Jalopnik: Tank

Transformers 2: Megatron Really a Tank?

Mark Arnold — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:20:00 EDT

Adding a smidgen of confirmation to rumors that Megatron will be a tank in next summer's Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen is this image of a villainous bot with tank treads. While it may just be a concept for a possible design, it definitely looks capable of some serious robo-butt-kicking. The Corvette Centennial had better watch its back. [via seibertron]

Transformers 2: Megatron To Return As A Tank?

Mark Arnold — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:20:00 EDT

Rumor has it that the Decepticon bad boy, Megatron, may be making a return to the screen for Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. This time, Megatron is said to be in the form of a military tank, but that's caused some people to wonder if that means the Autobots have resurrected him to help them defeat The Fallen. Either way, Megatron will have a hard time upstaging all the glimmering General Motors product placement. Wait, does GM make tanks? [via chud, image via plasticcrack]

Exclusive Video From New Death Race Movie Features Mean-Looking "Dreadnought"

Ray Wert — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:00:00 EST

While we knew going in the Death Race "trailer" we posted earlier wasn't the real thing, our sources tell us like the Jason Statham screen shot we showed you last week, the video we've got up above is absolutely the real thing. It's some behind-the-scenes video from the new Death Race movie. That vehicle you see running through an industrial wasteland (that appears to look a great deal like a prison) is something called the "Dreadnought" and we're told it's up to no good in the Race all about the Death. Embargoes threatening our own "Death" prevent us from saying anything more. No need for us to give Universal Studios a free 40 points at our expense.

Out of the Way, Knaves: It's Tank Limo!

Mike Spinelli — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 10:12:14 EDT

From the Fun with Government Surplus department comes Tank Limo, the toy-slash-business of some blokes with big ideas and a fleet of military equipment. It's a renovated field hustler fitted with smoked glass, a fridge, twin DVD players, back-up cameras and completely retrimmed interior. They're in process of installing 44 feet of remote neon tubes and a Jacuzzi, about which they say, "If you hear a rumor it's a 5 foot sheep dip with a pump and heat exchanger it might not be true." It can fit three crew and eight passengers (the tank, not the jacuzzi) and is perfect for weddings, proms or launching a coup on Bolivia. Your choice. [Tank Limo via Make]

Stop Worrying and Love the T-34

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 21:45:00 EDT

We here at tha Jalop tend toward two sorts of vehicular affection. We adore the high-tech and revolutionary, but we're just as smitten with mass-produced machines for the general populace. The T-34 strikes us as the 20th Century vehicle that really hit smack-dab in the middle of that matrix. It was KISS-simple, it worked well, and its continued supremacy was a result of an incredible logistic reorganization of the world's largest nation's manufacturing base. As is the unfortunate case of practically any large-scale government project, there were many, many tragic human casualties, and the subject of that is an Encyclopedia Brittanica-length story in and of itself. Nevertheless, the T-34 stands as one of the most world-changing vehicles of the 20th Century, and to be honest, while we could never see ourselves rolling in a King Tiger, despite its inherent, unfortunate majesty, and we've always found Shermans a bit ungainly, we could roll correct in a T-34. The rest of the T-34 saga after the jump.

Pimp my tank?!? [Gizmodo] ...

Ray Wert — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:15:00 EDT

Pimp my tank?!? [Gizmodo]

Renault: Born From Tanks

Murilee Martin — Thu, 10 May 2007 10:45:00 EDT

With Saab's "born from jets" ad campaign attempting to convince buyers that badge-engineered Opels are really just as cool as Mach 2 fighter planes, we find ourselves wishing Kaiser still made cars so they could have a "born from huge oceangoing freighters" campaign. But no matter- Renault's got everyone beat with the great-great-grandpappy of every Renault on the street today: the FT-17 tank. With production starting in late 1917, the FT-17 was so revolutionary (the first tank to have its cannon in a fully rotating turret, among other innovations) that the prospect of thousands of them clanking inexorably across the battlefield was one of the factors that drove the Hun to launch his ill-fated 1918 offensive. – Murilee Martin

Renault FT-17 [Wikipedia]

Hoon of the Day: Tank Drifting!

