MSNBC reports the tabloid was sued for invasion of privacy, with Mosley saying that, yes, he did have sexual relations, but that there were no Nazi overtones, and besides, the whole thing was just some good, clean fun in someone's basement. Good, clean fun involving throwing down with hookers and whips. We're still wondering what Max thinks is dirty fun. But we digress: Judge David Eady ruled in Mosley's favor, ordering the News of the World to pay $120,000 in damages. Which should, in turn, keep London's Nazi fetish hooker community busy. [MSNBC]

Mosley's Case: British laws protecting the rights of individuals against the press extend to him and this was a completely private affair.

News Of The World's Case: Mosley is a public figure and he committed a serious act of "depravity" and the public has a right to know about it.

X Factor: The witness who was the biggest part of the setup, Woman E, was supposed to testify that there was a specific request for a Nazi theme. She never showed up.

Jalopnik Snap Judgement: Because British laws are so strong on this point, we're pretty sure NOTW is going to lose this case. But it isn't going to make problems like this go away.

[NY Times]

In his libel suit against NOTW for publishing the story, Mosely told the judge:

"It's just more - fun is probably the wrong word - but it's much better if accompanied by something which seems to justify what is going on."

Don't you see everyone? We're the sick ones. The prison uniforms, the SS-style guard uniforms, the speaking in a weirdo German accent. How dare we think that's in any way related to Nazism! [SkyNews]

Dean Attew, who The Times describes as a "London-based business intelligence consultant", uncovered the plot. Attew formerly assisted Ecclestone with "a wide variety of issues concerning...business and family affairs," and still feels some loyalty to the Formula One owner. Now employed by Titon International, the company that was employing ex-KGB spy Alexander Litvinenko when he was poisoned and in whose office traces of Polonium-210 were found, Attew was approached to assist in the plot to bring down Mosley by unnamed parties. Fearing that the plot could harm his former boss as well, he then brought that information to Ecclestone.

"Dean, you are not going to find anything because there's nothing there - he's Mr Boring in that sense," Ecclestone told Attew upon learning of the plot. Since the release of the Max Mosley sex video, Mosley has done nothing to address suggestions that Ecclestone was involved with the attempt to publicly discredit him, leaving Attew to feel under-appreciated for his efforts. [via The Times]

To be fair, Bin Sulayem is a former rally driver and mover-and-shaker in the racing scene in that part of the world and could very well view this on moral grounds, but we don't think he should have called the setup a "terrorist attack on his personal life." How did he do it? Bin Sulayem claims to have controlled around 40 votes, mostly from African countries, which swayed the decision in favor of Mosley. Bin Sulayem is actually the guy behind the SLR-powered Mercedes SLK and, apparently, a big Michael Jackson fan. Just when you started to think F1 was actually about the racing. (h/t to PhkMark)

[Photo: Getty Images, GMM via F1-Live]

ADAC - Germany

With regret and incomprehension, the ADAC has learned from the decision by the General Assembly of the FIA in Paris to confirm Max Mosley in his function as president of the FIA. For Europe's largest motoring club, this is a reason to put down all its functions and the involvement in the global organisation of motoring clubs with immediate effect and to step down from the globally active FIA working groups. The ADAC will stick to this attitude as long as Max Mosley will be on duty as president of the FIA."

Well, we've known Max for a long time. He is always pushing the arguments against him away and he is promoting his own arguments. And he has a lot of contacts with the smaller clubs and what we have seen in the general assembly is that more or less the smaller clubs are in favour. But when you look to the bigger clubs, the AAA (USA), the triple A in Australia, the JAF (Japan) of 70 million members, the ADAC in Germany, the NWB in the Netherlands, they all are against. So when you count the members behind the members then I don't think he will succeed."

The Motor Sports Association respects the decision of the FIA General Assembly concerning President Mosley and considers that it is now time to move on and for the sport to pull together. The Motor Sports Association looks forward to continuing to work constructively as an important member of the FIA in the future."

