rank: 3rd
City: Chicago, Illinois
% Of Roads Congested: 37%
Population: 2.85 million

Rank: 2nd
City: Los Angeles, California
% Of Roads Congested: 38%
Population: 3.83 million

Rank: 1st
City: Seattle, Washington
% Of Roads Congested: 43%
Population: 602,000

TIP: Chrysler considering unibody Dakota replacement

WHAT WAS IT: Article

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: Because this zombie story's old news. And when we mean old news we mean it predates the Carpocalypse. It's so old Automobile Magazine and PickupTrucks.com covered it and we blogged about it too... last year!

Heck even the Detroit News covered this once this year already.

Someone needs to cut the head off this story before it bites some other unsuspecting news outlet.

[Source: Detroit News, Autoblog]

TIP: "General Motors will invest $336 million in the Detroit-Hamtramck assembly plant to begin production of the Chevrolet Volt electric car, with extended-range capabilities, in 2010"

WHAT WAS IT: Press release / event

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: We already covered news the Chevy Volt would be assembled at Hamtramck, why the hell would we need to cover GM finally opening up the checkbook to follow through with making it happen? Does GM have to tell us every time a designer moves a muscle or an engineer working on the Volt takes a toilet break? Are they that concerned the public doesn't think the Volt is real? Oh wait, maybe they are. Did you see the headline on this GM-produced video?

[Source: GM]

TIP: Five Chrysler plants get extended holiday shutdown

WHAT WAS IT: Article

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: It's the type of news important to 4,000 UAW workers (3,000 of whom don't own computers and 500 of those who do can't seem to figure out how to navigate away from the AOL or NetZero.com home page), 15 industry analysts, six Truth About Cars readers, the AutoExtremist and Dave Zatz at AllPar. And frankly, none of them actually care enough to read about it — just reading the headline would probably suffice for them.

[Source: Wall Street Journal]

TIP: "Mulally easily met Ford's list of qualifications"

WHAT WAS IT: Pitch / Article

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: The Detroit News's Bryce Hoffman provides so many story favors to Ford we're wondering if he's even got time to wipe his mouth in between swallowing down the missives for favorable stories from FoMoCo. We mean, we know your old boss got a big job over in Ford PR, but do you think you'll be following him through the automaker's pearly Dearborn gates by continuing to be a yes-man? We think not.

Anyway, this article's nothing more than a PR-produced puff-piece on how happy the family's getting along with the Jesus CEO. Nothing to see here. Move along.

[Source: Detroit News]

TIP: "Hyundai Motor Manufacturing Alabama (HMMA) President and CEO H.I. Kim, drove HMMA's 1,000,000 vehicle - a 2010 Sonata off the assembly line."

WHAT WAS IT: Press release

WHY WE DIDN'T COVER: It's fucking boring.

[Source: Hyundai]

Lego Ferrari F1 Pit

Five Lego men, a handful of tool bins, and an F1 car that fits inside of a truck. Next thing you know, little Timmy will have his Hot Wheels collection winning world championships. (Either that, or he'll be pimping his way around your basement like Flavio Briatore* on a Monaco Sunday. Neither is undesireable.)

Age: 8–14

Price: $79.99

[Lego]

*Yes, we know he's a Renault man, but sadly, Jean Todt doesn't date supermodels. You want your kid chasing uglies?

Hip T-Shirts They Won't Understand

Ancient references. In-crowd oil stains. Sure to prompt lots of questions. ("Daddy, what's ‘HF' mean?" "That stands for ‘High Fidelity,' son. That's the opposite of what daddy's ears do when mommy starts to talk.") Keeps 'em thinking, and normalizes the idea of four-wheeled weirdness.

Age: Irrelevant, so long as they fit in the shirt.

Price: $10 and up. (The Lancia Fulvia shirt at left is £19.35, or roughly $32.)

[Slick Attire]

Hot Wheels Radar Gun

This fine piece of work is a marvel of packaging and down-to-a-price engineering. Yes, it's a real radar gun. Yes, it actually works. It reads both Hot-Wheels-scale (1:64) and real-world speed, and when it came out in 2007, it listed for just $20. It's no longer in production, but you can still find it on eBay and Amazon. Cheaper than most baseball guns and durable enough to be kid-friendly. A recipe for dangerous driveway speed experiments and thrill-seeking one-upmanship. Teaches the value of Band-Aids.

Age: Mattel says 7–12 years, but we call foul. Anyone, anywhere, and any age.

Price: $50 and up.

[Amazon]

Scalextric Slot Cars

Easily found at Target. (Yes, you can stroll into the Big Red Dot and walk out with an Audi-Mercedes DTM-car battle and several feet of track. America is fantastic.) Appeal requires no explanation. If you go online, you can find everything from Trans-Am Mustangs to Dan Gurney's Spa-winning Eagle F1 car. There's also a Top Gear-branded "PowerLaps" set that sports a Stig on its box. Run, don't walk.

Age: 8 and up.

Price: $80–$320, depending on car/track configuration.

[Scalextric]

Little Tikes Cozy Coupe

I had one of these when I was little. It's since been redesigned — mine did not look like a demented clown on uppers — but it's still worth having. Few things will better show your child that they will spend their entire waking life in motion. Foot power means built-in speed limits, less broken furniture.

Age: 18 months to 5 years. (I no longer fit in a Cozy Coupe. It should go without saying that my life is a sad, sad place.)

Price: $49.99

[Little Tikes]

Killer Wall Art

Vintage motorsport posters give your brood something to dream by. Young and feisty? Pick a print that's fun and bright. Old and moody? Go for dark and heroic. No matter what you choose, you should paper the room in this stuff. (If Suzy doesn't ask to take her time-outs in the garage, then you haven't tried hard enough.)

Age: Irrelevant.

Price: $20 and up, depending on print and frame style.

[Art.com]

Take Your Kid To A Race

Take your runt to two races: a modern one, to see what evolved speed and the marketing machine is all about, and a vintage one (Do this one first. Trust us. — Ed.), to walk among legends and see how far we've come. Buy the paddock passes, eat the fair food, and make your scruffy little rugrat smell the hot tires. Bonus points if you're actually driving something on the track at the time. (Remember: It's not where mommy and daddy hang out, it's where they live.)

Age: Old enough to breathe.

Price: Admission tickets, pizza, youthful innocence.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

World Rally Championship DVD

Because the best way to get someone into cars is to start an obsession. As anyone who's unwillingly watched High School Musical knows, some things can be seen over and over; some things cannot. If your kid is going to glue herself to the television, you might as well try to rot her brain with an excess of mud and oversteer. ("Sally! No playing Left Five Over Crest in the house!")

Age: As soon as their eyes open. (Baby Einstein, my ass. I want Baby Petter Solberg.)

Price: $14.95 and up.

[Live Sockets]

My R/C Car Is Cooler Than Yours

Yes, you'll spend long hours helping them build it. Yes, it will be far too fast for their young reflexes. Yes, it'll get smashed into tiny bits. This is the price of childhood joy; it must be paid. (Don't you want your kid to know the name "‘Smokin' Jo Winkelhock"?) Years from now, when your offspring wants their first car to be a decades-old homologation special, it'll all make sense.

Age: 5 and up, depending on the quality of model and how much cash you have to burn.

Price: $20 and up. (The Tamiya M3 at left is an adult-level kit; it costs $180.00 and doesn't include batteries, paint, or a radio.)

[Tamiya]

Tom Lichtenheld's Excellent Book

Yes, the printed word is currently undergoing a strange and confusing paradigm shift. Yes, books are rapidly – and, in many cases, unjustly – losing ground to the internet and video games. But reading still has a place, and car books are the best place to start.

Tom Lichtenheld wrote Everything I Know About Cars: A Collection of Made-Up Facts, Educated Guesses, and Silly Pictures About Cars, Trucks, and Other Zoomy Things. It's funny, clever, and contains the line "Your next duty is to test the power windows. Down. Up. Down."*

Age: Doesn't matter, so long as they like bedtime stories. Start with this, then work your way up to Christopher Hilton's excellent James Hunt: Portrait of a Champion. (Debauchery! Booze! Racing! A virtual instruction manual for life!)

Price: $16.95

*FYI: Lichtenheld also wrote a similar, equally amusing book about pirates. ("Pirates will often carry their knives in their mouths, although the practice is frowned upon by the American Dental Association.")

[Amazon]

Punish The Bondage Mini

Because sometimes, you just have to take your faux-British, faux-small hot hatch down into the basement and make it your bitch. (Hey! I said say my name. Mister Jalop wants his candy.)

