Jalopnik: stupid criminals

We See One Problem With Your Getaway Vehicle, Mr. Rampage

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:40:00 EDT

Ultimate Fighting Championship Champ Quinton "Rampage" Jackson lived up to his nickname in Orange County Tuesday when he took his camouflage-covered Ford F-250 on a wild Grand Theft Auto-type run through the city, until being pulled over and arrested at gunpoint by local police. How'd they find Jackson? There's a life-sized photo of him on the side of his getaway truck. That, and the UFC champ twice drove on the sidewalk, swerved across lanes and ran through several red lights. Surprisingly, there was no evidence of drug or alcohol usage. Maybe they should test him for bull steroids. [Deadspin, Photo Credit: TMZ]

Bank Robber Gets The Disguise Part Right, But Getaway Civic's Rare Color Leads To Arrest

Murilee Martin — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 08:30:00 EDT

It seems that Honda sprayed half its early CRXs white, but not many regular Civics got that color, especially not by the late 80s. The rarity of white fourth-gen Civics proved to be the undoing of Thomas Kenney, the Lawn Guyland resident known to police as the "Bad Hatter." Mr. Kenney wore some great hats during his robberies, and he even thought to bandage his fingertips to avoid leaving prints... but DNA traces on a dropped bandage and the rarity of white '89 Civics with no hubcaps unraveled his criminal master plan, and now he'll be stamping out license plates for brand-new Civics for the foreseeable future. [Newsday]

Good Humor Man Steals Shampoo, Leads Police On Most Delicious Chase Ever

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 02 May 2008 10:00:00 EDT

On the list of vehicles that we can say definitively don't make great getaway cars, we now have Good Humor ice cream truck to add to Krispy Kreme truck and gardening truck. Shawn Stewart and Wesley Jumper were, apparently, quite dirty as they deviated from Stewart's normal ice cream route and stopped at a La Plata, Marlyand CVS and boosted $500 worth of shampoo and soap. A hot date deserves hot hair care products, eh? They'd have gotten away with it, too, had it not been for a couple of minor details.

First, trucks designed to transport food don't handle that well and aren't capable of achieving a lot of speed. Second, it's a freaking Good Humor truck. You wonder if they didn't consider that it made them kind of easy to spot. Not surprisingly, they were spotted right away and led police on a chase that reached speeds of 80 mph. Due to the poor-handling nature of the ice cream truck, they plowed into a Chevy Avalanche. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured. If only they were driving Japanese drifting ice cream, then maybe they'd have had a chance. (h/t Kitt) [Washington Post]

Carjacker Popped After Asking TV News Crew For Directions

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:40:00 EDT

A little bit of advice for any prospective carjackers out there, bring any of the many GPS units we talk about here with you. In addition to impressing potential victims with your foresightedness, it'll also help you avoid the fate of one slow-witted 19-year-old Cleveland man. Having commandeered a vehicle at gunpoint, the young man realized he was lost and had to ask someone for directions. This is bad because you're going to be giving someone else a general idea of where you're going. Second, if you do have to ask for directions it may not be a good idea to ask a television news crew.

Why? Journalists have a keen eye for nuance, so when your hostage hints that he or she may be a hostage they're going to call the police and follow you and then you're going to end up in jail with a $50,000 bond hanging over your head. And that's getting off easy. Imagine what would have happened if he'd have tried to get directions from Carl Monday, who works for the same station. [AP]

Scarfing, Cellphone-Blabbing Driver Hits Cop Car, Surprised To Get Ticket

Murilee Martin — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 07:30:00 EDT

Justin D. Grill, 19, was just minding his own business, taking his '87 Crown Vic out for a little spin in Chippewa Falls. Oh sure, he had a sandwich in one hand and a cellphone in the other (no doubt delivering one of those riveting monologues that goes like "And so I MFFGP SMOFF told that sumbitch GLOOMPH NARF GLRMPH he could kiss my SPLRMPH GRUNCH..." and makes you wonder whether the unseen spirit of Miss Manners had a hand in subsequent events) when he sideswiped an oncoming police car on a bridge, but you really couldn't say that was his fault, right? His reaction? "I'm getting a ticket? For what?" [Chippewa.com]

Thief Fingered By Canadian Car Forum Still Needs One More

John Krewson — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:14:27 EDT

Take note: You do not mess with the motorheads at Beyond.ca unless you want 46,000 righteously angry, resourceful, and tech-savvy Canadians on the lookout for you. This is especially true if you're an easily recognizable eight-fingered stoner who's too stupid to stash one of the more visible and distinctive cars in Calgary. Before long you'll have an unflattering new nickname and a target on your back that — thanks to Google Maps — is almost literally visible from orbit.

