Jalopnik: South Carolina

The Beauty Of Night Wrenching

Mark Arnold — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 18:20:00 EDT

Reflecting on the recent South Carolina round of the 24 Hours of LeMons, one of the best parts of the whole weekend was walking around the pits during the night break, when all the teams were wrenching away on their cars. It was a strangely beautiful mix of frantic frenzy and drunken stupor. The big American ex-cop cars were all replacing their brakes, the small high-strung foreign machines were all worried about their head gaskets, but everyone was still managing to thoroughly enjoy the agony. Per dollar, there just isn't any better way to soak in all the emotional and mechanical ups and downs of motor racing than participating in a LeMons race.

The 24 Hours Of LeMons South 2008 Uber Gallery

Murilee Martin — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:00:00 EDT

Now that I've had a chance to go through my photos of the 24 Hours of LeMons South event, it's time for the traditional LeMons Über Gallery! You'll see a set of photos for every car that managed to roar (or sputter) onto the track in Kershaw, South Carolina, plus links to team websites and other citrus-flavored goodness.

Any of you LeMons South racers who want the uncropped, full-resolution photos of your team's car should email me with a request and I'll hook you up. If you ~~feel like punishing the Gawker server hamsters some more~~ still haven't gotten your LeMons Über Fix after checking out these shots, take a look at the LeMons SF '08 Über Gallery, the Arse Freeze-A-Pa-Looza LeMons '08 Über Gallery, and the LeMons SF '07 Über Gallery.

#00, Euro Trash
One of many BMW E30s- almost all sporting 325e emblems and low-RPM tachs- at the race; we were suspicious of this car during BS inspection, but LeMons Supreme Court Chief Justice Lamm decreed that it was too slow to be cheating after a brief test drive. Euro Trash finished 24th overall. For the Euro Trash story, go here.

#0, Hong Noor Racing
These guys had a full set of Soviet and Democratic Party flags on their anti-Obama themed CRX (which they hauled through non-Gingrich areas of Atlanta without incident) and were quite quick with the fourth-best lap time of the race. But what the CRX giveth on the racetrack with its great handling and crazy power-to-weight ratio, it often taketh away with its fragility. Brake malfunctions and other mechanical woes held this Honda down to a still-respectable 30th-place finish. We wanted to see the flags stay on for the duration of the race, but apparently their aerodynamic drag was deemed excessive.

#01, Ray's Redneck Racing
Can you get a late-90s Accord, complete with VTEC H22 engine, for under 500 bucks? Ray's Redneck Racing can... although we'd have hammered them with major BS lap penalties if the car's slushbox hadn't softened its highly suspicious appearance. This Honda was slower than I would have expected with so much Soichiro-grade power under the hood, so I suspect it wasn't quite running at 100%. 57th place finish.

#1, Team Lemonjello
Someone suggested that this team took its name from Houston Astro Mark Lemongello, but I never did get around to asking the team. What I did ask them was why the rotary in this car sounded so incredibly good, and the (Mazda mechanic) captain produced receipts for a bunch of rebuild parts- totalling under 500 dollars, of course, and quite legit-looking. The car itself looked to be worth about $9, and Lemonjello's innovative de-roofing procedure probably reduced the weight by almost as much as the rust had. Of course, this car turned out to be fast as stink on the track, taking 2nd place by three laps; did we get taken in by a bunch of RX-7 slicksters in the BS Inspection, or were they just great drivers? Probably some of each.

#02, Team Ponticrap
We were overjoyed to see a Fiero competing in this race, especially after Car & Driver's Fiero brought such misery to its team at the last Altamont race. Sure, we sweated team Ponticrap mercilessly during the BS Inspection, since the team was so clearly packed with Fiero-expert ringers and the engine sounded like more than 500 bucks worth of power, but we secretly wanted to see the plastic Pontiac make a good run for the flag that is checkered. Sadly, the rainy weather and funky Fiero handling led to numerous spinout-related black flags, and the car ended up being pulled from the race due to safety concerns. 61st place, but their 1:12 best lap time was pretty decent.

#2, She Got It All
You're looking at the winner of LeMons South (and, of course, the winner of top-ranked Prayer Of Winning class)! The She Got It All RX-7 team went about its business quietly (well, as quietly as is possible for a Wankel) and without drama, never attracting much attention yet staying in the lead for most of Saturday and all of Sunday. By all accounts, they raced clean and didn't piss anybody off... and maybe they really did build their car for under 500 bucks!

#3, Team Red Rocket
I'm not sure what happened to the Red Rocket Escort; its 1:09 best lap time showed it had the speed, but the 64th-place finish- that's 330 back of the winner- indicates much time battling broken parts and/or penalties. You can watch Cartman getting knocked off by the Tunachuckers in the Schumacher Taxi video below:

#03, The Good Stuff
We were highly skeptical about the legitimacy of a sub-$500 Impreza during the BS Inspection... until we got underneath and saw that this one was a 2WD example. The guys on the Good Stuff team brought what amounted to a complete barbecue restaurant's worth of cooking gear- hey, this is the South- and plied the entire LeMons staff with excellent barbecue chicken and beer on Saturday night (the culinary scene in the pits would have been worth the trip to South Carolina, even without the race). FWD or no, this Subie made it into the Top 20: 19th place finish.

