Jalopnik: Tanks

Transformers 2: Megatron To Return As A Tank?

Mark Arnold — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:20:00 EDT

Rumor has it that the Decepticon bad boy, Megatron, may be making a return to the screen for Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. This time, Megatron is said to be in the form of a military tank, but that's caused some people to wonder if that means the Autobots have resurrected him to help them defeat The Fallen. Either way, Megatron will have a hard time upstaging all the glimmering General Motors product placement. Wait, does GM make tanks? [via chud, image via plasticcrack]

Kettering University Student Builds Half-Scale Tiger Tank

Ben Wojdyla — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:00:00 EDT

One of the students at one of our alma mater, engineering-centric Kettering University in Flint, Michigan, has gone and stepped up to the tank driving plate, building a half-scale diesel-powered Tiger tank. We'd be lying if we didn't admit to more than a little bit of jealousy. Especially when the tank compounds the awesomeness by being created for paintball battles so it's equipped with a live air cannon for firing packs of paint ball rounds. Sure, they're not live fire shells, but it'll do the trick. Will Foster, we salute you for raising the bar higher than we saw it lifted in Flint in quite some time, and we're assuming you no longer worry about the minor issues that troubled us during our time spent in these ivy-covered halls. You know, things like parking during happy hour at Rubes, tuition prices and well, pretty much anything. We can assume life on campus is so much more easy when you're staring at it from up atop a mini-Tiger. (h/t to Adam Leech!) [MLive]

Commenter Of The Day: Tanks For The Memories Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:45:00 EDT

None of us want to ever complain about our jobs as, we're sure, there are tens of thousands of people out there that would take them in a second. So that being said, please allow us a quick moment of professional discontent as we envy Ben and his Dukakis moment. While we're out tooling around in Yukon Denalis, Foresters and STii, The KILLWOJDYLER (thanks elhigh) is reviewing a freaking R/C Tank. There were lots of great comments today, but if you think we're going to give them all play again you're crazy.

The inside joke of the piece is Ben's review, which takes our current three-part review structure and sort of turns it on its head. Understanding this, Graverobber takes it to the next logical Jalopnik step with this question:

Are you going to do a "part 2" tomorrow where you ask "What does this button do?" and then blow a hole in the green dumpster?

We resent the implication that any of us would do anything dangerous in a car/truck/military vehicle we were reviewing. Everyone hear that? We are responsible adults. Now where the hell is that fire button, anyways?

Jalopnik Drives Real Live Tank By Remote Control, Can Now Die Happy

Ben Wojdyla — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:59:00 EDT

Guess who got handed the manual remote control pendant for BAE Systems' Black Knight fully autonomous tank? Yeh, I'm in as much shock as you are but can't stop thinking "Holy shit, I drove a robot tank! ROBOT. TANK." The 12-ton Unmanned Combat Vehicle (UCV) was developed by BAE Systems as an internal test bed for next generation technologies in ground warfare support. The Black Knight (we love the name, so take that Batman) is powered by a 300 HP Cat diesel and although it's quiet as a mouse is capable of up to 48 MPH. It's the largest robot with a safety release from the US military and has undergone field testing at Fort Benning. The tank can operate up to 15 MPH autonomously or by way of pendant in a command vehicle like an A3 Bradley from distances as far as three miles away. By the way, did I mention I DROVE A FREAKIN' ROBOT TANK? And now, since we did drive it, it's only fair to give it the good ol' Jalopnik Review treatment below the jump, star ratings and everything:

Exterior Design: *****
It's a robot tank in desert brown, it has a 20mm cannon and tracks. 5 stars aren't enough.

Interior Design: **
It doesn't really have an interior, but since it can be operated from long range, you can be pretty much anywhere within 3 miles and run it, so the outside is the inside. We were standing in a parking lot in Sterling Heights and it was cold out. 2 stars.

Acceleration: Inc.
How do you gauge the acceleration of a tank? The Black Knight stayed in first gear, I wasn't in it, it seemed pretty responsive when I was driving it (Did we mention I DROVE A FREAKIN' ROBOT TANK?!?) but there's no way to say whether the acceleration was good or bad.

Braking: ****
Stellar. As you can see from the video, the tank stops like it's hitting a brick wall. With no need to prevent broken noses on passengers it can stop however hard it feels like.

Ride: Zero Stars
Better than a 1982 Corvette, but that's sure not saying much. We award it zero stars and may God have mercy upon the rears of any souls unfortunate enough to need a ride inside.

Handling: **
Er, how does a remote controlled tank handle? How about this — it did exactly what I asked it to do. A pirouette? Sure. Straight line? Right away, sir. Does it count if I felt the Earth move because the Earth was actually vibrating from it? No? Then it gets what it has coming to it.

Gearbox: Inc.
Without a shifter to throw or a seat to throw it from we couldn't tell how good or bad the cog-swapper was. Not only that, but the Black Knight's handlers kept the thing in first so, you know, no drag racing to be had in the parking lot.

Audio: **
There's no audio system save the gentle hum of the Cat diesel pushing it along. In fact, the tracks are actually nearly silent front the coat of rubber on them. But that's a far sight better than a few in-car radio systems we've experienced.

Toys: *****
Did we mention this a fully autonomous tank (OMG, I just remembered, I DROVE A FREAKIN' ROBOT TANK!!) with a 20mm cannon capable of real time obstacle detection and independent situational awareness? Yeah, cause it's got that. Again: Robot. Freakin'. Tank.

Value: Inc.
Depends. We don't know how much the price tag is on this system. But how do you put a value on keeping your soldiers out of nasty fire fights? That's for congressional appropriations committees to decide.

Overall: *****
FREAKIN'. AUTONOMOUS. ROBOT.TANK.

In Russia, Tank Builds YOU!

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 12:15:00 EST

Hosannas to the wacky chroniclers of post-Soviet life in Russia and its former subject nations, as they have found a man in a small village near Novosibirsk who constructs full-sized Great Patriotic War-era tank models using nothing more than old photographs as a guide. The vehicles are operable, featuring modern powerplants and apparently have given some of the village's people quite a fright during test drives. What's next? Apparently, his dream is to build an aircraft carrier. Just imagine waking up one morning and noticing the superstructure of the Admiral Gorschkov in your neighbor's yard...

Self Made Tanks [English Russia]

Related:
In Soviet Russia, Tank Flies YOU! [Internal]