Jalopnik: stephen colbert

Jalopnik's Sumptuous Whale Penis Leather Interior On Colbert Report

Ray Wert — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EDT

As far as The Colbert Report's concerned, we must be the web site obsessed with the cult of car phallus. First, for Hummers and last night, for our sumptuous Russian whale penis leather interior. Whatever works, right? [TheColbertReport (14:20 in)]

President Obama Now Mr. Goodwrench

Ray Wert — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:15:00 EDT

Michael Moore: "The Commander-in-Chief...is now Mr. Goodwrench." Does Stephen Colbert know? [MichaelMoore via Autoblog]

Stephen Colbert Continues Favorite Subaru Stereotype

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 11:00:00 EST

Though the Subaru Outback is attempting to make a name for itself on the track, we all know a more prominent conventional wisdom about always-rugged Subarus. Unfortunately, Stephen doesn't get the real joke: this Subaru.

How Many Drinks Was That? Colbert Gives Jalopnik A Hummer Edition

Ray Wert — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 11:30:00 EDT

I feel this morning, after my few fleeting moments on The Colbert Report last night in a segment called "The Difference Makers" on the National Hummer Club, giddy as a little schoolboy. Despite my obvious concern that I'd be the butt of the joke, I was relieved to find I escaped unscathed — certainly doing better than GM Vice Chairman "Maximum" Bob Lutz. But, thanks to the Hummer Club coming through with some seriously juicy A-game level quotes, my ass was spared — only taking a minor humorous hit from an on-screen double entendre. Frankly, given the 40 minutes of nervous Q&A I went through last week where the segment producer extracted quite a few potential sharp-edged zingers, I figured I'd probably take a bigger hit than a throw-away blow job joke. But, despite the setting not being the usual places of punditry, it's now time to ask the same question we always ask after a night playing the Official Car Pundit Drinking Game. How many drinks was that? If you missed the segment — hit the jump to see it in full from Hulu, or follow this link to the Colbert Nation website to see my two cut-ins there.

[Hulu via Colbert Nation]

The Post Where We Casually Mention Our Appearance Tonight On The Colbert Report

Ray Wert — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:01:00 EDT

OMG! So, if you happen to have your TV on tonight at 11:30 EST, you may want to flip over to Comedy Central's Colbert Report as we've buried our hatchet with Stephen (we know he's apologized in his heart). I'll be appearing on tonight's show (depending on whether they run the piece tonight — I've been told these things are mighty finicky) in a taped segment (sorry guys, no head-to-head a la Lutz) on Hummer. I've no idea whether I'll be pro-Hummer, anti-Hummer or somewhere in between. What I do know is that I'm more than likely going to look like an ass. You know what? I'm OK with that. But, as we always do, regardless of the outlet, it's now time for another round of the world's only Official Car Pundit Drinking Game. So, as I join "Maximum" Bob Lutz as the only other car guy to make it on The Report, what're tonight's rules?

UPDATE: I've just been told I literally have two lines. So make these rules count commentariat!

"Maximum" Bob Lutz Speaks Out On Colbert Report Interview

Ray Wert — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 08:40:00 EDT

After GM product czar and vice-chairman, Bob Lutz, appeared on the Colbert Report the other night, he's decided to give his own take on his "non-outrageous" responses to Stephen Colbert's "outrageous" questions on topics like...global warming (or global toasting). He believes he and Colbert "connected." We don't know if that's the type of rapport we saw the other night on the Report, but whatever helps "Maximum" Bob sleep at night, ya know? We're just disappointed he didn't send us any pictures from his Treo. If you missed the show the first time, we've got the full clip below the jump — and no — it's not from "Hulu."

[FastLane]

Bob Lutz On Colbert Report, Claims Chevy Volt Will Get You Laid

Ray Wert — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 02:58:45 EDT

GM product czar and vice-chairman "Maximum" Bob Lutz took his battle for the General to The Colbert Report this evening, and he took some serious hits from the man all about the truthiness. Despite the knocking, he managed to give a couple right back. But of all the instant classic moments of this interview, it's the point in which Lutz tells Stephen Colbert the just-revealed Chevy Volt can get you laid when we officially moved GM's #2 man from the position of "hero" up to the position of "father of our children" on our man-love chart. We won't spoil anything else — click the image up top to play the video.

Jon Stewart Shows Us His Kind Of Hybrid, We Ask Which Comedian Is More Jalopnik

Ray Wert — Thu, 01 May 2008 10:40:00 EDT

Remember that whole Stewart-Colbert-O'Brien thing during the writer strike a month ago? Well, it looks like Jon Stewart's still trying to best the competition for most Jalopnik late night host last night on The Daily Show. Apparently, he eschews those fancy-pants hybrids desired by every other Manhattanite in favor of a half-truck and half-dinosaur hybrid. Yup, that's our kind of a ride. But does Robosaurus beat out Conan's SHO Taurus for most Jalopnik ride? Or what about Letterman's small block-infused Volvo? Where does "The Chin" fall? We'll let you decide below the jump.

Stephen Colbert Steals Fierarri Story...Again

Ray Wert — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:50:00 EDT

We know we already told Stephen Colbert not to steal our stories. Apparently he's not listening. That's right, last night the propagator of "truthiness" yet again snatched up a story from our pages to splay across the basic cable airwaves. Last time it was "Our Country, Our Truck" and this time it's the Fiero Ferrari story. Stephen Colbert, just a reminder that this does nothing to help you get off of our "On Notice" list. Watch yourself there Frenchie — the only ones who should be doing any splaying whatsoever will be us.