Seems the car thief in question showed up to test-drive Shaun Ironside's car, a right-hand-drive 1991 JDM Skyline GT-R — not exactly a low-profile ride — and never came back. Now it so happens that Ironside, in addition to being a clever enough fellow to get a JDM Skyline into Calgary, was plenty observant enough to notice that the Albertan Einstein in question had only eight fingers, and resourceful enough to post his description on the Beyond.ca forums. After that, it was only a matter of time until his eventual capture, which while merely the dénouement of the epic, is still very satisfying. [Wired, YouTube]

Car Wash Equipment Destroyed By Angry Customer In Pine-Scented Rage

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:20:00 EDT

Our philosophy of cotomer sevis has always been to recognize that all businesses make mistakes and that the good business is the one that does what's necessary to correct those mistakes. Taking that one step further was Assi Touti of Forrest Hills, New York who, apparently, wasn't satisfied with the job a Mr. Hand Car Wash did on his Chevy Silverado truck. The management offered him a second wash but explained that he'd have to wait in line before going through again. This made Mr. Touti a little upset. So upset that he crashed his truck into the equipment (not pictured), trapping three employees.

The total cost of not having the patience to wait a few minutes for a second round at the car wash? The equipment was damaged to the tune of $12,000, plus damage to the truck and whatever it's going to cost to deal with a felony count of second-degree criminal mischief and three counts of reckless endangerment. Haven't these people heard of the Better Business Bureau? [Newsday]

Off With Their Hands! Dubai Car Thieves Jack Police Bimmers

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:45:00 EDT

Forget the Interceptor, Johnny Law (or is that Mohammed Law?) in Dubai rolls in 5-series BMW's. How else do you keep up with the wonderful and unreasonably fast Arab prince specials? This has to be a bit rough on local thieves, forced to escape the clutches of the Bavarian police cruisers. Hey, if you can't beat'em, join'em. And if you can't join'em, steal their cars.

This is exactly what happened when the police ordered a couple of cherry E60's from a local dealership and left them parked on the street. Though it doesn't sound like the cars were in their full police livery, it still takes either massive amounts of confidence, stupidity or a delicate mixture of both to steal from the Dubai po-po. [The Khaleej Times via TeamPolizei]

Life Lesson #427: Don't Buy Parts From Registered Sex Offenders

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:40:00 EST

Finding the right parts for your project car can be tough. Who can you trust these days? As we learned with the Unique Performance saga, even seemingly reputable businesses can turn out to be suspect. Things get even tricker when buying things over the web, as this horny car-jacking victim discovered. Thankfully, we've got television news investigators on our side. [My Fox Detroit]

Man Seeks Sex Through Craigslist, Finds Carjackers Instead

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 10:00:00 EST

As we all know, Craigslist can be a source of classic cars, parts and memorabilia. Completely unbeknownst to anyone at Jalopnik, it can also be used to solicit sex. A 23-year-old Brentwood man responded to an ad offering sex at what we assume was an attractive rate. But instead of "hittin that," a pair of men hit him in the head with a shotgun they were carrying. The man escaped with his life, but the criminals escaped with his money and GMC Sierra truck.

Let this be a lesson to those among you in the midst of a dry spell: a sporting woman is fun for a moment, but with the inherent risks wouldn't you be better off with the less temporal satisfaction that comes from a vegetable oil-powered Ford Econoline van? [San Jose Mercury News via News.com]

Tech Whiz: Taiwanese Mechanic Busted For Stealing Urinal Parts To Tweak Mercedes

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 09:20:00 EST

Leave it to a mechanic named Wang to think of using parts from a public toilet to improve his Mercedes-Benz. Mr. Wang was planing to increase the performance of said car by ripping the heat sensor out of a public toilet and attaching it to the engine. He might have gotten away with it, too, had it not been for the fact that someone caught him breaking into the bathroom where he planned to steal the sensors (we guess he's pouring all of his money into the car). Just to be safe, Taiwanese Mercedes-Benz dealership made a public statement where they declared that their cars cannot be tweaked with potty parts.