#4, Team TWaffle
It was a spinout- one of many- of the Tokyo Auto Wreckers' 240SX that resulted in the Driving While Awesome Porsche eating my rear bumper at Altamont, and the same Nissan fell off its trailer on the MacArthur Freeway after the race. Perhaps because of this, I cringed when I saw the TWaffle 240SX roll up in Kershaw, but it proved to be quite safe-n-sane. 37th place.

#5, Team We-Todd
Here's another seriously quick Honda; We-Todd Racing had the third-best lap time of the race. One of many cars to sport the infamous cheap eBay adjustable coilovers- you better believe we looked 'em up during the BS inspection- this Civic came in 28th overall.

#11, Double Team Supreme
The pizza deliverer on the roof of this car was frighteningly realistic- the guys on the team said it took them months to get it just right- but the thrown rod that knocked Double Team Supreme out of the race was even more realistic. 66th place.

#6, BMWTF?
There was some debate going around the pits about what team most deserved the Most Heroic Fix trophy. The Utility Muffin guys were mentioned frequently, as were the Turbo Schnitzels, but once we heard the heartbreaking tale of Team BMWTF, there was no doubt. These guys went through countless nightmares building their car- several bad engines, a complete car taken away due to some sort of legal hassles- and were still working on their car as the pace car went around the track on Saturday morning. Their L6 was quick- 1:08 best lap time attests to that- even after getting T-boned by a Mustang and a bunch of extra camber bent into the rear suspension- and managed a 59th-place finish to go with their Heroic Fix trophy.

#7, The Schumacher Taxi Service
That great in-car video you just saw came to us courtesy of the Schumacher Taxi Corolla FX16, and doesn't that 4A-G engine sound glorious? They must have broken to finish 26th- especially with a great 1:09 best lap time- and maybe the full story may be found on their website. We might as well listen to that engine a bit more (and you can watch many more Schumacher Taxi videos here:

#07, Team Dai Mondai II
What are the odds that you'll have unrelated teams with FX16s randomly choose 7 and 07 for their car numbers? This team was made up of a bunch of Toyota engineers and interns (here's their website), which triggered some alarm bells during the BS inspection. The slick-looking paint jobs on this car and their Celica didn't help matters, but we let the FX16- which was actually pretty beat under the paint job- go without any lap penalties. 49th place.

#08, Slee-Z Racing
Rust aficionados would have loved the Slee-Z Racing 280ZX, which had numerous see-through areas not specified by Nissan engineers. As I recall, they had a black flag or two, plus some busted parts, and piloted their leopard-skin-adorned purple Datsun to an entitled-to-bragging-rights 40th place in spite of those setbacks.

#8, Inmates Running The Asylum
Although the LeMons Supreme Court can be bribed during the BS Inspection, sometimes even Boss Tweed-esque levels of cash can't buy a team enough justice to get their car through the check unscathed. The Inmates Running The Asylum guys put together this car in their Spec Miata-building shop and their cost numbers just didn't add up to our satisfaction: 200 lap penalty. The car was fast and the drivers were very, very good; in fact, they'd have won the race by a lap without the penalty.

#09, Team Dai Mondai I
This Celica was intended to be the faster of Dai Mondai's two LeMons entries, and it attracted plenty of judicial scrutiny during the BS inspection (say, do you suppose a team made up of Toyota engineers might know a few tricks?). They were nice guys, so we cut them some slack; all the controversy turned out not be pointless, anyway, since this car threw a rod on the third lap of the race.

#9, Doriftodogs
We got a bribe from the Doriftodogs sufficient to buy pizza for the whole LeMons staff after the race, and they probably weren't even cheating (much)! The Dogs managed to break some fine Bavarian parts, but still attained a solid 27th-place finish. The dogface grille treatment was pretty cool, reminding us of the Porcubimmer. Be sure to check out their website. Here's some Doriftodogvision for you, too:

#11, Shark Sandwich Racing
The Toyota MR2 is a great LeMons car, with good handling and a well-protected radiator, but... well, these are five hundred dollar cars. The Shark Sandwich Toyota started out strong, but then a rod bearing- unobtainable on short notice in Kershaw- gave up a few hours into the race; you can read the whole story at the team's blog. 65th place overall.

#12, The Corporate Machine Corp.
These guys had everything we most like to see at the 24 Hours of LeMons: Absurd-yet-powerful car, great theme, matching costumes, and serious never-say-die spirit. Even after the burning-brakes incident on Saturday (and all-night rotor/caliper job), after eating up a pair of front tires every two hours, after every component capable of overheating was doing so- yes, even after the Corporate Machine was down to a half-dozen laps per stint before the engine and/or transmission crapped out and required a lengthy cool-off period, this team kept getting that Cad back on the track. The DeVille's crazy handling alone would have been enough to send lesser teams running for the trailer; I'm pretty sure the entry for "Understeer" in most dictionaries includes an illustration of the front-wheel-drive, 4.9 liter V8-powered '91 Cadillac DeVille. The Corporate Machine Corporation let me drive their car for a few laps- yeah, after I went the wrong way down the pit road, due to my being distracted by the dread of what would happen to me if I got a penalty- and all I can say is that 51st place in this beast was quite an accomplishment. Slam-dunk People's Choice award. Be sure to take a look at their well-written team website, then watch the video of my driving adventure below:

#13, Hard Luck Racing
It's amazing how you can find Datsun ZXs for just a couple hundred bucks (hey, a serious sports car with six-banger power and independent rear suspension!), but such cars often have issues. In the case of the Hard Luck Racing Datsun, fuel-system nastification and wheel stud failure conspired to produce a 56th-place finish. We really dug the ACME Secret Weapon and hope to see this machine at future races. You can read the whole Hard Luck tale here.