(Big Heads Up To PhkMark)[Photo: Getty, F1-Live]

According to AutoSport, a group of FIA chiefs drafted a letter offering Mosley a rigged vote of confidence in order for him to be able to save face if he'd just drop out. He could have the votes, but he couldn't stay in the race. Sorry, we mean as an official for the races. Not surprisingly, Mosley rejected this too-kind offer because he think he's going to win a vote of confidence on June 3rd, despite the fact that officials representing 24 clubs in 22 countries recently indicated they are against keeping him in power. (h/t PhkMark)

[AutoSport, F1-Live, AutoSport, Photo: Getty]

You really have to wonder about the person sitting on the other side of the DMV table when this proposal for a custom plate slide across the desk to them. Hmm. ANASLEX, nothing wrong there, right? Nothing could possibly be misconstrued as incredibly hilarious offensive here. Nope. Maybe the disturbing number of car sex stories lately has gotten to us, but we think Ana might want to reconsider this one. (Thanks Ken and thank you state of Ohio)

The agent has been fired, of course, if only for the fact that the head of MI5 had to have a meeting to tell PM Gordon Brown that they weren't involved in the Nazi-style sex orgy. This also ties in weirdly to Mosley's father, the infamous British fascist, who was spied on and turned in by MI5. This is totally going to turn Mosley's Nixon-esque persecution paranoia, clearly on display in Mosley's letter to the FIA, up to 11. We can't wait to see what happens tomorrow. Thanks to all the sick, sick individuals who sent in tips [The Times]

The Times goes on to report that "the clear majority of team managers" think that Mosley's refusal to resign is hurting the sport. According to the paper, the Monaco Royal Family have expressed similar concerns. Mosley was ordered by the Royal family of Bahrain not to attend their F1 round, didn't attend the Spanish Grand Prix for fear of embarrassing King Juan Carlos and the Turkish Prime Minister's office approached Bernie Ecclestone to ensure their boss wouldn't encounter the besieged FIA President.

FIA's general assembly will meet on June 3rd for a vote of no confidence in their President. [via The Times]

The accusation was made by Radovan Novak, head of the Czech Automobile Association and one of Mosley's close friends. Speaking during a radio interview he's quoted as saying, "When the FIA, from the proposal of Mosley, fined someone significantly, then it gives you the feeling that it could be like that."

Dennis was quick to issue a response:

"I categorically deny that I have anything to do with the News of the World investigation into Mr. Mosley. Neither does anyone connected with the McLaren Group or the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team, and neither does any agent or any other party acting on my behalf or anyone connected with the McLaren Group or the team. We are writing to Mr. Novak and are currently considering the appropriate route via which the remarks that have been attributed to him may be withdrawn or corrected."

The audio stream has Mosley talking like ze Germans he seemingly fantasizes about — except since his understanding of the German language is at about the ninth-grade high school level, he ends up talking mitt ze accent zan mitt ze German vords. That's right, he says some lines which we're sure will now become classic, like:

"Ze need more of ze punishment I think."

"You are doing good job. Zank you."

The friend goes on further for The Times:

"Max is not an individual who runs away from problems and he will solve the problems in the way he thinks is right. He is a fighter and he will fight," the friend said.

[Times Online via HuffPo]

First, the ADAC (Allgemeiner Deutscher Automobil-Club) called for the embattled president to "reconsider his role." And this isn't like the Springfield Spitfire Enthusiasts asking, the ADAC is the largest automotive club in Europe with 15 million members and is a significant part of the FIA. Second, KNAF, the Dutch motorsport organization, was even more direct telling a reporter that they plan to go to the FIA meeting about Mosley's position and vote for his resignation.

WIth the meeting coming up to decide Mosley's fate, the question is how many of the 222 organizations that make up the FIA can reasonably vote in his favor? [SkySports, WorldCarFans, BBC Sport]

The orgy allegedly took place on Friday at a $4 million apartment-cum-dungeon near his home in London's upscale Chelsea neighborhood. A video of the full session was leaked to The News of the World.

As President of FIA, Mosley is responsible for overseeing international motor sports, including Formula One. He enjoys a close relationship with F1 Supremo Bernie Ecclestone.

Mosley's father Oswald was a notorious fascist and Hitler supporter. Max has been controversially linked to his father's beliefs.

Kicking off the orgy by playing a concentration camp detainee, Mosley had both his genitals and head inspected for lice before lying to the hookers to purposefully bring about a severe beating. After the session ended, the girls enjoyed a glass of wine. Mosley was offered one as well, but turned it down in favor of a cup of tea. It's not known what ramifications this will have on Mosley's career or the sport he governs. [Via News Of The World]

I don't think this ad is entirely accurate. Most of us will agree that anything in a Aston Martin V8 Vantage turns them into a _ILF. [AdRants via Fleshbot (NSFW)]

If you're desperate enough to be in the marketing demo for this sucker, you're better off just writing your number on a piece of paper and taping it to the window. Or better yet, just sell your car and pull a Spitzer (minus the whole getting caught thing). [TFTS]