Specifically, they said:

"The probability of successfully using a sensor from a public toilet to replace special factory-made sensors was and remains zero.

In addition to not working, the mechanics believe it could also create engine problems that could lead to a fire or explosion. Clearly, this young man has piss-poor judgement. When he does get out of jail, we have some parts he may be interested in. [The Telegraph]

Mooove Over, Malaysian Thieves Crash Car With Stolen Cow In The Back Seat

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:15:00 EST

If you're like us, you read the New Straits Times religiously. You therefore may have noticed a piece in today's issue about a couple of would-be cattle rustlers that managed to get an adult cow in the back seat of a mid-sized sedan before a group of villagers in the area noticed. When the villagers did finally realize something was awry they gave chase, causing the driver of the vehicle to lose control.

After the sedan hit a tree, the driver and possibly a non-Bovine passenger fled on foot. Unfortunately, the injured cow had to be slaughtered at the scene. Thankfully, a bunch of angry villagers are exactly what you need to slaughter a cow quickly. This goes against something else we read in Straits Times about the poor being too lazy. Not to contradict a Malaysian government official, but anyone who manages to get a cow into the back seat of anything is not lazy. [AP via Google]

Joint Compound Disguise, Rusty Wallace Plates Lead Police To Bank Robber

Murilee Martin — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 15:00:00 EST

Pennsylvanian Robert Coulson Lavery figured he had all the details planned to pull off the perfect crime: cover his face with a coat of drywall compound, rob a bank, then make his getaway in a car decorated with a Rusty Wallace souvenir license plate. Unfortunately for Mr. Lavery, a tipster recognized the Rustymobile, which was found with telltale smears of joint compound on the upholstery (cue sound of cell door slamming). [Associated Press]

Old Canadian Busted For Racing Olds Under New Law

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 10:45:00 EST

Ontario police caught a young-at-heart and lead-of-foot 85-year-old Canadian man going 100 mph (40 mph over the speed limit) in his Oldsmobile Intrigue, which makes him the oldest person to be charged under a new street racing law. The new law states that anyone going more than 31 mph over the speed limit can be charged with racing, even if it's just solo racing. The man, one of 2,300 to be busted under the law, claims he was just "going to the bank and shopping."

Those who violate this law are charged a fine of $2,000 and lose their car and their driving license for a week. That mean Old Man McSpeedy is just going to have to take the bus for his high-speed banking and shopping needs. [Globe & Mail]

Car Salesman Who Stole From Mentally Ill Customer Going To Jail, Probably To Be Named Salesman Of The Year

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 09:30:00 EST

As if it's hard enough to get a good deal when buying a new truck, imagine if you're mentally ill. Then imagine that you let on that you're not well and have tons of money in cash at home. What happens next is the sales team at Douchebag Brothers Autos first goes to your house and steals about $70,000, then takes $30,000 for the truck and then, when you're committed to a mental hospital, takes the truck and puts it in their name. At least, that's what Paul Rimbley is convicted of doing.

Though he claims he was just helping the guy out, the jury didn't buy the story and sentenced the guy to nine months in jail. A fairly light sentence considering. Rimbley claimed he had "a great reputation in the car business" and was "the kind of guy who would help anybody." Sadly, we believe that first part may be true. [Seat Post-Intelligencer]

Drunk Driver Hits Cop Car Stopping Drunk Driver

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:30:00 EST

It seems that there's nothing to do in Minnesota but drink and drive, at least over the holidays. According to police, they were making a stop on the suspicion of a DWI when a car full of twenty-something women from St. Cloud plowed into the parked police cruiser. These are the times when we make crucial decisions in our lives and, in this case, the young lady driving the car didn't make the right decision.

