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Detroit, 9:22 PM
Fri Nov 27
4 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Parking With a Gatling Gun

    GAZ-51 Custom: Russians Make A Cadillac Escalade EXT Hot!

    GAZ Announces End Of The Road For Volga

    James May Takes An Ekranoplan For A Spin

    We Will Steer Over You! Soviet-Era Arcade Video Games

    Rocket to Russia: Moskvitch 410H

    We Will Bury You! The ZIL-111

    Mayday! Mayday! One Bad GAZ Pobeda

    The Red Menace: Zastava-Yugo 750!

    Star of Soviet Land Speed Record Car
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est
    04/11/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    I once purchased a whole pile of stickers that read:


    I HOPE YOU DON"T FUCK LIKE YOU PARK


    They would have been even better if printed in reverse, then I could have placed them in front of the driver's seat.

     Reply
    Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est was starred Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est was unstarred
    Image of Novaload Novaload
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    I have a friend who wrote on note on one of these cars saying in effect that if you have to take up a whole corner or multiple spaces, then obviously you are too poor to really have a nice car--because if you could afford it, you'd park it normally and have the needed repairs from dings and nicks done. But your sideways parking indicates you are barely able to afford the thing.


    It was a warning; the next time he saw it parked in THREE spaces, almost sideways, he emptied his coffee cup on the hood.


    Because really, he could have done much worse. And it worked.

     Reply
    Novaload was starred Novaload was unstarred
    Image of MushyHeirloom MushyHeirloom
    04/10/09

    @Novaload Misses Murilee: Now, this I wholeheartedly approve of.
     Reply
    MushyHeirloom was starred MushyHeirloom was unstarred
    Image of Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    I know I'm not the only one who fantasizes that my stand-up hoof ornament is really a gunsight for dealing with offending motorists in front of me...

    The Lincoln symbol was the best, but my Cutlass' rocket and Benz emblems were still good fuel for fantasy.
     Reply
    Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing was starred Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing was unstarred
    Image of Graverobber Graverobber
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    Would have been cool if Deke had greeted his Russian counterpart with the angry-end of the GAU-8, you know, as a joke, and an important reminder of who was the boss.
     Reply
    Graverobber was starred Graverobber was unstarred
    Image of Bret Bret
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    Such pretty birds:


    I can't think of a more intimidating weapon than an A10 looping back towards you. "Oh, did you think I didn't see you?"

     Reply
    Bret was starred Bret was unstarred
    Image of P161911 probably shoudn't have P161911 probably shoudn't have
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    Sometimes when I see someone taking up two spaces at the end of the lot, especially if I am driving a beater truck, I just make a point to park with my passenger door about 1/2 inch from thier driver's side door.
     Reply
    P161911 probably shoudn't have was starred P161911 probably shoudn't have was unstarred
    Image of Mad_Science Mad_Science
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    I've found these handy cards to be useful in a non-firearms sense.

    [www.youparklikeanasshole.com]
     Reply
    Mad_Science was starred Mad_Science was unstarred
    Image of P161911 probably shoudn't have P161911 probably shoudn't have
    04/10/09

    @Mad_Science: I remember at my first college apartment, which was a dump of a house converted to 4 apartments, parking was VERY tight, NO extra spaces. The cheerleaders that lived upstairs had A-hole boyfriends that would always block people in. It seemed to stop after my roommate and I left a sternly worded note written on an empty box of 12ga slugs.
     Reply
    P161911 probably shoudn't have was starred P161911 probably shoudn't have was unstarred
    Image of Sportwagons, haulin' stuff and haulin' balls Sportwagons, haulin' stuff and haulin' balls
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    Deke Slayton. Goddamnit, why wasn't I named Deke?!

    How fitting that Deke Slayton was a fighter pilot.

    There are only 3 careers for a guy named Deke: fighter pilot, stunt man or bull rider. No Deke has ever been fucked with at a bar. No Deke has ever been outscored by his buddies. No Deke has ever died of old age. Any Deke is a raconteur, a swashbuckler, a cocksman. He holds his liquor better than you, takes a punch better than you, and he's already forgotten more tales of derring-do than you'll ever actually have.