#14, Superkak Racing
This car was the topic of much heated debate in the pits, mostly centering around the impossibility of purchasing a genuine V8/5-speed '94 Mustang GT- yes, the one with all the hi-zoot suspension goodies- for under 500 bucks. Superkak's cost-accounting paperwork looked legit, but I was pretty sure they'd have been excavator bait if driving penalties hadn't taken them out of contention for the checkered flag. As it turns out, Superkak gets the bragging rights that come with the best lap time of the race.

#15, POP BANG POW
The POP BANG POW BMW did 112 laps on its way to a 67th-place finish, but I wasn't able to determine its fate. If you're reading this, PBP guys, let us know your story.

#16, What's That Smell Racing
Apparently hoping to follow in Arse-Freeze-A-Pa-Looza LeMons winner Red Meat And Poontang's tire tracks, What's That Smell Racing showed up with a Mazda Protege (dubbed the "Accsmellerator 3000"). We liked the Little Tree theme, and the 18th-place finish shows that the Protege ~~will arouse even more suspicion next time~~ is a solid LeMons car choice. Get the complete Accsmellerator story here, then watch the don't-try-this-at-home video below.

#17, KML Racing 2
We couldn't help but admire the brazenness of the dodgy accounting and maybe-they-won't-notice supercharger we found with this PT Cruiser, but we had no choice but to hand down a steep BS penalty on the KML Racing PT Cruiser. Without the 70-lap penalty, they'd have been in the top 15; with it, they finished 31st.

#18, Rubber Biscuit Racing
While this Caprice managed an even quicker lap time than the Punisher Racing Chevy- a stunning 1:08 against the 3rd-place Punishers' 1:09, mechanical problems held the Biscuit back to a still-impressive 16th-place finish. The real story here, however, is that this car actually survived the People's Curse at the LeMons Detroit race last year; see all the repairs on the roof? The story and photos may be found here. Rubber Biscuit team member Terry has this to say about their LeMons South experience:
We had a great time but did have some problems. The whole first day we were way down on power - couldn't get more than half throttle without the motor missing very badly and blowing black smoke. We figured that we would lose more laps than we could ever get back if we brought it to the garage to figure out the issue, so we just ran it that way the first 7-1/2 hours of the race and dealt with it at the evening break. It turned out that the passenger side O2 sensor had crapped out. We replaced it with a new AC Delco one and it was fine the next morning, but our lap times that first day were 5 seconds slower than the leader and we were down 23 laps by the end of Saturday. We would have lost more laps than that if we hadn't raced in the rain for 2 hours when everyone else had to slow down too. Our car did great in the rain.

The next day the car ran great. We started up again at 8:30 AM and were running laps 1-2 seconds faster than the leader all morning. But our transponder had stopped working and Scoring didn't black flag us to let us know of the problem until over an hour into the day. We were able to negotiate with the gracious scoring officials for them to give us 50 laps, but the leader had run 58 by then and we were faster than them all morning. Still - it was way better than nothing. By the 11:00 -12:00 "church break", we had made up 8 laps and things were looking good for a top 10 finish. But right after the break we cut a brake line from some track debris. We replaced the line but lost 15 more laps while we fixed the car. Then around 12:30 the transmission stopped shifting into 3rd gear - we think a simple $5 shift solenoid died. I guess that stock motor (yes, it really was bone stock) just didn't like 3 hours of being run up to the rev limiter in 2nd gear on the 2 long straights, so with 2 minutes left, it threw 2 rods through the oil pan in protest. It probably didn't help that we had bumped the rev limiter up 400 RPM from stock. Maybe I should have mentioned that to my team mates... :)

#21, Squeeze My Lemon
Here's another Top 20 machine, more proof that Soichiro made plenty of quick hatchbacks that hold together for 300,000 miles (though I remain skeptical that it's possible to buy any running Civic for under $500 with the shadow of five-buck gas looming across the land). The Squeeze My Lemon Civic came complete with BMW M badges, and I believe it's also billed as a "Type R" to boot!

#23, Rusty Wankel Racing
The Rusty Wankel RX-7 seemed plagued by breakdowns throughout the race; they were pitted quite close to LeMons Supreme Court HQ, and we saw the Mazda moving under team muscle power more than once. Their quickest lap time (1:10.785) was just a half-second slower than the winning RX-7's, so we assume we'll see a contender next time, once all the bugs are worked out.

#24, Utility Muffin Racing Team
What do you do when you build a race car and then it breaks its camshaft in half during a practice lap the afternoon before the race? You could throw in the towel- you know, wasn't meant to be... or you could do what the Utility Muffins did: crank up some Burnt Weeny Sandwich and drive all-out to Charlotte before the junkyards close, then wrench all night to do a head swap on the CRX and be ready to race the next morning. As so often happens with CRX LeMons cars, other mechanical ills slowed down the Zappa-themed team, but they managed a top-half 35th-place finish.

#25, Salazar Racing
We all know how the race ended for the Salazar Racing BMW team. Sure, there was no way in hell that 325is was a $500 car, and maybe they exhibited something of an aggressive streak out there on the track, but by all accounts they were nice guys (once they got out of the car) and they took their punishment with good humor.

#26, Turkey Fryer Endurance Racing
We saw quite a few Ford Escorts at LeMons South, and their performance ran the gamut from Top Ten to DNF. The Turkey Fryers kept their car alive and in the mix for most of the race and finished 46th. The account of their build is worth reading.