Be As Cool As This Guy

Toyota has a pair of Sienna seats on its floor. They recline. They're comfortable. We like this dude. He knows what's up.

Thrills, Chills, Spills!

What is it with these video game things? Almost every booth has one. Is this what the kids are doing these days? Do they learn how to use them on the blogoweb? Don't they like real cars? What did I do with my Metamucil?

I need a nap.

Stalk Famous People, Get All Creepy In Their Faces

Hey, look! It's Patrick Dempsey! He's, uh, Patrick Dempsey! He plays that one doctor on that one show! We can't remember which one! (McCreamy? McRacey?) We kind of wish we were rich like him and could go Grand Am racing in an RX-8! He could be our best friend! Let's swap hair samples, Patrick! Yay, Patrick Dempsey!

(Wait, what were we talking about?)

Watch City Buses, Contemplate Intestinal Distress

Mom always told us to be polite, so we'll keep this brief: There's something slightly ominous here. And that kind of looks like a pool of blood.

Just sayin'.

Fix Your Busted-Ass HHR

[Cue theme song from Sanford and Son; fade out]

Step Into The Tardis, Do Very Little

Mini wants you to do something with its phone booth. We have no idea what that something is. We stood inside the booth for twenty minutes, but nothing happened. (Well, not exactly nothing. The Mini people got very angry, for one. And our loud requests to meet Colin Chapman and/or Winston Churchill were repeatedly ignored. And they threatened to ban us from the show. But nothing of substance.)

Get Eaten By The Audi Sphere

Not sure what it does. Not sure why it's there. Kind of want to rub up against it. Naturally, that's when it gets you.

RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! AUDI SPHERE HUNGRY!

Monopolize Ford's Slot Car Track

If the kid in line behind you gets testy, just tell him to go hump a wall. Slot cars are fun. Adulthood is awesome. Kids can suck eggs.

Touch-a Touch-a Touch The Ford Mustang

Seriously. Go on, touch it. How does it feel? Yeah? You wanna touch it again? You should. We need you to. Touch it.

Oh! Is that your husband? Ah, yes! Can I . . . er . . . tell you about my . . . leather? It comes in a color called Grabber Blue! Wait, no, that's not what I meant. Come back. Please?

Spank the Ford Raptor

No jokes here. Baja is fantastic. The Raptor is fantastic. If you can bear the line, you can fake-drive a Raptor on this cool movey-shakey rig. Desert racing, how we long for thee.

Point Your Obnoxiousness At Lincoln's Peeping Tom

It's a rear-view camera on a fixed base with a screen directly above it. Is it recording? Is there someone watching a feed somewhere, perpetually on the prowl for up-skirt shots? No one knows. One question rises above all: Why on earth would this be of interest to anyone?

(Just for reference, yes, I showed it my ass. Yes, I am an immature goon.)

Eye-Hump Some Air-Cooled Glory

That's not a car. That's nirvana.

Stop Your Grandmother's Heart, But Just For Giggles

The Porsche display, which is housed in its own private room, contains the exploded driveline of a Cayenne Hybrid. The diorama sports a giant electric motor with an enormous ring of magnets in it. There is also a posted warning that cautions against getting too close if you wear a pacemaker. (Or if you have a cell phone, or if you have an electronic device that stores information magnetically. Good thing no one uses those.)

Maybe this is a stupid question, but if it's a mock-up, why didn't they just install fake magnets? Did some anal-retentive Stuttgarter insist upon pinpoint accuracy? (Nein! Ze magnets! For Tchermany!) If that's the case, why did someone else listen to him?

Thank you, Porsche. This is why we can't have nice things.

We've run the cars up against their sales numbers and as you'll see there's a lot of muscle on the list. There's also only two that even break the 100,000 sales mark. In both cases, they're Honda models and in both cases they sell over 200,000 units a year.

We think this means that if you're an automaker and you want your car model to break into the top ten, you need something with a plastic interior and a 500 HP option — or you need to sell an appliance that's so non-exciting people need to search for it to remember what it is.

Alas, only one of those choices seems to provide heavy sales numbers. Without further ado, here's the full list. Click next over yonder to begin.

POSITION: 10
NAME: 2009 Mazda3
2009 SALES*: 88,485

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 9
NAME: 2009 Jeep Wrangler
2009 SALES*: 75,246

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 8
NAME: 2010 Dodge Challenger
2009 SALES*: 23,316

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 7
NAME: 2010 Dodge Charger
2009 SALES*: 54,378

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 6
NAME: 2009 Honda Accord
2009 SALES*: 261,818

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 5
NAME: 2009 Smart ForTwo
2009 SALES*: 12,709

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 4
NAME: 2009 Mini Cooper
2009 SALES*: 50,511**

*Through November, 2009.
**Combined for both MINI Cooper and MINI Clubman. MINI does not break out sales data for individual models.

POSITION: 3
NAME: 2009/2010 Ford Mustang
2009 SALES*: 60,096

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 2
NAME: 2009 Honda Civic
2009 SALES*: 237,403

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 1
NAME: 2010 Chevrolet Camaro
2009 SALES*: 54,100

*From March 16, 2009 through November, 2009.

Random Point of Interest One: As far as we know, there is no universal guide for tying a deer to a car. Most DNR websites offer basic safety tips ("do not tie the deer across the hood while it's still warm," etc.), but hard and fast rules are pretty hard to come by. Our advice? If you go for the hood, make sure you can still see out of the windshield. (Seriously, people. This happens.)

Random Point of Interest Two: Hitting a deer with your car and then claiming/tagging it as the bounty of your hunt is illegal in most states. Along the same lines, if you hit an animal, don't go cutting its antlers off willy-nilly. (And if you're in Texas, don't do it next to a public roadway. You might get arrested. True story.)

Photo Credit: Ghost Particle / Flickr

"Dammit, Jim, I don't understand why he's not movin'. Hell, he's not even warm."

"Be careful, Fred. Them critters are liable to surprise you somethin' fierce."

"Well, hell, I just thought I'd poke it a little and . . . wait . . . it's . . . IT'S LOOSE! HE'S COMIN' RIGHT FOR US! AIEEEE!"

Photo Credit: Matt MacDonald / Flickr

"I saw him downtown one sunny afternoon. Hair like lightning, antlers bigger than a turned-on Thor. Couldn't have been more than a few seconds, and then he was gone. Rode down that street like he owned it. His sneakers gleamed. He was . . . El Deerablo."

Photo Credit: CM 2175 / Flickr

"Frank, I tell you, that sonofabitch knows how to drive. Scandanavian flicked it through the intersection, e-braked us up onto the curb, and double-clutched into first before I knew what happened. He's a monster. And he has to be stopped."

Photo Credit: Isbye / Flickr

"Captain, I just don't get it. When the boys arrived at the scene, the only things left were a pair of battered sunglasses and a rental car covered in hoof marks."

"The cleanup crew didn't find anything else?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing except this. It's written in a scrawling, almost . . . animal hand."

"Don't be ridiculous, sergeant. A note? What does it — wait, is that English? "

"Chief, what the hell does 'NOM NOM NOM' mean?"

(Ok, so it's an elk instead of a deer, but close enough. Also, the guy in this picture looks exactly like my friend Chris Simon from Chicago. Hey Chris!)

Photo Credit: Steve and Jemma Copley / Flickr

This is what turns up on Flickr when you search for the words "deer" and "car" simultaneously. Ladies and gentlemen, Sweden is one weird-ass place.

Photo Credit: Peter and Jan Criel / Flickr

Ah ha ha! Deer on bus! Deer no ride bus — bus ride deer! Ah ha ha! They no have fare! Ah ha ha! Oh, deer angry! Deer get in argument with bus drive person! Ah ha — oh, deer inside, oh — oh, deer ANGRY, oh OH HUMANITY! DEER GONE MAD! AIEEE!

(Again, they're elk, but...)



Photo Credit: UV Fedor / Flickr

Found outside a college dorm in Miami. We prefer not to think about why it was there. We suggest you do the same.

Photo Credit: Billy V / Flickr

Note motorcycle. Note fur on motorcycle. Note deer head attached to back of motorcycle. Note that said deer head is wearing a helmet.

Fact: This picture was taken in Germany.

That is all.

Photo Credit: Celesteh / Flickr

Aww, cute!

(Nope, there's no car. Yep, we cried at Bambi. And yep, we want to hug it. Nothing against hunting, we're just sissified emotional weenies.)

