(Hat tip to Craig for the tip!)

What do you do? Some of us might submit to the inevitable stuffin'-n-cuffin' process, establishing a behavior/judgment-themed cause-and-effect connection, taking stock of the not-so-good direction our lives have taken during the booking process, et cetera, but not the resourceful James C. Storie of Muncie, Indiana! Mr. Storie, a somewhat dim light bulb flashing over his head, figured he'd put his girlfriend's 12-year-old daughter behind the wheel- why she and "two other pre-teenagers" were in the van with this upstanding and un-driver's-license-equipped citizen wasn't explained- and let her take the rap. Ha! Let's see The Man match wits with this criminal mastermind! Sadly for the criminal mastermind community, John Law saw through this scheme, and Mr. Storie found himself in the clink being asked a lot of very pointed questions about those outstanding warrants.
We can thank my friend Jessica in Indianapolis for this one; Jessica and her friends play a wonderful game called "Muncie As Fuck," in which they vie to find the stories that most exemplify their view of the city famed for the Muncie M22 'Rock Crusher' 4-speed transmission. The Muncie Sword Slashers mugshots used to represent undeserved Camaro-owner stereotypes were the product of the MAF game. Got your own MAF story with a car-related theme? Send it in!
[Star Press]

Here we see the Fairlane hauling the Dragnet boys from one stinkin' hippie shithole to another, as they attempt to hold back the waves of LSD washing over the City Of Angels. Now, you'd think that an LAPD detective would likely have bounced that freak's painted face off the Fairlane's hood a few times, were said freak to have torn his suit jacket the way Blue Boy did, particularly just a year after Miranda vs. Arizona and two years after the the Watts Riots. After all, it was war, with the forces of anarchy and disorder on one side and the spirit of Chief Parker and Henry Ford on the other!

David B. "Mister Oldskool" Johnson rolled up to the Markham, Illinois, Courthouse in his 1988 Cadillac Sedan DeVille, and every detail was in place, from the purple fedora and full-length fur coat to the "PIMP PLAZA" plaque on the dash. Well, every detail save one really important one: his driver's license. You see, the reason for the courthouse visit was the little matter of 13 charges of driving on a suspended license, and the judge issued a 10-day jail sentence beginning next week… with stern orders not to drive until then. So, Cook County Sheriff's Deputy Frank Czerwinski figured he had the proverbial fish-in-a-barrel bust when Mister Oldskool headed out to his ride, dusted it off with a purple feather duster, and drove off. Straight to jail, and we can only hope the tow truck driver was nice to that Cadillac.

[Chicago Sun-Times, thanks to 57Sweptside for the tip]

A police officer on the way to the graduation ceremonies at Fort Largs noticed a man doing a sustained burnout on a road near the police academy. The officer pulled the man over and let him off with a warning only to spot him later in the day, during the ceremony, doing burnouts in the parking lot of the academy. Needless to say officers were not amused and following the ceremony went to the mans house where they ticketed him and impounded his car under the hoon laws. Police also found the man was cultivating three cannabis plants. To borrow a phrase: "Here's your sign." [Adelaide Now]

The 22-year-old, six-foot-tall, 300 Lb Hawkins had been arrested and tossed in the slammer after assaulting his own mother, but the judge let him loose when a court date was assigned. Obviously Sean couldn't call his mom, but instead of getting a taxi or inconveniencing a friend, he yanked Roberto Valladares from his Toyota 4Runner and took off for home. Police caught up with Hawkins a couple hours later when they spotted him driving around without his headlights on, and now additional charges have been added to his docket. Really, really dumb. [Washington Post]

Jones pulled his truck into a weigh station for a commercial inspection and, knowing he was wanted, gave a fake Social Security number. Troopers quickly figured out what was going on and, rather than accepting his fate, Jones decided he'd some how escape in his tractor-trailer. Not so much. Though Maryland State Police deflated his tires with stop sticks Jones managed to make it all the way to the Virginia border before the inevitable crash and taseing.

[MSNBC, NBC Washington]

April Westfall, the 40-year-old owner of the Subaru Legacy Outback, didn't notice or didn't care about the Reno ambulance crew attempting to signal to her she was dragging about eight-feet of gas hose connected to the nozzle sticking out of her tank. Unable to get her to slow down, the ambulance then turned on their lights and conducted a quasi-legal traffic stop before calling real state troopers.

Not surprisingly, the woman failed a field sobriety and was booked into the Washoe County Jail. Surprisingly, the woman managed to drive so far with the hose that the police have been unable to determine what gas station it came from.

What happens in Reno is usually a sadder and dimmer version of what happens in Vegas.

[The Weekly Vice]

It turns out that there are only so many drunk idiots in Morgan City, and police recognized Dawson as someone they'd previously arrested. The next morning he was found at his grandmother's house and taken into custody, later pleading guilty to an evasion charge. And the golf cart? Officers believe the cart's electric motor was replaced with a car engine, allowing it to leap ditches and get away from police cruisers. We say "believe" because the cart has since disappeared, meaning that it is ready for more nuisance-making in the future. (Thanks to Ray for the tip!)

[Photo: STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Image. Standard.net]

First, let's watch Captain Slow's take on the £5,000 Kelisa:


Jeremy Clarkson, however, didn't like the little Malaysian car quite as much:

[Malaysia Star]

Davis almost ended up with a more serious charge after nearly running over a deputy on the scene that was, thankfully, quick enough to jump out of the way. Though she missed him, she did manage to hit a riding lawnmower. After bailing out of the van she apparently fell, which is when the van rolled off of the lawnmower and mowed her down. Though she avoided life-threatening injuries, Ms. Davis will be long suffering the consequences of this road rage incident. We're not sure what kind of van it was, but we're guessing it's a Spinelli custom.

[UPI via Motive]

First, trucks designed to transport food don't handle that well and aren't capable of achieving a lot of speed. Second, it's a freaking Good Humor truck. You wonder if they didn't consider that it made them kind of easy to spot. Not surprisingly, they were spotted right away and led police on a chase that reached speeds of 80 mph. Due to the poor-handling nature of the ice cream truck, they plowed into a Chevy Avalanche. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured. If only they were driving Japanese drifting ice cream, then maybe they'd have had a chance. (h/t Kitt) [Washington Post]

Why? Journalists have a keen eye for nuance, so when your hostage hints that he or she may be a hostage they're going to call the police and follow you and then you're going to end up in jail with a $50,000 bond hanging over your head. And that's getting off easy. Imagine what would have happened if he'd have tried to get directions from Carl Monday, who works for the same station. [AP]