#30, Ones2Drive
The Ones2Drive BMW was the recipient of the dreaded Grille Of Damocles punishment (a Volvo grille covered with spikes is welded to the front of the car, guaranteeing radiator death in the slightest impact), and finished the race with a crazy vertically-oriented radiator yanked from the carcess of a stricken competitor's car. This car definitely got used up on the way to its 60th-place finish, but at least the hood will live on as decoration for Canada Racing HQ.

#33, Thunder Road

A Subaru SVX racing at the 24 Hours of LeMons? Wow! Thing is, the kind of SVX you can get for 500 bucks... well, there might be a few compromises in the ol' reliability department. The Thunder road team roared onto the track feeling strong and optimistic to start the race, then- hey, why doesn't the steering work? No problem, just weld up the troublesome steering components and get back on the track... oh no, we need the tow truck again! That's how it went for Team Thunder Road, who were thwarted by South Carolina's Thou Shalt Not Sell Car Parts On Sunday blue laws in their final repair attempt and managed a grand total of six laps. It wasn't for naught, however, because they took home the coveted I Got Screwed trophy, joining the likes of Team Porcubimmer in that honor.
#34, Loose Tool Racing
This Jetta seemed awfully new- and fast- for a $500 car, but sometimes car shoppers just get lucky, right? We'll leave that for the readers to debate, but there's no arguing with the fact that Loose Tool's VW got into the Top Ten, with a 9th-place finish.

#35, Kudzu Kommandos
The Kommandos were able to knock off the second-best lap time of the race, but the Ultimate Driving Machine tends to become the Ultimately Hard To Fix Machine when that close-tolerance Bavarian workmanship goes awry. 54th place. Here's an account from Kommando Ed:
A thrown fan belt and later a hard tap that made the motor smash the bottom radiator hose pissed off the head gasket. Later, two or three hoses, a water pump and a melted oil pressure switch took us out of contention on Saturday.
Sunday we decided all should drive one more time. We spent a fare amount of time and money to get there (we are not wealthy by any stretch of imagination) and each driver only had one turn on Sat.
After each run we brought the car in, waited until we could get the cap off without boiling what was left, put in about 2 gallons of water and the next guy went out.
The engine would get so hot on each run the head would start leaking oil on to the exhaust. Eyes would burn and the last driver almost threw up. GREAT FUN! WE WANT TO DO IT AGAIN! Winning is overrated.
We ran that poor car with a blown head gasket for a day and a half. How's that for German engineering?

#37, Mary Kay Racing
If the Mary Kay salesforce had to be a little faster (and went to a sort of sickly house-paint version of Salmon Tumor instead of pink for their car color of choice), this is what they'd drive. We were ready to bring the lap-penalty hammer down on this car during BS inspection, thinking it was the six-cylinder Supra at first, but that 22R under the hood was pure Celica. Mary Kay Racing drove to a strong 11th-place finish overall.

#39, Dawg House Racing
This Prelude had sufficient junkyard wings and spoilers- mounted all over the car- to win the Dangerous Banned Technology trophy. According to official LeMons rules, the trophy goes to the car with the best use, ie "didn't actually fall off and kill anyone," of any device currently banned, no doubt wisely, by the FIA. (Partial list: sliding skirts, active air brakes, active wings, turbine engines, suction fans, active suspension, dual axles, and probably shortly Max Mosley). As we all know, each additional wing adds 50 horsepower, which is likely the reason Dawg House Racing racked up a boastworthy 15th-place finish.

#40, Malt Liquor Tech Racing
First of all, we were impressed by the Schlitz Blue Bull graphic and 40-ounce reference with the car number (though we didn't actually see any Schlitz 40-dogs in the Malt Liquor Tech pits). While many of the BMWs succumbed to the usual fuel/electrical-system problems that go with Cheap BMW Racing territory, Malt Liquor Tech's car held together and came in fifth overall. That means they took home not only the pride of cracking the LeMons Top Five but the Fastest German Car trophy to boot. They also had the best team decal of the race: a screaming-possum design that now adorns my laptop.

#42 Peg-Leg Rum-Runners From Outer Space
The folks at Crownvic.net don't seem to be connected to this Police Interceptor Crown Victoria, but I'm sure they'd be happy to know it finished in the top half, with a 32nd-place finish. Their best lap time of 1:10.353 was just a hair slower than the winning RX-7's best time (though not as quick as either cop-car rival Caprice), which shows that those cheap ex-cop Crown Vics have LeMons-winning potential.

#44, Team Türbö Schnïtzël
Like the Porsche 944, the Merkur XR4Ti looks like an ideal LeMons car on paper. Lots of turbocharged power, rear-wheel-drive, IRS, and you can get ugly ones for peanuts. In reality, though... well, let's just say we didn't worry too much about cheating when we BS-inspected this car, because it goes without saying that all cheap XR4Tis blow up. We were up late drinking beer and shooting the shit with the Schnitzels on Saturday night, after they'd fixed their blown head gasket... which promptly blew again on Sunday. The car looked great on the track, as did the team's "Fahrt Schnell" T-shirts, and we hope to see these guys back at future races. For the behind-the-scenes story, check out the Turbo Schnitzel blog

#45, TAJ Escort Service
Here's proof that bribing LeMons judges pays! These characters showed up with a genuine, numbers-matching Escort GT and expected us to believe they'd paid less than $500 for this highly sought-after classic. We threatened to hit them with a symbolic 5-lap BS penalty, just because their car smelled like cheating and the 95-degree weather had us in a foul mood, but we were so impressed with the cash taped under their car's hood that we let them go. As it turns out, they made the Top Ten by a mere four laps! Don't miss the team website.