Enjoy the season!

Photo Credit: Patricia Lazar / Flickr

Ahh, Thanksgiving — turkey, family, angst, and burnouts. (Your holiday doesn't have burnouts? What are you, a commie?)

Also lists. We make lists every day, and on holidays, we sit around and stuff our faces full of food and make more lists. What are we thankful for this week? Turkey, that's what. We're also thankful for these ten cars — even though we can't afford some of them, we're happy that they exist. Dig in.

Bugatti Veyron

Because it's proof that one man can still go stark raving mad and build a world-beating car that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Makes the idea of a focus group seem like a fate worse than death. One set of its tires likely costs more than your first car did. It is yin and yang, Jalop (engineering masterwork) and anti-Jalop (heavy, unattainable). Do not try to understand it. It just is.

Photo Credit: Jason Thorgalsen / Flickr

Chevrolet Corvette

It is an American car made by American men and women. It is like walking down the street wearing a T-shirt that says, "I'm with Penis." It is remarkably modern and wonderfully crude all at once. And for a short, glorious while, it went to Le Mans and reminded the world that Yankees could kick ass. All hail the LS7. All hail the LS9. All hail Detroit.

Photo Credit: Sam Smith

Lotus Elise/Exige

Because someone, somewhere, forgot to tell the boys in Hethel to make it fat, ugly, and boring. Because it is a real car that happens to be built out of gossamer and fiberglass. And because I once flung one sideways through Road Atlanta's Turn Twelve — not entirely on purpose, mind — at triple-digit speeds and lived to tell the tale. It made me look less than stupid. I am eternally grateful.

Photo Credit: Horgakx / Flickr

Nissan GT-R

It is heavy, clublike, and run by a million computers. It is surprisingly sterile and undoubtedly better at driving itself than you are. (You get the feeling that no matter how you treat it, it is toying with you, watching you from afar.) It is on this list because it is unique. Because it is everything wrong with Japan's car industry. Because it is also everything right.

Photo Credit: Jason Thorgalsen / Flickr

Volkswagen GTI

Volkswagen's GTI is the ultimate automotive success story, a model that lost its way only to find it again years later. Sure, it's not the most durable thing on the planet, but that's part of its charm — it's cheap, cheerful, and faster than it seems. If you haven't embarrassed a supercar on some winding back road in one of these things, then you haven't lived. Hot hatches don't get much better.

BMW 335i

It is very nearly the perfect automobile, but this is no surprise. The 3 Series has been exceptional for decades, and save the odd dose of corporate German hubris, it just keeps getting better. Build a better sport sedan than this 300-horse, velvet-glove monster, and the world will beat a path to your door.

Photo Credit: Fabio Aro / Flickr

Mazda RX-8

Quirk, and for little reason other than satisfying a decades-old obsession on the part of its maker. Painfully slow around town. Those once-trick doors are now almost too much work, and the RX-8's Renesis rotary sucks dino juice like it's on OPEC's payroll. But the chassis is flat-out magic, the kind of magic you only discover at nine-and-a-half tenths when you're trying to eke out that last little bit of speed and you think nothing is left. It reminds you of a Spec Miata with more weight in the tail. It is the attainable sports car for people who truly understand what that phrase means.

Photo Credit: Michael Banovsky / Flickr

Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution

Now that both Subaru and Mitsubishi have left the international rally stage, the WRX STI and the Lancer Evolution seem a bit lost. (Homologation specials need something to be homologated for, no?) Were we forced to choose between the two, we'd probably pick the Evo, but it's a tough call. It depends on the roads you're on, on how you feel that day, and on whether you have be someplace very quickly and with little drama (STI) or absolutely nowhere at all (Evo).

The STI is an amazingly talented car and arguably the better all-rounder. The Evo is the dirty, rough-edged monster that everyone thinks rally cars are supposed to be. We like them both — a lot — but only one of them feels as mean as it looks. Mitsu by a hair.

Ford Mustang

The Mustang is a rolling contradiction, equal parts modern muscle and hopeless anachronism. It is an argument for and against everything we stand for, a piece of yesterday bound up in a slightly cheesy modern wrapper. It is both much better and much worse than you expect it to be, but somehow, that's part of its charm. It is very, very difficult not to like.

Exhaust rumble. A rompy V-8. A stick axle so well-controlled, it makes the concept almost seem relevant again. These things are not the future, but we love them all the same. Were we to wake up tomorrow and drive off into the soul of America, we would do it in a Mustang.

Photo Credit: Sausyn / Flickr

Caterham Seven

One long-dead man's ridiculous dream turned reality turned company-bill-payer turned neglected relic turned reality again. Impossibly small. Sillier than almost anything else on wheels. Older than dirt. And still fantastic.

Happy turkey!

Photo Credit: Exfordy / Flickr

Being scared of cars isn't unhealthy. Rather, it's a sign of respect for what four wheels, thousands of pounds of mass and gobs of power can do to yourself and others when forced to an immediate, screeching and metal-crunching stop. It's a good feeling. It makes you feel alive. Click "next" to see the cars that get our hearts racing.

Car: TVR Cerbera Speed 12

Why We're Afraid Of It: Starting with the obvious: it's a TVR. The specs almost match up with the Veyron except, you know, it's much lighter. And why is it so much lighter? No complex crumple zones, safety equipment, or electronic nannies to weight you down. But hey, you didn't buy one thinking you were going to live that long anyways.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: Cubensis

Car: Dodge Viper SRT10

Why We're Afraid Of It: It'll burn you one way or another. It'll either leave a "Viper tatoo" of charred flesh along your calf as you exit or, if not given the proper respect, out the narrow front windshield. All power and no visibility make this a toy only for the well insured.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: Us

Car: Caterham R500

Why We're Afraid Of It: If the Caparo T1 is like driving an F1 car, the Caterham R500 is like driving a motor and not much else. It does 0-to-60 MPH in... NOW. At a hair over 1,100 pounds it's got a power-to-weight ratio of 520 HP-per-ton. Windscreen and heart pills optional.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: Arcsine

Car: Any Cobra Replica

Why We're Afraid Of It: Oversteer is a helluva drug. Shops like Factory Five have continued to pour more power into Cobra replicas and, in the name o fidelity to Shelby, not much else. It's basically the best way imaginable to piss your pants.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: VeeArrrSix

Car: Porsche 930

Why We're Afraid Of It: Though it's the best sort of being scared, the original Porsche 911 Turbo was one of the earliest production vehicles to feature turbocharging. With around 400 HP coming out of an engine hanging out the back, the physics of the 930 are questionable and become that much more frightening when you throw in überturbolag. Stay on the throttle and it'll, almost magically, get you around the corner. Lift and you're toast.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: Jeb_Hoge

Car: Wienermobile

Why We're Afraid Of It: We enjoy driving the occasional commercial truck, but when you remove the box and throw on an awkward and top-heavy dog-in-bun costume things change a bit. Based on a GMC platform, the latest big Wienermobile is powered by a 300 HP, which is completely manageable. What scares us the most about this particular vehicle is everyone else on the road swerving into us while trying to take video with their cell phone. We hear it's worse than a Bugatti.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: PDQ2

Car: LS-Powered Cars That Aren't LS Cars

Why We're Afraid Of It: Whether LS1 or LS9 not all cars were intended for large, powerful V8 engines. And while throwing out a flat-head six in an old truck and dropping in an LSwhatever feels right, a Corvette-powered Chevy Aveo or Corvair is a proposition only for those without a history of heart problems.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: Dmartino

Car: Dodge Caliber SRT4

Why We're Afraid Of It: Sure, 285 Horsepower isn't that much, until you consider it's been put in a vehicle barely designed to handle 100 HP. Buy hey, FWD cars with lots of power isn't necessarily bad, it's why God created differentials... except this doesn't have one. It has a "braking" diff that just hard-brakes one of the wheels on you. It's as comforting as it sounds.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: Us one winter in Chicago.

Car: Caparo T1

Why We're Afraid Of It: It's considered the F1 car for the street. We'll reiterate: it's the F1 car for the street. Lots of power, not much weight, limited protection, and it nearly killed Jeremy Clarkson. Where do we sign up?

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: Motor_Yakuza

Car: Chrysler Sebring

Why We're Afraid Of It: The Chrysler Sebring Convertible doesn't have half the power most of the cars on this list have, but it feels like it's made of tin, drives like its tires are coated with astroturf, and is so loud with the top down that you're sure death is but a pothole away.

