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This is the star of the show; the top seed. A seemingly indestructible 1973 Ford Mustang Mach 1 that runs from the law in a glorious 40-minute chase scene.
The local country radio reporter's ride, a Ford that might as well have "dorky" painted all over it.


A drop-top Ford with questionable structural rigidity that gets hit in the side so hard it splits neatly in half. Ridiculous, but funny.
The Belvedere rent-a-cop with a German Shepard. Attempts to chase down a tow-truck stealing a Challenger, and fails.


A burgundy Roller stolen in broad daylight from the airport drop-off curb; chauffeur left the key in it.
A Fleetwood serving as personal transportation for the ring-leader of the operation. An arranged assortment of sunglasses on the dash, and enough room for the whole crew to cruise around.


Stole a Challenger right off a dealership lot, then outran security even with the Challenger still attached. The star of the second best chase in the movie.
A poor little Type 3 that got flipped on its roof by Eleanor, starting a huge pileup. Cute car, humiliating role.


The Dodge carries the flag for all the cop cars in the movie. They're cool rides burdened by somewhat inept drivers.
One of the "girls" on the hit list, though it only appears on film for a moment. Not a hearse, but a custom station wagon.


License plate reads "OOO GAL." The Dodge was a stolen car wearing VIN tags from a wrecked donor; An identity thief before it was popular. Sadly, it had to go to the crusher once people started getting wise.
A new Plymouth out on a test drive gets smashed by a cop in pursuit of Eleanor.


Lyle Waggoner's Intermeccanica Italia swiped from spaced-out stoner cleaning it.
A stolen Corvette in a sizzling color. Not on film very long, but it leaves an impression.


The undercover cop that started the epic chase with Eleanor. It Went toe-to-toe with the Mustang, but couldn't quite keep up.
A nice bright green Dodge that suffered the fate of being crushed by a garbage truck rolling onto it.


An old sedan DeVille ridin' low. Occupants seemed to enjoy smokin' the herb so much that they drove the Caddy to self-destruction.
A Rolls limo big enough to carry a fully-assembled bicycle in the back seat with room to spare. Just wait for the chauffeur to leave the car unattended, insert the bike you rode up on, and drive away. Petty theft made high-class.


Don't get distracted by the girl, this DeTomaso is what you really want. She's just askin' for it, leaving the keys in the car like that.
This Jensen Interceptor is practically good enough for JFG, and it's apparently good enough to make the South American client's, list as well.


Fantastically obscure Manta Mirage stolen during a test drive. Salesman gets out to switch seats, thief slides behind the wheel and takes off.
The Maserati is another car on the list only appearing for a moment, but it's pure style.


A Cadillac filled with drugs, one of the few things to survive in the remake movie from 2000. How do you get rid of all that white powder? Burn it. Who cares if it's worth a million bucks on the street; these are responsible criminals.
The hopped-up Plymouth was on the screen for only a quick flash, but we're sure it's even quicker down the strip.


Parnelli Jones' Baja Bronco is the icon of off-road racing. But that didn't stop anyone from stealing it in the movie.
The Lamborghini is elegantly beautiful, but forgettable in this context.


Epic cool car and JFG resident, but it's too bad we can't see it's wacky suspension in action.
Who needs a high-tech anti-theft system? Just keep a tiger in your Cadillac.


Another limo left unattended and vulnerable. All the coolness factor of death with none of the emotional struggle.
Hard to say what exactly has been done to this Chevy Vega, but it sure ain't stock. Another one we'd like to see actually driving.


It looks plain on the outside because it's supposed to. There were two identical Fords used for scouting out all the cars on the to-be-stolen list before the day of the big hit. Equipped with walkie-talkies too!
Nothing says "Malaise Era" more than a Stutz. And this one was stolen right in front of a confused old lady. Classy.


[Screenshots are property of the movie's copyright holders; not Jalopnik]

How much fun can you have in a car with less than one liter of engine displacement? Aside from jumping a Chevy Sprint, that is? Just watch the video below to see:



That's a Simca 1000 there (and yes, we know the car in the video probably has more than the factory's 944 screamin' CCs of displacement), and you can have one! Just hand over $1,300 to the seller of this 1968 Simca 1000 GLS (go here if the ad disappears), and you'll have taken the first- and no doubt easiest- of many, many, many steps towards your goal. Like so many project cars, the best thing this one's seller can say about its engine is that it's not seized (plus "have not tried very hard to start it nor have I checked compression yet have not had the time"). There's some important stuff missing, but not to worry- the seller has "found a place in France that has parts," which is practically like having them in your own garage!