    Is it too late to rename my 7 year old son Deke?
     Reply
    Sportwagons, haulin' stuff and haulin' balls was starred Sportwagons, haulin' stuff and haulin' balls was unstarred
    Image of Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing
    04/10/09

    @Sportwagons, more popular than Grimace:

    Don't forget that Deke is a GREAT porn name... and Slayton would've worked well as a surname in that context as well...
     Reply
    Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing was starred Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing was unstarred
    Image of Sportwagons, haulin' stuff and haulin' balls Sportwagons, haulin' stuff and haulin' balls
    04/10/09

    @Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing: I disagree with porn star as occupation for a Deke. Slayton works fine, but it would have to be a Randy Slayton or Tommy Slayton or Steve Slayton.
     Reply
    Sportwagons, haulin' stuff and haulin' balls was starred Sportwagons, haulin' stuff and haulin' balls was unstarred
    Image of tonyola tonyola
    04/10/09

    @Sportwagons, more popular than Grimace:


    Sausage Slayton

    Throbber Slayton

    Dirk Slayton

    Horsemeat Slayton

     Reply
    tonyola was starred tonyola was unstarred
    Image of Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing
    04/10/09

    @Sportwagons, more popular than Grimace:

    I was thinking along the lines of a Cheech & Chong accent....

    "He's a real Deke, mahn..."
     Reply
    Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing was starred Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing was unstarred
    Image of MushyHeirloom MushyHeirloom
    04/10/09

    @tonyola: Stump Beefknob! Dirk Hardpeck! Bob Johnson! Hey, wait.
     Reply
    MushyHeirloom was starred MushyHeirloom was unstarred
    Image of Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    Just use the Roo Bar on your car to nudge the forgetful drivers car properly into place. It may take a couple of dozen nudges, getting up to about 20 mph, to properly motivate the errant car. Poor fellow, the transmission probably slipped after he had parked properly, leading to this dangerous condition...


    I wouldn't use the cannon. It will leave a large number of ragged fragments all over the place. Other cars might get scratched by the ricochets, the debris might make it awkward to drive into the space and park on a level surface, and you might puncture a tire.


    This is yet another situation where the handy dandy laser destructo ray really comes in handy.

     Reply
    Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was starred Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    04/10/09

    @Jo Schmo: sigh... stupid collapsing comments
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of pauljones pauljones
    04/10/09

    @Jo Schmo: Ha! Nice.


    I think Geely or Brilliance cars have the same marketing poster.

     Reply
    pauljones was starred pauljones was unstarred
    Image of Landau_Calrissian loves our President Camacho. Landau_Calrissian loves our President Camacho.
    04/10/09

    @Jo Schmo: That is hilarious! Did you make it?
     Reply
    Landau_Calrissian loves our President Camacho. was starred Landau_Calrissian loves our President Camacho. was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    04/10/09

    @Landau_Calrissian loves our President Camacho.: No I found it somewhere awhile back and I have been saving it.
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Novaload Novaload
    04/10/09

    @Jo Schmo: Same here, but you beat me to it! But also saved me some time and energy, so thanks!
     Reply
    Novaload was starred Novaload was unstarred
    Image of How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    For reference, the Avenger cannon: [img] [upload.wikimedia.org] [/img]
     Reply
    How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back was starred How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back was unstarred
    Image of How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back
    04/10/09

    @Wankelin' For A Rotary: [upload.wikimedia.org]
     Reply
    How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back was starred How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    04/10/09

    @Wankelin' For A Rotary: need some help? try this:
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back
    04/10/09

    @Jo Schmo: We'll try it your way... this time.


    "

     Reply
    How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back was starred How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    04/10/09

    @Wankelin' For A Rotary:
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    04/10/09

    @Wankelin' For A Rotary: ha ha well can't say you didn't try here:


     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    04/10/09

    @Wankelin' For A Rotary: We actually had an article about that awhile back:


    [jalopnik.com]

     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing
    04/10/09

    @Jo Schmo:

    So, who's the hunky guy with the gold chain and medallion? Friend? Family member? Firebird driver?
     Reply
    Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing was starred Charles_Barrett - Now with Variable-Valve Timing was unstarred
    Image of cabjf cabjf
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    "On board the Apollo was Deke Slayton, the last of the Mercury Seven-announced to the world fifty years ago yesterday-to fly to outer space."


    I think John Glenn might take issue with this statement.

     Reply
    cabjf was starred cabjf was unstarred
    Image of Peter Orosz Peter Orosz
    04/10/09

    @cabjf: I didn't mean last as of today, I meant last as from their selection as astronauts.
     Reply
    Peter Orosz was starred Peter Orosz was unstarred
    Image of leavethegun-takethecannoli leavethegun-takethecannoli
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    I can't stand when people double park, and they do it all the time where I work. When I can, I park as close to their door as possible, just so they have to get in on the other side.
     Reply
    leavethegun-takethecannoli was starred leavethegun-takethecannoli was unstarred
    Image of A strolling player A strolling player
    04/10/09

    @leavethegun-takethecannoli: I keep a big dry erase marker in my car. I saw someone double park at the movie theatre once and proceeded to write JACKASS on his windshield, mirrored so he'd see it when he got in. That shoulda been fun to find!
     Reply
    A strolling player was starred A strolling player was unstarred
    Image of narf narf
    04/10/09

    @leavethegun-takethecannoli: Works if you don't give a shit about your own car. My former '90 745 was perfect for such actions ... it's one thing to have curb rash on the wheels. This one came with fender rash.