Who Is Most Afraid Of It: Lprice

In J.G. Ballard's 1974 novel Concrete Island, a wealthy man becomes stranded (his Jaguar breaks down, natch) in a fenced-off section of highway overpass. He fills his days much as you'd expect –- he retreats into himself, meets people that don't exist, and generally turns into a raving nutbag.

Was the highway to blame for that guy's freak-out? Given that he was driving an old Jag, probably not. (Crusty Brit iron has been known to rot brains.) But if we were set to go crazy, these ten locations are where we would want it to happen. Nothin' says lost-mind lovin' like the elegant work of the civil engineer.

Photo Credit: Ken Ohyama / Flickr

Hakozaki Interchange, Tokyo Metropolitan Expressway

As cities go, Tokyo is a big one. Thanks to densely packed buildings and a labyrinthine road system, it can seem impossibly complex at ground level. The Hakozaki junction is just one of the town's many Say What? feats of engineering. And yes, it looks like a giant freaking octopus. (Come to think of it, so does I-5.)

Photo Credit: Ken Ohyama / Flickr

Nanpu Bridge, Shanghai

Much like Tokyo, Shanghai is home to some of the world's weirdest architecture. It also plays host to more circular on-ramps than you can shake a stick at. The Nanpu Bridge, completed in 1991, is barely more than a quarter-mile long, but it sports one of the coolest ramps this side of a shark-jumpin' Fonzie. No, you're not seeing things — that's three decks.

Photo Credit: Qiao Da Ye / Flickr

Interstate H-3, O‘ahu

H-3 starts near Pearl Harbor and ends near Marine Corps Base Hawaii, effectively bisecting the southern half of O‘ahu. Planning for the road began in 1960, but construction didn't begin until the late 1980s. When it was completed in 1997, it was derided for being one of the most expensive interstates ever built. ($80 million dollars per mile, for reference.) We don't care. It's gorgeous.

Photo Credit: Seth Ladd / Flickr

Volkswagen Automated Garage, Wolfsburg, Germany

It's twenty stories tall, it houses more cars than you can shake a stick at, and it's smarter than most college students. Volkswagen's automated garage is used during new-car deliveries at the firm's Wolfsburg Autostadt, or "City of Cars." (Think of it as half Disney World, half industrial fantasy.) The garage is 80% smaller than a standard one of similar capacity, but we can't bring ourselves to get excited about numbers — we just want to get in a car and ride the dang thing*.

*Before you ask, no, they don't let you do this. Yet.

Hokko Junction, Hanshin Expressway, Osaka

Yet another piece of Asian beauty masquerading as an ordinary interchange. The Hanshin surrounds the Japanese cities of Osaka, Kobe, and Kyoto; if the name sounds familiar, that's probably because an enormous chunk of the allegedly earthquake-proof freeway fell over during the 1995 Kobe 'quake. Thankfully, the Hokko was spared — the drain pipes alone qualify as art.

Photo Credit: Ken Ohyama / Flickr

Plano-Dallas Tollway/President George Bush Turnpike, Texas

It's just elegant, isn't it? There isn't much more to say. (Bumper stickers we wish existed: "Everything is Elegant in Texas;" "Matt Hardigree is an Elegant Man;" "Our Highways Make Your Highways Look Like Sissified Lady Parts.")

Photo Credit: Austrini / Flickr

En-Suite Sky Garages, 200 11th Avenue, New York City

Admit it: You've always wanted a condo in the city where you can park within feet of your couch. Car elevator? Got it. Killer view? Got it. Oil stains tracked into the living room of your umpteenth-floor crib? Of course! (Wait, that kind of sucks.) As far as we know, this isn't the first building of its type, but we're pretty sure it's the first one in the United States, and it's definitely the only one in the greatest city in the world. Booyah.

[200eleventh.com]

Bhumibol Bridge, Bangkok

Thailand is part of Asia, and if you haven't noticed, Asia seems to have a thing for funky, modern roadways. The Bhumibol Bridge in Bangkok is a perfect example — it connects southern Bangkok with the Samut Prakan province, crossing the same river twice. Its two spans are held up by two diamond-shaped pylons, and they meet in the middle at a curving, delicate on-ramp.

Photo Credit: Harald Hopfes / Flickr

Ramp, Chonqinq, China

Most of the time, the simplest approach is the best choice. This double-decker ramp is relatively new, but it arcs through a parklike green space so gracefully that it looks older than dirt. (In case you were wondering, those taxis are waiting to get gas. China looks like a fun place.)

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Fukushima Gate Tower, Hanshin Expressway, Osaka

The Fukushima Gate Tower in Osaka has a highway running through it. Yes: a highway. The building is sixteen stories tall, and it was there before the freeway that passes through its belly. The highway doesn't make contact with the building; it's held up by external supports. (This is apparently how Japanese engineers settle civil arguments: Don't want to move your building? Eat me. I've got a road to build.)

This is for those of you who think that modern machinery is dull, that there isn't anything out there worth pawning a kidney for. We're talking series-production stuff here; microscopic manufacturers need not apply. Hang onto your valuables and leave all sharp objects at the door. These engines is nuts.

Mercedes-Benz AMG 6.2-liter V-8 (C63 only)

What: 6.2-liter, DOHC, 32-valve V-8. Aluminum block, aluminum heads. 451 hp @ 6800 rpm; 443 lb-ft @ 5000 rpm.

Why: Because it crackles and snorts at idle. Because it will actually pop and spit on overrun if you toe in a little bit of throttle. Because it sounds like a cross between the pits at Englishtown and a DTM car that wants to break your face. Stuttgart sticks this engine in almost everything it builds, but it's somehow louder, angrier, and coarser in the C63 than it is anywhere else. A diabolical V-8 built by crack-smoking German engineers with a fetish for good hamburgers and the music of Glenn Danzig.

Thing You Will Do The First Time You Floor It: Wonder how much more awesome Talladega would be with a touch of balls-out blitzkrieg.

Photo Credit: The Car Spy / Flickr

Cadillac 6.2-liter "LSA" V-8 (CTS-V)

What: 6.2-liter, 16-valve V-8. Iron block, aluminum heads. 556 hp @ 6100 rpm; 551 lb-ft @ 3800 rpm.

Why: It's big, it's has pushrods and a supercharger, and it's in a Cadillac. (A Cadillac, people.) It pulls until Christmas and doesn't seem to care that it's hauling around four doors and a dairy farm's worth of leather. As a factory-backed, 100,000-mile-durable proposition, the LSA is nuts. Between a CTS's front fenders, it's undiluted madness.

(Those things on the left? Those are the blower rotors. They're art. When was the last time anything in a Cadillac's engine bay qualified as art?)

Thing You Will Do The First Time You Floor It: Throw away any and all doubt you have about the talent of Detroit's engineers. Look up the word "whompy" in the dictionary. Giggle.

Porsche 3.8-liter H-6 (911 GT3 only)

What: 3.8-liter, DOHC, 24-valve flat six. Aluminum crankcase, cylinder jugs, and heads. 435 hp @ 7600 rpm; 317 lb-ft at 6250 rpm.

Why: The movie Le Mans, that's why. Or maybe the titanium connecting rods, the seven oil pumps, and the fact that it sounds exactly like a 2.7-liter Carrera RS sounds in your head. (Hint: It's hollow and made almost entirely of love.) This is the heritage freak-out, the motorsport-focused mill that revs to the moon and produces all of its power at the north end of the tach. Words don't do it justice, except to say that there is no earthly reason why a modern engine should sound this wonderful, be this single-minded, and be available to ordinary men.

See that jumbled mass of plumbing over there? We used that snoozy picture for a reason: Like most modern Porsche powerplants, the GT3's six looks like little more than a horny water heater. Never judge a book by its cover.

Thing You Will Do The First Time You Floor It: Instantly conclude that your entire life has been a complete waste of time. (Did you design this thing? I don't think so. Go twiddle your thumbs, Bunkenheimer.) Deutschland über your mother.

Ferrari 4.3-liter V-8 (F430 Scuderia/Scuderia Spider 16M)

What: 4.3-liter, DOHC, 32-valve V-8. Aluminum block and heads. 503 hp @ 8500 rpm; 347 @ 5250 rpm.

Why: It's a Ferrari V-8. More specifically, it's an F430's flat-crank V-8 with higher compression and higher output. It's busy, it's nervous, and in Scuderia/16M tune — especially in the roofless 16M, where the yowl is loud enough to liquefy your eyeballs — it wants to crack your skull open and dry-hump your gray matter.