We can never have too many Citröen SMs in Project Car Hell, because it's just so perfect: intolerably cool and absolutely impossible to keep running. Last time we saw an SM here, it beat a Jaguar E-Type, though not by much; today we're going to see how the SM- or, rather, two SMs- fare against a fellow French machine. Yes, it's a two-for-one '72 SM deal here; we don't know the reserve price, but the seller has "Lost interest and storage" and will probably listen to reason even if the reserve isn't met by the auction's close. The seller seems to think one of the two is nicer than the other (the one with the "Engine in car, but apart, Have most pieces to reassemble entire car" description) and the other is a parts car "but could be restored." Most likely what you get is two SM-themed packages of random Citröen parts, sort of like taking two jigsaw puzzles, flushing them down the toilet, then fishing all the pieces you can find out of the settling tanks at the local sewage treatment facility and trying to assemble one complete puzzle out of them. But don't despair- just imagine having a finished project that can do this (the driving part, not the domestic violence part):

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What other car was designed specifically to seat two men and two women? Exactly — none. And lest we forget, that's two men up front and two women in the back. Yeah, you simply must have an SM. You're poking around eBay and BAM! — you see an SM for $6,000. However, there are a few things to ponder before clicking "buy it now." And by a few we mean 37 specific things. No really, 37. Our favorite:

It is difficult to check the play on the rear chain. Ask the seller for work orders covering engine work. The back chain usually has to be replaced every 50,000 to 60,000 miles. Expect to spend up to a $1,300 if it hasn't been replaced in that time.

When you're talking serious British sports cars, you'll put the Jag E-Type near the top of any list. It's just plain gorgeous, with pretty decent power and style to burn. You know you want one. And if you've got five grand burning a hole in your pocket, you can have this one! Yes, that's not a typo: a '67 XK-E 2+2 for just five Gs. Sure, the 2+2 was a bit less sporty than the two-seater, but it's slightly more practical and not quite as common. That sounds great, you say, but what's the catch? Must there always be a catch? we reply. Well, unfortunately, there might be one or two flaws with this Jag; the seller allows that there might be a bit of rust. The seller is a man or woman of very few words, so there's no mention of inconsequential matters such as mechanical condition, registration, interior, electrical stuff, etc... but it is "very restorable," so it should be just a few weekends before you're turning heads with your very own E-Type!

It's hard to find a prettier car than a 60s XK-E, but the Citroen SM certainly makes a strong case. In case you've forgotten, the SM already resides in the Jalopnik Fantasy Garage, which means this '72 SM is the very first car seen in both the PCH and the JFG! We're almost ashamed to tell you the price on this car, lest you think we've been alternating huffs of ether with shots of retsina all weekend long. OK, twist our arms: it's only $2950. That's right, you heard right. More than two grand cheaper than the Jag! This one needs some work, of course; other than the missing window glass, we're not sure what it needs, but it's safe to assume that the list is fairly long. The seller doesn't waste time getting into the minor details, such as who-cares crap like running condition or even when it last moved under its own power, but he or she wants us to know that "the motor is the 3.0 litre and worth my asking price" and "the five speed is very desirable." In fact, there's pretty much zero description of the car itself in the listing. Hmmm... do you suppose a '70 Eldorado engine/transaxle combo can be made to fit in this car?

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Citroën [The-Blueprints.com]

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Sometimes we propose a car for our Fantasy Garage because of its overwhelming, world-scorching performance. Other times a car gets the nod on the strength of its engine. Or historical significance. Or fond teenage memories. Or maybe just because it is so damn pretty. And in the case of last week's Ford GT, all of the above. This week's nominee, the Citroen SM, is picked on the strength of its owners. Yeah, exactly, its owners. Brezhnev had an SM. As did both Cheech and Chong. Leno still has one. Idi Amin had seven, while the Shah of Iran had but one. So did Lee Majors, Johan Cruyff, Graham Greene and Mike Hailwood. No less a man than Lorne Greene drove a Citroen SM. Still not impressed? What if I told you that His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God drove an SM? That's what I thought. Though, I hope I had you at Idi Amin.