#46, Mad Cow Motorsports
It took me a while to figure out that the object dangling from the front bumper of this ex-cop box Crown Vic was supposed to be a cow's tongue. There's nothing like the sight of a big Detroit sedan screaming through the turns while a bunch of nervous imports try to squeeze past it, particularly when said Detroit sedan is painted to resemble a bovine. The Mad Cow Ford came in 38th; check out the team's story here.

#50, Team Thunderturd
You know all those Thunderbird Turbo Coupe guys who go on and on about how quick their cars really are (in spite of being cheapo Fox Fords that tend to shed parts when going over speed bumps)? If this race is any guide, they're right! Team Thunderturd came in 7th, with pretty good 1:11 lap times and- much more important- no major breakdowns or penalties. The mailbox hood scoop was a nice decorative touch.

#51, Buzzed Racing Is Fun Racing
We see a lot of German LeMons cars dressed up in WW2 military markings (thankfully, the teams leave the swastikas off, thus sparing us the need to apply the mandatory 100,000,000-lap "Nazi Punks Fuck Off" penalty). So how about painting a Ford Mustang to look like a P-51 Mustang? This car looked great (we especially liked the aircraft-style exhausts on the fenders) and the team had a fine name, but the (non-turbo) four-banger under the hood meant it had a tough time keeping up with the competition.

#53, CMP Mafia
The CMP Mafia's initial plan was to have several full-sized bicycles on the roof rack during the race, which would have been good for plenty of fun when they flew off and got run over by all the other cars, but safety concerns mandated their removal. This Eclipse was run by a bunch of Carolina Motorsports Park employees to a 6th-place finish. Great track, guys- I'm definitely coming back for future races!

#54, RPDE Victory Junction Gang
An Opel in the 24 Hours of LeMons! Hooray! This Opel 1900 is a brain-scrambling Malaise Era mashup of GM-related marques; badged as a "Buick/Opel" and powered by an Isuzu engine, it probably confused the hell out of car buyers. This one is an abandoned-in-back-yard ex-race-car, run by a team from the Richard Petty Driving Experience (no, we don't know why it isn't #43). It was very quick (best lap time was an excellent 1:09.677 seconds), but penalties and/or breakdowns resulted in a 41st-place finish.

#55, Tunachuckers
We've already seen the Tunachuckers, whose Volvo Amazon just kept circling the track, hour after hour, and finished in 47th place (a three-hour crap-in-the-fuel-lines repair knocked them well down in the standings). These guys took home the Index Of Effluency trophy, which goes to the team that does better than anyone thought possible with their ~~hopeless~~ nontraditional race car. Real LeMons cognoscenti view the Index Of Effluency as the most prestigious trophy, even better than the one for the overall race winner. Good work, Tunachuckers! Their website is quite entertaining, by the way.

#57, Freeman's Car Stereo
I thought I saw this Accord hatchback suffer a catastrophic engine explosion early on Sunday, the type that sends flaming connecting rods whirling off over the horizon; it must have been some other car, however (or the team had a spare engine and crazy swap skills), because the Freeman's Car Stereo Honda was still on the track and moving under its own power when the race ended. 33rd place.

#64, C.C. Canada
Here's the car run by our host (and creator of the Driveshaft Through The Skull design), Walker Player Canada. The ZX's V6 refrained from catching on fire (though there were some fuel-system maladies) and the CC Canada team knocked off many 1:09 laps on their way to an 8th place finish and a Prayer Of Finishing class trophy.

#65, Team Animal House
You can be proud when your team wins the Most Likely To Leave In An Ambulance trophy at the 24 Hours of LeMons, and that's just what Team Animal House did with their Fox Thunderbird. Note the Deathmobile fins and portrait of Chief Perpetrator Jay Lamm as hood ornament, then thrill to their in-car video:

#66, Wide F'in Open
Plenty of Civics showed up to race at CMP, giving the E30s and Escorts a run for their money, and this one was the race's top Honda: 13th place. Hey, my '92 Civic would look good with a paint job like this car's!

#67, Team Saab Story
Another "looks good on paper" LeMons car is the Saab Turbo; usually you see the 900s, but Team Saab Story managed to find a 9000 for (allegedly) under 500 bucks. They were pretty quick, battled through various brake and transmission ailments, and got themselves a respectable 21st place finish and the No Prayer Of Finishing class trophy (they also won the Fastest Swedish Car medals, but weren't there for the awards ceremony and the Tunachuckers grabbed the medals instead). You can read their story here.

#68, SMV Racing
SMV Racing brought a couple of cars to the race; this GTI and a Pinto. We stomped on this car with our hobnailed lap-penalty boots during the BS judging- come on, guys, you can explain away your budget-busting mods better than that- and that resulted in a 52nd-place finish. Their best lap time of 1:10.544 showed that this 3-wheeler could really move.

#70, Deconstruction
How can you not love a Geo Storm at LeMons? Of course, the Storm wasn't very fast and lots of stuff broke, but we loved this car anyway. The patriotic paint job inspired us to tape a map of Iran on the side of the car. 58th place.

#71, KML Racing 1
Even a Camry can be a race car at the 24 Hours Of LeMons! The 1:18.026 second best lap time was garbage-truck-esque, but the Camry's ability to just keep going gave KML Racing a nothing-to-sneeze-at 21st place.