As bad as it is to drink and drive and hit a cop car, trying to flee right in front of the cops isn't a great idea. The cruiser wasn't so damaged that the cops couldn't pursue and, not much further away from the original DWI , the second DWI car got itself snuck in a snow bank. No one was hurt, but all the women in the car were charged with varying crimes and will soon be spending a lot of time in court. [Star Tribune]

Suspect Leads Chase Through Car Wash, Can't Clean Record

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 09:15:00 EST

When you're 18 and and maybe drunk and have a girl with you, stopping for the police maybe doesn't sounds like a good idea. Your Honda Civic can totally outrun that Charger, right? Oh, and there's nothing smarter than driving through a gas station car wash. That'll totally lose them the Wisconsin coppers. And you'll get the car clean for mom!

Well, it didn't quite all work out that way as the Sheriffs were able to deploy spike strips and deflate the tires of the runaway teen. And like all great stories police chase stories this one ended in tasing, bro. [AP]

Man Who Drove Car Off Parking Deck Was Drunk

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:15:00 EST

Yesterday we told you about the guy that drove his Ford Taurus off a parking garage only to be saved by a few cables that prevented the oval auto from crashing into the ground 200 feet below. We were fairly sure that it was a botched suicide attempt, but we were wrong. It turns out the guy was just totally hammered.

I don't care what you've done when you were drunk, unless you accidentally killed someone it's not going to be worse than waking up from an unconscious state to see the concrete seven floors below. After being released for a cut to his shoulder the driver was charged with damaging property and a DUI. Let this be a friendly reminder from the folks at Jalopnik that you should stay sober when you get behind the wheel this holiday season if only because we doubt anyone will be this lucky again. [AP with photos via WGCL-TV]

Angry Tow Truck Driver Attempts to Tow Cop Car

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:15:00 EST

Upset over getting ticketed, a tow truck driver in Gresham, Oregon decided to take his revenge out on the first police cruiser he could find. Turns out there was an unmarked police car responding to a domestic disturbance call that was a fairly easy target. The angry driver was able to get the interceptor hooked up to his rig when a police officer noticed what was going on. After a few tense moments, the driver released the officer's car, but then he locked himself in the cab of his truck.

It wasn't until the manager of the tow company arrived that the man finally surrendered. The driver was charged with unlawful use of a vehicle, obstructing governmental administration, interfering with a peace officer and criminal mischief. Hope it was worth it guy. [AP]

Inmate Clogs Toilet, Steals Camaro, Makes Getaway

Murilee Martin — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 10:30:00 EST

What is it criminals and Camaros? Does the F-body just scream "Getaway Car" when it's time to flee John Law? One approach is to rob a bank and promptly buy a red Camaro with the money... or you can do what this gentleman in Indiana did: escape from a roadside trash-cleanup crew by distracting guards with an intentionally clogged toilet, then hoof it to a nearby car dealership, where a helpful salesperson hands you the keys to a shiny red 1995 Camaro convertible. Then, of course, you drive it to your dad's house, where you get nabbed by waiting lawmen. Just once, we'd like to see this kind of story with a Camry as the perp car of choice. [Associated Press]

Chrome Rims Lead to Murder Suspects

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 10:15:00 EST

Living in Chicago and hanging out with reporters on the metro beat, we hear more than our fair share of horrible stories, and the case of a homeless woman beaten to death by a couple of gangbangers ranks up there. That's why we were so glad to hear the alleged scumbags were hoisted by their own auto accessories. The two men involved were seen on tape driving a Chevy Tahoe with 22 or 24 in chrome rims, but that's not the reason they got caught.

Since there are many cars matching that description in Chicago, it would take a little bit of stupidity on the part of the criminals to close the case. Thankfully, these guys were morons. The police got a tip that someone was trying to sell a set of chrome rims matching the description because they were involved in a murder. Not only were they trying to sell the rims instead of just chucking them into Lake Michigan, they were giving the real reason why. Brilliant [SunTimes]

Supervisor Tricks Mercedes Dealership out of $1,000,000

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 12:15:00 EST

David Delgado, a supervisor at Mercedes-Benz of Laguna Niguel, managed to scam the dealership out of $1,000,000 over the period of three years. That's 30 C300's, 15 GL320's or 10 CL550's, before TT&L. He did it by adding extra hours to temporary employee's timesheets and pocketing the money himself. He also created fake temporary employees and transferred all of their earnings to his bank account. The money was used to make mortgage payments (it's not a cheap part of the country live in), home repairs and purchase computers.