Luckily, for you non-believers, there's a hell of a lot more to the SM than just a litany of celebrity owners. The name stood for "Sport Maserati" (or, en Francais, "systeme Maserati"). This is so because Citroen had purchased the (until recently) beleaguered Italian brand in 1968. Under the SM's extra-sturdy aircraft-aluminum hood sits the 2.7-liter (later a 3.0-liter), four-cam V6 out of the Maserati Merak. Sporting up to 180 horses the SM was able to achieve 0-60 times in the mid 8 second range. Not muscle car fast, but quick enough to keep up with the Joneses of the day, i.e. Aston Martin, Jaguar and Mercedes. Much more impressively, the SM could cruise all day at 140 mph. Let me stress the "all day" part. As Alex Roy related to Davey, his father's OG Cannonball buddy suggested that the SM might just be the car to break the transcontinental record in. Of course, we concur. In point of fact, the SM might just be the greatest GT car of them all.

And why is Citroen's 70s supercar such a brilliant long distance runner? Two words: DIRAVI. Which stands for "DIRection A Rappel AsserVI." What it means is that for five years the engineers at Citroen had been trying to figure out the trick to high-horsepower front-wheel-drive cars. The solution partly turned out to be the world's first variable-assist power steering unit, which offered plenty of assist at low speeds, and essentially none on the highway.

Uglier Four-Headlight American Version. Those Green Balls Are The All Important Hydropneumatic Spheres

What was actually taking place was that the steering featured power-centering so that if you were to let go of the tiller – even when parked – the front wheels would straighten themselves. Unlike today's systems which actually provide assistance when you turn the wheel, the SM's VARIPOWER system only decreased the amount of locking pressure the centering cam was exerting. What's so fantastic about this setup is that the steering wheel is locked hydraulically from the wheels. Which means that potholes can't steer the car; only the driver can. And man, could the driver steer the car as it was just 2 turns lock to lock.

Kamm-Tailed SM Shooting-Brakes Were Very Successful Rally Cars

Also crucial to the SM's Grand Touring status was the hydropneumatic, self-leveling suspension system carried over from the DS. Let me attempt a quick primer. Gas can be compressed, fluid cannot be. Run off a central pump the hydropneumatic system makes use of height control valves to determine how much fluid to pump into the shocks. So, let's say you load up the trunk with several cases of wine. The suspension automatically (because the height control valve is activated) calls for more fluid and the rear is raised to the same height as the front. This is important not only for handling, but it maintains the vehicle's aerodynamic profile as well as the aim of the headlights. Most importantly, the system instantly reacts to road imperfections and adjusts the shocks accordingly. Which makes the SM (and really, all hydropneumatic Citroens) impossibly comfortable, even at high speeds. Most amazingly, the pump that creates enough hydraulic pressure to suspend an entire vehicle is the size of a stack of dimes.

The SM's brakes were run off the same hydraulic system and they featured a few neat tricks of their own. First off, the front brakes were mounted inboard, just like on an H1. This allowed for true center-line steering, a first for a wrong-wheel driver. Like the DS, instead of a brake pedal, one stopped the car by stepping on a zero-travel, mushroom brake button. Depending upon the intensity of your stomp, a specific amount of fluid was fed to the brakes. It sounds weird to our American ears, but to a Frenchman it was as natural as a mistress. And when Popular Science wrung out the SM, it recorded the shortest stopping distance of any car they had ever tested.

"The SM Was Born From Speed And Died With Speed." – Citroen

Even the headlights were hydraulic. No, really. Inside the beautiful glass nacelle sit no less than six headlights, all hydraulically mounted so that no matter what the body is up to (wide speed pumps or equivalent terrain can play havoc with the suspension) the lamps stay level. Even under heavy braking when the nose is diving. And two of the six turn with the wheel Tucker Torpedo-style. Which we so, so love. Sadly, US versions only came with four headlights. Rumor holds that the first SM to come to America showed up with a cracked headlight due to air pressure changes caused by the flight. The SM's lights were banned in the USA.