Remember that noise from Animal Planet, the one that cheetahs make when they're about to leap into a pack of running gazelles? Speed that up, bump up the pitch, and play it through a speaker the size of the Chrysler Building. Nothing built by human hands should sound this unhinged.

Thing You Will Do The First Time You Floor It: Get pregnant. Even — wait, no, especially — if you're not a woman. (You're essentially driving undiluted sex. What did you expect?)

Anything They Put In The Ariel Atom

What: Depending on where and when you bought it, anything from a Honda K20A four-cylinder to a 3.0-liter, 500-hp V-8.

Why: The engine's main air intake is literally five inches behind your ear. When you stab the throttle in an Atom, your brain gets sucked down that duct and spit into next Tuesday. If you're wearing a helmet, you'll probably be OK; if not, you'll wake up naked and carless in the Falklands wondering why your tongue hurts. (Lesson? Whatever you do, don't screw with the Brits.)

Thing You Will Do The First Time You Floor It: Go deaf. Whirring, whistling, sucking, screaming, agony-of-Armageddon deaf. Loud doesn't even begin to describe it.

RUNNER-UP: Lexus 4.8-liter V-10 (LFA)

What: 4.8-liter, DOHC, 40-valve V-10. Aluminum block and heads. 553 hp @ 8700 rpm; 354 lb-ft @ 6800 rpm.

Why: Lexus is trying to reinvent itself, and nothing screams reinvent like a supercar with a weight-obsessed design team and a set of hydraulic shift paddles. This from the company that gave the world the Camry Hybrid. Anything that goes under the LFA's hood is crazy on principle, much less a V-10.

Thing You Will Do The First Time You Floor It: We're not quite sure, largely because Wes is the only one who's driven it. He communicates in a language all his own. (Much like the Burger King chicken fry, Siler is a mystery to modern science. Also, he wears tight pants. You can't trust anybody in tight pants.)

Feature: Cruise Control
Rank #10
Why People Want It: The phrase "Set it and forget it" made Ron Popeil a rich man. We don't particularly like paying attention to things that don't need constant modulation, it's boring. Thus cruise control. It used to require Rube Goldberg-like gadgetry to keep speed constant without having your foot on the pedal, but now it's as simple as a piece of software controlling the electronic throttle. Not standard yet (but getting there) are systems to prevent you from plowing into the back of a Reatta at freeway speeds because some boob decided to slam on his brakes while you were texting on your cell phone.

Feature: 4WD
Rank: #9
Why People Want It:You need four wheel drive to conquer the cliffs of cul-de-sac every morning while commuting from your remote village of Pulte. It's absolutely essential when considering the refuse-strewn terrain and deep water you'll face during sudden thunderstorms. By God, what if you go tailgating at your alma mater and have to park on the grass! There'd be no rescue for you if you had no four wheel drive.

Feature: Seat Heater (s)
Rank:#8
Why People Want It: If you've ever lived in a state that does winter with gusto, say, Michigan, you realize the utility of seat heaters. They're practically life saving devices in February. Since American's bottoms are ever expanding and a large heat sink, an unheated backside could probably result in flash hypothermia. Seat heaters: Saving American lives during short trips to the Taco Bell drive through at 2 AM in February.

Feature: Tow Hitch
Rank: #7
Why People want it: Tow hitches are like bicycles. Some people use them a lot, every day in fact, other just like to have one for recreational stuff, but most just like to have them because. You never know when you'll need a tow hitch. Those are the people with rusty tow hitches that've never seen the inside of a receiver.

Feature: Automatic transmission
Rank: #6
Why People Want It: People want automatic transmissions because they're the only way to enable knee driving, which frees up both hands for more important tasks, like putting on eyeliner, checking out the morning newspaper, chatting with a cell-phone in one hand and a coffee in the other. Also, they don't like manual transmissions because they hate sunshine and rainbows and freedom and the American way. Plus hills. They hate hills.

Feature:DVD Video System
Rank: #5
Why People Want It: Have kids? Hate them? DVD players all around. Who wants the arduous task of actually speaking with your progeny? Nobody, that's who. Having conversations about the trip, the world around, answering questions and providing a general education for your kids is the job of the public schools. Put the latest Pixar flick on and enjoy pretending you never even had them.

Feature: Third Row Seat
Rank: #4
Why People Want It: You know all those other friends you have? The ones you don't really want to ride with you when hitting the town because they talk too loud on their cell phone or possess the innate ability to make every conversation about how the '85 Bears were the greatest football team ever? Those friends are the reason 3rd row seats were invented. Put them in the wayback and A) you can't hear them from the drivers seat and B) it's so cramped back there they'll never want to hitch a ride with you again. We're surprised it's only at #4.

Feature:Sunroof
Rank: #3
Why People Want It:Everybody loves letting the sun shine in, and since we as a nation now spend virtually all our time in the office, at the mall, or in front of the TV when not in the car, a hole in the roof is absolutely critical for the body's production of Vitamin D. You can quite easily pick out people without sunroofs, as they'll be suffering the effects of Vitamin D deficiency, namely cardiovascular disease, cognitive impairment in older adults, severe asthma in children and cancer.

Feature: Navigation System
Rank: #2
Why People Want It: Driving is hard. Knowing where you're going and using a map is even harder. Being aware of your cardinal directions and prior preparation for a trip are old ways of thinking. Pre-internets ways. Nowadays you simply take twenty minutes to awkwardly key in your destination address, then dive across four lanes of freeway traffic to hit the exit when the voice prompt tells you to awkwardly turn as you're passing it. It's a great feature.

Feature: Leather Seats
Rank: #1
Why People Want It: Since the dawn of the automobile, leather upholstery has been a luxury feature. That's not to say it's the correct metric for luxury. After all, you can get leather seats in a Kia Rondo. Still, it's one of those features which makes every car seem a little nicer, despite the at-times atrocious plasticky vinyl feel to the material.

Our criteria for building this list were fairly simple: In order to make the cut, a car had to be relatively sensible, inexpensive, and easy to find anywhere in the country. It also had to be enjoyable to drive every day, have a solid parts supply, and be just a little bit...odd.

You know, odd in that Jalopnik way. The cars here may not be that special to most, but to put it bluntly, they're better — or maybe just weirder — than a used Camry. Rejected? Often. Forgotten? Never.

(Note: Year ranges listed are suggested purchase ranges, not model lifespan. Think you can do better than what we found? Prove it—let us know in the comments.)

What: Volkswagen Beetle

When: 1967–1980

Why: Ubiquitous and unusual all at once. Air-cooled and has swing axles, both of which became novelties long ago. Was once the most common car on the planet. Will run—or at least run badly—until the Sun cools. Holds four people and can choogle down a highway at relatively modern speeds. Has reached old age with surprising grace. Reminds you that once, in the world of cars, there was such a thing as Different.

How Jalopnik Is It? Anywhere from 150-ish points to a blue bajillion, depending on age, horsepower, type of fuel delivery, and level of funk.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: Volkswagen Karmann Ghia. Not quite as practical as the Beetle, but way more common in the rust belt. (Go figure.)

Photo credit: David Prior/Flickr

What: Peugeot 505

When: 1980–1992

Why: It's French, which means that it has seats like your living-room sofa and an interior designed to make you forget that driving is work. Surprisingly durable. Remarkably attractive. Handles well. Comes as either a sedan or a handsome wagon. Reminds you that the French need to start selling cars here again. Downside: fashionable with hipsters.

How Jalopnik Is It? 65 to 200 points, depending on choice of engine and the number of dead mimes you have in the trunk.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: Er...let's see...a cheap, relatively modern French car that still exists stateside in any quantity? We'll get back to you on that.

Photo Credit: Joside Lusarreta/Flickr

What: Mercedes-Benz W108 (S-class forerunner)

When: 1968–1972

Why: It's last of the old-school, Hitler-staff-car Benzes. Six-cylinder versions can usually be found for less than the cost of a decent lunch. Likely to be more dignified than you are. Will carry four people and their luggage from here to Zimbabwe without complaint. Downside: Doesn't take well to neglect. Often refuses to move without "Ride of the Valkyries" playing on the radio.

How Jalopnik Is It? Even the lamest 108 is a 50-point car. Quadruple the point count if the vehicle in question has ever been used in a putsch.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: Mercedes-Benz W114/115, essentially the W108's younger brother. Smaller and less luxurious but just as indomitable.

