But we're not talking a boring old Chevy, Ford, or Dodge here. If you're going to go to all the trouble of obtaining acres of deep-pile maroon shag carpeting and diamond-tucked velveteen upholstery, to commission an airbrush artist to create a mural representing an Aztec sacrifice on a Hawaiian beach in a space station, and to hire a 37th Degree Master Bongsmith to craft you a four-footer that matches your chrome exhaust stacks… well, all that effort would be wasted on some dime-a-dozen Econoline or Tradesman. Fortunately, Robert has found us a couple of great vans, either of which would make an excellent starting point for a lifelong deeply fulfilling custom van project. For this, he gets a Project Car Hell Tipster T-shirt (unless he takes a size other than S, M, or L, in which case he'll probably get a random 24 Hours Of LeMons team T-shirt).

Try to imagine that Johnson Messenger CB mounted next to an Octophonic Sparkomatic reel-to-reel deck, in a hand-carved mahogany console. What kind of van would best suit such a setup? Why, a Candy Apple Red Thames Freighter van, of course! We've admired the Freighter ever since seeing this super-original example at the Monterey Historics, but finding an example of Ford's British proto-Econoline is harder than finding a buyer for a foreclosed McMansion in edge-city Bakersfield. Don't give up hope, though, because this 1961 Thames Freighter has a top bid of just $1,200 and no reserve! It starts and runs, sort of, but "the interior needs everything," the brakes need work, and some glass is broken. There's rust. But who cares? Someday it will make this Freighter look subdued!

Ever since we first met the Tempo Matador Hochpritsche, we've had this crazy idea that a full-on custom Tempo or Hanomag van would be the proper way to roll. In fact, a green-themed Tempo Matador, powered by a veggie-oil diesel and sporting a full-body airbrushed rainforest mural, hemp upholstery, and a pyramid-shaped meditation chamber in the back- now that's a custom van! Since most of the Matadors were made with clattery, smog-belching VW air-cooled engines (driving the front wheels), such a project has remained but a dream… until today! Would you believe that this Tempo Matador Diesel van is up for sale? We don't know the reserve price, but we suspect that there's not enough crack in the world to have made anyone feel optimistic enough to set the reserve on this terrifyingly wretched basket-case orphan somewhat challenging diamond-in-rough project much higher than the current top bid of $1,250. The seller doesn't provide any much useful information about this van in his or her description ("I don't know much about it but they are very hard to find in the U.S"). All emailed questions to the seller are answered with the following statement: "The I.D. plt says VIDAL U. SOHN TEMPO WERK HAMBURG-HAMBURG MATADOR ED 1.3 TO FAHRGESTELL-Nr serial # D6303581 wat.2700 lbs 1400." However, there isn't much rust, it appears that most of the glass and trim is intact, and that Hanomag diesel engine might be just a total rebuild a few minutes of tinkering away from rod-knocking roaring into death life!

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The real reason we go to classic car shows is the odd chance of running across something like this. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Tempo Matador. To our knowledge, it is the only air-cooled, mid-engined, front-wheel-drive pickup truck with suicide doors ever created. Produced in extremely low numbers between 1949-1951 as both a precursor and competitor to the Volkswagen Type II, this particularly cherry example is one of five known to exist in the world. As great as the actual truck is, the essentially perfect restoration is even better. Killer features include a backward Type I engine below and behind the driver's butt, a rear window flourish that looks like the hood from a Bug and several cases of Weizen bottles from a brewery in Reisbach. You owe it to yourself to click through the gallery. Also, jump for some YouTube action. – Jonny LIeberman

Das virtuelle Tempo Museum; VW Classic 2007: 1950 Tempo Matador [External]

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A New Old Bus: Volkswagen Updates a 1964 Microbus with Gadgets [Internal]

The Mercury Topaz wasn't so a forgotten Mercury as a disappeared Mercury. As the badge-engineered sibling of the highly forgettable Ford Tempo, the Topaz started out life with three strikes against it. But wait! back in '90 you could get this here Blue Max Topaz, with power windows and free polycast wheels! Now, be honest- have any of you ever seen a real live Blue Max Topaz? – Murilee Martin

Related:
Forgotten Mercury Of The Day: 1982 LN7 [internal]

The Tempo, was introduced as one of Ford's first front wheel drive vehicles in 1984 until its eventual replacement by FoMoCo in 1995 with the Contour. The Jack Telnack-designed compact shared platforms with the Ford Escort, and although this boxy compact was claimed to have "the world's most advanced automotive computer" and "more rear room than a Mercedes 300D," it still was seen by many a pundit as inferior to the re-designed '86 Camry (more horsepower), the '85 Accord (even more horsepower) and the '84 Cavalier (more sales). Still, despite the competition, the car sold rather well — and even merits a car club of its own. We can't help but think it was due to the decent fuel economy (28/43) and of course, as the commercial showed, the car's matchbox-style acrobatics — were indubitably displayed in real life. – Ray Wert

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Classic Ad Watch: The Iron Sheik Feels Toyota, American Freedom [internal]