Obvioulsy, the SM was mega-advanced for its time. So much so that with the exception of the radio, nothing about the car seems out of date (though Davey's girlfriend exhorts that the SM "smells like the 70s"). In addition to all of the above, the SM sported rain-sensing wipers (which were also run off the hydraulic system), sodium- filled valves, optional carbon fiber wheels which weighed less than half as much as the standard steel units. Sadly for you junkyard rats, the composite wheels won't fit on any other car. We especially dig that the SM was designed to seat two men up front and two women in the back. It only smacks of misogyny outside of France.

Matched Luggage Was One Of The SM's Only Options. And Yes, They All Fit

And while, to again quote Mr. Davey G, the SM may in fact be "needlessly complex," no one can argue its sexy good looks. Designed by Robert Opron (who also designed the Renault Fuego), the SM is his masterpiece. Because of its narrower rear track, viewed from above, the hottest of all Citroens looks like a teardrop. The long, well-formed hood and large greenhouse give it classic E-type proportions – even though the front wheels are the driven ones. You may also notice that SM's sit fairly close to the tarmac. But that's an illusion. Once the engine is off, there is no pump to keep the shocks filled, so the SM floats to the ground. This aids egress and ingress. Turn the key and in about 30 seconds the SM raises itself up to its true height. The rear of the car is especially fantastic once raised. And who doesn't love the raised chrome mini-fins? Don't forget that you'll be swaddled up to your ascot in voluptuous leather while gripping an oval, single-spoke wheel and looking at oval dials.

The SM was sadly killed off in 1975 after a 5 year run and 12,920 cars produced due to a combination of oil crises and idiotic American bumper regulations. Citroen tried to replace their most-awesome-ever coupe with the CX, but the magic was just gone. Downsides? Were you to own one in a non-Fantasy Garage situation you would need a French mechanic for the hydraulics, an Italian mechanic for engine, a British mechanic for the transmission (it was sourced from Lotus) and an Irish bartender for the headaches. However, since our Fantasy mechanic is the best there is, the SM has no downsides. Therefore it is perfect. So if you vote against the SM, you're making baby Jesus cry. – Jonny Lieberman

Burt Reynolds Hooning An SM In The Longest Yard. Be Sure To Note The Mushroom Brake In Action

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[The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage appears every Tuesday. Readers vote the cars in or out. The idea is that we'll have 50 cars in our Fantasy Farage, the world's greatest mechanic and endless wads of cash. Would you like to nominate a car for the Fantasy Garage? Write tips@jalopnik.com with the subject line "Fantasy."]

The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage, So Far: · RUF RT12 · Maserati Quattroporte Executive GT · 1978 Aston Martin V8 Vantage · Honda 1300 Coupe 9 · 1931 Daimler Double Six 50 Corsica Drophead Coupe · Ferrari 288 GTO · Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1 · 1970 Buick GSX 455 · First Generation BMW M Coupe · Bugatti Veyron 16.4 · Ford GT

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Merak motor, a thousand GBP just for a new clutch, French quality, and well, we just don't care. It doesn't matter one bit. The Citroën SM is one of the top-ten coolest cars of the 1970s, and indeed of all time. If you don't agree, find someone to kick you in the head. Auf wiedersehen! – Davey G. Johnson

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Franco-Italian Fabulosity: The Citroen SM [Internal]

Now and then, Citro n SM resto specialist Jerry Hathaway has been known to show up at Crystal Cove/Coffee & Cars with a 200mph dry-lakes SM towed on a fifth-wheel trailer by an SMamino. Last night, we were talking with commenter Punkey about how the SMamino may be the greatest car ever because it's a little bit of everything any sensible enthusiast should stay away from: It's French, it's Italian it's a pickup and it's front-wheel drive. Therefore, game/set/match SMamino. Dare to front and an atomic wedgie is in your future. – Davey G. Johnson

SMWorld

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Jeremy Clarkson once remarked that when the French and the Italians get together and cook, the results are wonderful, but when they come together to build a car, "Run. Run for your life." He was actually referring to the Maserati Merak, built under Citro n's watch. To capitalize on the Italian brand's prestige, the French company stuffed a Maserati mill into a DS, changed the styling around a bit, and presto-voila: the Citro n SM. – Davey G. Johnson

Citro n SM On the Road!

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