What: Chrysler Newport

When: 1971

Why: Associate editor Ben Wojdyla recommends it. In his words, "you look like a low-level mob enforcer in one, although I'm pretty sure the car won't start unless you're wearing a brown polyester suit and white patent leather shoes." 'Nuff said.

How Jalopnik Is It? 150 points for a four-door, 125 for a two-door. Double points if the previous owner once stored Jimmy Hoffa in the glovebox.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: Really, just pick anything from the movie Goodfellas. You'll be fine.

What: Volvo 262C Bertone

When: 1978–1981

Why: It's a Volvo 240 coupe that's been made to look more odd. The 240 is a fantastic, if slow, vehicle, essentially a standard Detroit sled as interpreted by the Swedish. (For the uninitiated, this means a Dana stick axle, great brakes, and a heater that just won't quit.) The 262C was the same thing plus Italian sheet metal. Neat, if you like that sort of thing.

How Jalopnik Is It? Our math gives us 93, but that can't be right. It's a Swedish version of an American car that was built by Italians, fer chrissakes. Let's just double it: 186.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: A regular Volvo 240. Good ones basically grow on trees, and if you're stepping out of anything modern, they can feel amazingly old and quirky. (This is a good thing.)

What: Pontiac Tempest

When: 1961–1963

Why: As our friend Graverobber once put it, "two words: rope drive." A rear-mounted transaxle, a flexible driveshaft, and near-50:50 weight distribution. Designed by John DeLorean. Has pretty much always been dirt cheap. The Tempest is likely cooler than you are.

How Jalopnik Is It? 105 points at least, more if you get lucky. If your rope drive has ever been removed from the car and used to hang someone, add 50 points.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: 1960–1962 Plymouth Valiant. Something of an ugly duckling, but appealing in its own right.

What: Alfa Romeo Spider

When: 1970–1990

Why: Generally speaking, making a reliable daily driver out of a decades-old Alfa is neither easy nor inexpensive, but we're romantics. Post-Duetto (i.e., Kamm-tail) Spiders are the unloved rejects of the Alfa family—they're far too primitive and fragile for most people, even as cheap convertibles, and most Alfa freaks prefer the fixed-roof cars. (It's a surprisingly easy trap to fall into—yours truly has lusted for a Giulia Super since the first Bush administration.) What this means is that they're everywhere, cheaper than free, and all but disposable. Thankfully, they're also damn entertaining.

How Jalopnik Is It? Even the world's lamest Spider is a 150-point car. Thank you, Italy.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: Alfa Romeo Milano. Yes. (What were we supposed to suggest? A Lancia?)

Photo Credit: PeoplemapsJulie/Flickr

What: BMW 2002

When: 1972–1976

Why: BMW claims that this is the original sport sedan—it's not, though that's a discussion for another time—but mostly, we just think it's fun. (And for that matter, small, practical, fuel-efficient, durable, cheap, and a good basis for a canyon-carving hot rod.) It's like an Alfa GTV where everything works. Rusts a lot, but impact-bumper beaters (post-'74) are cheaper than you think.

How Jalopnik Is It? 125 points at minimum. Add five points if it's orange (Inka) or yellow (Golf).

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: Volkswagen Golf (Mark I). Same basic idea, but front-wheel drive and cheaper parts.

Photo Credit: Tree Dork/Flickr

What: Mercedes-Benz R107 (SL)

When: 1971–1989

Why: Because it's known far and wide as the "Panzer" (as in "tank") SL. More common than dirt and carved from a single, spectacular chunk of Teutonic arrogance. Vehicular cockroach; will likely survive Armageddon with its standard hardtop intact. Reminds you that the Germans once built everything out of cast iron and willpower.

How Jalopnik Is It? At least 105 points.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: You can't find one of these? Really? Try Craigslist, or simply step outside, close your eyes, and start walking. You'll bump into one. Promise.

What: MG MGB

When: 1968–1980

Why: This is a tough one. By modern standards, the MGB is a slow, depressing little car. It handles like a used-up Jeep and seems to have been built from Fisher-Price plastic and medieval machine tools. It rusts—badly—and all the affordable ones are equipped with ugly, government-mandated rubber bumpers. Still, the 'B succeeds in spite of itself. It's charmingly, irrepressibly British in a way that few things are, and it can often be pretty entertaining to drive. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I kind of want one. Don't you?

How Jalopnik Is It? 140 at minimum. Thank you, Jolly Old.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: Late (1970–1981) Triumph Spitfire. Nowhere near as common or as well-built as a 'B, but still not a bad choice. There are other Triumphs worth having, but these are the most attainable. (God help you if you buy a Stag.)

Photo Credit: Arkadyevna/Flickr

Honorable Mention: Chevrolet El Camino

When: 1959-1960, 1964-1987

Why: If you have to ask, you don't need to know.

How Jalopnik Is It? Ditto.

Can't Find One? Try This Instead: We're supposed to say "Ford Ranchero" here, right? Boo. Just buy a Camino.

Name: No, Speed Racer, No

Motto: "To Boldly Slow…Where No Man Has Wanted to Slow Before."

Club Principles: A support group for people with too many points on their license to continue speeding. You probably know the feeling, even if you haven't bumped up against your state's license-pulling limit: The first ticket is almost a non-event, more a speeding tax than a deterrent. By the second, you begin to analyze how, where, and why you haul ass. By the third, you're well and truly paranoid, eyeing overpasses and frantically glancing into the trees. ("The pigeons. They have radar guns." "Honey, they're just birds." "Are you kidding? That's what they want you to think.")

Have six months left before it's safe to flat-foot it? Your next five-over going to get you arrested? Everyone needs a hand to hold on to.

Name: The Zipcar Abstinence Group

Motto: "Keep it Zipped."

Club Principles: Exactly what it sounds like-a club dedicated to stopping people in big cities from using Zipcars for prostitution and random sexual acts. (This happens. Seriously.) Achin' for some on-the-go bacon? Dying for a good old-fashioned game of Hide the Shift Knob, only without the time-consuming cleanup? Sorry, pal—some of us actually use these things to get around in, and nothing ruins the morning traffic slog like the smell of someone else's man-butter. Do the rest of us a favor and stick to your own garage—or at least the nearest bus station.

Name: We Bad

Motto: "You suck. Admit it."

Club Principles: A club for bad drivers who want to improve their skills behind the wheel. Don't worry—this isn't you. It's never you. It's always the other guy, and if he weren't such an asshat, you wouldn't have driven your car over that cliff and into that orphanage and ruined little Timmy's Christmas and now you're in jail and wait until your lawyer sees what you did to that guy with the shiv you made out of that iPod, only seriously, it wasn't your fault…

Name: (No) Love and Theft

Motto: "Steal my car. Please."

Club Principles: A club for people who drive vehicles so desperately crappy that they would literally be better off walking. You may not have been here, but you probably know someone who has. This is for the folks who avoid driving like the plague, the people who hate their cars with a passion. Ford Topaz catch fire on a daily basis? Datsun Honey Bee once give you the Hanta virus? Welcome home. Leave your conscience at home, leave your keys on the table, and leave the building before your insurance company finds out.

Name: Art and Science, My Ass

Motto: "Get off my lawn!"

Club Principles: A club for people who think old-school, front-wheel-drive Cadillacs are just fine, thank you very much, and who don't like the division's current styling direction. There are several thousand of these people, and they all live within a hundred-mile radius of Boca Raton, Florida. Most of them drive a gold-plated DTS and believe the internet to be a compellingly old-fashioned mystery show featuring Angela Lansbury. Which is probably just as well.

The line between awesome and obnoxious is a fine one, but these ten vehicles (and a bonus!) end up on the wrong side of it. We'll just take a long-wheelbase Executive Town Car, thanks.