    It's always fun to see a grown man in a suit trying to climb over the center console of their shiny new Lexus. Hey, that's what you get for being a fucking asshole when parking.


    My other favorite is to push all the empty carts into the unusable space. Sometimes, the cart guys follow along, even and leave 'em there, even.

     Reply
    narf was starred narf was unstarred
    Image of MushyHeirloom MushyHeirloom
    04/10/09

    @narf: Ha ha! Yeah, my old Volvo's like that too. You park reaaaally close if it looks like a car that someone without severe anger issues would drive.


    The Volvo would also work for causing "asshole damage" - if they're over the line and you have room, and they're still there when you leave... and there are no witnesses... I'm not supporting it, at least on the record.

     Reply
    MushyHeirloom was starred MushyHeirloom was unstarred
    Image of Maymar Maymar
    04/10/09

    @leavethegun-takethecannoli: My school's been terrible for that whenever there's snow - not people deliberately taking up too much space, just being too stupid or apathetic to park reasonably (i.e. ~ two feet from the nearest car). I've gone out of my way to find the smallest space I can fit into, because hey, my car is $700.
     Reply
    Maymar was starred Maymar was unstarred
    Image of Jorsh Jorsh
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    Just when I thought I could escape XKCD. My most hated website infects my most beloved. I'm so torn.
     Reply
    Jorsh was starred Jorsh was unstarred
    Image of Peter Orosz Peter Orosz
    04/10/09

    @Jorsh: How can XKCD incite hatred? I'm honestly puzzled here.
     Reply
    Peter Orosz was starred Peter Orosz was unstarred
    Image of Mad_Science Mad_Science
    04/10/09

    @Peter Orosz: He's a raptor-lover.
     Reply
    Mad_Science was starred Mad_Science was unstarred
    Image of jip1080 jip1080
    04/10/09

    @Jorsh: I for one am very happy with this sudden turn of events. I'm a programmer by trade, and I use this to pay for my car habbits. The melding of a comic which is often uber-tech-nerdy with a site which is awesomely automotimanic is like a validation of my very existance.
     Reply
    jip1080 was starred jip1080 was unstarred
    Image of Jakuub Jakuub
    04/10/09

    @Peter Orosz: I'm not saying this applies to Jorsh, but in general, people that hate XKCD also hate "big werds" and "uppity college kids."
     Reply
    Jakuub was starred Jakuub was unstarred
    Image of A strolling player A strolling player
    04/10/09

    @Jakuub: Au contraire, mon frere.


    There are plenty of people who hate XKCD mostly on the merit of it's not funny.


    He used to be pretty funny some of the time, but it's gotten worse. More often elicits unghs than hehs.

     Reply
    A strolling player was starred A strolling player was unstarred
    Image of Armand Armand
    04/10/09

    @jip1080: XKCD aside, I vote that "automotimanic" become the Word Of The Day.
     Reply
    Armand was starred Armand was unstarred
    Image of Mad_Science Mad_Science
    04/10/09

    @A strolling player, now in British Racing Green!: That makes me sad. XKCD is the best thing on the internet.


    I guess some people get angry when they're confused by things that go over their heads.

     Reply
    Mad_Science was starred Mad_Science was unstarred
    Image of A strolling player A strolling player
    04/10/09

    @Mad_Science: Naw, dude, I know all about Laplace transforms and that shit. I just don't like his delivery and his creepiness most of the time.
     Reply
    A strolling player was starred A strolling player was unstarred
    Image of smalleyxb122 smalleyxb122
    04/10/09

    In reply to Parking With a Gatling Gun
    To fail implies that they were not intent on parking in such a manner. I think they succeeded in parking like an asshole.
     Reply
    smalleyxb122 was starred smalleyxb122 was unstarred
    Image of pauljones pauljones
    04/10/09

    @smalleyxb122: I love your optimism.
     Reply
    pauljones was starred pauljones was unstarred
    Image of HurtsSoGood HurtsSoGood
    04/10/09

    @smalleyxb122: Most do it on purpose. They appear to believe that they're entitled to two spots just because they drive a new-ish car. I remember a first sergeant of mine at Fort Drum got himself a ticket pad from the MPs and just went to town once because so many people were slant-parking across as many as three spots that there wasn't anywhere left to park. Assholes.
     Reply
    HurtsSoGood was starred HurtsSoGood was unstarred
    Image of MushyHeirloom MushyHeirloom
    04/10/09

    @HurtsSoGood: Or because they bought a giant pickup truck and are too fucking lazy to walk from the back of the lot. This group are the real problem, as they're harder to tow.
     Reply
    MushyHeirloom was starred MushyHeirloom was unstarred
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