While traffic police are used to all kinds of colorful excuses explaining the need for speed, this particular traffic stop proved to be a very, if not most, interesting one. Her excuse for the mad 112 MPH scramble was that she, and two other nuns, were on their way to see Pope Benedict after an announcement that he would hold a blessing on Sunday following his arm-breaking fall in Aosta, Italy during his summer vacation.

The police chose not to side with the Lord and instead ticketed the nun with a $533 (USD) fine and a one month license suspension. Not one to just lay down and take it, the nun in question has decided to fight the ticket with recently famous religious lawyer Anna Orecchioni. We wish the nun all the luck in the world fighting her case, but at 30 MPH over the speed limit, we think she might need more than a prayer. [via Guardian.co.uk] (Image via TheCarFanatic)

The 49-year-old Riall was snagged by a police patrol who caught him doing 102.9 MPH in his Volvo on the A14 back in January. Today he pled guilty in court and was handed a punishment of a six month ban on driving, thus providing anecdotal evidence karma is an actual phenomenon. (Thanks for the tip Van_Sarockin)

[BBC]

Police in Derbyshire, England claim to have clocked Mr. O'Reilly zipping along the A515 at the breakneck pace of 173 MPH in an unmodified Lotus Elise. When the case went to court, Tex's attorney pointed out that despite police claims of properly calibrated radar equipment, the car he was traveling in was only capable of a much more sedate 127 MPH. When the prosecution could not disprove the claim, O'Reilly plead guilty to 105 MPH which brings a fine instead of a three year jail sentence. [Telegraph]

Ireland's most dastardly of drivers is a man known only as "Prawo Jazdy." Mr. Jazdy's wanted for countless driving infractions across the Irish countryside. You'd think someone would be able to catch him, right? Wrong. Each time Mr. Prawo Jazdy was pulled over he not only gave police a different address, he gave them a different alias.

Eventually a call was put out to find and arrest the country's most reckless driver using each and every one of his supposed 50 aliases. A wise office worker for one of the Irish police precincts noticed something a little unusual about his name and did a quick little Google search to confirm her suspicions and low and behold, she was right.

You see, Prawo Jazdy was not the man-in-question's name. In fact, it wasn't the name of a man at all. Instead — their the words emblazoned atop the scofflaws' ID. Yup, it was Polish for "Driver's License." All along, Irish police who thought this reckless driver was constantly outwitting them with a new alias, were really the ones out-witting themselves.

The office worker who found the mistake had this to say:

"Having noticed this, I decided to check and see how many times officers have made this mistake. It is quite embarrassing to see that the system has created Prawo Jazdy as a person with over 50 identities."

The lesson that we've all learned from this is that if you're a habitual speeder, head to Ireland, because you'll never get caught.

That is, until the keg runs out.

(Hat Tip To Stoatmaster!)

[via BBC News]

21-year-old Dale Lyle was shocked to receive the ticket for going 98 MPH in the mail not only because he has a perfect driving record and no longer owned the car in question anymore, but because his 1.3-liter Honda Civic could barely get up to highway speed, much less do nearly 100 MPH.

The penalty for the ticket could have been a fine of as much as $1,400 and a six-month driving ban.

Dale told the Daily Mail, “'I've never driven my car over the speed limit, let alone at 98mph. It's such a small car I wouldn't feel safe.”

Determined to beat the charge, Dan took out a loan to buy the Civic back from his friend, then turned it over to an independent expert who verified the Civic’s 85 MPH top speed on Millbrook’s high-speed banked oval. The same one used in many Top Gear episodes.

Presented with the results, the Crown Prosecution Service had no choice but to drop the case. Dale will now seek compensation for the $1,700 and many hours of his own time that it took to prove his innocence.

Dale’s advice to other motorists? “The video evidence the CPS sent me was just appalling. They are just picking on innocent motorists. It makes you wonder how many people say, "Fine, give me the points", when they are not guilty.” Fight the power, Dale. [via The Daily Mail]

We're not sure how fast he was going, but the driver taking the video was traveling over 90 MPH. Any guesses as to what that black streak was?