Started Life As: An Excalibur
Turned Into: A neo-classical car that's even worse to drive
Appropriate For: A wedding officiated by a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator.
Suggested By: Maymar

Started Life As: Hummer H2
Turned Into: A Yellow Tiger-Print Monstrosity
Appropriate For: A nightmare trip to the Zoo.
Suggested By: Jagvar

Started Life As: Lamborghini Countach (we think) or a Fiero!
Turned Into: None of the privacy of a limo or the handling of a Ferrari... complete with a built-in jacuzzi full of crabs!
Appropriate For: Taking your friends to a White Snake reunion tour.
Suggested By: AtlasFugged

Photo Credit: LosAngelesExoticLimos

Started Life As: Some sort of boring Ukranian car
Turned Into: The visual approximation of Viktor Yushchenko's face.
Appropriate For: Celebrating your victory over taste, Russian-backed political parties.
Suggested By: Buster Brew

Started Life As: Ferrari 360
Turned Into: A waste of one Ferrari and about $1,000 an hour
Appropriate For: Marrying someone who wears Ferrari team shirts but actually drives a Ford Escort.
Suggested By: Scandanavian Flick

Started Life As: Toyota Prius
Turned Into: A rolling monstrosity that takes up a lot of space on the road, uses more gas, and is a waste of six doors since we can't imagine six people getting into it.
Appropriate For: Taking an Angry Green Girl to the Teen Choice Awards.
Suggested By: Oddfish

Started Life As: Mini Cooper
Turned Into: A waste of over 1,000,000 swarvoski crystal
Appropriate For: Princess Regina of Kazakstan, who is driven around in it.
Suggested By: Sharkd

Started Life As: PT Cruiser
Turned Into: It's definitely pink
Appropriate For: A 15th birthday party in Hello Kitty hell
Suggested By: K5ING

Photo Credit: Limofan.net

Started Life As: A Pontiac Grand Prix
Turned Into: Something actually worse than a Pontiac Grand Prix
Appropriate For: A NASCAR-themed funeral
Suggested By: Firepwr

Started Life As: Cadillac EXT
Turned Into: A giant limo with a tiny bed
Appropriate For: Going to homecoming... with your cousin.

BONUS LIMO
Started Life As: A DeLorean DMC
Turned Into: A stretched DeLorean Limo, which is either obnoxious or awesome, we can't tell the difference right now.
Appropriate For: Marrying Elizabeth Shue
Suggested By: TheCharles411

If you think you can do better than these eight, drop the names/images into the comments as if they were your drawers.

8.) Vehicle: Nissan Homy Super Long
What It Suggests: Being well-equipped for any journey.
Use It In A Sentence: Women go crazy for a Homy Super Long man.

7.) Vehicle: Dodge Ram
What It Suggests: Forceful love making.
Use It In A Sentence: He put the tailgate down and gave me the full Ram.

6.) Vehicle: Audi TT-S
What It Suggests: Only Ze Germans could make a breast reference more efficient.
Use It In A Sentence: He was pleasantly surprised by the size of her TT-S.

5.) Vehicle: Ford Escort
What It Suggests: You're guaranteed to have a good time with an Escort, but you'll pay for it.
Use It In A Sentence: That Escort gave me crabs.

4.) Vehicle: Mazda Scrum Wagon
What It Suggests: A cleaning device used at a strip bar.
Use It In A Sentence: Cleaning out the Scrum Wagon is totally Charley work.

3.) Vehicle: Hummer
What It Suggests: To quote the poet: a handy would certainly be dandy, but if you want to know me then....
Use It In A Sentence: Arnold Schwarzenegger was a big proponent of the Hummer in the 1990s.

2.) Vehicle: Dodge Magnum
What It Suggests: It's the BIGGEST of the LX-platform vehicles.
Use It In A Sentence: I'm not sure if his Magnum will fit in my parking space.

1.) Vehicle: Ford Probe
What It Suggests: We come in peace, but we still want to know what's going on in there.
Use It In A Sentence: Spend all day with a Probe and your back will fall asleep as well.

After relying primarily on sea and air transportation, moving supplies and individuals over land has become a more popular and efficient choice. Conditions are so harsh almost every vehicle, even those used for short distances, are required to carry two survival bags filled with sleeping packs, warming materials, food and a transponder. Pack up your long-johns and click "next" for a journey to the South Pole.

Vehicle: Tucker Sno-Cat
Where used: McMurdo Station
Distance: Short-to-Medium Distances
Special Features: This tracked vehicle steers by hydraulically pivoting both the front and rear axles it, allowing it to maneuver around the snow. These vehicles are often used in a mode similar to tractors and pickups.

Photo Credit: nomadwarmachine

Vehicle: Hägglund
Where used: Popular vehicle for the Australian outposts, especially Casey Station, capable of transporting passengers.
Distance: Medium-to-Long Distances
Special Features: Powered by compact diesel engines, these cross-country tracked vehicles come with a detached, articulated cab that allows the vehicle to cross serious terrain and haul passengers and gear. Also, it floats, just in case.

Vehicle: Ivan The Terra Bus by Foremost
Where used: McMurdo Station
Distance: Typically carries passengers between landing planes and McMurdo Station, the largest outpost on Antarctica.
Special Features: This jacked-up off road bus carries more passengers than any other vehicle on the continent. It also has an awesome name.

Photo Credit: Wisc.edu

Vehicle: Mars-1 Humvee
Where used: This military-spec HMMWV is used as a cross-country vehicle.
Distance: Long distances
Special Features: Designed to provide arctic research and attempt to mimic economical design for exploration in martian or lunar environments, the small cabin includes research facilities and two bunks for sleeping.

Copyright NASA

Vehicle: Ford E-Series Vans
Where used: McMurdo station and other permanent stations
Distance: Short-to-Long Distances depending on use.
Special Feature: The E-series van, heavily modified, is a popular choice for Antarctica. These range from the rather tame 4x4 version to this, the six-wheel Ice Challenger Science Support Vehicle with a 7.3-liter turbo-diesel engine, air suspension, GPS communications and a 20-speed transmission. It set a world record for crossing from the coast to the south pole in 69 hours. The old record? 24 days.

Photo Credit: ExFordy

Vehicle: "Antarctica 1" Volkswagen Beetle
Where used: Australia's Mawson Station
Distance: Very short distances, like a taxi
Special Features: The first regular production vehicle ever on Antarctica was a freaking VW Beetle. Seriously. Mods are minor and include the European "winterization" package, insulated battery, an aluminum cover for the air intake, and strengthening bars to the front and rear.

Photo Credit: Netro.com

Vehicle: Foremost Delta Two
Where used: Williams Field Airport
Distance: Short distances
Special Features: One of the other large passenger vehicles on the continent, the Delta Two is an articulated heavy duty truck platform with a big metal shed on the back for transporting passengers. It's not hi-tech, but it works.

Photo Credit: Elisfanclub

Vehicle: Lotus Concept Ice Vehicle
Where used: Will be used this year on a cross-continental expedition.
Distance: Pulled extremely long distances, used for shorter distances.
Special Feature: This super-light vehicle runs on E85 biofuel and crosses the ice lightly on skis. Designed by Lotus, this vehicle will use an Ice Penetrating Radar to detect hidden crevasses ahead of the six-wheeled vehicles.

Vehicle: SkiDoo Snowmobile
Where used: Everywhere
Distance: Short
Special Feature: The Skidoo snowmobile are the horses of modern Antarctic transportation, carrying goods and people across snow and ice.

Vehicle: Foremost Nodwell
Where used: Major permanent stations
Distance: Short-to-Medium
Special Feature: Unlike the Delta and Terabus, the two-tracked vehicles offer more versatility and ability than the wheeled vehicles and, as seen here, can be outfitted with numerous platform attachments such as a passenger cabin.

Photo Credit: Alexander Colhoun National Science Foundation

Put your helmets on, fill those tanks with homemade napalm and click "next" because the cities are exploding and you need to know how to survive the upheaval.

Vehicle: EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle
Suggested By: Racin_G37
Pros: Comfort, full armor, integrated communications and weapons center, drapes
Cons: Maneuverability, fictional
Best Suited For: Sneaking a large force into an urban area in the Sun Belt where people expect to see RVs. Come on guys, we're taking over Phoenix tonight!

Vehicle: Matte Black Bicycle
Suggested By: Alfisted
Pros: Quick, easy to carry, stealth
Cons: Lack of armor, storage, speed
Best Suited For: Densely packed urban slums like Rio (ready for an Olympic rumble).

Vehicle: Deuce And A Half/M35
Suggested By: Ryan K. Light
Pros: Will run on nearly every burning fluid, powerful, gigantic
Cons: Too big for small alleys, slow, hard to defend without a roof
Best Suited For: A metropolis with a lot of freeways and high-proof liquor to run the engine on, like Los Angeles or Moscow.

Vehicle: Killdozer
Suggested By: Evil-Jeremy
Pros: Nearly unstoppable, great name, armored, can crush opponents
Cons: Poor fuel economy, space, no exit
Best Suited For: Crazed suicide mission urban warfare when you expect to go up against a lot of pedestrians (Copenhagen)

Vehicle: V8 Interceptor
Suggested By: Snapoversteer
Pros: Proven, fierce looking, fast, Mel Gibson-approved
Cons: Sucks down fuel, poor visibility
Best Suited For: Lawless, abandoned urban towns like Detroit.

