Jalopnik
stupid criminals
Posts Tagged “
stupid criminals
”
stupid criminals
stupid criminals
Carjacker Popped After Asking TV News Crew For Directions
A little bit of advice for any prospective carjackers out there, bring any of the many GPS units we talk about here with you. In addition to impressing potential victims with your foresightedness, it'll also help you avoid the fate of one slow-witted 19-year-old Cleveland man. Having commandeered a vehicle at gunpoint, the young man realized he was lost and had to ask someone for directions. This is bad because you're going to be giving someone else a general idea of where you're going. Second, if you do have to ask for directions it may not be a good idea to ask a television news crew. More »
offbeat news
Scarfing, Cellphone-Blabbing Driver Hits Cop Car, Surprised To Get Ticket
Justin D. Grill, 19, was just minding his own business, taking his '87 Crown Vic out for a little spin in Chippewa Falls. Oh sure, he had a sandwich in one hand and a cellphone in the other (no doubt delivering one of those riveting monologues that goes like "And so I MFFGP SMOFF told that sumbitch GLOOMPH NARF GLRMPH he could kiss my SPLRMPH GRUNCH..." and makes you wonder whether the unseen spirit of Miss Manners had a hand in subsequent events) when he sideswiped an oncoming police car on a bridge, but you really couldn't say that was his fault, right? His reaction? "I'm getting a ticket? For what?" [Chippewa.com]
offbeat news
Thief Fingered By Canadian Car Forum Still Needs One More
Take note: You do not mess with the motorheads at Beyond.ca unless you want 46,000 righteously angry, resourceful, and tech-savvy Canadians on the lookout for you. This is especially true if you're an easily recognizable eight-fingered stoner who's too stupid to stash one of the more visible and distinctive cars in Calgary. Before long you'll have an unflattering new nickname and a target on your back that — thanks to Google Maps — is almost literally visible from orbit. More »
offbeat news
Car Wash Equipment Destroyed By Angry Customer In Pine-Scented Rage
Our philosophy of cotomer sevis has always been to recognize that all businesses make mistakes and that the good business is the one that does what's necessary to correct those mistakes. Taking that one step further was Assi Touti of Forrest Hills, New York who, apparently, wasn't satisfied with the job a Mr. Hand Car Wash did on his Chevy Silverado truck. The management offered him a second wash but explained that he'd have to wait in line before going through again. This made Mr. Touti a little upset. So upset that he crashed his truck into the equipment (not pictured), trapping three employees. More »
stupid criminals
Off With Their Hands! Dubai Car Thieves Jack Police Bimmers
Forget the Interceptor, Johnny Law (or is that Mohammed Law?) in Dubai rolls in 5-series BMW's. How else do you keep up with the wonderful and unreasonably fast Arab prince specials? This has to be a bit rough on local thieves, forced to escape the clutches of the Bavarian police cruisers. Hey, if you can't beat'em, join'em. And if you can't join'em, steal their cars. More »
stupid criminals
Life Lesson #427: Don't Buy Parts From Registered Sex Offenders
Finding the right parts for your project car can be tough. Who can you trust these days? As we learned with the Unique Performance saga, even seemingly reputable businesses can turn out to be suspect. Things get even tricker when buying things over the web, as this horny car-jacking victim discovered. Thankfully, we've got television news investigators on our side. [My Fox Detroit]
found on craigslist
Man Seeks Sex Through Craigslist, Finds Carjackers Instead
As we all know, Craigslist can be a source of classic cars, parts and memorabilia. Completely unbeknownst to anyone at Jalopnik, it can also be used to solicit sex. A 23-year-old Brentwood man responded to an ad offering sex at what we assume was an attractive rate. But instead of "hittin that," a pair of men hit him in the head with a shotgun they were carrying. The man escaped with his life, but the criminals escaped with his money and GMC Sierra truck. More »
offbeat news
Tech Whiz: Taiwanese Mechanic Busted For Stealing Urinal Parts To Tweak Mercedes
