Here's some numbers to make you feel absolutely craptastic as you ready yourself to make the trek to LaGuardia or wherever this Thanksgiving eve:

● AAA projects 38.4 million Americans will travel 50 miles or more away from home over Thanksgiving holiday weekend, a 1.4% increase over last year's 37.8 million.
● CNBC's Phil LeBeau's live reports from Chicago's O'Hare airport will increase 7.8% from last year's record number.
● Travelers by car expected to increase 2.1% to 33.2 million.
● Fox News will raise death-by-airplane scare segments by 44% over last year's record 18.
● Air travel will drop 6.7% to 2.3 million.
● 1 in 4 users of turkey fryers will give themselves third degree burns.

So, a fun day to everyone!

Photo Credit: Mario Tama / Getty Images News

ALABAMA

Worst Speedtrap: Montgomery
Dishonorable Mention: Birmingham, Huntsville, Uniontown

ALASKA

Worst Speedtrap: Anchorage
Dishonorable Mention: Fairbanks, Juneau, Seward

ARIZONA

Worst Speedtrap: Tucson
Dishonorable Mention: Gilbert, Phoenix, Scottsdale

ARKANSAS

Worst Speedtrap: Little Rock
Dishonorable Mention: Augusta, Fayetteville, Parkin

CALIFORNIA

Worst Speedtrap: Fresno
Dishonorable Mention: Fullerton, Los Angeles, San Jose

COLORADO

Worst Speedtrap: Colorado Springs
Dishonorable Mention: Aurora, Denver, Fort Collins

CONNECTICUT

Worst Speedtrap: Enfield
Dishonorable Mention: Danbury, Groton, New Canaan

DELAWARE

Worst Speedtrap: Newark
Dishonorable Mention: Dover, Felton, Fenwick Island

FLORIDA

Worst Speedtrap: Waldo
Dishonorable Mention: Lawtey, Ocala, Orlando

GEORGIA

Worst Speedtrap: Pendergrass
Dishonorable Mention: Atlanta, Duluth, Marietta,

HAWAII

Worst Speedtrap: Honolulu
Dishonorable Mention: Kailua, Kaimuki, Maui

IDAHO

Worst Speedtrap: Boise
Dishonorable Mention: Idaho Falls, Lewiston, Post Falls

ILLINOIS

Worst Speedtrap: Naperville
Dishonorable Mention: Carol Stream, New Lenox, Peoria

INDIANA

Worst Speedtrap: Indianapolis
Dishonorable Mention: Bloomington, Culver, Fort Wayne

IOWA

Worst Speedtrap: Des Moines
Dishonorable Mention: Ames, Cedar Rapids, Davenport

KANSAS

Worst Speedtrap: Shawnee
Dishonorable Mention: Leawood, Overland Park, Topeka

KENTUCKY

Worst Speedtrap: Louisville
Dishonorable Mention: Lexington, Middlesboro, Owensboro

LOUISIANA

Worst Speedtrap: Woodworth
Dishonorable Mention: Baton Rouge, Lake Charles, Metairie

MAINE

Worst Speedtrap: Kittery
Dishonorable Mention: Augusta, Falmouth, Portland

MARYLAND

Worst Speedtrap: Frederick
Dishonorable Mention: Columbia, Hagerstown, Waldorf

MASSACHUSETTS

Worst Speedtrap: Worcester
Dishonorable Mention: Lowell, Newton, Springfield

MICHIGAN

Worst Speedtrap: Livonia
Dishonorable Mention: Ann Arbor, Redford, Warren

MINNESOTA

Worst Speedtrap: Minneapolis
Dishonorable Mention: Bloomington, Elk River, Plymouth

MISSISSIPPI

Worst Speedtrap: Starkville
Dishonorable Mention: Jackson, McComb, Tupelo

MISSOURI

Worst Speedtrap: Foristell
Dishonorable Mention: Curryville , Independence, St. Charles

MONTANA

Worst Speedtrap: Missoula
Dishonorable Mention: Darby, Havre, Joliet

NEBRASKA

Worst Speedtrap: Omaha
Dishonorable Mention: Bellevue, Grand Island, Lincoln

NEVADA

Worst Speedtrap: Las Vegas
Dishonorable Mention: Henderson, Pahrump, Reno

NEW HAMPSHIRE

Worst Speedtrap: Manchester
Dishonorable Mention: Nashua, New London, Somersworth

NEW JERSEY

Worst Speedtrap: Paramus
Dishonorable Mention: Bridgewater, Monroe Township, North Brunswick

NEW MEXICO

Worst Speedtrap: Albuquerque
Dishonorable Mention: Cuba, Las Cruces, Rio Rancho

NEW YORK

Worst Speedtrap: Brooklyn
Dishonorable Mention: Batavia, Rochester, Staten Island