Mike Spinelli — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 11:00:00 EDT

When you're a tank company of the Swedish armed forces, we'd imagine there's not much else to do but hoon around a frozen lake and practice two-track drifting techniques. Or, even possibly invent some two-track drifting techniques in your Leopard 2A4. You just know this'll spark some kind of annual event up there, which we'll see on BBC World next year. [Thanks to Jealousy for the tip.] – Mike Spinelli

[Webpark: ! ! ) (5.70Mb)]

Related:
More hoons of the day [internal]

Early Porsche Hybrid: The Ferdinand/Elefant

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 16:45:00 EST

As commenter DougN pointed out earlier, Ferdiand Porsche's design for the Tiger tank was passed over for a design by Henschel. However, an armor-hungry Wehrmacht did end up with a retooled version of Porsche's Tiger in tank-killer guise. The Ferdinand had its air-cooled Porsche powerplants yanked and replaced with a pair of 300hp Maybach engines used to power electric motors. Fuel economy was an astonishing 1/4mpg. Fitted with a Krupp 88mm gun, the Ferdinands fared poorly at Kursk, where nearly half the force was lost.

The surviving vehicles were brought back to Germany, upgraded and by Hitlerian decree, took on the name Elefant. Only two examples survive today. One captured at Kursk by the Russians and one taken by the Americans at Anzio. We assume the Cayenne hybrid will be more efficient, even if it may be a white Elefant. – Davey G. Johnson

Elefant [Wikipedia]

Related:
Autoextremist Not Hot For Wiedeking [Internal]

Major-General Sir Percy Cleghorn Stanley Hobart's Funnies

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 09:15:00 EST

We spent some of last night watching parts of Patton, one of our favorite films, and alongside Apocalypse Now, the greatest war movie in our personal book. Although we like the one where Ronald Reagan bombs the Minutemen very much as well. So we got to thinking about Operation Overlord. And then we got to thinking about all of the specialized things that were cooked up to make the invasion happen. And while Mulberry Harbours are cool, we must admit that we've always loved "Hobart's Funnies," a motley collection of custom tanks that threw flames, lobbed 40-lb mortar shells, swam, cleared mines, blew up reinforced-concrete walls and served as bridges.

The Major-General referred to as "Hobo" may have been the ultimate tank hot-rodder of all time (Antonov was sort of a one-trick pony, even if his one trick was spectacular). And unless the crew inside has a beef with you, who doesn't love a hot-rod tank? – Davey G. Johnson

Hobart's Funnies [Edward Willett's Intergalactic Library]

Related:
In Soviet Russia, Tank Flies YOU! [Internal]

In Soviet Russia, Tank Flies YOU!

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 08:00:00 EST

Sweet Mother of Marshal Zhukov! If there was ever a definition of Crazy Ivan, this thing is it. Oleg Antonov, answering a mandate from Uncle Joe's Flying Squad to come up with a method of airborne self-propelled armor delivery, invented this thing: the Antonov A-40 Tank Wings. Designed to be towed to an LZ by a bomber, it wasn't much of a tank and in 1942, the Air Force didn't have a plane powerful enough to tow it without overheating. However, it did fly successfully once. And really, once you've flown a tank, what is there left to do in life? – Davey G. Johnson

Antonov A-40 [Wikipedia]

Related:
Partition Number One! Retro Russian Lada Ad [Internal]

Your Moment of Arctic Zen: The Tankpedition!