Thanks to his less than super-vision, Delgado will be spending up to 18 months in federal prison and will have to pay more than $1 million back to the company. At a Mercedes Benz dealership in the OC it apparently takes them a while to realize a $1 million goes missing. We can't imagine this guy bilking more than $800 out of a Suzuki dealership in Memphis. [OC Register via CarScoop]

Man Busted for Mustang Meth Lab

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:30:00 EST

To quote last night's episode of My Name Is Earl, we're "sure people only make meth with the best intentions." That being said, we question the sanity of making something as highly volatile as meth in the trunk of a Ford Mustang as one now-incarcerated Prattville, Alabama man did. It doesn't say what kind of Mustang, but we're picturing a late 80's era decommissioned Highway Patrol LX.

No word yet on if Ford is planning a "Meth Edition" Mustang, but we wouldn't be surprised. Actually, with all of the product tie-ins for the Mustang we think we've got the second episode of the new Knight Rider tv series. Anyone up for scabbing? [Montgomery Advetiser]

Naked Man Causes Accident on I-95, We Find His MySpace Page

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 13:00:00 EST

In what must be the most interesting thing to happen in Delaware since the Revolutionary War, Ardonas Gilbert was arrested for running around naked and drunk on Interstate-95. Passing motorists tried to stop him, but he attacked them and ran cursing back onto the Interstate, causing three separate accidents. Who is this fine fellow? We grabbed his MySpace Page to find out.

According his MySpace Page, Ardonas is a single and straight Black Muslim, which makes this latest foray into drunken, naked depravity especially sinful. A graduate of Chester High School, he now makes a pretty decent living as a barber/landscaper. His MySpace page also asks you to please "Fuck Off." Not today Ardonas! (Hat tip to Richard!)[NY Times]

GPS Devices Tattling on Cheating Employees

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 16:00:00 EST

Big Brother is watching you, and this time Big Brother is watching you watch reruns of Big Brother at the gym during your shift. GPS tracking devices installed on government vehicles are telling on employees that use official cars for personal business, or use government time to engage in non-work activities &mdash thus killing an American pastime.

While the main purpose of the GPS devices is to alert crews of engine problems or improve the routes of trash collection and services, officials in Islip, New York say they've saved nearly 14,000 gallons of gas over a three-month period now that employees know they're being watched. This makes us wonder if government employees in Islip are driving Hummers or just exceptionally dishonest. [AP via Google]

Kids Jump From Drunken Dad's Car

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 12:00:00 EST

What do you get when you're so drunk that children start jumping out of you car? Arrested! And you get entered in our informal "world's best dad" competition. John S. Felix of Des Moines, Iowa clearly edges out BMW's Thomas Moser for his thrilling act of child endangerment. The local police noticed something awry when they saw two kids jump out of the driver's side window of Felix's car. The kids flagged down police to let them know that daddy was drunk again. To make matters worse, Dad's girlfriends' kids had apparently already jumped out of the car blocks earlier! Felix denied the charges, but would probably accept this novelty mug if we filled it with Coors Light. [Des Moines Register]

Cops Keeping $277K Seized From Traffic Stop, To Buy Darkest Glasses Ever

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 18:00:00 EST

If you're driving around with hundreds of thousands of dollars in a briefcase you might want to come up with an excuse before you get on the freeway. A 35-year-old British Columbia man was stopped by Washington State Troopers in Seattle and was unable to explain where the money came from. We're going to go out on a limb and say it has to do with the non-British Columbia. Since no one claimed the money, 90% of it goes to a drug enforcement fund and the rest goes to the state's general fund. See, the War on Drugs is working! [News Tribune

Hit-And-Run Driver Hit By Hit-And-Runner

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 15:00:00 EST

Clearly, some people do not watch My Name is Earl. These people do not know that karma never looks the other way (or that El Caminos and Brats are awesome). This lesson was learned in New York by Mark Durfee, who rear-ended a car in his Explorer and fled the scene. While trying to get away his Explorer stopped running so he abandoned it and tried to cross the highway, whereby he was hit by someone in a Dodge Durango... who promptly fled the scene. He's in stable but ironic condition, with the driver of the Durango still at large. [Newsday via Gothamist]