NORTH CAROLINA

Worst Speedtrap: Raleigh
Dishonorable Mention: Charlotte, Greensboro, Wilmington

NORTH DAKOTA

Worst Speedtrap: Grand Forks
Dishonorable Mention: Fargo, Thompson, Washburn

OHIO

Worst Speedtrap: Columbus
Dishonorable Mention: Akron, Canton, Lindale

OKLAHOMA

Worst Speedtrap: Caney
Dishonorable Mention: Moffet, Moore, Kiowa

OREGON

Worst Speedtrap: Portland
Dishonorable Mention: Beaverton, Eugene, Springfield

PENNSYLVANIA

Worst Speedtrap: Horsham
Dishonorable Mention: Feasterville, Harrisburg, Warrington

RHODE ISLAND

Worst Speedtrap: Providence
Dishonorable Mention: Johnston, Pawtucket, Warwick

SOUTH CAROLINA

Worst Speedtrap: Greenville
Dishonorable Mention: Columbia, Gaffney, Society Hill

SOUTH DAKOTA

Worst Speedtrap: Sioux Falls
Dishonorable Mention: Rapid City, Wagner, Yankton

TENNESSEE

Worst Speedtrap: Nashville
Dishonorable Mention: Memphis, Piperton, Smyrna

TEXAS

Worst Speedtrap: Houston
Dishonorable Mention: Arlington, Austin, Estelline

UTAH

Worst Speedtrap: Sandy
Dishonorable Mention: Roy, Salt Lake City, West Valley City

VERMONT

Worst Speedtrap: Wilmington
Dishonorable Mention: Barre Town, Island Pond, Norwich

VIRGINIA

Worst Speedtrap: Virginia Beach
Dishonorable Mention: Chesapeake, Emporia, Norfolk

WASHINGTON

Worst Speedtrap: Bellingham
Dishonorable Mention: Black Diamond, Ritzville, Seattle,

WEST VIRGINIA

Worst Speedtrap: Summersville
Dishonorable Mention: Charleston, Gauley Bridge, Hurricane

WISCONSIN

Worst Speedtrap: Rosendale
Dishonorable Mention: Appleton, Milwaukee, Waukesha

WYOMING

Worst Speedtrap: Thermopolis
Dishonorable Mention: Cheyenne, Jackson Hole, Rawlins

[NMA via USA Today]

Those of you who have not yet deep-fried a turkey and enjoyed its crispy yet still juicy goodness are indeed missing out on the turkey day experience. This deep-frying exercise is not to be taken lightly. Hooking a propane tank up to a flimsy stand upon which five gallons of hot oil and a big 'ole turkey sit bubbling is a recipe for one heck of a grease fire. Even lowering the big bird into the bubbling oil is an exercise in danger. Jalopnik is here to show you how to deep-fry even a monster bird with relative safety and amusement.

Each year the warnings hit the news about the dangers of deep-frying a turkey. Some folks compete for the Darwin award and try to pull this off inside. This is a very bad idea. Please do not attempt to deep-fry turkeys in the house. Also don't try to pull this off on a dried out wooden deck attached to the house. That being said, the second great problem is lowering the giant bird into the hot oil without getting burned. Years ago we stumbled upon this procedure over at Big Nate's house at a holiday-related function. A 17-pound bird on sale for six bucks at Ralph's and an engine hoist sitting in the garage got us thinking it was a procedure worth revisiting.

What You'll Need:
· Turkey Fryer Setup
· Engine Hoist
· 5-gallons Peanut Oil
· Propane and Propane Accessories
· Service Cart or Similar
· Turkey
· Bailing Wire
· Hand Tools

Prepare the fryer setup. Place bird in fryer pot. Cover with water. Remove bird. Mark or note water level. This is how much oil you'll need. Dry the pot and add the same amount of oil.

Wash and dry the bird inside and out. Prepare the bird. No stuffing! We kept it simple and used our sekrit spice rub for additional flavor.

Light the burner and heat peanut oil to 325 degrees. Don't set the world on fire. Don't go play video games and leave the pot unattended.

While the oil is heating up affix the bird and holder to the engine hoist. Bailing wire is your friend.

Position the turkey and hoist for lowering. Beware not to knock the fryer setup over with hasty or ham-fisted hoist movements!

Release hydraulic pressure on the engine hoist to SLOWLY lower the bird into the oil. Watch for spattering. That oil is wicked hot. Cook turkey about 3 1/2 minutes per pound.

Success! Raise cooked turkey from oil. This 17-pounder was cooked to crispy perfection in under an hour. Allow bird to drain and cool over grease pot.

Use hoist to lower the bird onto a service cart or similar. Unhook the bird. Relocate bird from garage to house. Carve and enjoy! – Mike Bumbeck