#72, Quattro Libre
Since cars tend to crunch into each other with great regularity at the 24 Hours of LeMons, you've got to admire a team that fields a race car with the timing belt located about four inches behind the grille. The Quattro Libre Audi 4000 survived the race, however, and did so with no major mechanical problems. While the car exhibited some truly scary-looking body lean in the corners, it totally owned during the couple hours of rainfall. When you're done watching the in-car video below, read their account of their experiences here.

#74, Butchered Motor Works
That's right, it's yet another BMW E30! It appears that Butchered Motor Werks never quite got their 325e working quite right (in spite of the great team name), but they picked up a 42nd place finish nonetheless.

#75, Howard J. Turkstra Motorsports
With a Supra winning last year's Flat Rock race, we expected the Howard J. Turkstra Toyota to be a real contender at this race. Unfortunately, $500 cars don't always... well, you know the rest. 62nd place.

#77, On The Run From Nuns
After seeing a couple of diesel Benzes at the Altamont race last year (including one in the Top 20), we already knew the relentless reliability of the OM617 engine makes these things LeMons contenders. The handling is excellent for such a big car, too, and On The Run From Nuns took 25th place. They've got an extensive set of photos here, but we still can't figure out why they're running from nuns.

#80, Modle Carlo
You take an old dirt-track Monte Carlo that's been sitting in someone's back yard for a few years, drop an Olds 350 in it, apply some paint, and it's racing time! The removal of the hood partway through the race suggests overheating woes, but we never did find out what sort of mechanical problems were troubling the Modle Carlo. 39th place.

#81, Punisher Racing
Right at the end of the race, initial reports had the Punisher Caprice at 2nd place, but the Lemonjello RX-7 had a single lap on the big Chevy. Still, third place in this race is grounds for much strutting, boasting, and chest-thumping back home, which is no doubt what's happening in whatever rust-plagued town the Punishers hail from. We were disappointed that they wouldn't race with the huge broadcast-tower antenna mounted on the roof, though perhaps the extra 500 pounds had something to do with that. These guys took the No Prayer Of Winning class trophy- pretty funny, given how close they came to winning. Hey, why don't more police departments have "To Enslave And Torture" as their motto?

#83, Team FDonk
It's good to see a pickup truck out there on the track with all those cars, and Team FDonk beat quite a few cars with their 29th-place finish. We enjoyed the "cuts of meat" paint job on this Nissan.

#84, Mad Bombers
This seems to happen every time I cover one of these races: one car manages to evade my camera for most of the race. Yes, I shot just one photo of the Mad Bombers' Buick, which had a good B-24-ish theme going on. With only 109 laps total, I assume the Bombers spent most of the race spinning wrenches. Still they finished ahead of four other teams with their 68th-place ranking.

#85, Karmann Geddon
This car was by far our quickest BS inspection; after ascertaining that they really were going to race a Golf Diesel (who the hell bought these things in North America?), we waved them on by. Bummer about the breakdowns that limited Karmann Geddon to a mere 35 laps, though. 70th place.

#86, SMV Racing B Team
Explosive Racing! Everyone loved watching this Pinto, which nailed down 34th place. But where was the Chevy Vega?

#88, BeerTech Racing
The BeerTech 318i was the race leader for a few glorious hours on Saturday, leading us to feel that we hadn't been harsh enough on their not-real-convincing insurance-buyback tale during the BS inspection process. By the race's end, they'd dropped down in the standings a bit, but 12th place is a mighty strong finish in this car-killing event. Here's what the BeerTechs have to say for themselves.

#90, Hammer Down
You want rust? Hammer Down will show you rust! This iron oxide-centric Mazda had the 5th-best overall lap time and roared to a 17th-place finish.

#91, Saabs Gone Wild A
The Saabs Gone Wild maniacs appear to follow the 24 Hours Of LeMons around the country the way Deadheads once followed Jerry Garcia, and so we weren't at all surprised to see them with yet another Saab 900 Turbo in South Carolina. While their car managed a smoking (literally) fast best lap time of 1:08.922, its fine Swedish engineering wasn't up to the grueling demands of the race: 44th place.

#96, Craigslist Built Our Hotrod
You want to know why it's so important to sell the legitimacy of your car's budget to the judges during the BS inspection at this race? This Camaro would have won the race... only we gave it a six-lap BS Penalty for going over budget on the build. You see, when you show up A) with a small-block Chevy that sounds like it's making about 400 horsepower, B) with your budget sheet scrawled on the back of a cereal box, and C) your own math shows you going over 500 bucks, we have no choice but to penalize your Camaro. But still, Craigslist Built My Hotrod got 4th place.

#97, Guns, Girls, And Gasoline Racing
We knew this Fox Mustang was packed full of cheatin' flava, but the lovely GG&G Ladies Auxiliary and the thoughtful gift of a case of cold beer convinced us to ease up a bit on the BS Penalty laps. Not that it mattered much, because this car drew black flags galore and spent a great deal of time sitting in the time-out zone. Oh, it was fast (1:10.036 best lap), but that might have been the influence of the Chemical Ali punishment. 55th place. Be sure to watch the love tap given to the BMWTF? car in the video below:

#98, Team Flack
Here's another example of how not to go through the LeMons BS Inspection. Every member of the team looked like Smokey Yunick, and their Camaro was powered by a lumpy-idling Chevy small-block of unknown displacement. That's right, they didn't know what engine they had- just found it sitting around! I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something seemed fishy with this car. I felt bad about the big lap penalty we gave them as a result, because the engine, transmission, radiator, and damn near everything else failed on this car, and it spent most of the race up on jackstands with its innards scattered all over. 69th place.