Nick Hogan "Blogs" For First Time Since Supra Crash

Ray Wert — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 15:45:00 EDT

OMG, we can't believe Nick Hogan's blogging again on his MySpace page and didn't even talk at all about his "P***y magnet" Supra. Like, OMG, he doesn't even mention anything about Stephen Colbert! Full text of Hogan's post:

"omggggg its been forever since i blogged...hell i dont even know what blog means but i guess its where you write stuff for people to read

anyways my last one was before i even drove for mopar, if you check my pics youll see that i did end up driving for them for my amateur season and most of my pro rookie season. i recently left the mopar team tho...things didnt work out to well
but!....i picked up a new title sponsor...POLAROID! and started my own team with twin 350z's pretty cool i know

anyways id like everyone to wish my luck for my 08 season and keep john graziano in your prayers"

[via TMZ]

Stephen Colbert First To Recognize Importance Of Yellow To A Car's "P***y Magnetism"

Ray Wert — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 09:45:00 EDT

Anyone else remember when Stephen Colbert was just some guy searching for some other guy named Mr. Goodwrench? Yeah, we remember. But hey, who knew at the time he realized the importance of driving a ride with such "P***y magnetism?" So, despite the fact he'll most certainly lose the race with Kevin Harvick, he'll win the war with the women of the world. Ladies, be careful — watching this clip may make your panties drop. You've been warned.

This Is Our Country, This Is Our, uh, Stephen Colbert?

Ray Wert — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 21:03:59 EDT

Our putting Stephen Colbert on notice earlier this week appears to have rallied the nation's Colbert-fancying video-production community. Check out this clip, created by one such member for the "Stephen Colbert Green Screen Challenge." He (or her!) leveraged the Chevrolet Silverado ad Colbert and his toadies stole from us last week, inserting Jedi Colbert as an uninvited guest of Mellencamp, Parks, Hula Hoop Girl, et al. Will this deep right-wing nut and his minions stop at nothing to enforce an agenda of unprovable theft and digital-video geekery, when all we ask for is a simple apology? All signs point to yes. Of course, in defiance of Colbert's camera-clogging compadres, O'Reilly, Hannity, Coulter, Merv Griffin, he remains mum on the subject. – Ray Wert

Ad Watch Exclusive: Stephen Colbert, Don't Steal This Chevy Silverado Commercial Too!

Ray Wert — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 16:25:44 EDT

Yes, it's now bigger, longer and uncut from the spec ad we saw last week. We've managed to get our hands on the full 60 second version of Chevrolet's Amerigasm over the new-for-2007 Silverado — it's part of the "Our Country, Our Truck" ad campaign, and let's just say it's got something for everyone. Everyone that is, except for Stephen Colbert. We've now instituted a very sophisticated anti-Colbert tagging on the video, in order to make certain Stephen doesn't get his grubby hands on it. Of course, he could just say "I'm sorry." But that'll probably be too easy for the right wing-nut. As for the Campbell-Ewald produced ad — it's got Rosa Parks, MLK Jr., Nixon, the Vietnam war and oh yes, the 9/11 aftermath. Soak it all in boys and girls, this is "Our Country." – Ray Wert

On Notice! Stephen Colbert Steals Rightfully Stolen Video, Jalopnik Demands An Apology

Ray Wert — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 10:34:40 EDT

That's right Stephen, you're now on notice — and you're not coming off notice until you apologize..and you know what it's for. But for those of you following along at home who don't know, last week, the right-wing talking head of talking heads ran a piece on the new ad campaign for the 2007 Chevrolet Silverado. The cantankerous Colbert provided the obligatory big business back rub, giving a tip of the hat to the ol' General — including Chevy's decision to pander by including the image of Rosa Parks in the Amerigasm that is the "Our Country, Our Truck" advert. Although normally we'd be allright with a Reilly-esque pundificator like Colbert trying to fluff General Motors a bit — because that's how a right-wing neo-con rolls, right? Instead...we're furious. That's because Colbert and his little henchmen at the Report...

...took the video of the rough-cut of the commercial — video we rightfully conned out of the General — and used it without attributing it to us here at Jalopnik. In fact, they even went so far as to attribute the video as coming from General Motors.

That type of intellectual dishonesty will not be tolerated, Mr. Colbert (and yes, we're pronouncing the "t" here, because that's how real Americans do it). When a journalist or "web logger" takes something not their own and slaps a pre-roll on the front of it with their name and puts it up on YouTube, that's as good as if they made it themselves, and that means it's ours Stephen. And that means you stole it. And until you apologize, you're now officially on notice. And that means although we recognize you are alive and living, we won't be watching your show...we won't be buying any more of the Lady Nocturne adventures graphic novels...and we certainly won't be buying any of your commemorative mugs from the Colbert Report store ( no matter how great a gift they may make) until we get an apology. – Ray Wert

UPDATE: Ad Watch Exclusive: Stephen Colbert, Don't Steal This Chevy Silverado Commercial Too!

Congressman Bob Wexler: The Caribou And SUV Can Live In Harmony

Ray Wert — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 18:16:07 EDT

Florida Congressman Bob Wexler visited Stephen Colbert and his Repor-sans-the-t this past week and although he had some interesting comments about cocaine and prostitutes, his most important comments to us came on the issue of drilling in ANWR, the Gulf of Mexico...and using caribou meat to power SUV's. Although we side with Colbert on this one, we're willing to listen to Wexler's point of view just this once...just as long as it's in a Miami hotel room and we're all doing lines off a hooker's ass.