[via LiveLeak]

[Noob]

Authorities haven't released that information exactly, but they did tell the Times that it was impounded. Thought that still won't make up for Mr. da Silva's fines, as the car is only valued at $6500. Any Brazilian readers care to help us figure out what the car was? [NYT-Wheels]

10.) The Scatological Approach

Not everyone is buddy-buddy with the police chief or on their way to a funeral. But everybody poops. When the traffic cop suggests you hand over your info, make sure to bounce around with a pained look on your face. When the officer asks you what's going on just mention that you just had some greasy Thai food and you just have to beat the Lard Na home. If you're not quite so dramatic, you can just follow SupermotoThud and tell the fuzz "I have to poop." [Photo by Marco Di Lauro/Getty Images]

9.) The Jedi Approach

Never underestimate the staggering power of a strong will and a little psychology. If someone was able to convince GM that people would love the "unique" design of the Pontiac Aztec despite all evidence to the contrary, you should be able to convince the highway patrol you don't deserve a ticket. Obi-Wan Kenobi did it with the force, but hypnotists and mentalists have been using tricks to convince people to do things against their better judgment for centuries. Maymar suggests you tell the officer "This isn't the speeding car you're looking for" and slowly wave your hand in front of them — sort of like what Beercheck did when confronted with an officer. Just try to not get shot.

8.) The Dramatic Approach

Most of the literature in this area suggests, and Isetta agrees, that a woman crying is the ultimate way to prevent a ticket. While we'll agree that a weeping woman can create a strong feeling of sympathy, the site of a man breaking down on the side of the road should have more of an impact because of the relative infrequency. [Photo: Getty Images]

7.) The Shakespearean Approach

We hadn't though of it until Jduffy13 suggested it, but being able to quote Shakespeare from memory at command, any command, might make a great impression on Johnny Law. And though that impression might be that you're drunk or insane, at the very least it puts them on their heals momentarily. Why not incorporate it into the discussion?

Off, Off Traffic Officer
Life Is But A Flashing Strobe Light
A Poor Driver Who Speeds And Swerves His Hour Upon The Road
And Is Ticketed No More

It could work.

6.) The Humorous Approach

If it weren't for humor a great many people on this site would have ended up selling burgers and living in their mom's basement, so why not use these same skills to make the 5-0 laugh and, hopefully, let you off. MyDatsunIsInCali suggests this joke if the opportunity presents itself:

On an empty country road-

Officer- where are you going in such a hurry?
Me- just keeping up with traffic, officer
Officer- I don't see any traffic
Me- that's how far behind I am, I was trying to keep up! (insert unfunny drum noise) "da dum ching"
Officer- Just slow down. (walks back to car shaking head)

If they don't laugh just say "What are you, the joke police?" [Photo: Getty Images]

5.) The Dishonest Approach

Being untruthful brings along serious risks. You could perjure yourself. You could make the situation worse. You could make millions of dollars for yourself and destroy the economy. So long as the opposite of what you're saying can't be proven, estern suggests something along these lines:

Am I glad to see you! I was almost run off the road by this idiot in a (make, model, color of vehicle that passed you). This guy was definitely hammered. You are putting yourself on the side of "public safety" and the cop will not want to take a chance that this fictitious drunk won't kill someone.

It might work. Just remember, police are smart. [Photo by Jae C. Hong-Pool/Getty Images]

4.) The Honest Approach

Sometimes you're speeding for a good reason. You're having a baby. You're late for an important meeting. The police are people, too. They also hear a lot of BS (see above) so maybe the truth will impress them, if only for the novelty of it. Afborroni tries this true plea:

My line is true, and my plea is earnest. "Officer, I'm in sales, I drive a company car for a living, and every point i get on my license is additional money docked from my paycheck. The consequences of the ticket you're about to give me are far greater for me than for anyone else... please reconsider this as I could lose my job because of a speeding ticket."

Also, try telling them you're an automotive journalist if that's true. [Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images]

3.) Man From A Foreign Land Approach

As anyone who has called tech support for a $10 router they bought at Fry's knows, speaking with someone who doesn't completely understand your language is frustrating. Assuming you have a funny name or look foreign, you could always follow c0de's advice and affect a foreign accent so complicated that they're unable to comprehend what you're saying and just let you off with a warning. This does not work if your name is John Smith or Sarah Jones, but is great if you're a member of Ladysmith Black Mambazo. Try perfecting a weird Eastern European dialect. We tell people we're Estonian because, c'mon, what are the odds a cop has ever been to Estonia? [Photo by Amy Sussman/Getty Images]

2.) Technical Difficulties Approach

Unless you're driving something like a Lagonda, which has a purely digital read-out, it is always possibly that your speedo works. In fact, if you're driving a Lagonda there's a better than average chance your equipment doesn't work. "Do you know how fast you were going?" Perhaps you really didn't. DrJimmy successfully convinced a Sheriff's deputy that his speedometer was on the fritz. If you're frequently a speed trap target, perhaps you should really just disengage your speedometer and hope for the best.

1.) The Polite Approach

They say you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. It's quite possible you repel more tickets this way as well. Sitting on the side of the road watching car-after-car pass by isn't a stimulating job and having to endure crying, excuses and bad accents probably wears some officers down. Being polite and following these steps from Macfarlane.A could go a long way:

Stop your vehicle. Roll down your window. Turn off the ignition. Place your keys on the roof. This way the cop knows that you're not going to try anything stupid before he/she even steps out of the cruiser, and is immediately put at ease.