#99, Team Total Loss
Can you tell this is a Ford Escort? Neither could we. Technically, the pickup bed makes it an Escachero; the triple-decker wing gave it the speed needed to get a 20th-place finish.

Creator Of Driveshaft-Through-The-Skull Design Takes 8th Place At LeMons South

Murilee Martin — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:00:00 EDT

While at the 24 Hours of LeMons South event, I saw four racing team members (on four different teams) wearing Driveshaft Through The Skull T-Shirts during the course of the weekend- pretty impressive, given that we only made 84 of them and they were shipped all over the world. The proud wearers of those shirts might have been surprised to discover that the artist behind the DTTS design was actually out there on the track with them, reaching the coveted LeMons Top Ten in an '85 Nissan 300ZX. Meet Walker Player Canada, South Carolina artist and racing fanatic.

I worked with Walker at Year One back in the 90s, and we've been friends ever since. When he heard the 24 Hours of LeMons was coming to his neighborhood, there would be no doubt that he'd get a team together.

The Canada family, led by patriarch C.C. (the guy on the right in the above photo), is very serious about racing and cool cars in general. They've got a couple of Ferraris (330GT and 308), quite a few Barrett-Jackson-level musclecars, and a whole stable of road-race Camaros. The 300ZX- which won its class and 8th place overall at LeMons- is used by Walker's brother, Cash, as a practice car at his racing school.

How serious are they about racing? This is the house across the road from Carolina Motorsports Park, which the Canadas bought so they'd have a headquarters near the track. They were kind enough to let me, Mark, and Lieberman stay there while we were working at the race.

I couldn't have imagined a better place to stay; not only did we get a fridge full of beer (love that Southern hospitality!), there was a big stack of inspiring reading material.

The decor was definitely car-guy-centric, but something was missing...

Of course- a BMW E21 hood! The Ones2Drive team left their hood behind at the track after the race, and Walker figured it would look good hanging on the wall at Canada Race HQ. Good thinking!

And The Winner Is...

Mark Arnold — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 16:15:00 EDT

As the checkered flag dropped at the 2008 24 Hours of LeMons race here in South Carolina, the #2 Mazda RX-7 finished in first place overall. The fastest lap of 1:10.268 around the 0.96-mile road course from the Team She Got It All entry proved to be not quite as fast as some of the Miatas and BMWs, but apparently the boys figured out a way to make the Wankel reliable. Congratulations to the team on a fine drive!

Destruction Action Of The Cursed BMW

Mark Arnold — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 13:45:00 EDT

Here it is, the moment of carnage for Team Salazar Racing's E30 BMW 3-Series. With an overwhelming display of hatred from the other LeMons racers, the people elected the blue and white Bimmer as "The People's Curse." Cheaters beware, this is the fate that awaits you!

Chemical Ali Mustang Spins, Takes Out Innocent 6er

Mark Arnold — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 20:00:00 EDT

If this on-board footage from Team Schumacher Taxi Service's Toyota is any indication, the "Chemical Ali" punishment of a certain black-flagged Mustang was certainly effective. Apparently the dizzying aroma causes you to lose control and spin into unsuspecting racers. In this case, the victim was one of my personal favorites on the track, a brown 'n dirty BMW 6-Series.

The Race Is On!

Mark Arnold — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 13:30:00 EDT

After the teams filed onto the track behind the Dodge Challenger SRT8 pace car (driven by our very own judges) the green flag waved and the race began! Early favorites are the E30 BMWs, as the Honorable Judge Murilee claims he was ~~well bribed~~ letting them all off too easy. Keep checking for more updates as the race progresses.

Paddle-Shifter Gearbox, LeMons Style

Mark Arnold — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 10:00:00 EDT

As the inspection and judging continues for the 24 Hours of LeMons South, there's been plenty of unique modifications showing up. One of our favorites so far has been this ~~custom-fabricated paddle-shifter gearbox~~ badminton paddle taped to the column shift handle on the entry from Team Punisher.

As any cop car should, the team also has the Chevy Caprice 9C1 rigged up with a big ol' flashing light. Although this is certainly not standard-issue, and looks more like it's off the top of a cellphone tower, or maybe a small coastal lighthouse. But that's to be expected when your mission statement, "to enslave and torture," follows Barricade's "to punish and enslave."

DOTSBE, Carolinas Edition: Mystery Mack Truck

Murilee Martin — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:30:00 EDT

We've had quite a few great Down On The Street Bonus Edition cars and pickups so far, but how about great big diesels? The kind that's inspired even more country tunes than Death Row? Fortunately, road-test guru Wes Siler and a certain Czech Corvette-drivin' Jonny Lieberman were down in the Carolinas and came across this amazing Mack parked in some haunted-looking pine woods. Make the jump to hear the Loverman's description:

Driving along the border of North and South Cackalacky in BMW's new ~~Mars Rover~~ X6 when suddenly Captain Siler and I happened upon this ghostly beaut. She'll never run and in a few years this green masterpiece will slide right down the cliff she's perched on. If I were richer, I'd buy a lot of land and make this Mack the focal point of my garden. Maybe get a couple of wooden Japanese bridges leading up to it. Not unreasonably, Wes became convinced that the owner was going to pop out of the dilapidated shack, shot gun in hand and kill us for trespassing. As the sign said, "Welcome, Now Git!" Still, I could have stood and stared all day.