Leave it to a mechanic named Wang to think of using parts from a public toilet to improve his Mercedes-Benz. Mr. Wang was planing to increase the performance of said car by ripping the heat sensor out of a public toilet and attaching it to the engine. He might have gotten away with it, too, had it not been for the fact that someone caught him breaking into the bathroom where he planned to steal the sensors (we guess he's pouring all of his money into the car). Just to be safe, Taiwanese Mercedes-Benz dealership made a public statement where they declared that their cars cannot be tweaked with potty parts. More »
stupid criminals
Mooove Over, Malaysian Thieves Crash Car With Stolen Cow In The Back Seat
If you're like us, you read the New Straits Times religiously. You therefore may have noticed a piece in today's issue about a couple of would-be cattle rustlers that managed to get an adult cow in the back seat of a mid-sized sedan before a group of villagers in the area noticed. When the villagers did finally realize something was awry they gave chase, causing the driver of the vehicle to lose control. More »
stupid criminals
Joint Compound Disguise, Rusty Wallace Plates Lead Police To Bank Robber
Pennsylvanian Robert Coulson Lavery figured he had all the details planned to pull off the perfect crime: cover his face with a coat of drywall compound, rob a bank, then make his getaway in a car decorated with a Rusty Wallace souvenir license plate. Unfortunately for Mr. Lavery, a tipster recognized the Rustymobile, which was found with telltale smears of joint compound on the upholstery (cue sound of cell door slamming). [Associated Press]
offbeat news
Old Canadian Busted For Racing Olds Under New Law
Ontario police caught a young-at-heart and lead-of-foot 85-year-old Canadian man going 100 mph (40 mph over the speed limit) in his Oldsmobile Intrigue, which makes him the oldest person to be charged under a new street racing law. The new law states that anyone going more than 31 mph over the speed limit can be charged with racing, even if it's just solo racing. The man, one of 2,300 to be busted under the law, claims he was just "going to the bank and shopping."More »
news
Car Salesman Who Stole From Mentally Ill Customer Going To Jail, Probably To Be Named Salesman Of The Year
As if it's hard enough to get a good deal when buying a new truck, imagine if you're mentally ill. Then imagine that you let on that you're not well and have tons of money in cash at home. What happens next is the sales team at Douchebag Brothers Autos first goes to your house and steals about $70,000, then takes $30,000 for the truck and then, when you're committed to a mental hospital, takes the truck and puts it in their name. At least, that's what Paul Rimbley is convicted of doing. More »
offbeat news
Drunk Driver Hits Cop Car Stopping Drunk Driver
It seems that there's nothing to do in Minnesota but drink and drive, at least over the holidays. According to police, they were making a stop on the suspicion of a DWI when a car full of twenty-something women from St. Cloud plowed into the parked police cruiser. These are the times when we make crucial decisions in our lives and, in this case, the young lady driving the car didn't make the right decision. More »
stupid criminals
Suspect Leads Chase Through Car Wash, Can't Clean Record
When you're 18 and and maybe drunk and have a girl with you, stopping for the police maybe doesn't sounds like a good idea. Your Honda Civic can totally outrun that Charger, right? Oh, and there's nothing smarter than driving through a gas station car wash. That'll totally lose them the Wisconsin coppers. And you'll get the car clean for mom! More »
offbeat news
Man Who Drove Car Off Parking Deck Was Drunk
Yesterday we told you about the guy that drove his Ford Taurus off a parking garage only to be saved by a few cables that prevented the oval auto from crashing into the ground 200 feet below. We were fairly sure that it was a botched suicide attempt, but we were wrong. It turns out the guy was just totally hammered. More »
offbeat news
Angry Tow Truck Driver Attempts to Tow Cop Car
Upset over getting ticketed, a tow truck driver in Gresham, Oregon decided to take his revenge out on the first police cruiser he could find. Turns out there was an unmarked police car responding to a domestic disturbance call that was a fairly easy target. The angry driver was able to get the interceptor hooked up to his rig when a police officer noticed what was going on. After a few tense moments, the driver released the officer's car, but then he locked himself in the cab of his truck. More »
stupid criminals