Also, say "Yes, officer" and "No, officer" always helps. [Photo by China Photos/Getty Images]

Conclusion

There's no sure-fire way to avoid every ticket if you're going to speed in the first place so there's certainly no guarantee that any of these work. But, it beats making a run for it. That almost never works. Unless you're on a motorcycle or driving a super car. If you have any amendments or suggestions, feel free to add them in the comments below.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, which Mr. Sepkowitz cites as his source, says 31% of people involved in fatal crashes in 2007 were speeding at the time. From this, we can draw several conclusions. The first is that while speed was a factor in these crashes, it is not given as the cause. The other obvious conclusion is that two thirds of people involved in fatal crashes were not speeding at the time. So, by Mr. Sepkowitz’s logic, isn't it actually safer to speed than it is to drive at or below the speed limit? Maybe we should call for a ban on not speeding.

There’s a huge gap in the NHTSA’s numbers, meaning we don’t know what percentage of overall speeding traffic, nor what percentage of overall law-abiding traffic, was killed in road accidents. Therefore it’s impossible to determine the true statistical danger of speeding. Nor does the study state what the actual cause of all the accidents was. If, for instance, a person was killed by a truck running a red light, while that person was speeding, would speed or the running of the red light be considered the cause? The NHTSA doesn’t know, but would in that case list speed as a factor. We'd list "running of the red light."

Mr. Sepkowitz goes on to contradict his own argument by stating that in 2006, “76 percent of speeding drivers killed in motor vehicle accidents had been drinking.” Wouldn't that suggest drinking, not speed, was the contributing factor to their deaths?

But how should we limit the performance potential of vehicles to a speed which Mr. Sepkowitz feels is safe? “It’s called cruise control. In its common application, cruise control maintains a steady speed, but a minor adjustment would assure that vehicles, no matter the horsepower, never go past 75 miles per hour.” Hmm, perhaps Mr. Sepkowitz should stick to his important day job — you know, being vice-chairman of medicine at the Sloan-Kettering cancer center — rather than playing amateur car mechanic. [via NYTimes.com]

Though some scoff at the expense and the Alex Jones folks don't like being watched, we'd point out that the city is making a big deal of putting up signs at busy locations letting them know the copter is watching them. We think this means it's mostly a bluff intended to get speeders to change their behavior and tickets will likely be handed out by these beautiesmost of the time. [ This Is London photo, Dave Manders/Essex Police]

"I'm very sorry, this is something not in my character. Driving fast should only be done on a track"

Not in his character? What about racing a taxi to the airport? Or is it different because he was driving an Audi convertible this time? [Bild via AxisOfOversteer]

Unconfirmed reports state that speeders have been warned not to stop if confronted by an angry 11-year old wearing a day-glo vest and a bicycle helmet. Wilburn's mom doesn't share her community's concerns, describing her son as "special" during a Fox News interview.
Photography credit: AP [via Yahoo! News]

We'll let the Daily Mail continue:

"While Clarkson may not have been pulled over for speeding the 48-year-old was hauled before court on speeding charges last year.

The Top Gear host had been accused of failing to name the driver on a speeding ticket but after an intervention from his lawyer Nick Freeman, better known as 'Mr Loophole', the case was dropped before it even began.

Mr Freeman, who has made his name acting for a string of celebrity clients, said the case was 'fatally flawed'.

Car firm Alfa Romeo had sent Mr Clarkson a speeding infringement notice, saying a car caught on a speed camera had been loaned to him.

The V6 Alfa Romeo Brera was snapped travelling at 82mph in a 50mph zone on the A40 in Ruislip, West London, on October 16 last year.

The case was dropped because although Alfa Romeo had loaned the car to Clarkson they had no information as who the driver was."

Photo Credit: Top Gear

Seriously, what's a better deterrent than that? Though we joke, the stern talking to happens at an intersection with numerous collisions within a kilometer of about 3,500 school children. Their best quarry so far has been an embarrassed and horrified vice-principal from another school. Finally, someone has managed to harness the awesome power that is a teenager's inability to shut up for more than four seconds. (h/t PhkMark) [Toronto Star]

The cameras are either mounted to a hat worn by the crossing guard or in their "lollipop." The camera is then attached to an Archos portable recording unit and the footage can be used in court to bust the offenders. Failing to stop for a crossing guard is punishable by up to £2,000 and three penalty points over the pond. Lollipops and video cameras? If this were a story in the U.S. it would be about a pedophile. [Giz]