Project Car Hell, South Carolina Edition: GT6 or 429 Mustang II?

Murilee Martin — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:15:00 EDT

The completely indecipherable photograph and PCH Superpower heritage of the '48 Morris Minor truck were the winning combination when it came to beating the 89-year-old Dodge in yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll. Today we're going with a regional theme, because the last time we had two vehicles from the same American region was when we had the PCH Philadelphia Edition, and that's just too long. Today we're looking at some high-quality project material from the state where the Civil War began: South Carolina! Thanks (and a PCH Tipster T-shirt) go to Ktek01 for these tips!

The Triumph Spitfire has good Hell Potential, of course, but it's just too slow to be cool enough. But when you go for the GT6... now you're talking! So head on down to Columbia and pick up this 1971 Triumph GT6 (go here if the ad disappears) for just one thousand dollars. That seems pretty cheap, doesn't it? Well, some negative-minded folks might read the part of the car's description that reads "car has set for 23 years" and flee in terror... but you're not like that or you wouldn't be here! Really, storing a British Leyland car in a pine forest in the Deep South is much like storing a good bottle of wine in a temperature-controlled cellar... except for the constant rain, temperature extremes, and critters making nests in the upholstery, that is. But the engine turns over by hand, so a tiny portion of the battle is already won!

Is there any American vehicle that can possibly stack up against a British Leyland sports car in a PCH challenge? Yes! You say you've always admired the Boss 429 Mustang, but those numbers-matching, Barrett-Jackson schmucks have pushed the price up too high to even contemplate one for your own project? You just need to expand your definition of eligible Mustangs, is all, and you can start by looking at this 1974 Mustang II with 429 Police Interceptor engine (go here if the ad disappears). Someone has managed to fit several acres of 429 into what amounts to a Pinto engine compartment, and you even get a tough 9" rear with 4.11 gears as part of the package. It looks like some work is needed here, but ~~if, by some miracle~~ when you finish the project you'll have the most badass Malaisemobile in your time zone. Imagine the respect you'll get using your Boss 429 Mustang II as a daily driver (that is, if you can survive past the first week after you get it on the road)!

BMW To Expand US Production By 50%

Wes Siler — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 11:05:48 EDT

BMW just announced that it's going to increase the number of vehicles it produces at its plant in Spartanburg, South Carolina by 50% by 2012. This will take the total number of cars produced there per year to 240,000. This means an additional investment of $750 million will be made in South Carolina and 500 additional employees will be added. Vehicles produced there include the X3, X5 and Z4. The next generation X3 and new X6 will be added to that list. The US is BMW's most important market, with nearly one quarter of all vehicles it produces being sold here.

Better Than New Wiper Blades, Car Comes With Free Urn

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 18:00:00 EST

Perhaps South Carolina is part of the Bermuda Triangle, because that would be one of the few plausible explanations for how the cremated remains of a woman ended up at a car repair shop in Charleston. According to reports, a Buick was towed to Transmission Wholesalers, which is where mechanics found the urn and what was left of Izetta Dickerson. It gets weirder when you discover that the woman died four years ago and the owner of the car couldn't explain how the urn got in the Buick. Family members believe the urn was lost during a move, but can't explain how it ended up in a random person's automobile. Let this be a lesson that you shouldn't trust anything to Izetta Dickerson's family. [WCBD-TV]

Riley Technologies Bailing on Indy

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 18:58:19 EST

Riley Technologies, based just outside the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, is headed south to Mooresville, SC in a bid to gain more NASCAR business. The company, who've built open-wheel racers, sports prototypes and USAC cars and won the Grand Am championship last year, sees fewer and fewer opportunities in Indy and greener pastures in stock car racing. Admittedly, we'd rather live in the South than the Midwest, but somehow, this really bums us out.

Riley Technologies to leave Indy [Indianapolis Star]

Related:
IRL-NASCAR Coalition Wins 24 Hours of Daytona [Internal]

Cars and Bears Engage in More South Carolina Skirmishes, Bears Keep Losing

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 18:34:29 EST

We're awfully fond of bears. Maybe it's that we were born under the Bear Flag, maybe it's our affinity for envisioning Teddy Roosevelt charging up San Juan Hill in a Gentle Ben costume during idle moments, or maybe it's all the time we spent down on Folsom Street when we lived in the Bay Area, but regardless, the fact that car-versus-bear accidents have doubled in South Carolina in the last year really has us bummed. It's an unfortunate and sad by-product of human encroachment into the animals' natural habitat. And it sure must leave a nasty dent.

Cars killing more coastal area black bears [Myrtle Beach Online]

Related:
Motorists Strike Down State Symbol: Prophecy? [Internal]

Begun the Clone Wars Have: South Carolina Battles Re-VIN'd Stolen Cars

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 15:46:54 EDT

Cars stolen along the Eastern Seaboard and shuffled into South Carolina have begun popping up on SC officials' radar. With their VIN numbers replaced, the vehicles stolen are sold to innocent consumers and re-registered. Authorities noticed that some cars had duplicate vehicle identifaction numbers and began to investigate. Unfortunately, the buyers of these vehicles are out the cash for their purchase, making us wonder how many people will actually take up the South Carolina Department of Public Safety's request to call in with questions.

Cloning Cars: Police Seize Luxury Vehicles With Fake Titles