Let's Motor! BMW Exec Jailed For Pinning 101 MPH Ticket on Son

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 14:00:00 EST

The finance director of the Mini factory in Oxford is going to be spending six weeks in the clink after perjuring himself over a 101 MPH ticket. Thomas Moser claimed it was his 19-year old son that was propelling the Mini S more than twice the speed limit, probably trying to avoid the points on the license that could result in losing his driving privileges. He was even shown photographic evidence that it was him and not his son in the car, but he denied it three times. The rooster crowed, eventually, and he admitted to the crime. In addition to the 1,200 pounds he's going to have to fork over, his license has been revoked for three months, along with his "World's Best Dad" novelty mug. [DailyMail]

Canadian Crooks Lift Car With Radioactive Device

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 12:30:00 EST

Talk about a HOT car. Sounds like these hosers got a little more than they bargained for when they stole a four-door purple Nissan Altima (classy) with a densometer in the trunk. For those who don't engage in the occasional road construction, a densometer is a device that measures asphalt or soil density. There's little danger to the thieves or chop-shop employees unless, you know, they open it up and play hockey with the radioactive capsule. That being said, if your idea of a good time is to steal a purple Altima, doing your best Marie Curie/Gretzky impression with potentially dangerous materials probably doesn't seem like that bad of an idea. [Toronto Star]

Dodge Intrepid Loses Control, Finds Jesus

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 11:00:00 EDT

For one young Napa woman, being intoxicated while driving wasn't putting her on the path to hell fast enough. Lucky for her, she was able to run through an intersection and send her Dodge Intrepid airborne, through the wall of the Foothill Christian Church, and onto the stage. Though she might have spared some parishioners potentially crappy Christian rock this Sunday, there are few things more despicable than crashing your ride into a church. We assume the congregation will forgive her for the unfortunate mistake she made, though we're not so quick to do so ourselves. If it had been a Ferrari or Bugatti instead of an Intrepid we probably could have gotten some awesome shirts made. [Napa Valley Register]

Even Sergeant Stedenko Could Handle This Bust

Murilee Martin — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 12:27:49 EST

So this dude is cruising along in his Chevy Malibu, just him and a duffel bag containing 43 pounds of marijuana, enjoying a nice drive through the South Carolina countryside. Then he spaces out- imagine that!- and rams a cop car pulled over to investigate an earlier wreck. Whoops! I'm sure the cops were annoyed that he didn't fly through the windshield and land in the back seat of the prowler, thus sparing them the hassle of putting him there. – Murilee Martin

S.C. Troopers Make Easy Drug Bust [WTOP]

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Stupid Teenager, You Can't Out-Rob A Jag Salesman

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 11:05:00 EST

Teenagers do stupid things sometimes, which politicians refer to as 'youthful indiscretions.' Anthony Ryan Celso, who is 18 years old and thus legally an adult, walked into a Jaguar dealership in Livermore, CA and demanded the keys to a brand new convertible (after stealing another car and robbing a check-cashing store earlier in the day). Little did he know that salesman John Salazar, who is 50 years old, was well trained in martial arts and was going to kick his ass. When the police arrived they found Celso bound by extensions cords. – Matt Hardigree

Livermore Car Salesman Subdues Would-Be Convertible Thief [San Jose Mercury-News]

Related:
Texas Car Dealer Slashes Price, Customers [Internal]

Man Fakes Kidnapping To Hide Crash From Wife

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 17:30:00 EST

I don't want to go out on a limb here and say that Jorge Mejia and his wife don't have a healthy level of communication in their relationship. That, or simple cowardice and stupidity, might explain why after crashing his Ford Focus (not pictured) on the way to a casino in Sonoma County, California he told the cops that he'd been kidnapped and had to crash the car to escape. Police were considering pressing charges against Mejia for making a fake report and his wife is likely considering castration after he not only crashed the car on the way to a casino, but also might go to jail for lying about it. You stay classy Jorge.– Matt Hardigree

Man Allegedly Fakes His Own Kidnapping To Hide Car Crash From Wife [WTVD-TV]

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