If you've been so busy making tender love to your fake girlfriend and you've been unable to catch the news let me fill you in: Lance Armstrong admitted to cheating. Many of us did know that Lance Armstrong doped throughout his career, and a few nights back, he finally fessed up.

Cheating in sports is unfortunately…

The garage in Daytona Beach, Florida where Smokey Yunick created many of his successful NASCAR and Indy Car racing machines burned to the ground last night. If this were a police procedural we'd interview a bitter old NASCAR rule-maker.

Oh my goodness, the National Association Of Stock Car Auto Racing (as opposed to the national association of stock car boat racing) is full of cheaters! Stone-cold cheatin' to victory in every race, ever. America expects better from former moonshiners.

Those of you who read Judge Loverman's account of serving on the 24 Hours of LeMons South Supreme Court might be telling yourselves "That's interesting, but I really want to know how to give my alleged 500-buck race car an unfair advantage at the next race and get away with it!"