Jonny Lieberman — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 17:00:00 EST

While we still greatly prefer the Volgamino (hell, we'd drive over our own mother in this here Tankpedition for just five minutes seat time in that jacked up Russian hottie), in a real-world breakaway republic situation, this might be the right tool for the job. Bumbeck to orgasm after the jump. – Jonny Lieberman

[mattracks]

No One Can Tell Clarkson He's Wrong, Top Gear Is A Battlefield

Ray Wert — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 15:51:22 EDT

So what do you get when you mash together BattleField 2 and a segment from Top Gear, the world's most amazingest driving show? How about the most epic parody / homage we've ever seen for any show. The boys from Sir. Community have outdone themselves in this re-make of the smashing clip of the Range Rover Sport vs. Challenger 2 tank. And on that bombshell, get to watching the parody above and the original clip after the jump. [Hat tip to Stephen!]– Ray Wert

Related:
More Top Gear and Battlefield 2 [internal]

Best. Wheelchair. Ever.

maustin — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 22:57:37 EDT

Wow. Holy Crap. What can we say about the TankChair that isn't obvious from the picture? Well, um, it's made for people that actually need a wheelchair. And it wasn't created from some Terminator-esque apocalypse where people with disabilities take over on Judgement Day. Still, we'd like to think the TankChair's been sent back from the future to save all of mankind from a more advanced, evil TankChair. On the TankChair website...

...they have videos of the TankChair in action. There's also the story of the TankChair's inventor, who was inspired when his wife couldn't enjoy nature with the rest of the family. Truly a heartwarming story. Not that it matters. We'd want a TankChair if it required a constant supply of fresh kittens to keep running.

Welcome to TankChair [TankChair.com]

Soviets to Germans: T-34'd! The Tank that Conquered the Eastern Front

Davey G. Johnson — Sat, 15 Apr 2006 00:54:14 EDT

Who doesn't love the T-34? The Krauts, that's who. As an anonymous German tanker said, "You need five of your tanks to destroy a single German one, but you always have six." Sure, the Germans had more techy tanks. Sure, their crews were by-and-large better trained. But the Russians had the T-34, one of the great miracles of Second War engineering and production. Go learn about it.

T-34 [Wikipedia]

Related:
Buy An Armored Personnel Carrier! [Internal]

Buy an Armored Personnel Carrier!

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 16:22:37 EDT

Take a look where you're livin'/You got the army in the streets/And the RUC dog of oppression/Is barking at your feet.

Back in the summer of 1993, we were rocking in a shed right off the Bryansford Road, outside Newcastle, Northern Ireland. We might well have been wearing a Pantera shirt. We were probably also the only individual in Ulster wearing shorts who wasn't going to the beach that day. And sure 'nuff, the Royal Ulster Constabulary showed up. Not in a Saracen Armored Personnel Carrier — one of the iconic vehicles of the Troubles — but in a red, unmarked, bulletproof Ford Sierra. We totally should've played Black Flag's "Police Story" right in his face. But then he would've busted us for being Catholic. Still if you wanna buy a Saracen, there's one for 25k OBO up right now. Just be prepared for us to rock early antiauthoritarian hardcore anthems on your ass if you buy it.

1952 Saracen Mk1 Armored Personnel Carrier [Shomer-Tec]

It Was Twenty (One) Years Ago Today: Tank Crushes Cars in San Bernardino

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 15 Mar 2006 16:40:02 EST

Ah, 1985. Ah, March 15th, 1985. Our ex-fianc 's thirteenth birthday. (That was just for you, D. Thomas) Ah, March 15th, 1985 in San Bernardino. On that day, anesthesiologist Frank Haigler drove a Sherman tank over two cars at the National Orange Show Exhibition Center. Man, we're afraid of both Plano, TX and San Berdoo, but we're gonna hafta say a tank crushing cars wins out over a future Cougarette's birthday dinner.

On This Date: Tank crushes cars to promote show [San Bernardino Sun]

Related:
The Sherman DD: America's Floating Tank [Internal]

The Sherman DD, America's Floating Tank

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 09:15:35 EDT

We've been inside, around, and on top of a Sherman tank. Despite the fact that plenty of tanks before and after were heavier, the Sherman's still an ominous beast. So how to make one float? Give it a big collar filled with air, seal the lower hull and stick a prop on the back. Design to provide amphibious infantry support to invasion forces, the DD's didn't do well in rough seas, and they fared especially poorly at Omaha Beach. Still, the fact that they actually made the damn thing work is pretty impressive in and of itself.

DD Tanks [Wikipedia]