Vehicle: EarthRoamer XV-LT
Suggested By: EBone
Pros: Tough, decent mileage, ISO9001 compliant protection against chemical, biological and nuclear contamination
Cons: Big, harder to fix, you're not going to need those satellite dishes when the satellites crash into the cities
Best Suited For: When society breaks down and the armies of the world release all their weapons and it's a mutant/zombie urban throw-down you'll be able to live comfortably in Omaha.

Vehicle: Tumbler
Suggested By: Robbloeb
Pros: Batman-approved, designed for dense urban areas, armed and armored
Cons: Experimental, hard to repair, complex
Best Suited For: quick jaunts of intense urban warfare when you have a subway/dungeon/cave to retreat to when done causing mischief, like Chicago or NYC.

Vehicle: Toyota 4x4
Suggested By: Schm
Pros: Tough, cheap to maintain, can carry your warlord buddies
Cons: Little armor, easy to tipover
Best Suited For: Crowded, dilapidated cities with crappy roads like Mogadishu.

Vehicle: Mazda 323 GTX
Suggested By: 2trips
Pros: Good all weather traction, super tuneable, easy to repair
Cons: Lack of space, small, not at all bulletproof
Best Suited For: European cities like Barcelona with narrow streets, fruit carts and streets wet with blood.

Vehicle: Hamann Typhoon
Suggested By: Arcsine
Pros: G-Wagen toughness, V12 power (0-62 MPH in 5.1 seconds), stainless steel bits, looks ready for battle
Cons: Flashy, uses tons of gas, weakness in the wheels
Best Suited For: any city with open roads and a lot of fuel around like Riyadh or Houston.

Human beings aren't strictly rational animals. Car enthusiasts, for all their emphasis on numbers and measurements, are roughly equal parts rational and rationalizing, and there's no end to the myths that have grown around car culture. We believe that many of those myths, while perhaps not strictly true, are beneficial and help make car culture a fun place to be. We therefore choose to live as if these myths are pure truth, and we fully support all those who do. Click Next to see some of our most cherished.

MYTH: Cars were just plain better in the old days.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: Cars are safer, more reliable, more efficient, and perform better today than they were in any version of "the old days."

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because there are different versions of "better," and one definition has to include some sort of subjective measure of soul. As many have said, the rear end on that '59 Bel Air has enough soul for a Motown collection. And we believe that almost any older car, from AMCs to old Volvos, can have more soul, charisma, personality, or what have you have you than something modern designed to do nothing more than hold four sets of golf clubs and then crash. Plus, owning an older car almost invariably means you're working on it, and working on your own car makes your car more yours as well as making you a smarter and more capable person.

MYTH: Ferraris are the ultimate automobiles.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: The overwhelming Ferrari mystique obscures the fact that these things are overpriced, overstyled, breakdown-prone pose-mobiles.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: So who gives a damn? Frankly, the question of Ferrari ownership is probably never going to be one of our problems, and it's good to have someone at the epicenter of automotive lust. Even if you're not a Ferrari person, you probably have some equivalent ultra-car marque as the angel on top of your imaginary lottery-winning Christmas tree, and the same logic applies-someone has to be the ultimate, and the ideal of the ultimate will always be more important than the reality. At least this ideal comes with its own F1 team.

MYTH: The Indy 500 is one of the greatest races in the world.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: It's been trading on its storied history as it slowly becomes a boring and expensive spec race.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because we believe there's still a chance that it could return to its innovative, anything-goes, world's-best-drivers glory days. Exactly how this may happen is unclear to us, and it won't happen by next year if ever, but we hold out hope. And it's still much more fun and interesting to watch than the other Greatest Race traditionally held on the same day, the glitzier but far more past-its-prime Grand Prix of Monaco.

MYTH: Car dealers can't be trusted.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: With contemporary consumer protection and access to information, you can probably trust them now more than ever before.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because consumer skepticism, at least educated consumer skepticism, is a good thing, especially on major purchases. Trust must be earned, right? Now, this doesn't mean prospective car buyers should walk into dealerships and say "Prove to me you're not a crook!" because for one thing, you can't prove a negative. What it means is to do your research, don't let car lust carry you away, and always, always, always take a Jalopnik reader with you when buying a car.

MYTH: The Prius sucks.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: The Prius is a perfectly competent automobile that delivers very good fuel economy and has thousands of satisfied owners.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: In its quest to save precious energy resources it's created a shortage of material resources. It's hideous. For the first successful hybrid, it's remarkably uninteresting from a tech point of view-when our sister site Gizmodo featured one at their gallery and ran its 12-volt battery down showing off its flashy dashboard, we were a bit miffed to find that it couldn't jump-start itself. And seriously, we'd rather be taken out and shot out behind the storage shed than spend $28,000 on a perfectly competent automobile that delivers very good fuel economy.

MYTH: LeMans is a great movie.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: LeMans is a collection of racing footage inside of a really terrible movie.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because that's a really, really stupendous collection of racing footage in that terrible movie. Also, the terrible movie includes Steve McQueen, which softens the blow somewhat. It really seems like making LeMans was an excuse for the director, cast, and crew to hang around the Circuit De La Sarthe with race cars for a few days, and that's something we can all understand.

MYTH: Manual transmissions are better than automatic transmissions.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: Automatics are catching up; the dual-clutch units can outperform manual boxes in many cases, and even their fuel-economy advantage may be disappearing.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Again, there's better and there's better. In this case, being in total control of your car is fun and interesting, and more fun and interest are better. To many, learning stick is still an achievement-although maybe it shouldn't be, heck, it isn't all THAT hard, but no matter-and being more capable is better than having everything done for you. We could really give a damn if the Porsche PDK systems are a tenth faster to sixty or whatever the numbers are; we didn't bother to look them up because we don't care. We would rather drive to
sixty a bit slower than ride there.

MYTH: Gaze upon my works, ye not worthy, and despair; for I am Bob motherfucking Lutz.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: What, Bob Lutz? So-called Father of the Viper? He's just a marketing guy.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Listen, we need colorful figures in this world, and Bob Lutz is the most colorful person we have in the American car business. Perhaps in any business. His is a tradition going back as far as Barnum, or at least Don King. Are auto writers worried that Fritz Henderson will land a helicopter in their backyard, walk into their house, and yell at them? Is Alan Mulally or Scott Monty going to challenge us to a duel anytime soon? Nope. And seriously, without Lutz, we wouldn't have so much of modern car culture, from the phrase "The Ultimate Driving Machine" to the aforementioned Viper. Yes, there's way too much marketing in the world today, but that's not the problem. The problem is that Lutz isn't doing all of it.

We'd point out these vehicles have to have been insured and driven for a year, so it's not as if these were merely broken shells of these exotic makes. Someone had to destroy a roller for, at most, $4,500 off a new car. Click next to see what cars were destroyed, how much they originally sold for, and how rare they were.

[NHTSA via Detroit Free Press

Vehicle: BMW 850i
Year: 1992
Original MSRP: approximately $100,000
Rareness: Only 30,000 built

Vehicle:Aston Martin DB7 Volante
Year: 1997
Original MSRP $137,000
Rareness: Only 7,000 built; therefore, there are only 6,999 left at most

Vehicle: Roush Stage 3 F-150
Year: 2006
Original MSRP: Approximately $46,000 after upgrade
Rareness: Unknown

Vehicle: GMC Typhoon
Year: 1992
Original MSRP: $29,320
Rareness: Only 4,697 produced

Photo Credit: Obnoxious Motorsports

Vehicle: LaForza SUV
Year: 1990
Original MSRP: $60,000
Rareness: Unknown, but assumed rare since the Ford-powered $60,000 Italian SUV wasn't amazingly popular.

Vehicle: Mercedes C43 AMG
Year: 1999
Original MSRP: $53,000
Rareness: Only 4,200 units built

Vehicle: Bentley Continental R
Year: 1997
Original MSRP: $307,000
Rareness: Only 1,290 built

Vehicle: Excalibur Autos Phaeton
Year: 1987
Original MSRP: Unknown
Rareness: Unknown, but fairly rare

Vehicle: Buick GNX
Year: 1987
Original MSRP: $29,900
Rareness: Only 547 produced

Vehicle: Maserati Quattrporte
Year: 1985
Original MSRP: $80,000
Rareness: If it's a 1985 U.S. model then it is likely the Royale, of which only 55 were built to order for Americans