The NUDAR POI file supports the big-name GPS navigation units, such as Garmin, TomTom and Magellan. You should probably act quickly, because NUDAR is currently in an beta open-registration until February 22. After that it becomes a $30-per-year service, which is completely worth it for those who travel a lot, or those that just love the boobies. [NUDAR (NSFW) via Crunchgear

According to Sergeant Alan Renz, this is an "internal issue that has nothing to do with the phone company." Oops. An investigation is under way to determine why someone working at the police post decided to route calls to the hottest singles in the Bridgeport area. (Thanks to DIW for the tip) [AP via WXYZ-TV]

(photo: the-op.com)

This was not me performing the review, although if the manufacturers want to contact me for review opportunities, feel free at travis [at] jalopnik. The folks at Freddy and Eddy took the Auto Suck for a test, uh, sucking and described it as giving a "terrific and attentive blow job." Attentive? Really?

It's also important to note that the Auto Suck does not swallow. I think I need a cold shower. [Freddy and Eddy]

The 80-page manual includes helpful, practical, moderately acrobatic and even model-specific advice (Smart?). It's designed to easily fit in the glovebox, if you know what I mean, and at $10 there isn't a reason to not own this manual. Unless, of course, you're worried about messing up your pretty leather seats or haven't upgraded those shocks for a while. Advice to the wise: Park first. [Product Page via Uncrate]

Supposedly it'll be off-road ready despite sharing many components with the new C Class. As we said before, power is expected to come from a 3.5-liter V6 with Mercedes 4Matic all-wheel-drive as a standard feature. In addition, all versions are expected to have the 7G-Tronic TouchShift automatic transmission, but, we're fairly certain we're seeing the luxe ute in its natural habitat — out front of over-priced Beverly Hills (or Manhattan) boutique shoe stores. We're hoping to have a full spy report from Brenda soon, but here's our older shots of the new GLK for you to peruse at your pleasure.

Photo credit: Frumbert

Dekhyr Dragon's Guide to Sex with Cars (for males) —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—

Howdy. Read this entire document before trying any of the steps.

'Having sex with a car'. The phrase is sometimes misunderstood to
mean sex in a car, and sometimes is greeted with skepticism. How can you
have sex with a car? The short answer is, up the tailpipe.

The long answer is much more involved, including techniques,
precautions and cautions all designed to get you maximum satisfaction from
screwing a car. Our first subject will be the tailpipe.

The tailpipe of the car is, of course, where the exhaust comes out.
So in this sense, the tailpipe is an anus.

First we will deal with some cautions you should know about.

In most cars, the edge of the tailpipe is sharp. You should
therefore exercise caution when doing anything with the tailpipe.

If the engine has been on for a long (or even a relatively short)
period of time, the tailpipe will be hot. Do not do anything with the
tailpipe hot. Wait until the tailpipe has cooled off. The tailpipe will
cool off faster than the engine, so you don't have long to wait. I call
screwing the car while the tailpipe is hot, "fucking the car hot". Never fuck a car hot. I did, once. Once.

The exhaust from a car contains poisonous gases. One of these,
carbon monoxide, is a slow killer. Carbon monoxide takes a long time to
be flushed out of the body, so it can build up to toxic levels without
your knowing it.

Never do anything with the tailpipe while the engine is on!

Now, the first thing you should note is that the inside of the
tailpipe is usually coated with soot. This is the usual particulate debris
of combustion. Before having sex with the car, clean the inside of the
tailpipe with soap and warm water, as far as you can go. Keep in mind
the possibly sharp edge of the tailpipe.

Now that the tailpipe is clean, you are ready to pleasure and be
pleasured by the car.

You can do this two ways. One way doesn't require any equipment.
The other way (which is much more rewarding) does.

The first way is to fuck the car 'raw'. This does NOT mean stuffing
your cock into the tailpipe and thrusting. This would hurt (remember the
sharp edges?) and be no fun anyway, since the tailpipe doesn't flex.

What you should do is get behind the car and start jerking off.
When you are about to come, carefully put your cock into the tailpipe of
the car, and then come. But, in the heat of passion, you must still
remember the sharp edge. Even putting just the head into the tailpipe is
good enough. Just make VERY sure that you don't hurt yourself.

Now, this assumes that you can get your cock into the tailpipe
in the first place. Some tailpipes are too small, and then, well, you're
out of luck. Find someone who has a car with a bigger tailpipe.

The best way to have sex with a car, however, is not raw. You
need the following equipment:

1 Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.

If you don't have one, you can get one through me (Dekhyr,
[redacted]) or you can attempt to build one yourself. The SIU is
essentially a tube made of foam rubber, rolled such that the inner diameter
is slightly smaller than the diameter of your erect penis. When lubricated,
it acts as a sexual interface to whatever you attach it to. In this case,
it is inserted into the tailpipe of the car you want to have sex with.

To build one, you will need black electrical tape, a 'Koozie',
a can of soda, and a hefty pair of scissors. A 'Koozie' is a foam rubber
dingumbob in which you put a soda. It keeps the soda cold and your hand
warm. Being a 'give-away' item, you usually can't find it anywhere. I've
had reports of finding them in liquor stores. I've actually found a good
deal of them at a local discount-type store.

There are two kinds, thick walled and thin walled. I've only been
able to find the thick kind; the thin kind I've only been able to get
through an advertising company. The thin kind is particularly good with
tailpipes not much bigger than your cock.

Here is what you need to do:

1. Measure the circumference of your erect penis. This is most easily done
by wrapping a string around your cock (around the shaft, not the head).

2. Take the bottom of the Koozie out. You should be left with a tube.

3. Cut the wall of the tube from top to bottom so that you are left with
a slab of foam rubber which refuses to stay straight.

/—-—-—-—-\
\—-—-—-—-/
| | |
| | |
| | |
| cut^ |
| | |
| | |
\—-—-—-—-/

4. Now, carefully cut away material parallel to the first cut until you
can put the ends together making a smaller tube, and such that the inner
circumference of the tube is slightly smaller (say, by 1/2" or so) than
the circumference of your shaft.

5. Take a piece of electrical tape. Hold the ends of the tube flush.
Place the tape on the cut on the outside to secure the tube in the
middle. Now repeat with more tape until the cut is secure. Wrap tape
around the whole thing.

6. Drink the soda. With the scissors, CAREFULLY cut off the top and bottom
of the aluminum can. CAREFULLY cut a strip of aluminum lengthwise from
the can, about 3/4" to 1" wide.

7. Coat the strip with electrical tape. This is to prevent the edges from
cutting.

8. Attach the strip to the tube at one end:

attach here only
|
V ============ <- strip (curled upward a bit)
======
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--
^ \
/ \ |
| | |
| | |
| | |
\ / |
V /
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

9. 'Test drive' it! Lube it up with KY (try not to use oil-based
lubricant; you may want to use it with more than one person, and then
you'll be using a condom).

Now, stuff the SIU up the tailpipe and lube well.

You now have several options for fucking your car. One major one
is from behind. If the car is automatic shift, then put the car in Park
and remove the emergency brake. This will enable the car to rock back and
forth to your thrusts. If the car is manual transmission, chock the wheels
well, remove the emergency brake, and put the car into gear — the higher
the gear, the more play the car has. This will also enable the car to
rock. Kneel behind the car. Now thrust in.

You may not have any trouble with heavier manual transaxled cars,
since you may not have to chock the wheels — the weight of the car will
prevent the engine from 'topping out' and moving the car away. Lighter
manual transaxled cars are more likely to be topped out by your thrusts,
so chocking is necessary. In general, the lower the gear, the less
play, but the more difficult it is to top the engine out.

Another major method is to lie down under the car, your upper body
under the car, and thrust into the car. It is difficult, though, to make
the car rock unless you push on the closest rear tire.

I've also had some success leaning on my side and fucking the car
sideways.

More than one person can fuck a car if it has more than one
tailpipe on opposite sides of the car. This will also make the car rock
faster and harder since the energy of two people will add.

NEVER fuck a car with the engine on. Firstly, you will be breathing
hard, and that means you can poison yourself faster. Secondly, the car
will either stall (because there's something blocking the tailpipe, heh)
— causing damage to the engine — or will force the exhaust out. And
you have an idea where the exhaust will go, I trust. Ouch! Fatality City!

If you do not use a condom and you come inside the car, ten or
fifteen minutes of driving will kill off anything inside. So you do not
have to worry about STDs from that. What you will have to worry about,
though, is the SIU itself. It is not being sterilized. Therefore, if you
use an SIU you think is going to be used by someone else, use a condom,
and use KY jelly or some other water-based lubricant. Remember — oil
rots condoms, and so will an oil-based lubricant.

Enjoy your cars!

—Dekhyr Dragon

Photo credit: Rileyroxx

Residents of Town Say Shape of Traffic Posts is Offensive [KomoTV]

Related:
British Mechanic Shags Cars [internal]